The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


September 19, 1999

Well, seeing Dimitri on the show last week almost makes me want to Editorialize last week in addition to this one, but I'll be here all night if I do that! Suffice to say, it was great seeing him and he was AWESOME! Now this week all of Pine Valley seemed to slowly find out that he's really alive. Alex told Edmund last week, and then this week they told Gillian and Eugenia. Then Edmund told David, then they told Liza. Gillian told Jake. Liza told Adam. And while all this is going on I'm thinking somebody better damn well tell Erica! Can you imagine how the poop will hit the fan when she finds out and wasn't told sooner!? And even worse, that David knew and he never told her!

Starting with Edmund and David... Edmund finds David dining at the Valley Inn and tells him that Dimitri is alive. He asks David what he knows about stem cell therapy because, after all, David is a doc of all trades. He's a cardiologist who does heart surgery and he also delivers babies, so maybe he is also an expert in the study of stem cell treatment. As they talk you can actually see the light bulb go off over David's head when he spots Liza having dinner a few tables away. David tells Eddie that Liza had some of Colby's stem cells harvested after she was born to store in case Colby ever needed them. Wow, that was some trick, harvesting those stem cells in Stuart's cabin after Colby's birth. I wonder if they kept them in the ice fishing hole for freshness. So Ed hightails it over to Liza's table with absolutely no preliminaries and blurts out that Dimitri is alive and he needs Colby's stem cells to save his life. Liza is confused, Ed is frenetic and David has got the biggest shit-eating grin I have ever seen! See, he has realized that this may just be the way that Liza finds out who Colby's real daddy is because they have to do DNA testing on Colby's stem cells to make sure they are compatible to Dimitri. Liza tells Ed that she needs to discuss this with Jake.

After leaving Liza with her thoughts, Ed and David race over to the hospital to ask what Jake thinks of the idea of using some of Colby's stem cells. Jake tells Ed that he will consider it and discuss it with Liza. All the while David is hanging out in the background grinning away like the Cheshire Cat. Jake gives Liza a call and they briefly talk about it. Liza decides not to bring Adam in on the discussions. But the next day, when she is heading to the hospital, she finally does tell Adam about Dimitri and what Edmund has proposed and Adam goes ballistic. He tells Liza that he refuses to allow this, and Liza tells him that he has absolutely no say in the matter since Jake is Colby's father, not him. Ouch.

Still at the hospital, Edmund is crazed and all hopped up to give the old stem cell treatment a whirl. Alex, on the other hand, is a bit reluctant. Alex tells Ed that he's not looking at the big picture and that this type of treatment has never been tried on a case such as Dimitri's. So what, Eddie says, let's give it a go! Alex tries to tell Ed that while Dimitri's life may be prolonged, his quality of life may not improve at all and is that something he can live with. Quality Schmality Ed says, I just want my brother alive! Just then Adam bursts in and reads him the riot act for going to Liza and making such a request as using Colby's stem cells. Alex is pissed that Ed went behind her back to find a donor already, and Ed tells Adam that Jake is Colby's father so he should just take a pill since he has no say so. Alex gets news then that Dim has fallen into a coma and time is now very much an issue. There is no time to go through the donor registry. Jake and Liza agree to donate some of Colby's stem cells (was anyone else sick of hearing the words "stem cells" all last week?) as long as there are some left in case Colby herself ever needs them. No problem, says Alex, and whips out the consent forms for Jake and Liza to sign. Adam makes a big stink and tries to rip up the papers, but Jake takes them, signs and then Liza signs. Alex and Edmund run to the lab and Ed succeeds in intimidating the nerdy lab tech dude, Mort. Alex gets Mort to understand the severity and the urgency of the tests and Mort gets to work.

Liza rips into Adam about his demands and realizes he's up to something. Adam tries to get away from Liza and get to the lab before it's too late, but Liza is ticked and has to tell Adam over and over that he's controlling, demanding, and stubborn. Hey Liza babe, this is nothing we don't already know huh, let's move on. Adam finally gets away and races down to the lab. He plays up to Mort by telling him they are doing an article about lab techs or some such thing. He tells Mort to go freshen up for the photographers and when he leaves the room, Adam tries to hack into the computer and fix the test. Ta da! David shows up grinning ear to ear and tells Adam he is so predictable and knew he would find him in the lab. Adam suddenly morphs into Homer Simpson, slaps his head and says "Doh!" Desperate, Adam asks David to help him switch the samples and David just laughs and laughs. Mort comes back and David tells him that he needs Adam and the article will have to wait and pulls Adam out of the room. But not before Adam could see where Mort keeps the key to the cryogenic chamber.

Out in the hall, David tells Adam that he's busted but then David gets beeped and he can't babysit Adam anymore. David takes off and Adam gets the brilliant idea to yank the fire alarm. Of course, the bumbling lab dude Mort races out of the lab and Adam races in. He takes Colby's frozen stem cells out of the transfer bag and puts someone else's in it. Mort comes back then, but Adam covers what he is doing and heads on out of there. Now my question is this... who's stem cells did he take and replace with Colby's? What will that prove when/if they do a DNA test? And besides my confusion in all this, I'm giving Adam this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award because he can give two hoots about saving Dimitri's life, he's only worried about saving his own ass.

Alex and Edmund decide to head over to Seaview Hospital to await the results so they can be closer to Dim when/if they prove to be compatible. Gillian thanks Jake and Colby for their generosity and heads over to Seaview Hospital too, with Eugenia. As they all wait in anticipation, they discuss Dim's condition and all bond with one another. The call comes, and the stem cells are compatible with Dimitri and treatment will proceed immediately! Who's stem cells are they anyway?? Alex lets Eugenia and Gillian go see Dimitri and talk to him while he's still comatose. Edmund realizes that Alex is letting them say goodbye, in case the treatment doesn't work. Gillian and Eugenia come out of the Dim's room more upset than when they went in and Gillian decides to take Grandmama home.

As Alex and Ed wait for the treatment to do something, Alex falls asleep and has a nightmare. She wakes with a start and Ed goes to her to see if she's OK. She then relates this dream she has of swimming in the cold and dark ocean looking for Dimitri but cannot find him to save him. Hmmm... sounds quite a lot like something Edmund went through when Maria died huh?

Trevor and Stuart team up to get Assholeo into Adam's house so he can talk to the Stick. So while Assholeo professes his undying love, Trevor sneaks back down the tunnels and when he gets into the living room, he sees Adam, only he thinks he's Stuart. Trevor tells "Stuart" that Assholeo and Stick are talking and Adam goes koo-koo. Trevor realizes it's not Stuart and, as Adam tries to get up the stairs to Hayley, Trevor blocks him. Trevor then kicks Adam's ass and ties him up in the living room, giving us this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. I love that Adam got his butt kicked sideways and what was even more fun was Trevor raiding Adam's fridge while he has Adam tied up! When Trev heads off to the kitchen for some dessert, Stuart walks in and Adam tries to get Stuart to untie him. Stuart refuses and when Trevor comes back with a sundae, Stuart leaves again and Trevor puts a gag on Adam.

Upstairs Assholeo apologizes to Stick and I'm happy to see that he finally realizes it's his fault that she's such a basketcase. But he also thinks that his saying he loves her is enough to send her back into his arms. Stick still believes that he slept with Raquel. She tells him that she gave him everything (a restaurant, a bar, 2 condo's) and all she got back was lies. She doesn't trust him, she won't let him touch her, and she says yet again (for what, the 20th time now?) that she doesn't even know who he is anymore.

Liza comes home and finds Adam tied up in the living room and thinks that Colby has been kidnapped. She races past Adam, up to Colby's room and then bursts into Stick's room to see what is going on. She tells Stick and Assholeo that Adam is tied up in the living room. Stick gets upset, thinking that Assholeo tied up Adam, but he tells her he had no part of that. Stick unties Adam and then Adam gets in Trevor's face about keeping him from Stick and I'm pretty sure he calls Trevor a butthole! Adam called Trevor a butthole? Next thing ya know, Palmer will be calling Erica a trampy ho! Anywho, Stick gets mad and kicks both Trevor and Assholeo out, gets pissed at Adam and runs back to her room as fast as her stick legs can take her.

Assholeo decides to go to Texas and talk to Raquel. When he arrives at her parents house, she tries to slam the door on him, but he gets in. Then he intimidates her and pulls the phone cord out of the wall and then asks her for a favor. Assholeo... winning friends and influencing people. When Raquel refuses to tell Stick the truth, Assholeo threatens to take her to court and prove she is an unfit mother so she will lose Max. Hmm, using the kid to get something he wants. Didn't he accuse her of that? Raquel asks him why he is doing this and he tells her that what she did is hurtful and cruel. Yeah, sure thing... pot, meet the kettle. Like he wasn't hurtful and cruel!? Oh, but then he says he knows she's not that kind of person. OK, I get it now. He doesn't want her to be like him.

Back in PV, Liza tells Stick to get off her ass and get out of the house already. How long can this girl sit around in her size 0 sweat pants that hang off her bony hips and wallow in self pity? Stick decides that that is not a bad idea and finally goes to take a shower. She heads to the mall where she finds Scott and Ryan discussing her. Scott makes himself scarce and when Ryan tries to do the same, she stops him and they talk for a bit then Ryan goes to get the Stick her weekly cracker and glass of water. They claim she ate two pieces of pizza but I believe that like I believe Assholeo's teeth are naturally that white. Raquel shows up and tells Stick that she needs to talk to her. Stick is reluctant to hear Raquel out at first and Ryan, the Stick's bodyguard, is ready to whisk her away at a moments notice. Stick decides to give Raquel a few minutes when Assholeo shows up and asks her to hear Raquel out. Raquel explains how Assholeo threatened to take Max from her if she didn't tell the truth. So Raquel tells Stick that she lied, that she and Assholeo never made love. Stick is not buying it at first, but then Raquel gets really ticked off and tells off both Stick and Assholeo. She tells them that they think they have this great love but they both believed the worst in each other. She tells them that she is sick of them both and she deserves better for herself than to be a part of their sick game and then leaves. I loved this! It's about time someone told Assholeo and Stick this. Raquel gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award, you go girl!!!

Assholeo asks Ryan to leave too, but he refuses to leave the Stick's side and she doesn't want him to anyway. You know what, I'm getting a little sick of this "I must protect the fragile Hayley" complex that Ryan has. You know, while I see how wonderful the character of Gillian has become, I'm starting to really get annoyed by Ryan. It really looks like TPTB are not going to get Ryan and Gillian back together and you know, the way Ryan has been acting I almost don't care. She's too good for him anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved Ryan and Gillian together, but while AMC makes Gillian more and more wonderful of a character, they make Ryan more and more stupid. Why has the Stick become his life? When did he totally forget his love for Gillian, the first woman he really ever loved, and decide that Bony Marony is the woman for him? It makes me mad, mad, MAD I tell you!!! OK, I'm calm now. Assholeo thinks that since Raquel confessed to her lie, and Stick believes that she did lie, all should be right with the world. But Ryan is right there telling her again all the mean things Assholeo said to her and did to her. True, she shouldn't forgive Assholeo for all the rotten things he did, but she doesn't need Ryan to tell her so. Assholeo then says the only thing that I've heard him say in months that makes an ounce of sense, that Stick uses Ryan as a crutch. Stick wants Assholeo to apologize to her and Ryan for all the awful things he has said, but he refuses to apologize to Ryan or as he called him, "that." Finally Stick tells Ryan to go, that she and Assholeo need to talk alone.

Marian goes to see Opal to try and apologize for not inviting her to the brunch. Opal is having none of it though. She tells Marian that she can't tell the difference between a real friend and a phony. Marian tries and tries to make up to Opal, but when Nessie calls and invites Marian to lunch, she rushes out. For some reason, Nessie wants Marian to host a party for her at Chandler Mansion because she and Palmer live at the Valley Inn and have nowhere to throw a party. Marian is almost buying into it but realizes how much Adam and Palmer hate each other and then hears Opal saying that Marian doesn't know who her real friends are and refuses, saying that Opal is one of her best friends and she can't betray her by throwing a party for Palmer's new wife. Nessie eludes to Marian's loyalty being misguided and I can see that something bad is going to happen here!

Erica is back from wherever the heck she was this time and meets Palmer at the Valley Inn for a business dinner. David, of course, thinks she's there to see him but Palmer arrives and Erica quickly thanks him for meeting her on such short notice. At first Palmer didn't see David, but then he does and says "Oh, hello David." David then gives us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, his one word greeting to Palmer, "Dad." Nessie arrives and David of course is nasty to her. Palmer steps in and tells him to can it. David goes off and Nessie thinks she's having dinner with Erica and PC, but they tell her it's business and she's not invited. Nessie is a little nervous that Erica is going to spill about Nessie's tell all book. While Erica and Palmer have dinner, Erica voices her concerns about his relationship with that viper, Nessie. PC laughs and says he likes being a sugar daddy. He tells her she has nothing to worry about and that Nessie has signed a pre-nup. But then PC tells Erica that he doesn't like how David treats Nessie and that he wants to get him out of town and will pull in some contacts to have him transferred. Gee PC, did you forget already that David saved Dixie's life and you promised to build him a new cardiac wing at the hospital?? Erica succeeds in talking PC out of trying to run David out of town without even playing the Dixie card. After dinner, she heads up to David's room and they get down and dirty. Damn that woman looks good! The week ends with Erica in a white lacy teddy in bed with David and Nessie pounding on the door. Will Erica and David's secret be discovered? Doubtful.

This weeks AMC gets B- .. not too bad! We even had about 5 whole minutes of Adrian and Belinda!