The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


November 8, 1999

What one minute, hold the phone, stop the presses. What is up with Alex!? The fact that she has a license to practice medicine in Pennsylvania does not surprise me, she was taking care of Dimitri at Seaview Hospital after all. But how is she suddenly ON CALL at Pine Valley Hospital? How does she just change into scrubs, put on her little beady eye glasses and read Gillian's chart? How does she take over Gillian's whole medical treatment and call all the shots?? Why is it that David is following her around like a flunky, waiting for her to tell him anything, when HE'S the one who works at the hospital, not her!? OK, OK, I'm getting way ahead of myself, let's back up...

Gillian, at the hospital, happens upon David and Adam. They are having a serious confrontation but David decides to bring Gilly in on it. He tells her that Adam, not Jake, is Colby's biological father, that Adam switched the sperm samples at the fertility clinic. Gillian is stunned, and Adam tries to tell her that David is lying. But she opts to believe David, she could see in Adam's eyes that he's lying. She chastises both men for keeping secrets and then rushes out to go tell Jake. David beams with enjoyment but Adam tells him that Liza will forgive him. David morphs into Ricardo Montalbahn and says, "Welcome to Fantasy Island."

So, while Gilly rushes to find Jake, Assholeo and Stick are at the Boathouse having more misunderstandings, evading more issues, blaming everyone but themselves and telling half truths. What fun. And in the middle of it all, Stick tells him that she still cares about him so very much. Thank goodness the barf bag was handy. And Gilly is still racing around trying to find Jake. She goes to BJ's, which is where she is supposed to meet him anyway and he's not there yet. She's frantic, so Ryan, who's there to meet up with Stick, asks her what's wrong and tries to calm her down. Suddenly he wants to be her knight in shining armor again, after just last week when he told Stick that Gilly put THEM through hell because she witnessed the kiss on the beach. Yeah, that's her fault, does anyone on this show know how to take responsibility for their own actions? Sheesh. Anyway, she races out of BJ's, screaming about having to find Jake. Ryan runs after her and jumps in her car. He tries to get her to slow down, but to no avail. Gilly is on a mission, and that mission is to find Jake and tell him that he is not Colby's father and then be there to comfort him. Ryan tries to get Gilly to tell him what happened, but she is not thinking clearly. Then she sees the dreaded witch in the road (who, mind you, watches the crash then walks away as if nothing happened) and swerves to avoid hitting her, slamming into a utility pole. In the meantime, Assholeo is trashing Ryan to Stick and she doesn't want to hear about it, so she leaves. As she walks off, Amanda, Junior and Jamie come screaming out of the woods.

OK, so let's back up to the kids. Becca is taking a large group of children out trick-or- treating. How funny is it that the virgin dressed as the world's most famous sexpot? Anyway, Junior and Jamie had a plan to ditch Becca and go back to the woods to try and find the person who left Junior a trail of old bottle caps. Amanda gets wind of the plan and wants in. Now this is the part that I find hard to believe, the boys let Amanda go into the woods, by herself, at night. Boys will be boys I guess. Well, Amanda sees a witch and screams. The boys come running and she tells them what she saw. They don't believe her, but when they hear a cackle, they all get scared and run from the woods, running right into Stick. Stick reprimands the kids for ditching Becca and then takes them back to Tad's. In the meantime, Becca is just realizing that they are gone and panics. She's at BJ's, of course, with this group of kids to get some hot chocolate. As luck would have it, Scott and Greenlee are there too. Supposedly, Scott is taking her to a costume party. And while Greenlee is off making a phone call, Scott notices that Becca is panicked and says he will help her find the kids. So, he ditches Greenlee. Ryan enjoys telling her that Scott left with Becca a little too much. After they realize the kids are OK, Scott and Becca head to the Boathouse to get the costumes they left there, but can't find them. Scott tries to apologize, but Becca is still too hurt to forgive him. I wish she would have asked him how the jack-o-lantern got there.

After they leave, Assholeo again arrives at the Boathouse. He sits down next to the mysterious jack-o-lantern and day dreams about Ryan's death, then laughs maniacally. What a wacko. Then in an uncharacteristic (yeah right) bout of rage, Assholeo takes the mysteriously and conveniently placed jack-o-lantern and tosses it at the wall of the Boathouse, almost hitting his new best friend, Adrian, with it. I'm not sure what Adrian is doing there, but you know what really pisses me off about this new friendship? It's that I love to fast forward past Assholeo, but if Adrian is going to be in scenes with him, I don't dare!! I wouldn't want to miss one second of my man Adrian. So, since he's there, Assholeo decides to sing his "Ryan done did me wrong" song to Adrian. Adrian doesn't seem to be buying it though, so Assholeo leaves.

As luck would have it, he just happens to drive up to the accident scene. Gilly was tossed from the wreckage, and is laying near a pool of gasoline. Ryan is still in the car, somewhat delirious, calling out for Gilly. There are downed electrical wires everywhere and are threatening to blow up the car. Assholeo sees Gilly and pulls her away from the gas puddle. When he goes back to the car, he sees that it's Ryan in the car and the wheels in his pea-sized brain start to turn. Oh, if Ryan dies, I get Stick back. So what does he do? He flashes his pearly whites. Just then, Ryan comes too and sees him. Ryan calls out for Gilly, and Assholeo tells him she is safe. Ryan reaches out and asks Assholeo for help. Again, Assholeo gets that gleam in his eye, and as Ryan calls out for help, Assholeo walks away. Oh, if this doesn't deserve a big huge I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award, I don't know what does! Oh sure, he gets a raging case of the guilts, and does come back. But does that make him a hero? A good guy? No, it makes him an Assholeo! He comes back, tells Ryan he's going to get some help and I have to wonder why he doesn't have his dang cellular flip phone like everyone else on this show, even Becca (!), has. But he doesn't. He gets a branch and tries to remove the live wires from the top of the car. Assholeo gets Ryan out of the car just in time. The whole thing blows!

Meanwhile, Stick and Jake are at BJ's waiting for their respective dates. Stick starts to worry that maybe Assholeo went after Ryan. Since neither Gilly or Ryan has showed up, Jake and Hayley decide to head over to Tad and Dixie's house. Which is where Adrian was also headed. I had to laugh when Adrian got there and Dixie said, "We don't see enough of you." Hey Dix, no kidding huh? Stick talks to Adrian about Assholeo, and Adrian confirms that Assholeo is an Assholeo.

Fast forward to the ER. Jake, the only doctor in Pine Valley, is called in for a special case. Seems Axel got a trophy stuck on his head at the Ms. Trick-or-Treat pageant. It provided a little bit of comic relief, no matter how absurd it is. But then again, I don't work in an ER and I bet all kinds of weird things happen there on Halloween. At any rate, with the help of some butter and some vaseline, Wonder Doctor Jake gets the trophy off. He then goes and calls Stick, telling her that he heard the nurses talking and they are bringing Ryan into the ER in an ambulance. HUH? 1) How do the nurses know who is being brought in, 2) how does Axel get privy to this info before Jake, 3) when the paramedics called in, did they say... "attention! attention! we are bringing in Ryan Lavery right now! COME ON AMC!! Would it kill you to be a little realistic?? Stick races out of the house, screaming about how she knew she was right about Assholeo. Does this idiotic behavior warrant an I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award? Why yes, in fact it does! Jump to conclusions much Stick? Do we not learn from our past mistakes ever? Once at the hospital, Stick runs right past Assholeo and into the trauma room. Nope, no one stopped her. After seeing Ryan, she goes back out to the lobby and accuses Assholeo of beating up Ryan. He doesn't deny it. Nice move.

Rewind to David going to see Edmund. He wants Ed's help in getting the job as Director of the Andrassy Foundation. David toots his own horn, telling Ed how great he is. Ed is amused, but has no intentions of helping him. So while I scream at Edmund on my TV to get over himself and return all the favors that David did for you, no strings attached, David is saying the same things to Ed himself. Phew, I thought I might have to jump into my TV and start kicking some ass. Ed questions David about his past with Alex and asks what it is she has against him. David evades the questions pretty well, but does admit that he dated her college roommate. David thinks Alex is being unfair and just as Ed is saying he'll try to help him, Alex walks in and tells him not to bother, since there is no way she will change her mind. She also tells Ed that David is responsible for her friends death. Yadda yadda yadda... David dated Siobhan, she got pregnant, David did something (probably rejected her) Siobhan killed herself. Just then, Ed gets a call from the hospital, Gillian has been in a serious auto accident. David, Alex and Ed all race to the hospital.

Once there, David, Alex and Ed all race into the trauma room. NO ONE STOPS THEM. Security!! Security!! I need a hand in the ER. David is feeling pretty responsible when he hears how the accident happened. Gillian was driving and in a hurry. David realizes that it was because of the news he told her that she was so reckless. He wants to operate on her to try and save her, but this is where we came into this Editorial... Alex is suddenly in scrubs and reading the chart and calling the shots. Brooke arrives and tries to console Ed who tells her he cannot tell Eugenia yet. WHAT? Tell her now you dope!! Oh did that irk me. No one will let David near Gillian, which angers him more. In fact, they pretty much ignore his whole existence. Finally he knocks some sense into Edmund and he agrees to let David operate on Gilly. Erica happens to arrive at the hospital to make sure Ed is doing OK, when she hears Ed and Alex discussing David and Gillian. Once Ed leaves, Erica confronts Alex and asks her what she knows about David and Gillian. Alex tells Erica that David forced Gilly to have sex with him. Erica is stunned.

Ryan is now in his own room at the hospital and Stick is standing outside of it with Trevor. Trevor is worried about her, afraid she might slip. Slip? The only slip I want to see Stick do anymore is to slip off a cliff. A nurse comes out of Ryan's room and Trevor asks her if it would be OK for his niece, Stick, to sit with him for awhile. The nurse says, "what the hell, we have no rules here, go for it honey!" So Stick goes in and sits with Ryan. Ryan is in and out of consciousness and when he wakes, he asks if Gillian is OK. Stick evades the question. Ryan is pretty uncertain about anything at all, but he knows Assholeo was at the scene and he's pretty sure that he left the scene too. Stick, jumping to another conclusion, decides that Assholeo was there and left Ryan to die.

Adrian once again goes to see Assholeo. Assholeo tells him what happened, and how he didn't want to save Ryan's life. He tells Adrian that he wanted Ryan to die. Adrian tells Assholeo that he ultimately did the right thing and saved Ryan, so that makes him a good guy. Yeah, right... good guy. mmm hmmm.

Liza is fuming that Adam switched Colby's stem cells and is ready to confront him. Jake wants to have him arrested, but Liza talks him into letting her handle it, for now. So, Adam comes home and Liza tells him, "I know the truth," and starts ripping right into him. Adam tries to explain why he did what he did, switching sperm samples, but Liza is not talking about that, she's talking about the stem cell switch. But when Adam proclaims Colby to be his daughter, Liza asks him what he's talking about. Oops, Adam said too much. Liza tells him she's talking about stem cells, but he's talking about something else. Adam tries to back peddle, but the wheels are turning in Liza's head and she's piecing it together. Once and for all, Adam admits the truth, spilling his own beans. Oh my, this is getting good...

Liza is very calm, very quiet about the whole thing. I'm thinking any minute, WATCH OUT!!! SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!! She's disgusted, she's appalled, and she has run the gamut of emotions. Without any further ado, let me get this out of the way, Liza is this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. Liza went from being totally sickened by Adam's actions, to being upset with herself for believing in him, to feeling violated, to getting down right angry. Wow, she was incredible to watch. Every scene she was in was incredible. Liza was the most poignant I think, when she told Adam how she believed the biggest lie of all, that he loved her. He said he does love her, with all his heart. Calm as could be, she replied, "you don't have heart." Wow.

He explained how he bought the fertility clinic, how he switched the sperm, how he knew that they would be together again and that he was doing what he had to do, because he loved her so much. Liza tells him that he used her, that he raped her. I'm not sure I agree with that, in the truest sense, but I do understand what she means, and he did violate her, and he did exert power of her. Adam is shocked by the accusation, and again tells her he did it out of love for her. He tells her how he asked her so many times if she wished he were really Colby's father and every time she said yes. Liza tells him that she wishes anyone else in the world were Colby's father. Liza is feeling used and hurt. Wow, it was a long time coming, but these scenes did not disappoint. Both Adam and Liza were incredible. It's funny how Adam never even really got how wrong what he did really was. Adam justifies everything he does by saying he did it out of love. You know, it's Adam's world, everyone else just lives there.

Once they go their separate ways, Adam calls TempBarry over, and Liza goes to her room, asking to not be disturbed. Well, Dixie disturbs her by bringing Colby home. Then Marian comes into the room too. Once Dixie leaves, Liza tells Marian what happened. Liza is devastated. Marian is disgusted. This is our SCENE OF THE WEEK. You know, sometimes a girl needs her mom. This was a classic example of that. No matter what has happened between them, Liza knows her mother will always be there for her. Marian starts making plans to get Adam back and starts by saying that he cannot get near Colby. Marian wants Liza to pretend to take Adam back so they can get the divorce proceedings underway without him getting suspicious. Meanwhile, Adam and TempBarry are talking. And in our LINE OF THE WEEK, we have the exchange between Adam and TempBarry... Adam: "Liza knows everything" TempBarry: "About which scheme?" [Great minds think alike huh Judy!?] Adam tells TempBarry that he wants it all... Liza and Colby, so TempBarry tells him he better start trying to woo her back!

Suddenly Leslie shows up and informs Adam that the deed is done. Adam's not thinking clearly and doesn't know what she's talking about. Well.. she canceled "The Cutting Edge" and fired Tad Martin. Doh! Adam's not too happy about this. The timing couldn't be worse. And as if this problems aren't bad enough, Tad and Dixie are piecing together that Adam is behind all this. Especially because Stick got her own show out of the deal so she didn't lose her job too. Things are starting to heat up, I wonder just how much heat Adam can take!

Later, Marian goes to see Adam and hears him and TempBarry talking about how they got controlling interest in WRCW. How TempBarry duped Marian. I didn't like how TempBarry called Marian a dimbulb, RealBarry had the hots for her and would never have said something like that! Anyway, Marian isn't taking this lightly and when TempBarry leaves, she goes into Adam's office and catches him making getaway plans for himself and for Colby. Oh oh oh... this is getting good!

This weeks AMC gets an A- Wow! Good week, lots of action, a disaster (which AMC always does pretty well), secrets found out. The only way to make it better would be to have Belinda and Dimitri return!!