The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


September 28, 1998

Well we all missed an episode this week. Monday's show was pre-empted to fill us in on another soap opera... Bill and Monica. I had such high hopes that Monday's episode would be lost forever. Why? Because I knew that there was another wretched Jake and Allie love scene in Monday's show and anytime I don't have to see them rolling around is a good day. My hopes were shattered though, as we saw Monday's episode on Tuesday. And it was wretched. That moron Allie took it upon herself to not use her diaphragm and then lie to Jake about it. This in and of itself is reason enough to give her this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. But this isn't the only reason she gets it. She also gets it for her tirade at Liza's. I know I've been saying this for months, but Allie is nuts. Certifiably cuckoo. She is so jealous of Liza and her baby. So jealous that Jake's the father. News Flash Allie... JAKE IS NOT THE FATHER AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!! Oh man, this bugs me to no end. The girl is completely loony tunes. I did love how Jake told her to "shut up!" when he found out what she did and confronted her. This girl had absolutely no defense for what she did. She was stupid enough to try the "I forgot" defense, but Jake asked her point blank before they got busy if she had her diaphragm.

The confrontation between Allie and Liza had me glued to my seat though. Well, anytime someone tells off Allie I'm glued to my seat. That's what I call entertainment. And there were some pretty good lines thrown in there too. Allie called Liza, "the best oven in town" when she said that Jake didn't want to have a child with her. She also told Liza that until Liza got pregnant with Jake's child, she had no desire to have kids, in fact, she wanted kids about as much as she wanted to "suckle pigs." But Liza gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK for her simple and to the point line to Allie, "Allie, you're a whackjob." What I don't understand is how Liza didn't slap her! She was so right when she told Allie that it was all her own problem. She made the mess, now she has to clean it up. Liza was great, so full of so many emotions. Anger, sadness, hurt, confusion. That scene with Allie alone was my deciding factor in giving Liza this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. Unfortunately I don't think this is the end of Allie's attacks on Liza. But I think the next one will be physical, with the goal of harming Liza's baby.

An interesting thing did come out of this Allie mess this week. Jake went to Tad for advice. While Tad was really unable to help Jake much, Dixie was hanging around and gave her two cents in the mix. In her sort of advice to Jake, she actually did admit that she was partly to blame for her break up with Tad. What I didn't get is when she told Jake that you give the people you love a chance to explain and work things out. She didn't do that with Tad. Maybe she's learned something since then? See now, this is the Dixie that I like. The one that isn't so high and mighty and self righteous. The one that can admit she has flaws like the rest of the world. This is the Dixie I can get behind and root for to get back with Tad. Until now, I could have cared less if they got back together. This week, that changed some. They do have great scenes together and seem to really crack each other up. Like when Tad kept saying coo coo clucks instead of clocks. That was really cute.

As much as I would have liked to have given Mateo a slap this week, I think Allie deserved it more. But he was close. How could he not tell Hayley that he was once married!? Mr. Honesty neglected to tell Hayley a pretty important tidbit from his past. And then he has the audacity to say that he would do the same thing again and not tell her! What is his deal?? If I were Hayley, I'd first change out of those ugly tank tops she's always in, then I'd leave him so fast his head would spin. And then there's Raquel. Not exactly innocent through this whole thing. I mean she did know that Mateo had gotten married. I do believe this girl is delusional and will probably pick up in the whacko department where Allie leaves off when she leaves the show. It was pretty stupid of her to say to Hayley that she had hoped, when Hayley found out the situation that Hayley would step aside. Yeah right honey. She'd just say... oops, I didn't know he was already married, he's yours, and that's that?

I did almost lose my lunch when Mateo told Hayley he had so much to tell her, and Hayley asked him to "just hold me" instead. Oh please. That boy has much 'splaining to do Lucy. But with all that I've said about this so far, I do kind of like this storyline. I know I know, you're all saying WHAT??? Well, the reason I like it is because I love watching Mateo squirm. And I loved when Raquel told Mateo that he was acting just like his father. I know I've called him Hector a few times. Already, after only about two days, if I were Raquel I would sign those papers and disappear. Why would anyone want a jerk like Mateo is beyond me. He's been mostly mean to her since she arrived. But then, she's nutty so maybe she likes it.

And yet two more that need to be slapped this week. Ryan and Gillian. First Ryan. Gillian is upset after that lashing she took from Hayley and is pouring her heart out about how she doesn't like herself. Ryan is listening to her and actually trying to give her advice. That is until Hayley walks in and Gillian ceased to exist. Hayley is in her wedding gown for the wedding vow renewal that isn't to be, and Ryan goes absolutely ga-ga over her. And at that moment, Gillian could have been naked and swinging from a trapeze in the living room and Ryan wouldn't have noticed her. What a great guy he is. And it's about time that Hayley laid into him the way she did. Boy did he deserve that! Now Gillian's stupid move. She was crass, insensitive and just a plain old bitch to Hayley at breakfast after she found out that Raquel is still Mateo's wife. Even Eugenia was embarrassed by Gilly's behavior. The weird thing about it is that it seems like Gillian didn't even realize she was being such a ninny.

While I'm still on Gillian, sort of, what's her deal with David? Whenever she has a bad day or a fight with Ryan, is she just going to go to him for a roll in the hay? And what's with David anyway? One minute he's more concerned than he should be about Liza's health. He takes her home and cooks for her and is tender and sweet, and the next minute he's getting down and dirty with Gillian. I bet Liza's going to love that if/when she finds out about it.

Dimitri sure forgot about Brooke awfully fast didn't he? Five minutes after meeting Kit he was asking her out. And hey, that's fine with me. I never saw Dimitri and Brooke as a brilliant love connection anyway. I thought it was great this week to see Edmund and Dimitri bonding. This is one of my favorite relationships on AMC, and I'm glad it's actually back on track. Eddie had a little pang of jealousy there when Dim asked Kit out didn't he? Take a pill Ed, Dimmie didn't know you had the hots for her! I think this storyline could get interesting, especially now that Dim will be taking Jack's side in thinking Kit's a fraud. Dim and Jack on the same side! That is just taking me one step closer to the Dim/Erica reunion I'm waiting for.

Well the plot thickened with Palmer this week. Seems there was some list of something or other behind one of the paintins (as Opal says) that Palmer has and some nasty people want that list. And ta da! Some of those nasty people found him pretty easily. So here they are, gun in hand at Palmer's hotel room door, they come in and they don't close the door? Maybe I'm just super careful, but whenever I hold a gun on someone, I'm always sure to close the door behind me. Well that set the stage for Braeden to the rescue! He burst in and knocked out those thugs and saved Palmer. And it turns out, he's a Palmer groupie.

Back in Pine Valley, Tad and Dixie tell Opal that it looks like Palmer is alive. Opal is so relieved and happy, and this confuses Dixie? That I don't get at all. Why wouldn't Opal be happy that her husband isn't really dead? Dixie looked at Opal when she was thanking God that Palmer was OK as if she had just turned green. Oh and I loved when Opal said something to the effect of... "please God, bring Palmer home safely so I can torture him everyday for the rest of his life."

On a final note, laser technology sure has come a long way hasn't it? Here Hayley is out of the hospital for one day, and she not only has no bandage over where the tattoo was removed, but she also has no scar. They do amazing things at that Pine Valley Hospital. In fact, I bet Jake performed the surgery