The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


October 11, 1999

I'm wondering what there is to talk about from last week. AMC is at an all time bore and snore fest! What even happened last week? Anything!? Other than Belinda's send off, I'm having a hard time coming up with anything that wasn't a total snooze. And in fact, her send off was incredibly lame. Why didn't we see her saying good by to her partner, Trevor? Or her former partner, Jack. Or Assholeo and Mama even! After all, her brother is married to their sister/daughter! Where was Grace? Why didn't she go say good bye to Opal? I'm disgusted with AMC! Not only do they fire this awesome, talented, dynamic and beautiful actress, but she doesn't even get a good send off! Here's what we got... Belinda packing, thinking about the fact that Adrian did not give her a ring for her birthday, but a key to a batting cage (anyone think of Belinda and Adrian last week when Marc Greene from ER was slugging balls in the batting cage and Elizabeth showed up? I did!).

Then Adrian shows up and is shocked to find her packing since she never even told him she was leaving!? What is this? If he hadn't shown up would she have just left town and never said a word to anyone? Yeah yeah, what if's aren't relevant in soaps since what we see is what happens, but it just irked me. Then we have the uncomfortable scene where we can see that they love each other, they want to be together but both are too stubborn to admit it and put their cards on the table. Adrian wants to tell her to stay, Belinda wants to ask him to come with her or be asked to stay. So instead, Adrian tells Belinda he's proud of her. She's visibly upset, crying even. I love this couple so much and since it's the last time we will see them together, I am giving them this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK award. It's things like this, Amelia Marshall being axed, and Michael Nader, and Tommy Michaels, and Ara Celi, that make me want to quit this show forever! Are the TPTB really this blind to what the viewers want!? Damn people, please keep writing to AMC and telling them that we would rather have Belinda and Adrian over Scott and Becca any day!!!!

After leaving Belinda's apartment, Adrian heads over to the SOS to talk to his good buddy Assholeo? Yeah sure. He tells Assholeo that Belinda has left town and the two have a couple beers and talk about lost loves. The only thing I can see coming out of this is a triangle between Assholeo, Tina and Adrian. She sure seems to be interested in Adrian already. Now I ask AMC, WHY!? Why do we need this person? Why do you have to break up great couples and put them with other people? Simply because you can? I'm all for couple conflict. In fact, I know that there has to be some in order to make a couple remain interesting. But let's just see what AMC has done all for the sake of breaking up supercouple Assholeo and Stick. They have brought on the characters of Raquel and Max, only to discard them again for absolutely no good reason. They have broken up the great couple, Ryan and Gillian. They have turned Ryan into a simpering buffoon who is constantly nipping at Stick's heels. They have brought on another new character, Tina, to throw a wench into the situation further. And why not, let's blame Belinda's departure on this too. Why not? I can't blame Finola for everything. In fact, I'm sure that if Kelly Ripa were really leaving the show like she loves to keep saying, Amelia Marshall and Ara Celi would still have their jobs. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Kelly Ripa, but all this stuff can be directly attributed to furthering the Mateo/Hayley story. At least that's how it looks to my warped mind. The one good thing that has happened from all this? Gillian has turned into a character with such depth and emotion, it's a joy to watch her no matter what she's doing.

Moving along to that oh so interesting 50th anniversary party for Woodruff and Millicent Greenlee. I can't even express in words the depth of my loathing for this snooty snobfest storyline. First of all, it's a direct copy of the Jenny/Greg storyline from the early 80's. We have Greg (Scott), Jenny (Becca), Liza (Greenlee), Enid (Millicent), hell I'll even throw in Ryan as Jessie. We have social climbing, lies, deceit, a bumpkin from the wrong side of the tracks, a debutante, a rich guy who is oblivious to everything that is going on around him.

At the party, at least we were treated to LINE OF THE WEEK, by Tad. Upon walking into the party he said, "Just as I thought, a bunch of monkey's in penguin suits. Ahhh look, there's the head chimp himself," referring to Adam. I usually enjoy big parties that AMC has because I love to see everyone dressed up. But a 50th anniversary party for the Greenlee's?? Who cares!! Sure, everyone looked great. Although it boggles my mind that they cannot ever seem to let Liza look sexy. Everyone else is in gorgeous gowns and she comes into the party in a drab black pantsuit. And did you get a load of that gown on Erica!? WOW! Our beloved Erica has just the bod and the attitude to pull that off, but I doubt Susan Lucci would ever leave the house in something that revealing. My personal choice for best dressed goes to Gillian. Purple looks awesome on her!

Marian had talked Scott into taking Greenlee to her grandparents party in exchange for Stuart getting recommended to the PHAT society or whatever the heck that is. Funny thing, Stuart and Marian didn't get invited to the party though. So, Greenlee seizes the day and decides to lure Scott up to one of the hotel rooms. Once there, she turns on the trampy ho seduction and spills champagne on her dress. Of course she has to take it off so she can try to clean it up. That dress must have been scotch guarded because I saw her dump it on herself and it bounced right off. Anyway, this chick has got some knock out figure on her! How refreshing to see someone take it off and not have a bunch of bones sticking out. Anyway, after a few kisses, Scott rejects Greenlee and takes off.

Elsewhere at the party, Gillian goes to thank David for trying to help save Dimitri's life. I found this interesting and a testament to the growth of Gillian. David was a little snickery and sneery as she approached him, but her heartfelt thanks softened him. The fun part is that Erica was eavesdropping and you can see the rage enter her when she realizes that David knew Dimitri wasn't really dead. After Gillian and David part, Erica slithers over to him and seductively tells him to meet her in his room. Erica is pissed and really lets David have it for not filling her in on Dimitri's condition. David tries to tell her that he could not tell her, it would be breaking a confidence, but Erica isn't buying it. Seems she wouldn't have a problem breaking someone's confidence and then goes off about how Dimitri would want her to know and she could have helped him. David fires back about her being the love of Dimitri's life, blatantly mocking her. This doesn't sit well with Ms. Kane and she tells him he is cold and unfeeling and she never wants to see him again, then walks out.

After Tad tells the boys how boring the party is going to be, Junior and Jamie decide to add a little excitement to the party for Tad by letting a ferret (which by the way, Andie would like everyone to know that a ferret is NOT a rodent) loose into the party. This sent the party into a big uproar. Tad and Jake finally caught the little guy, but Adam was none to pleased to see that his son was responsible for the stunt. Jamie sold Junior out it seemed, as he told Brooke it was Junior's idea. Nice going kid!

Oh and one more little note about the party, Palmer went over to talk to Dixie. That was a first since... well since his divorce from Opal and he said he didn't need anyone anymore.

Edmund left the party to go to the famous Pine Valley ocean and of course, runs into Alex there. She's got a lit candle and is saying good bye to Dimitri. Edmund has got nothing better to do than eavesdrop on her, so he does. Once she sees him, they get into more of that "it's your fault" "no, it's your fault!" kind of crap and I'm about ready to drown myself in Cleveland's ocean. Thankfully, they come to an understanding and call a truce. Then I get to thinking about Pine Valley and it's ocean. Let's see.... it's close to the Valley Inn, Edmund got there lickity split from the party. It's very near Wildwind because that is where Alex was riding and subsequently killed Maximilian (oh yes, I blame her for that one!!). It's not too far from the gallery because Stuart and Marian went there to paint her portrait. It's extremely close to Seaview Hospital, since Dimitri was able to climb out the window and get there without much trouble. Stick goes there whenever the mood strikes so it must be close to Adam's, Trevor's, the condo and SOS. And in summary, THERE IS NO OCEAN IN PENNSYLVANIA!

Over at the loft, Becca arrived to pick up some tapes that Scott left and take them to WRCW. She and Ryan exchange pleasantries and then she pops in the tape of Greenlee and Scott doing the wild thing at UCLA. Ryan does his best to comfort Becca, and I'm a little confused as to why. Is there a reason to be pissed off that Scott had sex with someone before he even met her? Well, evidently in Becca's world there is. Ryan talks her into waiting for Scott to come home, and she agrees. Becca tells Scott she saw the tape and he's not too happy about it. Maybe even a little embarrassed and tells Becca that Greenlee made it. Becca is really upset by this whole thing and leaves.

Later Becca runs into Greenlee at the Glamorama. Greenlee had gotten the news from Ryan that Becca saw the tape, so Greenlee moved in for the kill with Becca. She tells Becca that it was Scott who made the tape, not her. Then she goes on and on about how Scott is the one interested in making movies, how upset she was when she found out he made it, and on and on and on. As if this storyline could get anymore boring and ridiculous, Becca believes the tramp.

Millicent gives Marian the run around about her promise to put in a good word for Stuart and tells her that she needs to get Scott to go out with Greenlee again, and this time not leave her in the middle of the date. Marian is not too pleased with this but instead of telling Snooticent to shove it, she goes to Scott to beg him to go out with Greenlee again. Marian gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for not being content married to the sweetest, nicest man in Pine Valley. And hey, let's not forget that Stuart's got it going on in the ack too! Chill out Marian, this social climbing nonsense is beyond stupid! Anyway, Scott doesn't go for it and tells her he will NOT date Greenlee again. I suspect that changes when Little Polly Purebred won't give Scott the time of day, let alone anything else. Have I mentioned lately how bored I am with this whole thing?

Stick goes to see Assholeo at SOS. Did you get a look at that shirt he was wearing!? He looked like he was about to board the Enterprise! They talk, quite civilly I might add, and she tells Assholeo that she has to figure out how to get her life on track and wants out of SOS. Stick finally tells him that she needs to be her own person. Assholeo reluctantly agrees to buy her out and he doesn't even get angry or throw out Ryan's name at all. It's a big step for Assholeo, being calm. I have to commend him for that.

WRCW is developing a show about fashion and Ryan thinks Stick would be the perfect host because she's so stylish. Uh, yeah. Most regular people can relate to an adult who wears a size 4T. I'm sure she'd be a great hit. But alas, she's not interested. Stick doesn't want to take suggests from anyone on what she should do with her life, she wants to find her own way. So she thanks Ryan for the suggestion, brings Amanda over to the loft to hang out, then they make out. Whatever.

Adam decides that Tad's a bad influence on Junior and decides that he needs to get Junior away from him. Behind Dixie's back, Adam enrolls Junior in boarding school and gives him a jersey for the school's soccer team. Junior seems to be excited about the whole thing, but he doesn't really want to leave Pine Valley either. The kid is a hell of a lot smarter than Adam, knowing that Dixie isn't going to go for it. Adam insists that he can talk Dixie into it though. Hey Adam, don't you realize that Dixie just lost a child and isn't going to be too keen on sending another one off!? Adam is being an overbearing controlling idiot all because he can't tell anyone he's really Colby's father. Isn't it funny how Adam compensates for what is really bugging him by ruining everyone else's life? And anyway, why does Adam want to send Junior away? Why doesn't he just try and spend more time with him and be a positive influence? Oh, I guess that would make too much sense and not get Adam in any trouble with everyone.

Adam tells Junior that going to Snobville Prep is his choice, but then tells him he has to be there in two days. Tad tells Liza that he's worried about how possessive Adam has become, but what else is new? Liza defends Adam yet again. Can someone please give Liza her backbone back!!! I'm sick of this woman who used to be so independent and had a mind of her own kowtowing to Adam Chandler!!! Maybe the fact that Junior ran away from home to get out from under Adam's thumb will give her a clue.

Alex has decided that when she leaves for London for the reading of Dimitri's will, she won't be coming back to Pine Valley. Oh if this were true! Unfortunately she'll be back because something in Dim's will says she has to go back to Pine Valley. Perhaps he leaves her Marick Industries? Who knows. The company always ran itself when Dim was alive, why would she have to be in Pine Valley for it run now? I'm just guessing anyway, because I don't know what the codicil says. Oh yeah, the codicil. In Dimitri's five minutes of lucidity from the stem cell treatment, he called Jack, had the codicil drawn up, climbed out the window of the hospital and supposedly drowned himself. This and seeing the Dimitri flashbacks gives him this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. Even in supposed death Dimitri is a great character. Shame on you AMC for sending him to the lost city under the PA ocean. I wonder if he's having a party with Maria down there.

Before leaving for London, Alex stops by the gallery to thank Stuart again for his kindness when she killed Maximilian. Nice scene and if we must have Alex without Dimitri, I would like to see a friendship develop between Alex and Stuart, kind of like his friendship with GloHo. Stuart gives Alex a drawing he made of Dimitri riding Max. He's so thoughtful!

In London, Alex is surprised to see Edmund there for the reading of the will, but is even more shocked when Jack is called in to review the codicil that she knew nothing about. There you go Miss I Knew Dimitri Best! You didn't know he called Jack did you!

And now some little things... Gillian urged Assholeo to move on with his life without Stick. She knows what it's like to hold on and get nowhere. She has decided that, even though she doesn't want to, she is moving on from Ryan. Assholeo on the other hand, he will not give up on Stick. Palmer has hired a PI to trail Vanessa and found out about this young man she was spending time with. Who is he? Probably her son and to that I give a big fat YAWN. David is hurting from Erica's rejection and tries to talk to Dixie about it, but falls short and doesn't really say anything. And one last thing, did I hear Tad call Gillian, Gilligan!?

This weeks AMC gets a D, what a snore!!!