The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


October 26, 1998

Things are sure getting steamy in the steam room! Sure it was like soft core porn, what with the drooling over body parts, the bad 70's porn music playing, the innuendo and the heat. But I loved this scene with Ryan and Gillian! I thought it was hysterical. I'll never understand why Ryan was in a public steam room naked, but that's besides the point. So Gilly walks in and sees him in all his glory and her tongue drops to the floor. She's come in to ask him about the girl he was talking to. Seems she told Gillian that Ryan is wearing a "Taken" sign so Gillian came to find out where it was. Ryan helped her look for it... is it on his bicep? No. Is it on his chest? No. So just where do you think that sign could be "hung"? Well, no sign was ever found, but Ryan did tell Gillian, "No sign, but you can take me anytime." The sexual tension between these two is so much fun.

Then Dr. Devious shows up, and Ryan is not at all thrilled to see him. Once Gillian leaves the steam room, David and Ryan have words about her and Ryan tells David to keep away from her. Gillian and David meet up and she asks him what Ryan said about her, and asks if he told David that he loves her. David tells her that Ryan said she was a flake, which he did, but in a much nicer way than David put it. Gillian is not too happy to hear this, and when she sees Ryan again, she gives him a punch in the stomach with her boxing gloves on. Ryan then tells Gillian he loves her, the words she's been longing to hear. Gillian is so happy until she spies Mr. Pinkerton of the immigration office and figures out that Ryan had seen him and was putting on a show for his benefit. I have to admit, I was very disappointed in Ryan. He could have put on the show without saying he loved her. He knew she wanted to hear those words. It was a pretty cold thing to do, saying he loved her when he didn't know if he meant it or not. And Gilly was right, what if she hadn't seen Mr. Pinkerton, would he have told her the truth before they got it on back at Wildwind or would he have kept up the charade? This all gets Ryan this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award.

Then of course, Gillian could also get that slap this week. She's always running to Dr. Sleaze for comfort and too stupid to see that he has zero interest in anything but her body. She's always spouting about how Ryan is only interested in sex. Maybe she should take a good look at herself. She's the one boinking David all the time. Could Gilly really be so stupid as to think that David loves her? She says to David that Ryan can't say those three little words, to which David replies "I love you." No not telling Gillian he loves her, just answering what those three words Ryan can't say are. Of course delusional Gillian doesn't see it that way. His proclamations of love aren't anything close, but Gillian is so jaded at this point that she doesn't even notice. How long till she figures it out? In the meantime, she better watch those love scenes, whoa we almost got full view of Gilly's butt in that last scene she had in David's room! I think I would have rather seen her butt though, than that hideously ugly jacket she put on!

All in all, Monday's show was really great. One of the best shows I've seen in a long long time. The stuff with Gillian and Ryan was only part of it. The showdown between Tad and Dixie was terrific. I was so glad to see Tad make her talk about it. They have really needed to do that. Air it all, get it out in the open. And I was doubly glad that Tad forced her to see that she wasn't an innocent party in all this. Dixie's mantra seemed to be "It happened to ME." Dixie hon, it takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break a marriage. What did she think, that Tad was just Mr. Happy Go Lucky when they got divorced? Through this whole thing I kept thinking GO TAD!!! Make her face her part in this!! Tad sure had blame too, and sleeping with Liza was very wrong. But Dixie just keeps on about how HE ruined the marriage. Nope, she did too. Tad and Dixie were both great in these scenes, but I think Tad edged her out a little. He did have to endure those painfully hard smacks she gave him. OK, I know he asked her to, but wow... those things must have smarted! I think for me, the best part of all this was when they both asked each other for forgiveness and it was given. Both to blame, both should be forgiven.

So then Dixie wants to seal the new era of Tad and Dix with a little horizontal hula. When she was hinting around about hitting the sheets I had to wonder, geez who's a bigger horndog, Gillian or Dixie? I think it's Gillian, but nice tramp impersonation there Dix. I thought it was really cool to show Tad to be the one with restraint. That was never Tad's forte. Then Dixie comes up with the "An Affair to Remember" thing. If they are ready to commit to each other, they will meet on the top of a building in 24 hours. If they are not, then they won't show. The other cannot be upset or angry if one does not show up. Cute idea and of course it won't work. From what I hear, Tad goes up to the roof to wait. As Dixie is heading there herself, she collapses. Supposedly this is her kidney giving out. The fact that Dixie's only sign of illness so far has been two faints, I find this a little far fetched. Especially when the greatest doctor in all of Pine Valley, Jake, looked her over and said she had nothing wrong with her after that last faint. But OK, her kidney gives out. Somehow Braeden is there to rush her to the hospital and there she will be for the next few weeks, the New York City hospital in the ICU. And old Uncle Palmer will make sure that Tad knows Dixie went back to Pigeon Hollow and never wants to see him again. This is sort of what happened in the movie they were emulating. It's a great movie, if you haven't seen it... go rent it! So sorry all you Tad and Dixie lovers, looks like they won't be living happily ever after just yet. You didn't think it would be that easy did you??

Before they even get the chance to meet up though, they both have these hilarious daydreams. First Tad's conscious conjures up Dixie (don't you love how Tad dreams of her in a tight sweater?), Jake (yeah he's really one to give advice on love), Joe (where the heck has he been?), Junior, Jamie, Opal, and then Jake again with a bevy of bimbos. I missed Ruth in all this. It was really cute though. Then we have Dixie's conscious. She conjures up Tad, Liza, Adam, Palmer and Opal. I think Dixie's daydreams were funnier. In fact, Dream Liza gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK. She tells Dixie to "Use her ovaries!" I liked how, even though it was a daydream, Dixie seemed to come to terms with Liza and Tad's affair. It'll be interesting to see how Dixie acts with Liza the next time they are in a scene together, which won't be for quite awhile. And I loved how Dixie told Dream Adam that none of this was about him so he should just go away. Dream Adam says, "Everything is about me." Too funny!

That Brooke and Erica cat fight was pretty lame. Maybe it would have been better if it didn't sound like Erica needed a big dose of NyQuil and a nap. I hope those scenes get better, and I'm sure they will. It was still fun to see them fighting, but there just wasn't enough umph! It cracks me up though, how Erica can't get around what she did to send Jack away. She's so confused by his rejection. How could any man walk out on her!? And all the while there is Dimitri... listening, consoling, mocking, and trying to help her. I love it!

At the hearing, the judge gave Kit a week to gather some evidence that she could be Jack's sister. I suppose I understand this in a way, but the hearing is supposed to force Jack to get a DNA test so that it can be proved that they are siblings. So what other evidence could there be? Not that this is proof, but doesn't Kit have a picture of herself as a child? Doesn't Jack have any pictures of Christine before she supposedly drowned? How about a little comparison? At any rate, we were treated to hearing about Kit's troubled childhood growing up in Springfield, hanging out with Bart Simpson and getting in trouble with Principal Skinner. OK, I'm kidding about that, she grew up in Kansas. Anyway, we got to hear how she never was disciplined no matter how bad she was as a kid. That her dad just took her out for ice cream instead. This whole thing was gag inducing. Then she acts all noble about her first con being so she could send her parents money. Just what does Edmund see in this woman?

I think there needs to be a lot more Mama Santos involvement in this storyline with Mateo and Raquel trying to get divorced. It's ridiculous that she's not around at all except for that one time to find the papers. I'd like to see her confront Raquel. And I'll really never understand why Raquel wants Mateo so badly. He's been nothing but mean to her. Sounds like a wonderful relationship to me. And then Mateo is so arrogant, he just chuckles at the idea that Raquel may have another boyfriend. He makes me sick. And his snappish little remarks to Ryan are so totally uncalled for. Sure Ryan was stupid to think that Hayley and Mateo broke up when Hayley was walking around like it was just another day. Knowing them how he does, wouldn't Ryan think that if they broke up Hayley would be devastated, not pouring herself a cup of tea and talking about being out all night helping an AA friend? But the worst part of this storyline this week was Hayley. No not breaking into Raquel's room. I can't say as I blame her for that, stupid as it was. Oh then Gillian goes and tells Raquel that Hayley did that! What an idiot! I can't wait to see Ryan tell her off about that next week. But back to Hayley... the worst part was her caving into Mateo. He tells her he's sorry for putting her through all this and Hayley says, "eh, no prob sweetie, I've had tons of problems, this is not biggie" or something like that. WHAT? She lets this jerk off the hook with some lovey dovey talk and a kiss? I said it before and I'll say it again... she should either kick his butt out of Wildwind or move back with Adam and tell that creep that she doesn't want to see him again until he's divorced!

The Harold storyline ended this week. Sure it was touching, just as I said it would be. But I'm not changing my mind on this. I still think it was not the best way to utilize the Dillon's. Now we can sit back and not see hide nor hair of Janet for about three weeks. I'm sure Trevor will be on sporadically to give legal advice to Mateo that Mateo won't follow, but no Janet, no Tim, no Amanda once this thing with the Olson Twins is over. To all you who think I have no feelings or whatever, I lost my beloved dog almost 11 years ago now and it was horrible. What does that have to do with this storyline of Harold? Absolutely nothing. I thought it was hokey, especially the part with Natalie taking him to heaven with her. I love Kate Collins, and I loved Natalie, and wow did she look fabulous! But that had to be one of the lamest things I have seen in a long long time. I was waiting for Harold to sprout wings and a halo. And I didn't like how they made this storyline more about Amanda. And here I am having to explain myself again before someone writes me an irate letter. I love Amanda, and I think Alexis Manta is a great little actress. And of course the whole family loved Harold. But Harold was Tim and Natalie's dog. The focus should have been on Tim more. In fact, I found Tim to be the most believable in this storyline and gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. He was still able to move me in a storyline I wasn't thrilled with, that's saying something. I never said anyone had to agree with me, so before you go giving me a piece of your mind again people... remember this is just my opinion.

A few haphazard thoughts... Adam wants to be Liza's friend, wants to rebuild that trust. Sure Adam, tell the truth for once before you go spouting off about trust! I loved when she asked him if she looked dim. I kept thinking, what? does she look like Dim? Of course she doesn't! Allie Allie Allie, why on earth are you playing with fire by getting in Adam's face! Off now you silly woman, off to Antigua with you! You just know David's going to find out about Adam really being the father of Liza's baby don't you! I see it coming. And last but definitely not least, Marian in a mermaid costume! I loved it! She and Stuart are so fabulous. It's great to see a fun relationship like this. Now, let's hope that Adam keeps his nose out of it.

Oh and one more final thing... did you catch Catherine Gardner (Rosa Santos) on NYPD Blue this past week? She was great! Did you folks at AMC see how great she was? How about bringing her on once in awhile huh? Tim needs a girlfriend.