The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998



May 30, 1999

I hope everyone has been having a nice Memorial Day weekend, and hasn't eaten too many hot dogs or hamburgers! mmmm hamburgers.

Where should we start today? Well, let's get the storylines that weren't concentrated on much this week, out of the way. First we have Tad and Dixie going on their honeymoon in NYC. Upon arriving in their room, Tad took the door off the bathroom just to guarantee that neither of them would get stuck in there! Good move Tad. But since we're talking Tad and Dix here, of course it couldn't go completely smoothly. The air conditioning went haywire and the room got so hot, in more ways than one! My favorite part of all this was seeing the great Tad and Dixie flashbacks. Hmmm, I think the older I get, the sappier I get! And did you get a load of Dix in her lacy undies!? Wow, she's got some bod, I wonder if it'll be expanding around the waistline soon.

Another part of this week's shows that was extremely minor, was Alice Dawson heading back to Alabama. She and Opal had a nice bit of bonding, although it didn't seem like Adrian was too thrilled about it. And when Alice said Frank was picking her up, Opal got visibly shook up. Frank and Alice had a few moments with Adrian alone, urging him to give Opal a chance. But Adrian said he only has one mother. Alice realized that Adrian feels like he would be betraying her if he let Opal into his life. But Alice does not feel that way at all, and only wants him to have the best of everything. This storyline kind of confuses me, because most of the time Adrian does seem like he wants to have a relationship with Opal. Then other times he acts like he doesn't. So which is it??

**RUMOR ALERT** **RUMOR ALERT** I was extremely stunned to hear this, especially after all the hype, but supposedly this week, in a tense moment, Adam will pull off Erica's phantom mask and we WILL see her scars! For weeks now, all I've been hearing about is how we won't ever see those scars. Now suddenly, we will. I hope this one is true! I've been dying to get a peak at a grossly disfigured Erica!

While I'm on Erica, this week she insisted that David give her the gory details of his father's suicide. David was very reluctant to give the full story about it, especially since he has never told anyone, so he's never put it all into words. Erica Freud kept urging him to talk about it and how it may help him come to terms with everything. So, finally David relents and tells Erica his story. And what a story! As Vanessa listened in at the top of the stairs, David went into detail about how he and his father, Charles Hayward, adored Vanessa. He tells Erica that, as a child, he and his father would feed Vanessa her favorite ice cream and she would purr. At this point, Freud should have broken in with some psycho babble about David's Oedipus complex, but instead she just listened, fascinated by what David was saying.

David went on then about the day Vanessa said she was leaving Charles and wanted a divorce. David was 12 years old at the time. You just have to know that at some point, we will be seeing some or all of this on flashback, with David as a 12 year old. I can't wait for that! Anyway, David tells Freud about how he was listening to his parents. Charles begged Vanessa to stay and not divorce him, but Vanessa just callously laughed at him. And when Charles asked her what will become of David, he heard his own mother say, "You can have him, he's just like you. He makes me sick." For a moment, as I saw the shock register on Vanessa's face after hearing David repeat that all these years later, I thought maybe her icy heart would melt some. Later I realized that was not the case. David then told Freud that his father told Vanessa that he didn't want to be without her, that he couldn't live without her. Again, Vanessa laughed at him and asked him if he was going to kill himself, but then said he was too much of a coward to do it.

Vanessa then went to the drawer where they kept a gun in the house, and handed it to Charles, goading him into killing himself. Charles obliged, put the gun up to his head and shot himself. David witnessed the whole thing and was so shook up from recalling the memory, he started to tremble. David ran to his father's side and held him while his father died. When Vanessa saw that David was home, she took off. These were the moments that changed David forever, and changed his opinion of his mother. Wow, what a powerful and incredible scene! David gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. He was amazing!

After David's recollection, Erica does have a better understanding of him and tells him that his experience was horrid. But other people do also suffer and their suffering isn't any less important than his. This is something that David has a hard time with. At this point, Vanessa takes off and heads over to Enchantment, trying to figure out a way to undo this damage. And never once does she go downstairs and try to free her son. She just lets Erica hold him captive. Now it does seem like David is starting to understand that he isn't the only one who has had pain in his life. He tells Erica that her wounds need to be cleaned and if she unties him to let him do it, he promises not to escape. Erica is understandably skeptical about this, but then David finally admits that the accident was all his fault and that he wants to help her.

Erica finally lets David loose, and when she notices how much pain his hand is in from being in the vise, Erica gently cleans it for him. Then David cleans Erica's face and all the while there is some really bizarre music playing in the background. David seems to be in awe of her, and tells her how beautiful she is. Then he puts her mask on for her and it looks like they may actually kiss. Instead, David goes and puts his hand back in the vise. As Erica starts to tighten it, she backs down. She just can't do it anymore. David is so confused because this is all he knows... revenge. He tells Erica everything she has done to him is justified and practically begs her to destroy him. The thrill is gone for Erica though, and tells him that he can go. David tries to convince Erica that he is very sorry and will never tell another soul that she imprisoned him. Before he goes, Erica asks David if he is still planning on telling Liza about Adam being Colby's father. But without answering her, David leaves.

At Enchantment, Vanessa is looking through some of Erica's personal belongings... like the diary she kept while at the Betty Ford Clinic. Then the thorn in Vanessa's side arrives and gets in Vanessa's face, again. As Janet and Vanessa spar, Vanessa reveals that she knows Janet has spent some time in Oak Haven. So Janet starts to act a little crazy. She even gives us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says, "Janet Dillon took an ax, gave Vanessa 40 whacks. When she saw what she had done, she clicked her heels and cried 'what fun!'" Janet's delivery was more than half the fun of this line! I was howling! Soon, Vanessa gets Janet to leave because Donald Steele was going to arrive for a meeting with Vanessa. Donald Steele, ghost writer to the stars and master of the hatchet job.

Vanessa tells Donald all about how Erica is holding her son "world renowned cardiologist" David Hayward, captive in her basement with his hand in a vise. Donald is stunned that Vanessa did nothing to try and free her son, but Vanessa insists that she couldn't. She tells him some other Erica tidbits and then decides to title the book, "All Gone." Personally I think a better title would have been "Had It All."

Back at Erica's No Name House, Vanessa runs down to the basement and sees that David is gone. Erica is down there and confronts her about spying. Vanessa admits that she saw David and Erica is stunned. Then questions Vanessa about why she didn't help her son. You know, Vanessa is possibly the worst liar of all time. She gets caught in every lie. But then, she covers with another lie. What a tangled web she weaves! As she and Erica start to talk, Vanessa tapes the conversation. Erica wants to hear Vanessa's version of Charles Hayward's death. So Vanessa tells her tale... and with a lot less emotion than David did. She tells Erica that in fact, it was David's fault that Charles died, because David is the one who shot him. She made it look like a suicide to protect her son. So now, who's version do we believe? I'm going with David's. He's either a better actor, or he's telling the truth.

Janet tells Trevor that things are going from bad to worse so Trevor decides to get in on the action and teams up with his wife to bring down Vanessa. Their first stop is Tempo to ask Edmund what he knows about Donald Steele. Personally I'm stunned that they find Edmund at work, but that's besides the point. Edmund tells them that Donald Steele is the number one ghost writer of tell all books and if he's doing a book on Erica, it's bad news! Well, Janet and Trev then decide to head to the Valley Inn and question Mr. Steele. But of course, they can't go in as themselves so they go as Johnny Sarno and Venus. Venus looks a hell of a lot like Janet from another planet though. Even Trev is creeped out a bit. And just seeing Janet like this again wins them this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. They play up that they have info for him and want to do a book of their own. Venus even starts to cast the film that will most definitely be made from the book, with Winona (Ryder I assume) as Erica. And actually, I think that works! Once they feel like they got enough info, they head to Erica's hoping that she will listen to them. They play the tape that Janet has of Jerry Reeves telling her that Vanessa tipped him off. Vanessa lamely covers that up. You know, Vanessa has really covered her tracks, because when Johnny and Venus then tell Erica about Vanessa's alliance with Donald Steele, Erica gets very hot under the collar and Vanessa shows her the draft of the book, which is this incredibly sweet book... more like a homage to Erica's courage, not a nasty tell all.

Well, Marian is looking fabulous with a wonderful new do. She is starting to feel the matchmaker itch and wants to hook NuScott up with someone. But Stuart is not too thrilled with that idea. NuScott seems to want to help Ryan and Gillian work things out, and when he sees how crazed Ryan gets at the mention of David Hayward's name, he tells him that he'll help Ryan go after the guy. Ryan blows him off though, being as stubborn as ever.

Gillian comes clean and tells Jake all about what happened between her and David, but never actually said his name. Jake figured it out though because he remembered catching Gillian about to shoot David in the... uh, manhood. This has just given Jake more fuel for hating David. And when Gillian tells him about the money, Jake encourages her to keep it for herself.

Jake heads over to see Colby, and, with renewed hatred for David, tells Liza that she and Colby should stay away from him. Liza tells Jake that she doesn't exactly want to be buddies with David, but he did deliver Colby and besides that, Jake has no say so on who she can see or who she cannot. Good point, until Adam walks in and agrees with Jake. Suddenly she becomes the compliant little woman that in no way resembles the independent businesswoman she once was, who took no crap from anyone. Where did she go? Who is this woman who to listens to and does everything Adam says? And will the other Liza come back when she finds out what Adam did? I sure hope so!

Adam realizes that Jake knows something about David and decides he MUST know what that something is. But Jake isn't into telling Adam anything, let alone something that might come back to haunt his good friend Gillian. So, since Jake doesn't want to tell... Adam hires a private investigator and has Jake followed. Liza hears him tell this loser to follow Jake, and asks him why he is doing that. Adam makes up some idiotic story about how he wants the PI to get Jake's medical records so they can have them in case Colby needs something. But Liza sees through that, and tells him she knows he wants to find out what Jake knows about David. She tells him to stop it, and call off the PI. Adam pretends to do it, but really doesn't. Marian has shown up and this distracts Liza. When Liza goes to get Colby, Marian confronts Adam about how he is in charge of Stuart's finances. Adam blows her off, so Marian complains to Liza about it, who of course, agrees with Adam that Stuart should not take care of his own money. All I can say about this is... is there a point to all this?

Jake goes to SOS to meet up with Gillian and Eugenia, where they see Ryan. Eugenia unwittingly tips Ryan off to the fact that Gilly kept David's money. Ryan is not at all happy about this. Well.. either he's mad about that or the fact that there are about 5 customers at SOS. In the back room, Ryan starts to kick some boxes and what not when Hayley arrives and they talk to each other... lean on each other. The two decide that they will look out for one another. For the life of me, I can't figure out what happened to Hayley and Gillian's budding friendship and why Hayley doesn't just talk to Gillian about Ryan and get them back together.

Now... what's left to talk about but the demon child. In a fit of uncontrollable rage, Damien has completely destroyed Hayley and Mateo's condo. And for once, Mateo has the right idea; he says that since Max made the mess, he should clean it up. Of course, he doesn't follow through with that idea. Instead they talk and Damien tells Mateo it was an accident. Hayley tries to talk to him, but not only will he not listen to her, he won't even look at her. They decide to take Damien over to Raquel's to talk to her, and tell her what Hurricane Max did to their home. At first Raquel doesn't seem to be too upset, until they tell her that they think Damien might need to see a therapist and that all of them should go. Raquel says that she will do whatever it takes to help Damien cope. I'm thinking that what they need to do is find the surgeon who removed Hayley's tattoo and have the 666 removed from his skull! Maybe then things will get a little better for everyone. As Mateo and Hayley start to leave to head over to the bar, Damien begs Mateo to stay and, what do you think Mateo does? HE GIVES IN TO THE KID AGAIN!!!

The next morning, Damien pretends to have a stomach ache so he doesn't have to go to school. And, in what later proves to be a really bad move, Raquel sends the night nurse home before the day nurse arrives. She and Damien are talking and when Damien spies the divorce papers on the table, he calmly goes to get a match and as Raquel screams for him to stop, to put the matches down, to listen to her, Damien completely ignores her and sets the papers on fire. Luckily Ryan hears the screams and rushes in to put out the fire, burning his hand in the process. Max got absolutely ZERO punishment for this... hell Ryan even said he'd take him to the fire station to talk to the firemen and see the trucks! That sounds to me like a reward for bad behavior! Now, I'm going to take it upon myself to do something that NO ONE on this show can seem to handle. I'm going to discipline that child! No TV, no park, no games, no toys for at least a week, and just for good measure, I'm going to take that kid over my knee and give him one hell of a spanking! Yes, I believe in spanking... if it's done the proper way and for a damn good reason, like almost setting the house on fire!! GEEZ! This kid is out of control and it has to stop. Raquel and Mateo get this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for their constant coddling of this brat! Giving in to a child's every whim teaches him nothing but how to walk all over his parents. Nice job! But you know what the funniest part of all this is? Max was a normal well adjusted child until Assholeo came into his life... what does that tell you!?

Mateo and Hayley had gone to see Dr. Earl... the same therapist that helped Bianca. Once they explain the situation to her, she decides to go with them to Raquel's to see her. Isn't it great how every doctor in Pine Valley makes house calls? And isn't it funny how, when Mateo, Hayley and Dr. Earl all walk into the condo, none of them smell smoke? Dr. Earl goes outside with Damien to talk for a few moments and when she comes back, she tells them that Max needs electro shock therapy. No no, that was just my fantasy... sorry. What she really says is that Max needs routine and that he needs to see Mateo every morning and every night, which is definitely going to put a crimp into his responsibilities at SOS.

Hayley wants to talk to Dr. Earl alone and goes to walk her out. Once she is alone with her, she tells Dr. Earl that she and Mateo want to start a family and Dr. Earl suggests that she hold off on that for now. She tells Hayley that any break in Max's routine could be very harmful and bringing in another child that he would feel the need to compete with could be a real problem. At this point I'm screaming at my TV and how it is that this little brat can dictate how everyone lives their lives! It's disgusting. Hayley is obviously devastated and Mateo can see that when he comes out to see what she is doing. As she begins to tell him, she gets as far as "Dr. Earl said that I..." until he interrupts her! One minute he says "Tell me, you know you can talk to me," and when she tries he doesn't let her speak! Hey Assholeo, shut up and and listen to her! But she decides to not say anything yet, and covers up for why she is upset. Mateo then takes her home to a miraculously completely cleaned up condo that is all decorated for their non existent anniversary. How bizarre to celebrate a wedding anniversary of a wedding that is null and void. Leave it to Assholeo!

This week of AMC once again gets a B+, gotta love Sweeps month!