The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


November 15, 1999

Is there anyone more stupid than Stick? I can't even believe how she ran around all week telling anyone who will listen that Assholeo left Ryan to die. First she's asks Ryan, who can barely remember anything at all, but does remember that Assholeo left him. Stick doesn't even think twice that it maybe didn't happen that way, just believes the guy who can't remember. So what does she do? She goes to confront Assholeo, who thinks she's actually coming to thank him. So as she's standing there, appalled at his actions, Assholeo is explaining how he did it because he loves her. So, now Stick thinks that Assholeo left Ryan to die out of love for her? When Assholeo finally gets that she's saying he left and not really thanking him, he doesn't deny a thing, just lets her believe it. You know, it was a tough decision on who to slap since they are both such idiots, but I think Stick is the bigger idiot this time and gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. Isn't it funny how this man, the love of her life can go from just that, to adulterer and killer in just a few short months because she jumps to the first awful conclusion she can? What a moron!! And Assholeo is really no better, he could have told her what really happened, but instead let her think that he would do such a thing. What's the point? I'll tell you what the point is, because he wants her to feel like the ass she is when she finds out what really happened. Yeah, he's a great guy. Not that she doesn't deserve that, but you don't treat your one true love that way do you? Anyway, Assholeo kicks Stick out and she gets that "I can't believe you're staying this" face and walks out in tears. It's at this point that both Mr. Diva and I are screaming for Stick to go dive head first into a bottle of vodka.

Next thing we know, Stick is telling her Assholeo story to Trevor, who, like the smart guy he is, doesn't believe it for a minute. Let me just reiterate this... Stick loves Assholeo, Stick believes the worst about him whenever given the chance. Where's the love? Anyway, at the same time we have Assholeo telling Mama Santos the story. He saved Ryan, Stick thinks he left him to die. Mama is appalled that Stick would think such a thing. Would he think about it? Oh yes, and he did! But actually do it? No way. But Stick sure had an easy time believing he did.

So, being the smart guy he is, Trevor decides to try and find out what really happened by talking to the EMT's, not just taking the word of the guy who is in and out of consciousness. Trevor tells Stick that the EMT's said Ryan was out of the car when they got there, and Assholeo was with him. Shocked by what she's heard, that Assholeo may have done the right thing, she rushes to get the "real story." But she again goes to Ryan. Um... I think I need to SLAP her again. Does this girl have a brain in her head!? Geez! So she tells Ryan what the EMT's said, but he still can't remember. Is the idea of going to the one person who can remember what happened a foreign concept to Stick? Ugh, she is making me so mad!!! And the worst part is that she's putting me in a position of defending Assholeo! Stick leaves and as soon as she does, Ryan remembers that Assholeo came back. In the meantime, Stick goes back to Trevor to tell him that Ryan said Assholeo left, so that's that, Assholeo left... damn the EMT's, they were coherent through the whole thing, what do they know.

Ryan, who looks fit as a fiddle the next day, calls Assholeo to the hospital to see him. Ryan tries to tell Assholeo that he didn't tell Stick that he left him because of malice, but because he thought he really did leave him. Assholeo gives Ryan a "yeah right" look. Ryan asks him why he didn't leave him to die. And you know, I'm tempted to SLAP Ryan too, but he's already injured so I'll let it slide. You know, no one hates Assholeo more than I do (except maybe Mr. Diva who thinks he needs to die a very painful death), but even I don't think he would be stupid enough to have left Ryan in that car. Assholeo explains to Ryan that while he did think of leaving him, he couldn't do it, so he came back. He's had about all he can take of Ryan, so he leaves, and there's Stick. She's got a look of horror, a "did you come to finish him off" kind of look. And, picking up on it, Assholeo tells her not to worry, that he didn't come to finish him off and then leaves.

Stick walks in with this "what did he want" 'tude and Ryan tells her what really happened. As she should, Stick feels like the biggest idiot on the face of the earth. And over at BJ's, Assholeo is confessing to Father Jimmy Olson what happened, and admits that he's been acting like his father. Oh big revelation. Fr. Jimmy tells Assholeo that if he himself thought about leaving Ryan, then why wouldn't Stick think so too? Well Fr. Jimmy, that's all well and good, but the difference is that Assholeo thought about it and couldn't do it, Stick thought about it and believed he did it. Again I have to ask... how do you think that of someone you supposedly love!?

Stick, needing to make amends to Assholeo for again thinking the worst, goes to BJ's to find him after being told by someone at SOS that he was there. She asks him if they can go somewhere private, like the Boathouse, to talk. The Boathouse? Private? You can't go there now Stick... Janet is there with Sophie, and then Adrian might go there to reflect, and then maybe Scott and Becca will end up there to talk, and I think Erica might go there to think things through, perhaps Jake will go there to contemplate his hatred of Adam, Phoebe might go there to try and figure out just where the heck Langley is and then Myrtle will go there to reminisce about her affair with Santa Claus. Anyway, Assholeo isn't feeling like going anywhere anyway, so Stick sits down with him at BJ's and asks him why he never told her the truth. Assholeo tells her that she believed the worst, even though he did consider leaving him. The most dysfunctional couple then talks, asks for forgiveness (Assholeo for giving Stick a glass of vodka, Stick for believing the worst), and gives forgiveness. As they continue talking, I get ready to hurl, but am saved when Tina arrives and interrupts. Assholeo leaves with Tina, and Stick is left sitting there to feel like the dope she is. And all this annoying nonsense took a whole week to unfold!

At the hospital, David is getting ready to operate on Gilly. But that makes no nevermind to Erica, who demands an explanation about the way he treated Gillian when she went to him for money. Erica never did seem to care that he was a doctor and had patients. If she wanted to talk, emergency surgeries be damned! He's got to talk to her! You know, I said this about Adam last week, but I think it holds true of Erica too... It's Erica's world, everyone else just lives there. David's ego comes spewing forth after Erica confronts him and gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "You know who I am, part sinner, part saint and the most exciting man you've ever known," and then walks out. Gillian has her surgery and while Ed and Eugenia wait for her to wake up, Jake sits with her, and Alex prances around the hospital like she owns the place.

Ryan really wants to see Gilly, so he yanks out his IV and goes to the ICU to see her. He sees Jake with her, so he turns to leave, but Eugenia spots him and wants him to sit with her. When Jake comes out of Gillian's room, Ryan tells him that Gillian was very agitated and desperate to find him so she could tell him something. Later, Gillian wakes up, but can't talk yet. Alex admits to David that his operating on her was the right thing to do, to which Dr. Egomaniac replies, "was there any doubt?"

The next day, as Ryan is about to be discharged, he goes to see Gilly. But before he goes in, Jake sits him down to discuss her condition. Gilly has something called aphasia, which means she can't find the correct words to use and has trouble speaking. In the meantime, Erica goes to see Gilly with her own agenda and a huge bouquet of flowers... a definite no-no for ICU. At least AMC didn't screw that up and Erica was told to take them out. Funny thing though, no on stopped her from going into the room with them. Anyway, Erica starts to question Gilly about David, and upsets her. Alex bursts in like she owns the place and makes Erica leave. Ryan finally gets his opportunity to go see Gilly. Hey did you all see her face light up when she saw Ryan? She's so happy that he's OK, and so happy to see him. Ahh, what a nice moment. I enjoyed Ryan more in that 30 second scene that I did in all his scenes this week with Stick.

Erica gives David the brush off, but David is not a man who takes too well to the brush off. He heads over to Erica's office, but she sneaks out the back and heads home. Once home, she tells Coral that if David shows up to call the police. And just as she gets naked in her bathroom, David appears outside the window on a ladder. Erica hides herself as if he hasn't seen her in the buff dozens of times.

Suddenly Amanda's dog Smokey is missing. Trevor and Amanda go out to look for him, while Janet stays home in case he comes back. Well, he does come back, with the witch/Sophie. She needs to talk to Janet, but Trevor and Amanda come home so she tells Janet to meet her at the Boathouse at dawn the next day. Janet is nervous, but tells Trevor nothing. The next day, Janet goes to the Boathouse and has a flashback of Sophie...thank goodness too because I sure didn't remember Sophie until I saw it. Sophie is one of Janet's former ex-con friends who she called for help when she wanted to make a bomb. This was when Janet was going to blow up Trevor and Laurel's wedding. Well, she offered Sophie $50,000 then, but if you recall, Janet got struck by lightning and was presumed dead for awhile. Sophie never got her money, and now she needs it because she escaped from jail and needs the money to go on the run. Unsure what to do, Janet tells her she doesn't have the money. Sophie isn't buying it, since Trevor is a lawyer and they make scads of money.

Back home, Janet tells Trevor she wants to make a $50,000 investment but Trevor tells her they don't have that kind of money. Excuse me? Trevor inherited all of Natalie's millions. Where did all that go? He did say they used a big chunk to buy out Jack, but come on! He's got to have tons left too. This storyline has a simple end, tell Trevor what's going on. Nope, she's not going to do that. Instead we see her at Enchantment. Is Janet actually thinking of stealing the money from Erica? This is ridiculous, all she would have to do is confide in someone... Trevor, Erica, even Myrtle, and they would help her. She's not the same person she was, but hey, who knows! She did get a little crazed when she looked in that mirror!

Marian catches Adam making plans to run off with Colby and confronts him. She starts to walk out, telling him that she will not let him get away with it and is going to tell Liza. Adam grabs Marian and presses a button, revealing his own secret room and drags Marian inside. He tells her he's going to keep her there until all his plans are done and then cuts the phone cord. Ahhh but Marian isn't going to let this happen. No way, she's got to protect her two girls! So she turns the tables on Adam by first kicking him in the family jewels then grabbing the remote that opens the door and punching Adam in the face. She gets out of the room just in time, before the door closes and has remote in hand. Adam is trapped! This was so damn awesome, and gets this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK award. Marian was too cool! And knowing that Adam has cameras set up all over the house, she goes up into the living room and talks to Adam from the camera, taunting him. I don't quite get how Adam doesn't have an alternate escape for the room, or even why he doesn't have his cell phone with him, but who cares! It was so cool seeing Marian beat up Adam and then make him her prisoner. It's about time Adam get back some of the stuff he gives out. And, in fact, Marian was so awesome all week that she gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

In the meantime, Liza is getting another whammy when Tad confronts her about selling off the majority of WRCW and his show being canceled. Liza didn't know anything about it, but they soon realize that Adam is behind it all. Distraught at being duped once again, Liza goes home. Adam watches on his cameras as Liza tells Stuart that Adam tricked him into selling his stock in WRCW. Stuart is upset and rushes out to try and find Adam, seems no one can locate him. Hmmm wonder why. Marian puts her plan in motion, telling Liza that she should wait to tell anyone about Colby's paternity until after she is divorced, all the while Adam is watching and Marian knows it. But Liza really thinks Jake should know and calls him over. Meanwhile, Adam finds another remote for the door, but it doesn't have batteries and in a fit of rage he throws the remote against the door instead of taking the batteries out of one of the TV remotes. Duh.

Jake arrives and just as Liza is about to tell him the truth, Marian comes in and interrupts. Liza tells her to go, but Marian doesn't want Liza to spill yet, so she fakes a faint. Jake tends to Marian then goes to get a glass of water. Marian tries to talk Liza out of telling Jake just yet, but then they are interrupted by Adrian, Tad and Dixie. OK, back up. In order to get proof that Adam was behind the stock sale, Dixie, Tad and Adrian set up a little trap for Leslie Coulson. Dixie confronts her about firing Tad and how Tad is suddenly a different person. Tad comes in and acts abusive towards Dixie, getting Leslie all fired up and wanting to help Dix. Adrian comes in and drags Tad away from them, but also steals Leslie's briefcase. While Dixie keeps Leslie occupied, they rifle through her briefcase and look for evidence against Adam. They find it, it's an FCC license made out to Adam. Tad goes back and apologizes to Dixie, and Adrian returns Leslie's briefcase. She's confused and not too bright.

So, Adrian, Tad and Dixie show Liza the proof that Adam was behind the sale of WRCW and Adam watches the whole thing, cringing. Jake wants to press charges against Adam for switching stem cells, but Tad talks him out of it, telling him that he gets first dibs at Adam this time. He can go after him the next time. Jake finally does agree. While everyone is plotting, Marian walks over to the camera and is about it say something to Adam when Adrian comes up behind her and asks her if she knows where Adam is. Oh that Adrian, you can't get nothing past him! He's onto Marian already. Marian denies knowing anything about where Adam might be. Adam listens while they all plot against him. Hey did you notice how state of the art Adam's cameras are? They not only move around and film different areas of the living room, but they also move in for close ups!

What's left? Greelee goes to see Ryan and asks for his key to the loft so she can surprise Scott. Of course, Ryan refuses. Duh.

Opal tells Jack about Nessie and her much younger man. At the same time, Palmer is having some whacked out dream about Nessie and a much younger man. EW! But they are plotting to get an inheritance and living off that. Hmmm... I think that will come into play very soon too, and not just in a dream. In the waking hours, when Nessie and PC go to the Valley Inn for breakfast, they see Jack and Opal. Nessie goes over to gloat about her big wedding celebration party and asks Jack if he got his invitation. Opal bursts in saying they wouldn't miss it for the world. Nessie is thrown off because she never gave one thought to Jack bringing Opal to the party. Duh.

This weeks AMC gets a B- Great stuff with Marian and Adam, but the whole Hayley/Mateo/Ryan thing brought it down from last week's better grade.