The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


October 19, 1998

Let me at him!!! Mateo had his out. He had his chance to get rid of Raquel. Then he actually stops her from signing the divorce papers! He's a big dumb stupid dork! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! Have I mentioned lately that I hate him?? Mateo gets this weeks huge, colossal, mammoth I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. He says he doesn't want to base their lives on a lie. Listen bub, all you do is lie! You're so honest. You're Mr. Honorable! If that's the case, then you would have told Hayley about this nutjob a long long time ago. But no, you didn't. After the countless lies you told Hayley when you were VisionMan, you just can't bring yourself to tell Raquel one little lie. A lie that doesn't even matter at that! All he had to tell her was that this was the only way. She had to sign the divorce papers because they have not had a relationship in years. There was no need for her to know that her night at Wildwind jeopardized the no fault divorce. He knows it, Hayley knows it. Trevor handed him a solution and he might as well have ripped it up. While he's explaining to Raquel that her one night at Wildwind, under the same roof as Mateo could look like a reconciliation attempt, a madder than hell Hayley is making faces behind Raquel. I think she showed great restraint actually. I'd have torn him apart! This is all his fault, every bit of it. How she doesn't dump him is beyond me. What AMC needs to do is give Hayley back some of her spunk. And instead of her moping around wondering why her idiot husband, or whatever he is now, is sabotaging their happiness, she should be laying down law, booting his sorry behind out of Wildwind and tell him not to come back until he's no longer married to Raquel.

How bad was Jake's TV debut. The good doctor seems like he doesn't even know how to read. It's just as well, when would Jake have time to go shoot medical segments for WRCW when all of Pine Valley needs him to take care of all that ails them, from sniffles to brain surgery. Once David showed up and read the copy for the camera, it was like he was made for the job. David is one smooth operator I tell ya.

While I'm talking about David, I have to say that I really like the guy. I like him in a "man are you sleazy" kind of way. He's so under control. He's involved in a number of different situations and is cool in all of them. First with Liza, he wants her. It's obvious, heck he came right out and said it didn't he? Now with landing the WRCW gig, he'll see her more and get his chance with her. I think Liza even kind of likes him. Then there's Allie. I love how he is always mocking her and her ineptness. He's always right there in her face, and I love that. And what about Gillian? We all know that David doesn't have an emotions where Gillian is concerned. He wants her bod, that's it. Just another way that the guy is pure sleaze. Oh, I just love him!

Indulge me for a minute while I become David... Allie Allie Allie! The girl is a certifiable loony. She tells Jake that she's pregnant, but that's she'll take the morning after pill. She doesn't take the pills and it doesn't matter anyway because she's not pregnant. But she tells Jake she took them and they didn't work. So now she's pregnant, and she's "just as blown away as you are Jake." Oh right sweetie, you are the one that tried to trap him. And when Jake said he was just as responsible? What was that? He's not just as responsible. He asked her outright if she was using her diaphragm! So now the whacko says she's pregnant and Jake makes an appointment for her with Dr. Clador. I just realized, Jake must not be well versed in PAP tests since they actually have a gynecologist on staff at Pine Valley Hospital. The morning of her appointment, Allie's all set to go out for run. Jake tells her that her appointment is in 20 minutes. Allie then slaps her forehead and says, "I forgot!" It was the most unconvincing attempt at looking like you forgot something you didn't want to do in the first place. So off she goes to the hospital for her blood test, and lo and behold, a solution to her problem falls in her lap. The nurse leaves her alone in the lab. So Allie, who's now a master at switching things, switches her blood with Liza's. So now what happens when Liza's blood is tested and it shows that she's not pregnant? And of course, as she's switching them, Dr. BadBoy walks in and gives her grief. But Allie won that round when she told David that she still has the tape of his confession and if he planned on revealing what she was up to, he'd go down. Now, my only question left for Allie is, why don't you just go that extra mile and become Emily Ann and have yourself a good old fashioned hysterical pregnancy.

I still can't help but feel sorry for Gillian. She loves Ryan, and can't understand why he can't say he loves her. She doesn't listen to what he's saying, but then again, he's not always clear on his sentiment. They are both so confused about their relationship. They weren't supposed to fall in love. They were supposed to feed off each others fortunes. Well, neither of them have a fortune. Geez, neither one of them even have a job. Ryan is never at WRCW. But that's besides the point. Gillian just wants to be loved. So until Ryan can tell her he loves her, she doesn't want anything to do with him. What happens next? Ryan makes the big mistake of going to unlucky at love Dimitri, for advice. I did enjoy this scene though. I liked to see these two talking and relating. Then Gillian goes to David to cry on his shoulder and ask him if he loves her. David's reply? "How could I not love you." Not exactly a big declaration of love. In fact, he didn't say he did. But it was good enough to get Gilly back in the sack. How long will it take Gillian to realize that what David said didn't mean that he does love her?

My PERFORMER OF THE WEEK this week is none other than Tad Martin. I think I could probably give him that award every week. He's the greatest. He's all at once charming, funny, serious. I liked his scene with Jake when he went to get advice on what to do about Dixie. He had gotten a message from her, via Palmer, that she was staying in New York so she wouldn't have to see him. I thought Tad was smarter than to believe the old coot after all the stunts he's pulled in the past to keep them apart, but a part of him believed it. If he didn't, he wouldn't have been all upset about it. So he goes to Myrtle's to see Jake, who is putting the storm windows in at the house. And Jake's got this tank top on that accentuates those fab biceps of his, mm mm. Anyway, when Tad walked in, he gave this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK. He sees Jake, in tank top and says, "You look like one of the Village People." Jake says something like, "very funny," to which Tad replies, "Come on, do YMCA." Loved it! So Jake basically told Tad to go for it.. which he did, all the way to New York.

Meanwhile, Dixie is in New York getting to know Braeden. Something just doesn't sit well with me and this Braeden guy. First he shows up because he wants to talk to Palmer about a job with Cortlandt Electronics. Didn't anyone ever tell him not to wear leather pants to a job interview? And the guy is like a Palmer groupie or something. He's been following his career through making fortunes and losing fortunes. That in itself is strange. Then there's his voice. He sounds like he's trying to be Clint Eastwood. I could swear when Tad showed up and wanted him to leave that Braeden was going to say, "Go on, make my day." Oh, I got a little ahead of myself there for a minute. Braeden asked Dixie to go out for some coffee, and just as they were about to leave, Tad showed up. I can already see that Braeden is going to show some interest in Dixie and maybe even mention that to Palmer. Palmer will jump right on that and try to hook them up so that she is not with Tad. Did you see the spoilers for this week and next? How much do you want to make a bet that Braeden somehow prevents Dixie from meeting Tad on the roof? He got to Pine Valley pretty quick, I'm sure he could get back to New York just as quick. Probably to pack his stuff up and move to Pine Valley to be Palmer's new assistant.

Edmund is confusing me. Why is he so interested in helping Kit? Why is he abandoning years of friendship with Jack to help this stranger. OK, I know Edmund himself has been through this with Dimitri, but I don't understand why he is going through so much trouble. Kit is nothing to him, and now, thanks to Erica, he knows all about her shady past. I wish someone would fill us in on it.

How much did I love that bridge scene at Cortlandt Manor! There's Adrian, broken ankle and all, in a bridge game with Opal, Myrt and the Phoebster. How adorable. Everyday I love Adrian more. He's got to be the best new character AMC has gotten in a long long time. This new crop... Kit, Raquel, Braeden, they are not in the same league. Adrian is cool. During the game when Myrtle said, "What a man, what a man," all I could do is nod and say, "you got that right Myrt honey!" Now, if they would just step up to the plate with a romance for Belinda and Adrian, I'd be happy. I'll deal with the Opal is Adrian's son thing because the characters involved are all so great, but that doesn't mean I still don't wish it were something else. I know it's not though, so I'm dealing.

And for my Jerry Springeresque Final Thoughts... I have not much to say about the Harold storyline. I learned my lesson last week and don't feel like being told off anymore. Except to say, the story is moving, but not my cup of tea. And I always look forward to seeing Natalie. I liked the playful, fun scenes that Dixie and Tad had in New York. I thought it was pretty funny how those people thought she was at first Nastasia Kinski, then Natasha Richardson, then Jodi Foster! I have to say, she doesn't look like any of them! But if I had to chose one, I'd go with Natasha Richardson. And lastly... bring on the Erica/Dimmie/Brooke triangle! I'm all for it. But hey Brookie, I'm sorry honey, you had your chance. These pangs of jealousy you're having every time you see Dim with another woman are pretty lame. You didn't want him so move along!