The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


September 7, 1998

I should warn you all now. In fact I will... this column will contain negative energy and a whole lot of ranting. If you're offended easily, or think that AMC was wonderful this past week, quit reading now. If you are still here, don't say I didn't warn you. Just when I think that I can't hate Mateo anymore than I do, I find myself hating him more. Let's start with Mateo getting the call from Adam that Lee has Hayley. Doctor turned PI, David Hayward was there for some odd reason and asked if perhaps Hayley said anything about Marian's whereabouts. Mateo turns and gives him the look that could kill and very snottily says, "Hayley didn't mention Marian." Then when Marian is FINALLY brought into the hospital, Mateo is there on break from browbeating Jake (more on that to come) and has the damn nerve to say to Liza, "Did Marian mention where Hayley might be?" At this point I would have given it right back to him, snotty tone, look, the whole bit. "Uh, Marian didn't mention Hayley." Of course I would have added a little something unsavory to that, use your imagination. The guy is all 'tude, and not in a good way. So then he gets this brilliant idea that he needs to be put back in a coma so that he can get another vision to see where Hayley is. Mateo goes to Jake to ask him once again to break the rules for him. At this point I'm screaming for Jake to do just that... put the loser back in a coma!!! PLEASE!!! So as he screams at Jake in the hospital and begs him to put him in a coma, Mateo claims there wasn't enough time for hypnosis, but if he would have just shut up and called Frederick he would have had plenty of time. How is it that he doesn't have time for hypnosis but does have time to be put back in a coma? If I were Jake, I would have told Mateo exactly where he could go. But Jake is a lot nicer than me I guess.

Again we have the security issue to deal with. No one sees Mateo take the lab coat. No one sees Mateo go into the pharmaceutical closet. No one locked the pharmaceutical closet. No one heard Mateo break the glass on the cabinet once he got in there. And Mr. Macho thinks he's so invincible that he would inject himself, see the vision of Hayley and then just wake up and go save her. Yeah, that's brilliant. But then Inspector Doctor David Hayward shows up and sees Mateo drooling over the coma drug. Mateo tells him why he needs it and David refuses to let him take it. They struggle and my new hero David knocks Mateo's lights out! Now that was a rewind moment if I ever saw one. But then my moment of bliss is shattered as I'm treated to probably one of the stupidest moments that I have seen on AMC in a very long time. David knocks Mateo unconscious and he immediately has a vision about Hayley and where she is. Then he screams into his vision to wake himself up and he does!!!!! So Mateo races to the Atlas Storage warehouse and finds Hayley fighting with Lee. Mateo bursts in and fights Lee, when Lee falls down with knife in hand, the ever brilliant Mateo doesn't even take the knife! Yadda yadda yadda, Lee is subdued by Edmund and Tad, Derek and the police show up, Hayley is saved.

Back up to Hayley's captivity. She was pretty cool. She had guts. She didn't take any crap from Lee. This is the Hayley I like. Not the meek little victim that she is sometimes portrayed as. In fact, I'm giving Hayley this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. She was cool as a cucumber and showed very little fear in the face of danger. It was awfully convenient that Lee found a tattoo gun in the warehouse. Unfortunately there was no ink and he had to use old house paint. He made a pretty excellent looking tattoo with that house paint though. And he dipped it in the can like he was using a fountain pen. Interesting. Too bad Hayley didn't think to give Lee one big well placed kick with those platform shoes she was wearing, she probably could have gotten away with Junior. And speaking of Junior, he's suddenly catatonic. But he was sure feisty enough when he was telling Lee to go to hell. Oh well, he was traumatized by Hayley's scream. Hell I was traumatized by Hayley's scream! But now it's all over, and I hear that Lee is just going to drop dead so that's the end of him. Now that this storyline is over, Hayley and Mateo can jump right into a new front burner storyline with Mateo's ex-girlfriend Raquel. I can't see this chickie being that much of a distraction for Mateo though. Not after all this talk about how Mateo would die for Hayley. Some woman from his past is all of a sudden going to change all that? I can't see it happening.

So after all that, I'm not even giving Mateo the slap this week, although he does deserve it. This weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award goes to Dixie. I felt badly for her when Junior was missing. I even felt bad for her when she fainted and was taken to the hospital. Heck her kid was kidnapped and she was distraught. I felt for her then. I thought she did the right thing going on TV pretending to be Joy. But when she got on Liza's case, that is when I wanted to put my foot through the TV. Why is it that she can't forgive Liza? Why is it all Liza's fault? She sure seems to have forgiven Tad. Excuse me Dixie honey, it takes two to tango. I was yelling GO LIZA! The only thing that Liza neglected to mention was that Dixie has ruined a few marriages in her day and has been forgiven. What makes her better? Why is she forgivable but Liza isn't? And how does Dixie have the gall to not forgive Liza after she was so recently reminded about her past indiscretions? I loved when Tad said to Dixie, "We all make mistakes. It's forgiving them that makes the difference." That was so beautiful and for a minute I thought Dixie would rethink her position. Nope, she opted to be a stubborn, unmoving hypocrite.

Segue into the good part... Marian's rescue! Marian's Knight in Shining Armor, Stuart finally finds his Damsel in Distress. Any scene with Stuart and Marian this week was so touching, so moving and just plain sweet. I loved how he crawled in bed with her at the hospital and spoke to her, trying to will her back to him. I loved when she woke up and thought she was dreaming again and Stuart reassured her that she was indeed very much alive. I loved when Liza came into the room and the three of them had a big old love fest. The only question I have is, how did Liza get to the mausoleum before the ambulance? Does that mean that Pine Valley has countless moguls, a famous model, an international airport, but only has one ambulance?

I loved seeing some scenes with Adrian and Belinda again this week. I hope AMC runs with this couple. They have the best chemistry and are just a fabulous looking couple. I would love to see Adrian bring Belinda in on the investigation against Palmer. I think these two would make a fabulous team. Maybe Belinda and Adrian can pick up where Charlie and Cecily left off in the PV Private I. business. That would be cool! Anything to keep Adrian around would be fine with me though.

Poor Gillian, she always does the wrong thing. I couldn't believe that even Eugenia isn't believing her. Of course, what she did was incredibly stupid, even for Gillian. But she's trying to make amends. And I see some serious sucking up on her part to Hayley when Hayley is able to have visitors. It would be cool of Hayley to not blame Gillian for Lee getting in the house since Hayley sure didn't scream or make any kind of noise to be saved. Hayley went with him willingly so she could try and save Junior. That's not Gillian's fault. But then there's Dr. David, ready with understanding and a shoulder for Gilly. Did you notice how she perked up when he called her beautiful. That's really all it takes to get to Gillian. But what's David's stake in all this? It's obvious he's after Liza. Why the Gillian diversion? I guess Allie did dump him in the first place because he was such a womanizer. Maybe that's all it is. A little fun and a roll in the hay with a Princess.

Why is it that Jake is the only doctor at Pine Valley Hospital. Oh wait, I take it back, Junior had another doctor. But Jake was there to take care of Marian when she was brought in. He was there to treat Dixie when Tad brought her in. He was there to check out Junior. And he also treated Hayley. It's time to hire on a few new doctors PVH!

Well we met Kit, the woman claiming to be Jack and Travis's dead sister Christine. Oh now it's Christine, but I'm pretty sure it was Christina at one point. It was probably changed to just Christine though so we don't confuse her with Pierce's love Christina. Like we possibly could, duh. Anyway, I don't have a real impression of her yet. I think it's really odd that Tad knows her from when he thought he was Ted Orsini. Just how the heck did they meet? At an Amnesiacs Anonymous meeting? And what's with Erica? The minute she sees someone she perceives as competition and she becomes Catwoman! She does get this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK though. She got a little bothered by seeing Kit around Jack, so when she passed by Kit she said, "You know, that hair color is not your best friend." Meow! Give her a saucer of milk!

On a personal note, I have a little story to tell about a strange occurrence at Red Lobster this weekend. Mr. Diva and I had a day off from our respective jobs on Friday and decided to goof off. So we hung out and went out to lunch at... you guessed it, Red Lobster. All was well and we were enjoying our meals, until we asked for refills on our iced tea. Our waitress came by, filled us up and as we both took a drink we realized something was drastically wrong. Turns out she gave us vinegar! Can you believe that! A lovely vinegar cocktail with a twist of lemon masquerading as iced tea. It was disgusting! And oddly enough, it had no odor that would have tipped us off. When we called the waitress over, she had such a look of panic on her face that we just didn't have the heart to make a big stink about it. But that is one taste sensation we won't soon forget! Maybe I should give that waitress this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award!