The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


September 6, 1999

I've been thinking long and hard about AMC this week. As I watched it, I realized more and more that there are very few storylines that are holding my interest. Scott and Becca? Who cares! Marian's urge to be part of Pine Valley society? Please, spare me. Alex and all her secrets? No thanks, unless Dimitri or David is in the scene. The pathetic Hayley and abusive Mateo? Ask me if I care. The lack of Janet and Trevor, hate it. The dismissal of Amelia Marshall and Michael Nader, despise it. What's going to become of Adrian? Why is Tim staying in France? WHAT IS GOING ON AT AMC!!?? What do I like? I like Vanessa and Palmer being married... although it would have been a lot of fun to see Nessie sink her claws into him and get him to marry her. I like David and Erica's lusty relationship, hell I just like David period. I like this real struggle that Tad and Dixie are going to encounter. I don't know yet if I'm going to like what happens when Liza finds out that Adam is Colby's father. I'll have to wait and see on that. Out of all the newbies... Becca, Scott, Greenlee, Sven, Tiffany, Millicent... I like Tiffany the best, she's a hoot and I think they should pair her with Axel.

*SPOILER ALERT* It's gone from bad to worse. At first I was giving this story the benefit of the doubt and not really saying too much, but not anymore! I'm sick, and I mean SICK that they are showing Dimitri alive this week. Let me explain... I know that these scenes were filmed FAR in advance and that this was the plan the whole time. That means that just because we see him alive this week does not mean Michael Nader is back. I think the whole thing totally reeks and AMC is playing with our emotions. I hate it. How is this supposed to pan out now? Alex hid the fact that Dimitri is really alive from his whole family. Edmund, who has been on this woman's case since the moment he met her, now suddenly will be coming to her defense. Seems he's not angry that she let them all think Dim was dead when he wasn't. Fine, he's so happy that Dim is alive that he forgave all her lies. I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is that now that we see Dim alive, are we supposed to forget he's there? Let me stress this... as of right now, Michael Nader is NOT back. But Dimitri is alive and very ill in Seaview Hospital. I guess Dimitri being in remission was another lie, or it was a really short remission. So, Alex sucks it up and takes Ed to see Dim this week. From what I understand, Finola Hughes was brought in as Edmund's new love interest. HUH? Dimitri is alive. Are we supposed to forget that? Do Edmund and Alex forget that? Has anyone else noticed the distinct lack of chemistry that John Callahan and Finola Hughes have, while her scenes with Michael Nader are actually pretty good? All this leads to me the same conclusion I've had for months... AMC missed the boat and got rid of the wrong actor. It's not that I don't like John Callahan. I have nothing against the guy, it's just that, in my opinion, he's not nearly as good as Michael Nader. AMC can deny all they want that Finola's salary didn't push out Michael Nader, I don't buy it. Not for a minute. And I will never understand why TPTB feel they need a supposed big ratings grabber like Finola Hughes when they already had a big ratings grabber like Michael Nader. *SPOILER ALERT*

OK, now that that is out of the way, let's talk about this past week. Slim and Assholeo. What a pair. A pair that needs to be together so they are out of everyone else's hair already. At the hospital, Slim is suffering from exhaustion and malnourishment. So they gave her a sedative and no IV's. Makes sense. Assholeo wants to see Slim but Adam has posted a guard outside her room. Enter Gillian, all she has to do is bat her eyelashes in his direction and Assholeo can get in the room. Once in the room, he gives Slim a lovely fake flower and professes his love to her unconscious body. He tells her that he hopes she can forgive him for all he's done to her. Nice, it's what we have been waiting for... Assholeo finally took some responsibility for all this. Too bad no one heard him. Adam comes in and sees Assholeo in the room and, after calling him a creep, tells him he's calling security. But Assholeo goes quietly. Just then, of course, Slim wakes up and drops the flower Assholeo gave her and asks dear old Dad if her abusive boyfriend has been over to see her. Adam lies, so what else is new, and says he hasn't, then kicks the flower under the bed. The next person in the room can enjoy it.

Later, Assholeo phones the hospital to talk to Slim, but she's gone. She went home with Adam and Liza. So this prompts him to once again seek out Gilly's help. Since Gilly wants nothing more than to remove the Hayley threat from her and Ryan's possible reconciliation, she agrees. And over at Adam's, Slim has a dream that Assholeo gave her a big tall glass of water, but it turns out to be vodka, so when she wakes up and Ryan does the same thing, she flips out and tosses the glass to the floor. Duh Slim, it was only water. Once calm, or so I thought, she starts to question herself and wonders if she's good enough for someone so honorable as Assholeo. I'm about to hurl, but make it past that moment only to have another close call when Ryan goes on and on about how wonderful she is... again! Talk about a high maintenance woman! Sheesh.

Slim is wearing a pair of jeans that look like about a size 4T, which is the size my 2 year old niece wears, and goes inside to get her cracker for the week from Lucretia. Adam corners Ryan and asks him what his intentions toward his daughter are. Ryan sort of evades the questions and tells Adam that they are just friends. Gilly arrives to see Slim, so Adam goes to get her. But she's really there to create a diversion for Assholeo, and he can't get by Ryan so Gilly grabs Ryan and plants this big old kiss on him. Ryan was diggin it too, you could tell. He didn't exactly pull away from her did he? But as Assholeo is sneaking past them, Adam catches him and they almost come to blows again. But this time Slim shows up and sees him. While I'm watching this wretched scene I'm struck by Slim's anger. It occurs to me that she is only angry because she thinks that he slept with Raquel. She was never this angry about all the abuse he hurled at her. It's sickening. Him sleeping with Raquel should be the least of it. Assholeo telling her she's dead to him should have been enough. But anyway, she doesn't believe him when he says he never slept with Raquel and I laugh, cackle even, because Assholeo sure can dish it out but he can't take it can he. Maybe if the jerk would tell her that he believes that she never slept with Ryan, they'd make some headway. Instead he says... "don't do this to us." Excuse me? Sure, they are both at fault, but he is way more so at fault than she is. He's the one who turned into some disgusting abusive jerk over a kiss.

Later, at the hospital, Ryan tracked Gillian down and confronts her about helping Assholeo see Slim. Gilly has had about enough of Ryan's white horse act with Slim so she tells him that she's had it. She said she finally knows what he meant when she told her that he can't love. It wasn't that he can't love, but that he can't love her. And then, the worst happens. Ryan tells Gilly that he does in fact have feelings for Slim. Gilly gets very angry and tells him she's tired of wasting her time on him and is through with him for good. She tells him to leave and not come back. Ryan goes. Enter Jake. He's wondering why Gilly is so ticked and why Ryan just stormed out. Gillian explains that she's through with Ryan and this time she means it. When Jake questions her she gives us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says, "He's from Mars, I'm from Hungary so it's over! I gave him his running papers!" I loved that line! And then she gave another one, almost as good. More true than humorous though, "Men are aliens sent from outer space to torture us women." You go girl!!! Just then Assholeo comes back to try and get her to help him again and she says no way!

Ed went to, of all people, David for help this week. He asked David to meet him in the mausoleum. Once there, David can't really figure out why Ed wants his help and why he asked him to meet in a tomb. But David is the only one who knows Alex and Ed needs info. David gives Ed some big song and dance about Alex being a dude magnet, how men will do anything for her and yadda yadda yadda, who really cares. He tells Ed that Alex has always been very secretive. No kidding Dave? Really? I'd have never thought that. Then he tells Ed in one breath that Alex is a world renowned neurologist and in the next breath that he doubts Ed will find any living patients. And then later he tells Ed that Alex is cold, that patients go to her as a last resort. So what is it? Is she highly respected or is she a last ditch effort? So they both come to the conclusion that Alex conned Dim by telling him he was getting well, got him to marry her and now she's going after his money. But we see a completely different story in the flashbacks. We see some really moving scenes between Alex and Dim, and it's Dim who charms her and asks her to marry him. And as time goes on, what we see is what looks like two people in love.

Gillian goes to see Alex and the two have a heart to heart talk. Alex tells her about Dimitri's illness and apologizes for hiding it from her. Gilly is understanding. Just then, Alex's bag arrives from the airlines. How long was it lost? Sheesh. Once Gilly leaves, she opens it up and we see her medical bag and inside there is some Windex. Ed sees her through the window with the Windex in her hand and decides to find out what it is, so he knocks. She answers the door in her nightie, which is odd but I'm just so glad she's finally out of that matronly black dress that I just don't care that she puts her robe on after she lets him in. Ed plays up wanting to get to know her better and acts all nicey nice. At one point, while telling Ed about her father, she gets overcome with emotion and leaves the room, so Ed searches the Hunting Lodge for the medical bag. When he finds it, he gets a small sample of the Windex. What is it with blue liquids on AMC? Every time they showed it, it reminded me of when Taylor stuck her home pregnancy test into the blue mouthwash at Noah's apartment and then actually closed it back up and put it on the shelf again! EW!

David heads back to the Valley Inn after leaving the mausoleum and finds a scantily clad Erica waiting for him. These two are so lusty! I'm really enjoying the no complication aspect of this relationship. It's lust, pure and simple. No commitment, no problems. I do think David should tell Erica what has been happening with Ed and Alex, but it doesn't look like he's going to. She's going to be ticked when she finds out, which will make this relationship a bit more complicated. I like how they are keeping their lust a secret from everyone. It adds to the fun of it.

The next morning, Erica leaves David's room and meets Opal for breakfast in the Valley Inn dining room. Nessie decides to have some fun at Opal's expense and has herself, Mrs. Palmer Cortlandt, paged. Erica keeps telling Opal to answer her page, but Opal knows it's not for her. Erica is shocked, and David, who is nearby at another table, is even more shocked. Opal tells Erica that she's going to just be Opal, like Sting or Cher. David has words with Vanessa and as usual, it's an awesome scene when they are together and gets this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. David call his mother a gold digger, embarrasses her in front of Palmer by asking him if he got a pre-nup and told him they could go get to know each other over a sandwich and by then, the marriage would be over. Then, when David and Nessie go out to speak in private, it gets even better. The barbs are flying and David is awesome. He tells Nessie that someday Palmer will look over at the dried up piece of parchment he married and decide he's sick of supporting her shopping bill. Ouch! Nessie threatens David by saying that if he crosses her, she will make sure the new cardiac wing that PC is building for him never gets off the ground. David counter threatens her with the tape he has of Donald Steele implicating her in trying to destroy Erica.

Ed finds David at the Valley Inn and asks him to analyze the Windex. David resists at first, but then gives in and agrees. This seems to be David's MO... refuse, then give in. So, while David is doing that, Ed heads back to the mausoleum and finds Alex there. The two have yet another confrontation and Ed accuses her of pulling a Kervorkian on Dimitri. David shows up and it gets even more fun from there. David is such a slimeball and Alex can't stand him. It's so fun to watch him get under her skin. She storms out finally. Then Ed and David get down to business. David tells Ed that the Windex is indeed poisonous. Ed then asks David to autopsy Dimitri. Ed's going loopy. He wants to pull the casket out, open it up and have David take some samples from Dim's body. David adamantly refuses, at first. He eventually gives in, as usual. As I'm watching this, it occurs to me just how awesome Vincent Irizarry is. David has been everywhere this week and once again gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. This week alone he's helped Edmund, boinked Erica, gotten in his mother's face, and made Alex miserable. What a guy! Anyway, David does agree to get some samples from Dim's body after Ed assures him that his name will never come up. So they pull out the coffin and SURPRISE! They find the coffin empty.

This week Greenlee continued on her quest to be town tramp. She came onto Scott, who kind of ignored her. And she came onto Ryan who totally ignored her. And in the meantime, Becca got more jealous of her. And then, the worst thing happens...Greenlee messes up the documentary. Just when I thought this stupid storyline would be coming to an end, she tampers with it. Lucky for us, Becca is some anal retentive psycho and had everything on paper that was in the documentary, so not too much damage was done. So Tad sits down to watch it and approve or disapprove of what is going in the final product and sees a part where Dixie is in obvious pain but does not let on. Tad is ticked... Dixie knew she was in trouble, but never said so. So, Tad decides to turn the tables on her. It has to do with a plane and a parachute.

Marian decides to have a snob fest at Adam's house so she can suck up to Millicent, the new Enid Nelson of Pine Valley. She so wants to be part of Pine Valley society so she invites all the stuck up members of something called the PHAT society to brunch, everyone except Opal that is. Marian gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for being so damn stupid and never satisfied with what she has. She is using Stuart as an excuse to throw this snob party. And she also thinks shallow Greenlee is perfect for Scott. And she betrayed her good friend Opal because Millicent doesn't like her. Shame on you Marian.

Janet and Trevor came back from Europe this week with the ever so shocking news that Tim decided to stay in France. Gee, didn't see that one coming.

This week's AMC gets a D.

There will be no Editorial next week while I hobnob with the AMC stars at the Fan Club Luncheon! For anyone going, stop by Table 10 and say Hi! That's where I will be, and I'll be easy to spot... I have a rather distinct hair style.