The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


October 25, 1999

What has become of Ryan? I can't even stand to look at him anymore. Well no, that's not true, I always like looking at him, but I have to mute the sound. He's gone from slick con artist, to hero, to romantic leading man, to flunky lapdog loser guy with nothing going on in his own life. His world revolves around Hayley. Hayley, Hayley, Hayley!! After she told him she did not want him planning her life, what does he do? He goes behind her back with Scott to make an audition tape of her hosting Amanda's fashion show. I had such high hopes for the scene when she was actually pissed off that he went behind her back. Heck she even told him that was something her father or Mateo would do. But then like a bolt of lightning she sees herself on tape and decides, "WOW! I am fashion segment worthy! I have the body of stick, which most people can relate to. I'm funny, I'm personable, and I can show people how to shop and wear clothing from children's department of their favorite store!" So instead of staying angry at her slaveboy, she pats him on the head, says "good boy!" and gives him a little nuzzling and kissing. Then she tosses him a squeaky toy to play with while she goes to whatever she calls home these days to get ready for her big audition with her step mother. Yep her stepmother and her uncle own the station, it'll be really tough for her to get that job.

The more I think about Ryan, the more annoyed I get. Yes, I still want him with Gillian, but not this puppy dog Ryan. I'd like to see the real Ryan come back to his senses and wonder what he ever saw in Hayley to begin with. Then realize he tossed something great with Gillian away for no good reason. Ahhh but that's not enough. I want to see Ryan suffer. I want to see him struggle and work at winning Gillian back, like she suffered and worked to keep him. And I don't mean suffering like injured, with this accident that is happening next week (sorry non-spoiler people!). That's just too easy. With both Ryan and Gillian being hurt, what is going to happen to them? Will it lead them back to one another? Somehow I doubt it. Too easy. Besides that, have you noticed that Eugenia and Myrt are no longer singing the praises of Ryan, but are now pushing Gilly towards Jake?

Speaking of Gilly and Jake, she's diggin him, but had a hard time admitting it to herself so Jake decided not to wait and is dating everyone in site... Kelly the nurse, Wendy the Weathergirl. What a stud! So after moving back into the boarding house, she answers the door and who should it be but Nurse Kelly coming to pick up Jake for a date. Gilly and Myrt talk about the old carnie days when Myrt followed the man she was hot for on his date with someone else, so Gilly decides to don a disguise herself and follow the couple around. Jake spots her easily and enjoys the obvious jealousy that Gilly is feeling. Over at SOS, Adrian spots her and decides to play and tries to hit on her. This was Adrian's 5 minutes of airtime this week. Bravo AMC. When Gillian stumbles into Tina, her wig falls off and, mortified, she runs from the club. Later, she and Jake talk about her little stunt and she admits she is ready to start dating him. So, now they are a couple. I don't hate this, but Jake and Gillian just don't have the big spark that Ryan and Gillian had.

Tad and Junior have a heart to heart talk about Adam. Junior seems to be afraid of his father and Tad tries to tell him that Adam loves him, and does what he does because he thinks it's best. It doesn't always turn out to be best, but Adam usually does have good intentions. Tad tells Junior that he loves him and will always be there for him, but he also respects Adam because he loves his children. Tad gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for showing Junior how much love there is to go around and not badmouthing his father in the process. It's just too bad that Adam is too blind to see these things. All he can see is Tad trying to steal his son. So, Tad and Brooke lecture the boys on never running away while, uh... Dixie naps? Alrighty. And then Adam calls and wants to send a car to pick Junior up. Tad takes the phone from Junior and tells Adam he's on his way over. This is definitely not what Adam wanted to hear. As an aside, Junior tells Jamie that someone helped him find his way back by putting down a trail of bottle caps.... is Pierce Riley back and hiding in the woods again? Or is this the start of the Pine Valley Witch Project storyline?

Over at Adam's, Tad tells him off once again. Dixie and Tad had asked Adam to keep his distance for Junior for a couple of days while he calmed down from his running away adventure, but Adam couldn't do it. Tad tells Adam if he ever hurts Junior, he will pay. This doesn't sit too well with Adam and as soon as he leaves "Operation GET TAD" gets set in motion when Adam calls Barry. And just what is "Operation GET TAD" all about? Hell if I know, it really makes no sense to me at all. Here's how it looks to me. Adam wants to get enough stock in WRCW so he can have Tad fired. So, Adam calls in a favor from his friend Duffy Duffield and gets him to pose as a potential buyer of part of the station. He sends in Leslie Coulson, of all people, to play the middle man between Liza and the new buyer who wants to purchase 40% of the station. This would leave Liza with 60% and controlling interest in the station. That morning, Adam played on Liza's guilt about working too much and not spending enough time with Colby, so when Leslie came in with the offer, she was all ears.

There's a whole lot of confusion with this sale, for me anyway. First, Liza never questions why a computer company owner from Silicon Valley, CA wants to own any part of a television station in Pine Valley, PA. How does someone who is a silent partner lessen Liza's work load? Liza keeps saying that this would free up some time for her, if part of the station were sold. But the buyer doesn't seem to want anything to do with the station so I don't get how it would free up any of her time. How is it that business savvy Liza's only background check on this buyer was asking Adam if he knows the guy and then just blindly accepts the offer? What am I missing here!? Can someone explain all this stuff to me. Has Liza been abducted by aliens and replaced with someone who has no brain? If this sale backfires on her, which it inevitably will, I have to say that she gets what she deserves! She never looked into the legitimacy of this deal at all. Tsk tsk tsk.

Alex doesn't want to head up Dimitri's dying wish foundation. Jack wants her to, Joe wants her to. Edmund couldn't care less. Erica wants David to run it. Oops sorry, I nodded off there for a minute.

After Erica tells David all about the foundation, he gets a gleam in his eye and figures this would be the perfect outlet for his obvious superior medical capabilities, especially since Step Pops cut off funds to the cardiac wing he was building to thank David for saving Dixie's life. Guess Dixie's health really means a lot to old PC these days. Erica wants to talk to Alex on David's behalf, but he stops her, saying he wants to get it on his own. So off he goes to see Doc Joe and tell him he wants to throw his hat into the running to head up this foundation.

When Joe gets called out of his meeting with Alex, David slithers in and tells her he is interested in being director. Alex laughs in his face and tells him there is no way she would let a murderer run Dimitri's foundation. A murderer? What's this? So here's what we know. Alex and David went to med school together and David used to date Alex's roommate Siobhan. She mysteriously died and Alex blames David, although David vehemently denies any involvement.

This all brings up the question of age. Now, when David first arrived on the scene a few years ago (for the Allie storyline), I distinctly remember him telling someone that he was 32 years old. Which would make him, oh, about 35 at the most now. I don't know how old Alex is, but she's no 35! And did you catch the main page here where I have the birthday's listed? Finola Hughes claims to be 39! Yeah in dog years maybe. Anyway, she could be a few years older than David and still have gone to school with him, but there's no way they were in the same class.

So, annoyed and determined to win the position of director of the Andrassy Foundation, David leaves the office and ta da! runs into Adam, his favorite whipping boy. David gets that devious look in his eye that I so love and decides to taunt Adam just for the sake of taunting. He even gives us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, "Adam, what brings you to our fine establishment? Another switcheroo?" Funny in and of itself, but let's continue. Ever the charmer, Adam replies with, "Get out of my way." David then says, "Well let's see, you've already done stem cells, sperm samples... what's left? Body parts?"

Greg/Scott decided to go to cabin for some down time, alone. So in order to ensure that he'd be alone, he told Liza/Greenlee that he where he would be. For some unknown reason, Liza/Greenlee happens to have Greg/Scott's acceptance letter to NYU film school. She decides to surprise Greg/Scott and take it to the cabin. At the same time, Jenny/Becca is talking to Tiffany about how she misjudged Greg/Scott and told her about the tape. Tiffany makes a lot of sense, telling Jenny/Becca that this happened long before she met Greg/Scott and it shouldn't matter. My thoughts exactly. But Jenny/Becca doesn't buy it. Hey, doesn't this whole tape thing just add another dimension to this being the Jenny/Greg/Liza story by making this tape the porno that Jenny did when she was drugged... "Jenny Does the Big Apple?" Anyway, Jenny/Becca seizes an opportunity to talk to Greg/Scott by taking Opal's letter to Stuart sending her regrets to going to his art exhibit to the gallery. Once there, Stuart talks Jenny/Becca into going to see Scott at the cabin and trying to make amends. Bad move. Jenny/Becca decides to take Stuart's advice and heads up to the cabin. Too late! Liza/Greenlee has already gotten there, given Greg/Scott the package from NYU and the two share a passionate kiss. But Greg/Scott backs away, Liza/Greenlee plays coy at first, then the two get comfy and one thing leads to another and the horizontal hula commences. Who should see them through the window? Why Jenny/Becca of course! Now it didn't happen before she knew Greg/Scott. It's in the here and now and she's devastated.

Not knowing that Jenny/Becca was on her way to the gallery with Opal's regrets, Marian rushes off to the Glamorama to find out why Opal is not at the gallery. They begin to talk but when Snooticent walks in, Marian's whole demeanor changes and she again starts to suck up to her. Opal's disgusted and walks off. But Snooticent then gives Marian an earful about how Stuart will never be a member of PHAT, that he's not sophisticated like his brother and he's a simpleton. Marian is crushed, but then turns on Snooticent. And then to the rescue is Opal! Opal gives it to Snooticent but good! It was awesome, and this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. Opal even banned the Queen Snoot from the Glamorama for life! I hope this is the last we see of her, but probably not. After Marian realizes what a good friend Opal is to her, they make up and I implore AMC to drop this whole social climbing storyline.

Jenny/Becca confronts Greg/Scott about his boinking Liza/Greenlee. Greg/Scott says the exact wrong thing when he tells Jenny/Becca that doing the mattress mambo with Liza/Greenlee meant nothing. Jenny/Becca is appalled and can no longer listen to Greg/Scott. Later, Greg/Scott tells Liza/Greenlee that their night together was just sex, nothing more. A hurt Liza/Greenlee conjures up some tears and pretends to be hurt by what Greg/Scott said and runs off. Why I oughta slap her just for that. I think I will, this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award goes to Liza/Greenlee for pretending she cares anything about Greg/Scott. But then I was cheering her on when she got in Greg/Scott's face and told him that nothing happened that he didn't want to happen and basically to just get over himself! OK fine, I think I'll SLAP Greg/Scott too for trying to make it seem like it doesn't take two to tango.

OK, I have to make the rest of this quick!!! My best friend just called and she had her baby so I have to run to the hospital to see the little girl!! WOW! I'm all weepy.

Uh... Erica went to Stuart's gallery to get a painting for Bianca. She sees the picture that Stuart drew of Dimitri on Maximilian and demands that she be able to purchase it for Bianca. Stuart says no way, it's Alex's. Erica, being Erica, is less than thrilled by this and stomps out like a brat. You know, it's Erica's world and we just live here. PC gives Nessie a load of cash that he had marked by banker extradonnaire, Alfred Vanderpool and waits until it lands somewhere so he can find out who it is that Nessie is giving money to. He thinks it's a lover, but that's highly doubtful.

Alex sets the wheels in motion for Liza to find out about the sperm switch by asking Liza about David's involvement in the stem cell transfer. Liza doesn't know why David was involved and decides she is going to find out. Watch out Adam!!

Mateo confided in Edmund. Later he is with Gilly at BJ's and Hayley, all decked out for her interview at the station, goes over to say hi and tell them about the job opportunity. Mateo tells Gilly that SOS was Hayley's idea and I'm thinking... huh?? It was not! Mateo decorated the dining room of Wildwind up like an island and came up with Latin club idea... then Ryan came up with the name of the club. Check your history AMC.

David and Erica decide to go public just as Vanessa spots them together. Whoopee!

This weeks AMC gets a B- and I'm being generous.