The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998

October 18, 2005

This editorial reflects shows that aired from October 10 thru October 14 and it was one action packed week! It seems like forever and a day since I've written an Editorial and please accept my apologies for that. Sometimes life gets in the way and time gets away from you. But no worries, we're here now and we have lots to discuss so lets get to it! For my listening pleasure today, I'm a Social Distortion mood I think so I'll start with Sex, Love and Rock-n-Roll, followed by White Light, White Heat, White Trash, then Prison Bound, then Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell (all Social D in case you hadn't figured that out) and just for something different, I'll end with Franz Ferdinand's self titled cd.

Make no mistake, Adam is loving being married to Krystal. He was having fantasies about her before all this even happened. And now that they are married, he isn't doing all that much to get out of it is he? He's Adam Chandler after all, his name got Jamie blackballed from every med school in the country, his name bought buildings, judges, congressman, governors, etc for whatever reason he needed them. So you can't tell me he can't get out of a drunken marriage to Krystal 12 hours later if he wanted to. He just doesn't want to. And for Krystal's part as the mastermind behind the plan, I kind of think she's liking the arrangement too. Not only does it get her out of the Pine Cone, but she also gets the added bonus of taunting Adam whenever possible. I think they are both absolutely loving the arrangement, everything about it. Check out this little exchange after Babe and JR walk in on them sleeping and cuddling in bed: Krystal: "...you were the one that - that wrapped his legs around me when I was snoozing." And Adam: "And you are the Medusa who snaked her arms around me the minute I dozed off." Sounds to me like they're both enjoying themselves. I almost expect Adam to say something like, "I hate you, I hate you and your magnificent glorious breasts" Ahh, it's that thin line between love and hate thing.

The unfortunate thing is that JR and Adam don't see the good that could come of this marriage. For all the plotting and scheming and nonsense, Krystal can still see that JR is in pain when Adam can't. She still knows when someone needs comfort over berating. Perhaps she can use her feminine wiles for good this time. It was Krystal who saw that JR needed something Adam wasn't giving him while Di was missing. But both men are too stubborn and too angry to see the genuine human compassion that Krystal was trying to show JR. Instead they told her to get lost. I guess they have a right to be on their guard, but sometimes, once in a while, there should be a kink in the armor to let someone in. Case in point, Kendall has never done wrong by JR. Why, I have no idea. He's a user to the fullest degree while he accuses everyone else of being just that. I don't believe for one minute that JR has ever had any true feelings for Kendall. He was attracted to her, yes. He likes having sex with her, yes. She could get him back his company, yes. User. Butter her up with sweet talk because Lord knows, Kendall is a pushover for a compliment. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. The point is, Kendall has never turned her back on him even after all the crap he's done and said to Bianca. So why is that at the mere suggestion from Adam that Kendall's timing in returning Chandler is a little off sends him into a fit and frenzy at FUSION's launch of their new product, berating and accusing her of, of all things, teaming up with Babe and Krystal in front of all their important clients? Because he, like just about everyone in Pine Valley, cannot learn a lesson and grow from mistakes. If he had thought it out instead of focusing on his anger like he always does, he would have realized that there is no way Kendall would EVER in a million years team up with the two who conspired to keep Miranda from Bianca. Not to mention the fact that deals like that take months to put together. But JR is all about JR, so in a somewhat new tradition, he gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award, yet again. Shut up for once and think before you act you jackass. Of course, after the fact he admitted to Kendall that his FauxMom was missing and he was scared that he may lose her all over again. If I were Kendall I would be saying "Too little too late bub" because this isn't the first time he's done this. But for some unknown reason, she keeps forgiving him. Blech. What a sick dynamic these two have.

But lets give the boy some points for his admission to Kendall that all FauxDixie ever wanted was for him and Jamie to come together again and he couldn't do it. Nice step up to the plate for some responsibility. I like that. He goes even further and admits that he (yes he, himself) took the grudge against Jamie, Babe and Tad to an insane level. I'd be really impressed if I thought this newfound awareness would last past another few hours. But alas, I'm sure it's not going to. Did you ever think that you could call Kendall the voice of reason? Well do it now because she is when she tells JR that carrying around so much anger is exhausting and becomes all you have, but forgiveness is freeing. Hold on here, do we actually have someone who HAS learned from her mistakes in Kendall? I think we do ladies and gentlemen! Go Kendall! And then the question remains, how long will this newfound awareness and love of forgiveness last?

I'm confused on so many levels in regards to this whole Garret thing. Now, we were all led to believe that Di is Dixie's age and were made to get over the fact that the actress is really 25. So by that logic, when Garret was in his 20's (the actor is 40 and looks to be about that age) he was already this criminal mastermind weirdo who took in young girls and um, made them into ladies by um, exposing them to the finer things in life? I say Garret would have been in his 20's because he doesn't look all that old and Di was found by him when she was 17 and using the logic that Dixie would be around 39 right now if JR is say 21, and Di is supposed to be Dixie's age, then it was around 22 years ago, give or take. Oddly though, during the whole time Di and Garret had scenes, it sure didn't seem as long ago as over 20 years since they had seen each other, especially considering that Di was still affiliated with Kevin Sturgess, who was an associate of Garret's. Still following me? The basic gist I'm getting to here is that now that Di is not pretending to be Dixie anymore, it seems to me that suddenly they will age her down to her rightful age and everyone will forget that this about 40 year old is now in her 20's. Hey! Maybe she can date JR now! EW!

But that is only one aspect of confusion with the Garret thing. Just what kind of criminal perv sicko does this Svengali trip on these young girls and what is he really up to. Honestly I have no idea what his actual criminal activity is that makes him so dangerous that he deserves a nickname like The Dragon. Why did he have to have Noah killed? What did Noah know? Why was he after Julia when she clearly knew nothing? What's the guys deal? It seems like being a perv is just a side gig. Di certainly didn't hate him. She respected the perverted creep. She certainly knew he was into young girls, she even told him that day of his wedding that she got too old for him. Another question I have about this is why bother? The perv angle seemed an unnecessary plot point. But I guess if nothing else I will say this about it, Tanisha Lynn, who plays Danielle really stepped up to the plate to portray this confused young girl wondering what this older man with the lecherous stare was up to. I think she was terrific, and showed a huge range of emotions from scared, confused, angry, and even curious.

Now, Mimi on the other hand is all kinds of stupid. Zach and Tad figure out that Garret is the evil Dragon and go to Mimi with their suspicious. Not only will she have none of it, won't even consider it, but when the guys tell her that the criminal they seek is called the Dragon and show her a picture of Garret with Di and Kevin Sturgess she says, "So what? Garret has a tattoo of a dragon." They didn't even know that! Oy Mimi, wake up and smell the deception. She's so hot and bothered that she landed this creep that she can't even see past her own needs, as always. She betrayed Dani, she brushes off Zach and Tad and throws herself into Garret's arms when he comes to the police station to see her. Poor dumb deluded Mimi, evidently she never heard the old saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Mimi was used the whole time. Garret even knew how dumb she really was because he went after her own daughter and knew she would side with him over Dani. Given all that, I can't say I'm sorry to see Mimi go. She needs to go off and re-evaluate her life, her career and her abilities as a mother.

At the police station, when Mimi composes herself enough and wipes the drool off her mouth, she laughingly tells Garret that Zach and Tad think he's the Dragon. Mimi doesn't find it at all odd that Garret refuses to answer their questions. When Garret leaves, Tad and Zach plan to tail him but wouldn't you know, Garret has dirty cops on the inside and gets them to divert Tad and Zach so he can get away without them following him. Oblivious Mimi has no clue any of this is going on.

In NY being held hostage at Garret's apartment, Di and Julia plot to take Garret down. Di isn't real keen on the idea since she has some unresolved and scary feelings for Garret. She does make a good point when she tells Julia that they can take him down and turn him in without killing him because killing him would only ruin Julia's life further. I definitely agree with that, but if it's kill or be killed then I'm all for Julia offing the perv. So after Garret goes on a wild goose chase to the Boathouse for the infamous "I'm not really Dixie" letter and comes back empty handed, he's not at all pleased. He very angrily tells Di he doesn't like being tricked while Julia very conspicuously comes up behind him with a flashlight or a candlestick or something that she can bash him in the head with. As if you couldn't see it coming a mile away, Garret turns around before she can hit him, he grabs the thing out of her hand and bashes her with it, knocking her unconscious. Can you even believe this drivel? But I must continue. As Julia lays sprawled out on the floor, out cold, Garret pulls a gun on Di and tells her he's going to torture her until she tells him where the letter really is. Di is scared and shaken so she asks Garret for a glass of water. Even with his mean persona on he goes and gets it for her, saying he never could deny her anything. Oh stop, it's making me ill. Thank God it was a ploy, and the faucet sparked and popped, causing him to drop the gun. Julia comes to or maybe was faking it all along who knows, who cares and grabs the gun. *yawn* A struggle ensues and *nodding off* a shot is fired. zzzzzzzzzzz Oh, wake up, Garret is shot and Julia now struggles with finishing him off for vengeance or should she let him live with the possibility that he gets off with no jail time. Haunted by the memories of her last nine years in the Witness Protection Program, having no closure with Noah's death since she never saw the body she shoots Garret, killing him.

Di can't believe that Julia actually did it, and neither can she or me for that matter. Julia isn't a killer. I suspect that this will haunt her for awhile. Anyone with a conscious is going to have guilty feelings of killing someone when they didn't have to. But Julia plays it cool and they try to find a way out before Garret's minions show up. Too late, they show up. For a split second I thought maybe they would have a Wicked Witch of the West reaction when they saw him dead and praise Julia and Di for saving them and sing a rousing rendition of "Ding Dong the Dragon's Gone." Alas no, they are going to take Julia and Di out somewhere to kill them. As luck would have it Zach and Tad arrive in the nick of time and take out Garret's flunkies!! When the police arrive, Di tells them that Julia had no choice but to kill Garret and in return Julia promises that she will never tell anyone that she's not really Dixie.

Back in Pine Valley, JR is trying to make nice with Jamie and tells him that since he's fulfilled his end of the deal in regards to Aunt Phoebster's will, he and Babe can get back together if he wants and he won't stand in their way. Interestingly enough, Babe knows exactly what is going on and calls him on it, telling him, "I think I know what's going on here." JR isn't interested in hearing her theories and tells her to get lost, again. But Babe continues with, "It has to be for your mom. You're being way less evil and much more human. Maybe because it was Dixie’s last wish." Say what you will about Babe, she knows JR well. Better then he'd like to admit. But before he can come back with a snappy retort, JR gets a call from FauxDix telling him she's ok and on her way home. In a moment of weakness, JR asks Jamie to come home with him to wait for their mother.

It's turning into a party at Chandler Mansion when all get assembled to wait for Di's return. Adam, Del, JR, and Jamie are all there, and the guests keep coming. JR is none too pleased to see Babe again but she and Krystal beat a hasty exit to another room to discuss whether or not they should spill Di's beans. Personally all I can think of is, what's it to them if JR is hurt again. But for some reason they seem to care and don't want to destroy the family again. I would think they'd be more concerned about the Chandler's actually believing them but they don't mention that part of it. I would also think they would have learned a lesson on the danger of keeping secrets from the Miranda debacle, but clearly they have not.

JR is getting edgy again and I'm going to give him an extra LITTLE SLAP for this comment when Brooke arrived, "Is there any more annoying people going to ring my bell and drive me nuts?" Where does he get off talking to people that way, especially Brooke who has never done a thing to him. Well she was going to write and expose on him in Tempo accusing him of pushing Bianca off the balcony, but she she never did and it was only in an effort to get him to lay off Jamie. And it's not like he doesn't do whatever the hell he wants to anyone he wants. It seemed like an unprovoked and out of line comment to me. It just irks me that whenever I find a shred of humanity in him and start to soften slightly, he says or does something totally obnoxious I go right back to hating his guts. This is a perfect example. But before much is made out of it, Di arrives home to the joyous family reunion. After the hugs, she has some 'splaining to do and tries to explain why she wasn't honest with everyone as if she's going to be honest now. She pretty much says nothing other than she didn't want them put in danger too. Later Stuart gives her the infamous letter back and we realize a few things. Stuart tried to tell Adam and JR, but they blew him off. He then went to Tad who also tried to blow him off but this time Stuart insisted that he talk to him. Now we know why Tad is being so standoffish and quiet in the wake of this glorious return, he knows she's not really Dixie. Oh this is going to get good!

Di shows the letter to Del and tells him she thinks it's time she tell everyone the truth but it's Del who talks her out of it and then burns the letter. And when she walks back into the parlor and sees that JR has let Jamie hold Little Adam, or as I like to call him Adam Jr. Jr., she decides she can't tell the truth, for their sake. They are finally coming back together and it's because of her. Well, it's because they think she's Dixie. Eh, it's confusing but you know what I mean, you watch the show too. And I'm sure they'll all be so understanding when they do find out and she says something like, "but I did it for you!" Uh huh, dream on Di.

Zach has taken Julia to a suite as the casino for her to regroup. Julia confides to him that she didn't kill Garret in self defense but that she killed him because she wanted to. Zach is afraid that Julia will not be able to live with the guilt. Yep, I was just saying that wasn't I? Zach calls Anita and Sam to come and see her. They share a happy reunion, this being the first time Anita has seen Julia since she came back to Pine Valley.

JR tells Di that he wants to be the kind of man she can be proud of and again I must sigh and say, too bad this will be so short lived. I'm so over angry JR, but I don't think finding out that Di is not Dixie is going to make him calm and easy going. He then makes a toast to family, the most important thing there is and I'm getting ready to hurl.

Tad had quietly slipped outside to the terrace while everyone rejoiced in FauxDixie's return. Di doesn't realize that Tad knows because when she asked him how he and Zach found them, he just told her they followed a lead. The lead was the infamous letter. Di goes outside to see if Tad's ok, thinking that he's upset that she didn't tell him about Garret. She tells Tad that she wants to start fresh with no more secrets and Tad fires back with, "No more secrets. Really? Does that include the fact that you're not Dixie? That you're just her half sister, Di?" OH! This is getting good! Di is suddenly standing on shaky ground. The SCENE OF THE WEEK continues as Tad confronts her. Di realizes that Tad read her letter and tells him that Stuart never said anything about him reading it. Tad tells her that if she had asked him Stuart would have told her that he did because Stuart hates lies. Di tells him she was afraid for him to read it and with good reason. Tad is angry, oh yes very angry and he has every right in the world to be. And he has no reason to believe that Di's intentions were good. At this point he believes that Di was looking for a big pay day of Chandler money. We know that isn't the case, but it doesn't matter. To Tad it is the case, and you know what, I have to side with him. Good intentions go a long way in the forgiveness department as far as I'm concerned but for right now, it will take some time for Tad to get there so letting her have it and ripping her up and down is fine by me. She deserves to be called out for all the deceptions. She deserves to face the music for everything she has done. She could not lie to them forever. No excuse she can come up with for what she did to them will ever be good enough. Tad is feeling deceived, hurt, confused and ripped in half. He drives this fact home when he tells Di she is a heartless bitch.

Back inside, Palmer shows up giddy as a school boy prompting Adam to yell out, "Go home, Cooney. I'm in no mood for you tonight," which totally cracks me up because hey, if you've been reading my page for awhile you know that I am a huge Palmer fan and the Adam/Palmer feud is something I hold dear. Unbelievably, the old coot tells Adam, "I'm in enough mood for both of us," and then grabs Krystal, dips her and plants a big old kiss on her! That was hilarious! The hilarity continues when Palmer says now that he's kissed the unfortunate bride it's time to toast the incredibly lucky groom and continues with, "I understand -- I understand that he swept you off to an exotic locale. What was it? Oh, Crow -- Crow Hollow, absolutely exquisite this time of year, and did you catch the annual cow chip toss? Whoa! Very wonderful sport." Adam is not amused but Krystal tells everyone how happy she is and that Adam gave her a lovely wedding gift of half of a major corporation. Now Adam is really getting hot under the collar and can't take any more of Palmer's ribbing so he fires back with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Pete, Pete, tell me -- How many of those little blue pills does it take to get you up in the morning?" Oh man, that was a good one! Absolutely priceless scenes and lines here! Why oh why are the Adam/Palmer scenes so few and far between!?

Back outside where it's much more serious, Tad tells Di that it's going to tear everyone apart all over again when he tells them who she really is. He wants to know who was behind it all... was it just her? Was it David? Was it Garret? Not that she should deceive them all again but she could have easily blamed it all on Garret. I give her points for not doing that. Di explains that she talked to Dixie once, while she was in Switzerland. She wanted to talk to her about the kidney donation procedure. She tells him that it was never a plan for her to be Dixie but that it just happened. Di tries to tell Tad she loves him and show him how much she helped this family that was falling apart by bringing Dixie to them, but Tad won't have any of it. He doesn't want to hear it. He tells her that she used them and stole Dixie's life. Of course, JR comes out right at that time and sees how upset Di is and does the only thing JR can ever do, he rips into Tad without ever finding out the real deal. This is JR in a nutshell, leap before you look. But before going back inside, JR tells Tad that he wants to have the christening for Adam Jr. Jr. and again asks Tad to be the Godfather. Tad tells him that if he wants him, he is there for him.

Di tells Tad she loves him more than anything and that her love for the family is real. But Tad tells her that JR will never forgive her and that they will never recover from the miracle that turned out to be a lie. Di throws out there that JR never has to know, boldly thinking that Tad would ever keep this secret considering how hurt he is. Tad refuses to be her accomplice and tells her that he would never lie for her which is when Di plays the "but you lied before" card by tossing his lie to JR about Adam Jr. Jr. in his face. That doesn't sit well with Tad but he makes no decision and leaves.

Later after everyone is gone and Di is alone with Adam Jr. Jr., JR walks in just in time to hear her saying that she doesn't want to lose him. Knowing something is up, he sits down to talk to her and tells her that what Tad did to him, as someone he trusted, was a hurt he will never get over and he will hate Tad forever. He goes on to tell Di that he will always trust her and if she loves and wants to marry Tad again, that is OK with him. How big of you JR. Di tells him that she lied about things to protect them, and lied about who she really is, but she stops short of actually telling him who she is.

Tad heads off to the casino to talk to Julia and get her take on Di, but Julia isn't interested in badmouthing the woman who saved her life. Tad explains to Julia that he kept secrets before that destroyed people and he will not do it again, so Julia asks him if it's best for the family to destroy their miracle. I get what Julia is saying and why, but there is no way she should encourage Tad to continue this lie. Luckily he doesn't and after talking to Julia he goes back to see Di and tells her that he isn't going to tell the family about her. She's briefly elated and grateful, that is until Tad tells her that it will be she herself who tells them.

Derek and Livia go to see Dani and tell her what happened with Garret and who he really is. Livia explains that she was exactly right in her suspicions of Garret and that he's done this many times to many young girls and tells Dani that Garret had every intention of making Dani his next victim and had a photo of her in an album. Dani is shocked. Derek steps up and tells her how proud he is of her and that she is a brave and courageous woman. Ahh, love those father/daughter moments. The mother/daughter moment went a little differently. With lots of regret, Mimi tries to apologize to Dani for not believing her, saying "What kind of mother does that?" I can answer that for you Mimi, a crappy one, like you. I know I already went on a Mimi rant earlier so I'll try to reign in it in some, but man does she suck!!! Her regret now after the fact is too little too late. I am happy to report though that she was suspended from the police force pending an investigation into her involvement with Garret. Now, I don't believe she was involved but the cops don't know that. She's too stupid to be a criminal. Mimi makes the understatement of the year when she says, "How could I be so stupid?" If I had a penny for every time I thought those very words about her, I'd probably have about 43¢ by now. Dani isn't exactly ready to forgive and forget after how hurt she was that Mimi chose her boyfriend over her. Mimi explains that she has no excuse for what she did and just hopes that someday Dani can give her another chance. Dani makes it very clear to Mimi how much she hurt her, how her own mother didn't see how much pain she was in, how she never even considered that it might be the truth and how hard it was for Dani to admit what was happening. She tells Mimi that she needed her mother and instead Mimi dumped her again. Mimi promises Danielle she'll never mess up again and is going back to NYC. She tells Danielle that she hopes someday they can be friends. PERFORMER OF THE WEEK Danielle breaks down into tears and tells her mother that she loves her as they embrace and say good bye. Oh, pass the tissues, it was a good mother/daughter moment after all!

Random comments:

How funny was it that Opal was flirting with Del and then asked him to go to SOS with her! Go Opal!

Did my eyes deceive me or was Babe wearing gauchos!? Please don't tell me gauchos are making a comeback! I lived through that horrid trend once, I don't want to see it again! PLEASE NO!!!!!

After leaving Erin's, Greenlee finds a woman with Alzheimer's after she steps out in front of Greenlee's car. Greenlee takes her back to the hospital and sees Jonathan there. Or thinks she does. In true Greenlee fashion she makes a big scene about a murderer being in the hospital before she can actually get the real story. Of course, no one in the hospital has a clue what she's talking about.

During the new product launch for FUSION, Greenlee is in Nova Scotia talking to Erin. It's going well, that is until Erin asks Greenlee how'd she feel if Ryan were alive. Greenlee gets very angry and lashes out at Erin for being so cruel. Erin tries to apologize to her for making the comment, but she informs Erin that if Ryan were alive he would have come back to her and would never ever betray her that way. Oops Greenlee, he did. Greenlee goes on to say that she will never recover from Ryan's death, she will never love again. Hiding in the closet, Ryan hears it all and is shocked and devastated by what he's done to Greenlee, as he should be. He assumed she would move on again like she did after Leo's death. He gave up his life for her, now she's given up her life for him. Ryan realizes that going back would hurt her just as much if not more than his death but Erin encourages him to go home and just not tell her what really happened. But Ryan doesn't want there to be any more lies. So he is going to go home and he's going to tell her the truth.

Back in Pine Valley, Greenlee goes to Kendall's and tells her and Zach, who she can't seem to ever be nice to, that she went to Nova Scotia to see Erin. Zach is a little panicky about that, which isn't at all suspicious Zach, duh! When Greenlee shares that part about thinking she saw Jonathan, Kendall tells her there is no way that it could have been him, but what they don't know is that Jonathan saw her too! But now it's Kendall's turn for news. Earlier Kendall had confided to Simone that Ryan's swimmers defrosted from the blackout and that this is her only shot at getting pregnant with Ryan and Greenlee's baby. Oh the pressure. But not to worry. She shares the happy news with Greenlee and Zach that she is in fact pregnant. Greenlee is ecstatic and thanks Kendall over and over. Zach made a brief exit and quickly returns with a gift of bubblegum cigars. Kendall is moved, Greenlee is not. She decides that now is the time to have Ryan's memorial service, now she can move on after just telling Erin that she will never move on.

More random comments:

Dr. Madden doesn't want to be Kendall's doctor anymore because Erica is such a psycho and keeps threatening him like any of this is his fault. Um Erica, Kendall is an adult who makes her own decisions. The things she was saying about Kendall were really not nice coming from a mom. She said that Kendall is gullible and easily swayed and things of this nature. She thinks that Dr. Madden took advantage of her. Oh brother. Can you see my eye roll from there? Sheesh.

More Erica... she goes to, of all people, Josh to get him to dig up dirt on Dr. Madden... um, he's his father. Wrong move. Josh tells her no way. And of course, we know there is much more to the Erica/Greg story and something is happening there. I don't know what it is, I promise I'm not giving anything away (unless it really happens, then it was unintentional), but the scuttlebutt is that Josh is Erica's son somehow. I don't know about you but I could do without another long lost kid storyline till the end of time. I mean really, why does AMC always fall back on this overused plot device and why would they do this to Erica and destroy the legacy of the Kane Woman. I hate the whole idea.

How about this future couple... Amanda and Jonathan! It's just a guess on my part, but I think they would be great together. It may take awhile for them to find their way to each other because Jonathan has to 1) recover and B) face the music for his crimes. But can you see it? The daughter of the old town loony hooking up with the current town loony. I like it!

This weeks AMC gets a B+. Lots of good stuff happened, and lots of reveals... Kendall's pregnant, Di isn't Dixie, Mimi is an idiot. And veterans veterans veterans this week!!! Palmer was on, Opal was on, Brooke was on!! Woo hoo!! This makes me happy!