The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


September 8, 2008

There has been much happening on AMC since last we were here so let's get right down to it! I'm feeling swingy today so my musical selections are Cherry Poppin Daddies, Zoot Suit Riot; Big Bad VooDoo Daddy (self titled); Royal Crown Revue, Mugzy's Move; Brian Setzer Orchestra, Vavoom!; and The Reverend Horton Heat; It's Martini Time (OK, technically not swing but still groovin nonetheless!)

This Editorial reflects the shows that aired from September 2 to September 5. It may contain spoiler and/or storyline speculations.

The crazy train has pulled into the station in Pine Valley once again and this time Annie got off the train. She gets wackier by the day. But my favorite part of her nuttiness is that she has Ghost Richie sitting on her shoulder pulling all her strings and pushing all her buttons. I always liked Billy Miller in the role of Richie, don't get me wrong. But absolutely LOVE him dead!! His snarky comments are hilarious, his taunts of Annie are priceless and his general running commentary is a definite highlight and making the undoing of Annie actually bearable. I may not have missed alive Richie had he been gone completely after Annie killed him, but I'll definitely miss Ghost Richie when he's gone. Ghost Richie is this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK!

Unaware that her fellow Fusionista is a wackadoo, Babe invites Annie to move into Chandler Mansion after she leaves Ryan. Babe is also blissfully unaware that Annie is working with Adam to take over FUSION and moving into the mansion will make it a lot easier for them to plot. Adam is plotting with Annie. He's plotting with Pete. He's plotting behind JR's back. I wonder how he keeps all his ducks in a row. He's got to slip up somewhere. And he may have done just that when he easily and quickly agreed with JR that Babe's plan to take over FUSION by making Bella a success was a good idea. JR was immediately suspicious of Adam's endorsement. As well he should be. Adam and JR aren't exactly on the best terms these days.

Meanwhile Ryan is out at the beach contemplating the mess that is his life. First he lost his memory of Annie and now that he remembers her, he remembers that he doesn't love her but instead is still in love with Greenlee. Give me a king sized break! This is absolutely bogus. Ryan and Greenlee had their day. They're done, they have both moved on and found love with others. Now suddenly Ryan thinks he never loved Annie at all? How is that possible? When Greenlee came back to town and chased after Ryan, Ryan wanted nothing to do with her. That was his perfect opportunity, if he really was still in love with her and not Annie. But alas, he rejected her over and over and over because he was so in love with Annie. It's never been satisfactorily explained to me why Ryan rejected Greenlee over and over if he was still in love with her. I'd guess that's because there is no explanation because back when Sabine's Greenlee returned to Pine Valley Ryan actually was in love with Annie. It's only since the return of Rebecca's Greenlee that Ryan has this unforgettable love for her. And why?? They were a disaster! Ryan was in the darkest place he's ever been, going to fight clubs at night behind Greenlee's back. All the while Greenlee herself was plotting behind Ryan's back to get pregnant when she knew he didn't want to have children. Their little Dynamite Kiddo/Green Butterfly banter was beyond nauseating back then too. This is a couple that is much better as friends and that's how it should remain. But lets make a little wager right now. How much do you want to bet that eventually Greenlee realizes she loves Ryan and the two begin a torrid affair. Greenlee will end up pregnant, even though she's unable and we embark on yet another "who's the daddy" storyline. This is not a spoiler, it's just a guess. An obvious one at that.

Over at FUSION, Amanda and Babe are getting ready for the launch of their new fragrance, Bella. Since it was Babe's idea, the fragrance has been named after her and is being marketed to the every woman who cannot afford a high end fragrance but still doesn't want to smell like Secret antiperspirant. Kendall and Greenlee did not like the idea of putting the FUSION name on something that was cheap, so they refused to back the idea. Enter Amanda, she's loaded after blackmailing Adam for $5 mil. She decided to front the cost of the Bella and in turn, she decided that she would be the face of the fragrance, much to Babe's dismay. Babe was stunned when Amanda pulled out her own promo shot, but I have to say Amanda's was way better. Hell Babe herself said of her own promo shot, "I don't look terrible." And she didn't, but it wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement for the ad either. Amanda then pulled hers out and she looked scorching hot! No contest. Amanda wins. Babe only gave a half hearted fight. Just enough to amuse the heck out of Kendall. And when Erica came in for her lunch date with Kendall, she asked her mother what she thought of the ads. After hearing who the scent was targeted to, Erica tossed off his zinger at Babe, "Widespread distribution. Cheap and easy. Tough call but I'd say I'd have to go with Babe at that point." Ouch. Not to be outdone, Kendall fired off her own zinger at Amanda, "You know, uh, Mom, I'd hate to go against your instincts, but I think, um, part of the appeal for a perfume is how it will attract men. Now, I think if we take that photo of Amanda and put it outside on an easel, guys will be all over it like fruit flies on a rotten peach." Two of kind those Kane women.

Erica can't seem to stop playing the "Jack can be with whoever he wants" game while all the while it's absolutely killing her that Jack is dating Carmen. Everyone knows it, and yet she keeps denying it. And for that matter, Carmen has really proven herself not to be the new BFF that I thought she was. Granted, she feels bad about dating Montyummy, but that hasn't stopped her. Then again, Erica keeps telling her it's fine and she's not upset about it. I guess Carmen isn't a mind reader. But friends just do not do that. End of story. No matter what Erica says, as a friend Carmen should know that Jackie is off limits to her.

The Bella party gets underway at ConFusion. I love parties and I love to put on my Diva Blackwell hat and critique all the outfits. Best dressed was a total no brainer. Amanda looked A-MAZE-ING! Her dress was sexy and gorgeous. Cream and green with gold accents. Just stunning. As the face of Bella, she deserved to be the best dressed anyway. I don't have a clear cut second or there after, but I will say that Kendall's dress was really pretty. The deep green jewel tone was really nice and all the embellishments on the dress really made it a stand out. Randi looked so sophisticated in her powder blue backless dress with the draped front. Colby looked really cute but her dress had a maternity feel to it, I thought. The deep burgundy color was terrific though. Erica's dress was fun and flirty. The black strapless top and the tiered ruffle white bottom was really adorable. And Taylor! Wow she cleans up nice! That one shoulder dress was killer on her! Oh, no pun intended! Annie dress was simple and elegant. A deep mauve color with a sheer panel in front showed off the goods but not too much.

As good as the good dresses were, the bad ones were over the top horrid!!! Babe's gold bodice and white chiffon bottom with flowers sewn on to it was just hideous. She looked like Cleopatra from the waist up and Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm from the waist down. Absolutely awful!! And even worse, was Greenlee! Her white dress looked like it was made of crepe paper. In fact, it looked like a dress you make when at a bridal shower and are forced to play that stupid shower game, "make a paper wedding dress!" It was gruesome!

Now that the shallow portion of the Editorial is over, it's back to the action. Fletcher is stalking the party and staking out Randi. He told "Don't Call me" Frankie that if he didn't buy out Randi's contract he would put a real hurt on her. True to his word, he was ready to put a major hurt on Randi and grabbed her from behind while she was blissfully unaware that he was even there. Taylor and Amanda were with her and Taylor went into soldier mode, grabbed Fletcher in a headlock and snapped his neck like a twig, killing him instantly. Yowza, that was some move. How cool was it that a woman came to another woman's rescue. We weren't subjected to Ryan riding in on his white horse or Aidan for that matter, or any of the other guys. It was one badass chick and she saved Randi's life. It rocked!

But Taylor is freaked out, even more than Randi. Sure Randi is shook up, but she's also free now. Free to have the life she wants without looking over her shoulder to see if Fletcher is there waiting for her to fail. She thanks Taylor for saving her life and gives her statement to Jesse. Taylor also talks to the police about what happened. Jesse is concerned that Taylor used excessive force when it wasn't necessary. But Taylor tells Jesse she used her military training. You don't stop to think, you just do. In the end Jesse seems satisfied with her explanation. But we see that Taylor is having some flashbacks of Iraq. Jake takes her back to his cabin and the two talk about Iraq. Taylor opens up to him about an incident that killed her fiance and explains to him how she was grabbed from behind and pulled the attacker off herself and broke his neck, just like she did with Fletcher. Jake realizes she's having flashbacks and nightmares, but Taylor just wants to go back to Iraq.

That wasn't the only excitement for the evening. Unbeknownst to anyone Adam and Pete have plotted to make anyone who uses the sample Bella fragrance sick. What they didn't plan on was that Colby would be one of the people at the party to try a spritz. Colby's reaction to the fragrance was kind of spacey. She was so out of it that JR assumed she was drunk again. No amount of insistance from Colby herself would convince JR otherwise, but when Adam chimed in that maybe she was just coming down with something, JR once again grew suspicious and thought that maybe Adam was up to something. Babe, JR, Adam and Pete all get Colby home. She's laughing hysterically at everything but still Adam maintains that she wasn't drunk and Pete tells JR that he was with her the whole time and she never had any liquor. JR isn't convinced. And no one can figure out why Adam is allowing Pete to be anywhere near their house, let alone Colby!

Frankie looks after Randi and takes her back to the yacht. Randi confides to Frankie that she's never had an actual relationship and has never been truly intimate with a man. Her experiences as a hooker were far from intimacy and she doesn't know what it's like to be in a loving relationship. She tells him about how she grew up in foster care and we can kind of surmise from this admission that this is how she and Carmen know each other. Frankie is very happy she opened up to him and promises her that they will move at her pace.

Despite the fact that the Bella party is an absolute disaster after Fletcher is killed during it, Kendall still feels the need to taunt Amanda. Even Greenlee is doing damage control. Not Kendall. In Kendall's world, it doesn't matter that the fragrance may actually end up being a success despite the bad PR at the party. What matters to Kendall is that she isn't in charge of this project and everyone isn't kissing her ass. Kendall gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for being a big fat pain in the ass and an annoying buttinski.

Then again, Annie sure deserves a slap herself. Jake sees Annie at the party and mentions that she is supposed to be on bed rest in front of Ryan. Oops! Annie never told Ryan that, in fact she lied to him when he asked if Joe had any special instructions for her. Ryan is concerned but Annie could care less. Annie's concern does not lie with the fact that her unborn child may be in danger, her concern is that Greenlee exists. It doesn't matter that Greenlee's married and has made it clear that she doesn't want Ryan. Annie feels the need to go over to Aidan and inform him that Greenlee is making a fool of him. Aidan isn't buying into any of it, at first. In fact I'm so proud of the way he shot down every single accusation Annie made, telling her that he trusts Greenlee. But in the end, Annie's words did get to him so when Annie tells him that Greenlee is on the roof with Ryan, Aidan hits the roof! He goes right up there and practically drags Greenlee away from Ryan. Too bad he didn't hear Greenlee telling Ryan that he has to let go of the past and that she loves Aidan. When they get back to the penthouse, they get into the mother of all fights as Aidan turns neanderthal and forbids Greenlee to see Ryan anymore. Greenlee is having none of that and tells Aidan that she will not cut Ryan out of her life. Bravo Annie, you have succeeded in making Aidan as paranoid as you.

Random Comments:

Jesse gets the proof he's been waiting for when the forensic report comes back indicating that the blood on the lug wrench is in fact Richie's. Watch out Annie!

It really cracked me up that everyone knew that Annie left Ryan just so Ryan would chase after her. Adam, Richie and Kendall all taunted her with that knowledge. I guess she's pretty transparent.

Adam tells Annie that she's making a big mistake using Ryan's children to try and manipulate him. She should listen to him. He's made that mistake many times!

Frankie gets this re-deployment orders for Iraq.

Things are getting a little hairy over at Tad's house. Kathy is not taking to her new life very well . Well I take that back. She loves Tad and loves living with him. But she wants him all to herself and Krystal is just in her way. The poor girl lost her parents, then she lost her Aunt Julia and now she's thrust into another household. She's messed up. After JR had a talk with her, everyone thought all was well and that she understood that Krystal loves her and wants to be her mommy. Honestly, I see where the kid is coming from. She doesn't want another mommy because they keep leaving her. Not on purpose of course, but for a child all she knows is that the mommy is never coming back. She wants to get rid of her new mommy before her new mommy could leave her. She tries to accomplish this by shaking the ladder that Krystal is on, causing her to almost fall right on top of sleeping Jenny. A freaked out Krystal tells Tad that Kathy pushed her, but Tad cannot believe that his little could ever do such thing and thinks that Krystal is just overreacting. Krystal insists to Tad that Kathy needs counseling but Tad thinks they can work it all out themselves. Why does this not surprise me. Tad himself needs some serious therapy to delve into why he is not the least bit affected by the fact that he buried a man alive, resulting in his death. Tad just goes about his life like it never happened. I guess that's besides the point, this is about Kathy. Krystal is not happy that Tad is in denial about what is going on with Kathy and delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says, "Oh, my God, Tad. Dixie could do no wrong, so now her little girl can't, either." Go Krystal!!! The only thing I didn't like about this was that she apologized for saying it far too quickly. It works though. Tad does start to wonder if therapy might be a good idea after all.

Throughout the whole Bella party Kendall is trying to reach Zach because he's a no show, but he's not answering his phone. Yeah Kendall, he's got more important things going on than a stupid party you don't even want to be at anyway! Zach has discovered that $20 million is missing from the books. And while Zach is making the discovery of who did it, Josh shows up at ConFusion asking for Kendall's help with Zach. Kendall doesn't know what the heck Josh is so crazed about and tells him that Zach is reasonable (HA!) and if he is just honest about whatever happened, it can all be worked out. Josh knows better but he agrees and heads out to go talk to Zach. Zach is way ahead of him though and has two of his flunkies pick Josh up and bring him back to the office. Josh professes his innocence and tells Zach that someone framed him by hacking into his computer. Josh is too smart to think Zach is that stupid, but he maintains that's what happened anyway. Zach tells Josh that he's going to have to pay for what he did and just as Josh asks Zach what he's going to do and if he's going to kill him, Kendall walks in.

I have several problems with this story. The idea that a fetus could be transplanted from one body to another instead of having an abortion was absolutely ludicrous. It destroyed very important AMC history. But aside from that, Colin Egglesfield made the role of Josh enjoyable. I never liked how he came to be, but I certainly did like Josh anyway. Not only is he as cute as could be, but he was fun to watch no matter who he was interacting with. Once his obsession for Babe was over though, he never found love again. He had a meaningless fling with Hannah that was pointless. He had pretty fun antagonistic relationships with both Amanda and Julia that never went anywhere and easily could have. I have no idea why neither was ever explored, but they should have been. And now we have Josh embezzling money from his brother in law. I don't see it happening. Josh was embraced by the Kane family. He probably would have been embraced by the Martin family as well if he was ever given the chance. That too was never explored. How is it that a character who is tied to two of the most important families in Pine Valley had no storyline? And how is it that his exit from the show is a betrayal to one of those families? To me it would have been better to have Josh remain a doctor, keeping that Martin tie alive and well. And then if he had to leave the show, he could easily have gone to Africa to work with this father Jeff and cousin Jamie. Once again, missed opportunities. Farewell Josh. I hope we see you again!

We come to the end of this Editorial with the SCENE OF THE WEEK. Angie really wants to know what Jesse did all those years they were separated. What was life like for him, where did he live, who did he meet. It's a lot of questions and it looks like Jesse isn't ready to answer them all. But he does tell Angie that there were women in his life but none of them meant anything to him. None of them were her. But then Jesse breaks down into tears and tells Angie of a horrible time he had while away when he had a nervous breakdown. He's so emotional about it and tells Angie that he was ashamed to tell her about it. Angie is sympathetic and only wants to help Jesse. As she holds him, he tells her that he was hospitalized for a year while he tried to get his life back together. It's powerful stuff, but Jesse is still hiding something more. What do you think it is?



New writer Charles Pratt, Jr. has been at the helm for a little while now, with his material just starting to air at the end of August. I have certainly noticed a difference in the show already, for the better (aside from the Josh debacle that is). I'm going to go ahead and give AMC a strong B. Don't let us down Mr. Pratt!