The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


November 29, 1999

Oh why, oh why couldn't it have been this week that my tape got screwed up? Just my luck, oh well.. at least I only had four shows to watch. Where to begin.. hmmm. Well we got our first real look at Leo. Big whoop. Same crap, different year. The guy looks like he stepped off the pages of Details magazine... and guess what? He did! He's a smooth talking con man. What does this all sound like? Ryan maybe? This is exactly the profile we had of Ryan when he started. What a crock of crap. And not only that, he's Vanessa's son and David's (and maybe Erica's too) long lost brother. Oh geez, could we possibly use this plot device more!? And fancy that, it's another similarity to Ryan... Ryan had a long lost brother too, Braden, and it seems Leo has even inherited Braden's wardrobe. How weak.

Anyway, Leo brings his money grubbing little self to NYC and calls up Mama Nessie to come see him and, oh, don't forget to bring me more of Palmer's money. So, Mommy Dearest drops everything to race to New York and see the son she cast in her own image. After Nessie leaves, Palmer takes the rather thoughtful gift she gave him (a music box that plays the song that was playing when he proposed to her) and throws it to the ground and destroys it. Oh my, PC is really becoming unglued. Palmer is suspicious, thinking she has some young lover that she's keeping somewhere and giving all his money to, so he has a Private Investigator follow Leo around and then watch Nessie with him. The PI calls PC with updates every 30 seconds it seems and Palmer can only hear laughter, like Nessie and this young pup are laughing at him, duping him out of his money, while they happily frolic.

Leo had been flirting with the waitress to get free food and she was eating it up, I guess because he's supposed to be some gorgeous hunk of a man. Blondes don't do it for me so if he is, it's gotten by me. I prefer my men tall, dark and oh so handsome like, oh I don't know.. Adrian maybe? But I digress. Mama Nessie gives Leo some expensive type watch as the PI watches and reports back to PC. She tells Leo that she'll cover her tracks with the cost by getting Palmer the same exact one. How does that work? Did she get them on sale two for one?

In the meantime, Erica, still basking in the afterglow of more sex with David, stops by to see Palmer and pitch David for director of the Andrassy Foundation. PC is visibly irritated, agitated and just plain old restless. He can't concentrate on what Erica's talking about. And in NYC, Nessie has a panic attack because Hayley and Ryan walk into the same restaurant she's in with Leo. She slithers out and PC tells his thugs to bring Leo to Pine Valley, he wants to surprise his devoted wife. So the thugs grab Leo, throw him in a car and then inject him in knee (!) with something. PC and Nessie's big shindig starts and yadda yadda yadda, nothing much as happened yet other than PC going to see Nessie's "lover" and then asking for a gun.

What else is happening at the party? Well everyone who's anyone is there, including Snooticent. Brooke is there with Phoebs, while she pretends that she has a date. Jack was there with Opal, pretending to be her date. Wow... how lame is all this? Best part of the party so far is everyone's little jabs at Nessie. Heck, I even gave the Phoebster this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she answered Nessie's invitation to tea with, "Vanessa, just because Palmer married you doesn't give you entree into my social world. In fact, all it does is prove what poor judgment Palmer has." Go Phoebs!!

Tina the buttinski talked Adrian into bailing out Mateo by buying out Waifley's part of SOS. Why? I have no idea. What's it to her? Why does she care? Why is she so annoying? Why oh why oh why!!! I have to think she's up to something. What that is, I don't know and I can honestly say I don't care either. Anyway, Mateo calls Waifley and leaves a message for her that he needs to see her right away. Waifley, in NYC with Ryan, retrieves her message and decides she must return immediately. Well Ryan is understandably confused as to why she would feel the need to race back to Mateo and not just call and find out what he wants, especially since some woman had just hit on him and she made it very clear that he was her man. Mixed signals again Tink! Well, Ryan decides he's not going to race back with her, and she leaves him in NY. That's the way to win a man Waifley.

On her way to SOS to talk to Mateo, Waifley graces us with this weeks MOST VOMIT INDUCING SCENE OF THE WEEK when she has this daydream about how Mateo asks her to come back and they have this lovely reunion. I swear, I just can't take much more of this crap! Waifley is in for a big shock when what Mateo really wanted was to tell her that he found a new partner and in the fastest moving deal in history, already had a check for her. Waifley turns into this sniveling pathetic excuse for a woman and pretends to be happy for Mateo. Waifley gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for thinking she could leave Mateo and run straight to Ryan's waiting arms. Too bad Waifley, Ryan has since decided that you are not worth all the trouble. Of course, he's a pathetic whiner too. He and Scott have this big "oh woe is me" fest and bitch and moan about how they lost the women they love. Spare me please.

For some reason Waifley decided to stop and see Gillian. I can't even fathom why. She knew all along how much Gillian loved Ryan, and still she batted her scrawny eyelashes at him anyway, while proclaiming her "we're just friends" mantra. At any rate, when she walks out of the room, Ryan is just about to walk in and see Gilly himself. He pretty much gave her the cold shoulder and went to into Gilly's room. Now, let's take a look at this scene. Ryan with Gillian, talking to her, visibly caring about her. This was probably the most enjoyable scene all week and yes, gets the award for SCENE OF THE WEEK. Ryan is so different and so much more interesting and down right enjoyable again when he is with Gillian and not Waifley and the needy, clingy wretch that she has become. Ryan is Ryan when he's with Gillian and they are electric. Did you not see how jealous Jake still is of him? I did.

But Waifley waited outside Gilly's room for Ryan to come out so she could "explain" her actions. Explain till the cows come home babe, finally Ryan is sick of being your lapdog and your second choice. He knows she really wants Mateo back, and that she's just using him in the meantime. Whether she realizes it or not, that's exactly what she was doing. Hopefully he's really through with her. All she has done is ruin him, maybe now he can work his way back to being the Ryan that was likable and fun.

Speaking of Gillian, Alex, who is suddenly on staff, believes Gilly may have suffered brain damage. Ed was at the hospital and they were talking about Gilly when he suddenly decided to ask her to be his date for PC's and Nessie's soiree. She turns him down, but later, with the help of Gillian and Jake, she changes her mind and decides to go.

On to the big and only interesting storyline going on, which is fast losing it's steam. Stuart questions Marian about what she knows about Adam's whereabouts. Marian finally cracks and tells Stuart that Adam switched the sperm and is really Colby's father and that she has him hidden. She won't tell him where though. Adam watches the whole thing unfold on his nanny cam. Stuart is so disappointed in Adam, and that is something that Adam really has trouble dealing with. Marian talks Stuart into being Adam once again, for the press conference that was put together for Adam to apologize and give Liza the station back, give Stuart his stocks back, and give Tad back his job. Stuart doesn't want to, but he finally agrees. Stuart get this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award as he once again pretends to be Adam. Wow... I am really in awe of David Canary. How difficult it must be to be playing a character that is pretending to be another character. He never ceases to amaze me. So Stuart, as Adam, makes his apologies and no one, again, knows it's not Adam. That is beyond ridiculous. And in his captivity, Adam watches the whole thing, while looking at a baby picture that came with his wallet, telling the picture that he's not a villain. Sure thing Adam.

I leave you with one final thought... what was that chartreuse waist band/cummerbund thingie that Opal was wearing last week?

This weeks AMC gets a C-. It's absolutely horrible for a sweeps week, but there were only four shows to endure, so that brought the grading curve up a bit.