The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


May 26, 2009

by: Kathy Carano

Today I'm listening to music from this millennium. Really. First is Interpol, Our Love to Admire (2007); Wednesday 13, Fang Bang (2006); The Vines, Highly Evolved (2002); Franz Ferdinand, (self titled - 2004); and The Editors, An End has a Start (2007). So no excuses, no beating around the bush and no waiting, we're getting right down to business today. This Editorial reflects shows that aired from May 18 thru May 22. It may contain spoiler, it may not. It just depends what comes out of my fingers while I'm typing.

It's lights out at Chandler Mansion and many people were there who wanted Adam dead. Adam, can you stand it? Seriously did any of them have a truly good sound reason to want Adam dead? Let's run it down. Who was all there... Scott, JR, Tad, Opal, Krystal, Aidan, Annie, David, Kendall, Zach, Ryan, Erica, Liza, Colby and possibly some random woman in heels (but that could have been Erica or it could have been Liza) and of course, Little Adam and Emma. Krystal blamed Adam for ruining her life and came to confront Adam, but then grabbed the gun he had and threatened to kill him. By my calculations if anyone ruined Krystal's life it was Krystal. Adam didn't sell her child. SHE did. Sure Adam used the information to his advantage. Quite brilliantly I might add. But he is hardly the cause of all her troubles. David too believed that Adam ruined his life and decided that someone who ruins lives like he does needs to be stopped. Um, David... kettle black much? I mean really, David has the audacity to bitch, moan and complain about what a horror show Adam is?? He needs to look within and take stock of his own inner Friday the 13th nightmare that he's become. Tad was there to stop JR from killing his father. As much as he hates Adam, he had no designs on killing him. Opal too was there to stop the mayhem. Scott was told he would be taking over Chandler Enterprises in the event of Adam's death, so there was kind of a motive there, but Scott doesn't seem the least bit interested in the business. Aidan was there searching for Annie. Annie was there to get Emma, who was visiting with Little Adam, who lives there. Colby too lives there and Liza came to see her. Kendall, Zach and Erica all were there because they wanted to kill Adam because the heart valve he financed was defective and they thought Ian had died. Good reason? No. Adam didn't create the valve, he didn't put the valve in Ian's chest. That was a decision that Zach and Kendall made. One they knew was full of risks because the valve was untested. So how does blaming the financier of the valve make any kind of logical sense? It doesn't. I'll get to who I think did it a little later. Right now we need to get back to the foolishness that unfolded.

After the lights go out, we see three people... Kendall, Zach and David, all pointing at the man who they think did them so wrong. Kendall and Zach had a pact of stupidity. If Ian dies and Zach gets detained, Kendall will head to Chandler Mansion and kill Adam herself. So Ian technically dies and Jesse stops Zach from running out half cocked (HA, I've always wanted to say that), he gives the nod to Kendall and off she went, herself half cocked. Kendall, who's normal reaction to grief is to have sex with someone, anyone, is instead in revenge mode. It's a step up if you ask me. But when she gets there, looking in through the terrace window, she suddenly sees Zach and doesn't know what to do. Zach is inside the house, pointing his own gun at the object of his disgust. And David is sticking his gun out from the tunnel. At the same time, Opal, Aidan and Krystal are all outside wondering the frick is going on. (Yeah yeah, I'm watching my language for you sensitive folks. It's hard, I love to cuss. But I'll behave as best as I can.) Just then a shot goes off! So immediately we can cross Aidan, Opal and Krystal off the shooter list.

Cut to Kendall running in heels and Ryan grabbing her by the arm, a favorite maneuver of the men of Pine Valley. He wants to get her away from the scene believing she was the shooter. I suppose since he thinks Kendall did it, we can cross Ryan off the shooter list too. Eh, as Steve McCroskey from the movie Airplane would say, looks like I picked a bad time to be a fan of Ryan's. Ryan never gave one thought to the fact that his daughter is in a house where a gun was just fired. He never thought to check and see if she was there, he just assumed she was at the movies. The slap I have in mind for Ryan is so huge, so enormous, it's a SUPER COLLASAL MEGA GIGANTIC SLAP HIM INTO NEXT WEEK SLAP AWARD. Are you kidding me Ryan? Not only does he get Kendall away from the mansion, but he whisks her to the hospital after telling her Ian was revived and then takes the time to wipe the mud off her shoes. In fact, he doesn't even give Emma a passing thought until he overhears the cops at the hospital talking about how there is a little girl missing from Chandler Mansion. Suddenly he becomes overprotective Dad and demands action from Jesse and the cops. Too little too late Ryan. Maybe you should have been more concerned about your 7 year old instead of the grown woman who is notorious for making bad decisions.

Back at the mansion, Jesse and the cops arrive very soon after the shot is fired and find the dead body in the parlor. At this point, everyone is quite sure the dead man in question is Adam. There is a bullet hole in the window leading to the terrace, where Kendall was and someone is out there about to pick up a gun. Jesse, believing it's the shooter, yells for the person to stop but he doesn't so Jesse lets loose with a barrage of bullets, hitting the man on the terrace. Jesse runs out only to find that the person he shot was Tad. Oh my. This is not good! Jesse shot Tad in the head! He's immediately wracked with guilt and screams at one of his flunkies to call an ambulance. But you know, Jesse did nothing wrong. He is no bumbling idiot cop, like the previous chief of police who shall remain nameless was. He told the person to stop, Tad didn't listen. And just what on earth was Tad doing about to pick up what could be the murder weapon without gloves on at the scene of the crime!? He should know better than that. Of course, he was so used to helping Derek (oops, I said his name anyway) do his job, he probably didn't give it a second thought.

Far be it from me to actually applaud JR. I'm sure most of you know my utter hatred for this character, but he does deserve recognition for being a good father. He's a pretty sucky son, getting drunk and almost shooting his own father. But when he comes into the parlor, sees the body and Scott tells him that Adam is dead, JR only takes a moment to accuse Scott of the crime then immediately runs to check on Little Adam. Ryan could learn a lesson from that reaction. When he gets to Little A's room, he finds Aidan in there questioning the child about Emma's disappearance. This does not make JR very happy and when Colby arrives in a panic, thinking Emma wandered off, JR has to break the news to her that Adam has been shot and is dead. He follows up that very important piece of information with telling her to stay there while he gets the cops. As if Aidan is going to hang out and wait to be arrested, he jumps out the window after JR leaves. JR tells Jesse that Aidan is there and that he saw Annie earlier. Jesse doesn't want to believe JR at first, but eventually he does so he puts out an APB on Annie and an Amber Alert on Emma.

David is back at the hospital and immediately finds his little David Hayward groupie, Nefarious Nurse Gayle. He asks Gayle that, if asked, would she tell anyone who wants to know that they had spent the previous night together. With a gleam in her eye and an evil plot up her sleeve, she tells the object of her obsession... er, affection, that she will cover for him on one condition, that being that they really do spend a night together. Oh you skanky ho! David is only too happy to oblige and tells her that they will spend a night together, and soon. And to seal the deal, he plants a big ole kiss on her.

Meanwhile, Kendall is keeping a vigil next to Ian. Angie tells her that it was Jake who saved her baby, that he would not give up. Kendall is overjoyed that her boy is alive. And even though Ryan has finally found out that Emma is missing, he still waits to go search for her because he has to go tell Kendall that Adam is dead. Oh Ryan, get over Kendall and her issues and go find your daughter!

And then, Erica arrives at the hospital sporting some muddy heels. What? Our Ms. Kane is soiled? You can't be serious. But she is, and Kendall notices immediately and realizes she was at Chandler Mansion when Erica has no reaction to the news of Adam's death. Kendall lies to Erica and tells her that she was on the roof of the hospital getting some air, while Erica lies and tells Kendall she was taking a bubble bath. Wow, what lame and easily refuted alibis.

Back at the mansion and believing that Kendall shot Adam, Zach takes steps to get caught. Ever the gentleman, Zach plans to take the blame for Kendall. So he makes sure the cops see him and then he fires his gun into the air. I get why he did it... so he would have a weapon that was shot, gun powder residue on his hand and it would make him look guilty. There is one big flaw in this, actually maybe more than one. First of all, since Zach didn't shoot Adam, the gun in his hand is not the murder weapon. The bullets from Zach's gun and the bullet that caused the murder won't match. Also, the cops at the scene most assuredly heard, if not saw, Zach shoot his gun into the sky. Isn't Zach smart enough to realize these things? Come on, he has to have watched CSI at least once in his life! When he is caught, Zach is brought into the mansion where Jesse asks him what he is doing there. Zach tells him that he came to kill Adam. Jesse pulls out a tape recorder to tape Zach's confession but he doesn't believe a word of it. Jesse knows that Zach made quite a show of telling Adam that he would look him in the eye and pull the trigger, but the body was shot in the back and that is just not Zach's style. Zach tries to make excuses as to why he would do it, but when Jesse tells Zach that Ian is alive, suddenly Zach thinks he can just get up and go to the hospital. Um, doesn't work that way Zach. You confessed. Now you have to pay the piper, whether Jesse believes your confession or not. As previously mentioned, Jesse is not Derek. He's no pushover and you cannot talk your way out of this situation. You made your bed Zach, now deal. But Jesse does tell him that if he wants to start over with the truth this time, he will erase the previous confession. But Zach will not recant, so Jesse arrests him.

Stuck together in the library, Scott, Krystal, JR and Colby all start to bicker. JR, Colby and Scott all think that David could be the culprit. Krystal tries very hard to defend her despicable excuse for a husband, but at the same time she is thinking the very same thing, that he may have done it. She knew he was on his way over to the mansion with murder in mind. She tries to manufacture an alibi for David saying that he wasn't even at the mansion. Just then, Natalia comes in with Little A who tells them all that David was in fact at the mansion and that he saw him. The kid goes so far as to tell them that David was there to see Grandpa Adam, not him. Smart little bugger isn't he? Krystal tries to tell them that she talked David out of killing Adam, but JR is only too happy to share this new information with Jesse. JR runs down the whole scene for him starting with walking in on Krystal holding the gun on Adam, her dropping it and running out, then him picking up where she left off. He goes on to tell Derek that Tad came in and took the gun from him and, upset, he went off and got even more drunk than he was. He tells him that someone threw water in his face and that later he struggled with Annie.

Do I need to mention that Ryan gets in the cops face, punches the cop out, screams at Jesse to find Emma and in general makes an assy nuisance of himself? No? I didn't think so.

At the hospital, it is discovered that the bullet in Tad's brain is in a very precarious spot and that removing it could mean that he will come out of it a very different person. Considering the alternative is that Tad will die, they decide to go ahead with surgery. Jake wants to assist but David won't let him and instead he, the world renowned cardiologist, will assist on this neurosurgery. Whatever. The bullet is removed and family and friends gather around for the news. Dr. Steele tells them that it's pretty certain that Tad will have some damage but they won't know the extent until he wakes up. Jake delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he realizes that Tad's hypothalamus and his amygdala were unharmed. Opal insists that Jake speak in layman's terms so Jake tells her that those areas control libido. Opal and Angie are kind of annoyed but Jake says, "I'm just trying to, you know, keep an uplifted outlook, knowing that Tad the cad will rise again." Soon after Tad wakes up, sees all the concerned faces of his family and bursts out laughing.

Random comments:

Scott finds a bag full of Stuart's clothes in the library and can't figure out why they are there. Well you'll find out very soon Scott.

Jesse reminds Tad that he shot him.

Krystal tells David that she told the cops she talked him out of killing Adam. Little does she know that he already got an alibi from his toady, Nasty Nurse Gayle.

Kendall goes to the police station to answer some questions, but doesn't give Jesse any new information.

A very pregnant Liza shows up at the police station to help Zach, since she's now a lawyer. Not only is she now a lawyer but she's also about 15 years younger. Details details. Zach is understandable perplexed by her advanced state of pregnancy because it wasn't all that long ago that he was boinking her on the black jack table at his casino and she wasn't even a little pregnant then. Zach isn't at all interested in her games or her help. But she finally introduces herself and he realizes she's Adam's ex-wife. And yet she is very cold and doesn't seem to care at all that Adam is dead. Zach points out that Adam was Colby's father and that she should be concerned about how this is all affecting her. Good point Zach. She admits to faking the pregnancy but not the whys of it. Zach doesn't really care, but promises to keep her secret. After she leaves, Zach writes a heartfelt letter to his son explaining to him how much he loves him and that his mom will always be there for him. Awww.

Jake informs JR that they need a family member to identify Adam's body in the morgue. Erica shows up and tells JR he doesn't have to do this alone. He's grateful for that and the two embrace and then walk into the morgue. As the sheet is removed from the body, JR moves in to take a closer look and quickly discovers that it's not Adam at all, but that it is Stuart. He tells Erica to take a look and she too realizes it's Stuart, not Adam. How did they know? Adam is JR's father, twin or not, he would know the difference between Adam and Stuart. Erica would too. She's known them both long enough. Oh no, Stuart! Not Stuart! It can't possibly be! But it is. And it's the end of an era on AMC. JR goes to fill in Jesse on what he discovered and then calls Scott and asks him to meet him at the morgue.

Meanwhile Annie is up in the Chandler attic with Emma and an unconscious Adam. When he wakes up, she explains to him what happened and that she saw all these people coming to kill him so she brought him up to the attic to hide and gave him his medication. When she decides it's safe enough to make a run for it, Adam doesn't want her to leave without him and begs her to take him with her. He kind of reminds me of that story about the slave who pulls the thorn out of the lions paw and the lion is externally grateful. Adam being the lion, Annie being the slave in this scenario. She gives in and takes Adam with her as she heads back to Ryan's penthouse basement to get the missing passport. I'm still perplexed how her passport ended up in Ryan's basement. How did she get to the Maldives in the first place if she didn't have it? Oh sorry, I'm trying to find logic in storyline. Shame on me! For shame for shame! I forgot I'm supposed to just accept that everything that happens was very well thought out and planned and makes all the sense in the world.

Word that Adam is alive and Stuart was murdered spreads fast after JR fills Jesse in. It is Colby who tells Liza when Liza reaches out to her. But Colby informs her mother, pregnancy or not, she doesn't want anything to do with her. Liza doesn't wait around to argue and realizes she needs to get in touch with Marian and break the news to her.

Scott arrives at the morgue and JR breaks the news to him that it was Stuart, not Adam, who was killed. Scott is absolutely devastated but immediately thinks that Adam set Stuart up to take the fall for him. He tells JR about how he found Stuart's clothes in the library. JR knows his father is despicable on a good day, but makes it clear to Scott that he would never knowingly allow Stuart to be harmed. Scott then blames himself and the valve. He goes to spend some time with Stuart and recites a poem to him that Stuart used to say to Scott after his mother died to give him some peace. JR waits and when Scott comes out, he comforts his cousin. Damn that JR, being sweet and caring. I'm supposed to hate him and when he acts human, he makes it hard. But no worries, I'm sure he'll go back to being a douchebag again before too long.

At the hospital, David is throwing the mother of all hissy fits, screaming and punching things when he gets the news that Adam is alive. He goes on to rant that Adam is free to destroy more lives. Davy Davy Davy, we talked about this already. His absolute fury that Adam is alive is quite suspect if you ask me. And when he admits that he should have just done away with Adam instead of killing him softly with his drugs, Krystal is stunned by the admission. David kind of is too. I don't think he meant to say as much as he did.

Jesse tells Zach that the murder victim has been proven to be Stuart. Zach is shaken, but still does not recant his confession. He is upset by the mistake, but still plans on taking the rap. And Jesse still doesn't believe him. In fact, he suspects all along that it was Kendall and that Zach is taking the heat for her. That's exactly what Zach is doing but what neither of them realize is that Kendall did not shoot Stuart. She dropped the gun and ran when she saw Zach in the mansion.

Random comments:

Kendall cracks and tells Erica what really happened while Erica also cracks and tells Kendall she was there.

Liza goes to see Tad and when he sees her, he plants a big kiss on her.

Tad later gets up and dances Gayle down the hall and then passes out.

After searching the attic at the mansion, Natalia finds the empty pill bottles and gives them to Angie. I know she's a rookie and all, but all evidence should go to the chief of police, not a doctor at the hospital.


Jesse has a potential line of the week when, at the hospital he runs into Liza and his first words are "Liza damn Colby." If it were me, and I were Jesse, that d word would have been replaced with an f word. If you've been watching as long as I have you know damn well that's what Jesse really wanted to say! They absolutely hated each other and I was SO happy that their history was brought to light so quickly when Liza mentioned that he had come a long way since they were kids. Jesse replied, "Oh, yeah, the good old days, when you accused me of rape just to keep Greg thinking that you were always little miss sunshine. I remember that." Go Jesse!!!! He also didn't miss an opportunity to ask where she was the night of the murder. Liza lied to Jesse and told him that she was at the Chandler Mansion but only got as far as the front gate to talk to Colby. Jesse lets her go, but Liza immediately goes back to Colby and asks her to lie for her about being in the mansion. Liza tells her she did not shoot Stuart and wants to start a new life with Colby. But Colby wants none of it and refuses to lie for Liza.

In the basement at Ryan's, Aidan finds Annie, Emma and Adam. Aidan is shocked to see Adam, still believing that it was Adam who was shot in the parlor with a gun. Very soon though, they all realize what happened when Adam insists he wasn't shot and it must have been someone who looked like him. There is only one other person in Pine Valley that looks like him. PERFORMER OF THE WEEK Adam grabs onto his left arm and collapses as he realizes his twin, his better half, is dead. Annie gives him CPR and then they make sure he gets to the hospital.

JR sees Adam at the hospital but Adam isn't too peachy keen on seeing JR right now, especially after JR held a gun on him. He lets Jesse know that he was with Annie, Emma and Aidan and then gets confirmation that Stuart is really dead. Adam is absolutely devastated and blames himself. Understandable. And when Scott comes in and blames him for Stuart's death, Adam cannot even defend himself. But there is one very important part of the puzzle that Scott has to know.... why was Stuart wearing a suit? Adam explains that he called Stuart to tell him that, in the event of his death, he was turning Chandler Enterprises over to Scott and was having the will changed immediately to reflect this decision. Adam wanted Stuart to be a witness to the document signing. Stuart felt it was a very important thing he was doing and thought he should be dressed up to witness the document. Scott is devastated and again blames himself. When he leaves, Adam asks JR how it's possible that he got to live when someone as pure, innocent and good as Stuart is dead. JR tells Adam that maybe he was spared so he can have a second chance.

Annie brings Emma back to Ryan and tells him she's changed, that she couldn't leave with Emma knowing that Emma would never see her father again. Aidan backs Annie up and tells Ryan that Annie saved Adam's life, not only getting him away from the line of fire but also administering CPR when he had a heart attack after learning about Stuart. Ryan tells Annie that if she's really changed, then she will turn herself in and face the consequences for her actions. Annie agrees to do just that if Ryan will allow her a little time with Emma that night, with Ryan's supervision. Ryan agrees and the next day, Annie turns herself in. And at the police station, Annie sees Zach. As they are both handcuffed to chairs in the police station, they have a little chat and Annie informs Zach that she saved Adam's life.

And now that Ryan's got Emma back, he does what any man would do to celebrate the return of his almost kidnapped daughter. He goes to see his lover.

The next day, Zach meets with the DA and insists on a quick arraignment. He gets Ryan to come to the police station and tells him that he does not want Kendall there and tells him that he should take care of Kendall and the boys, tell the boys he loves them. But a nurse at the hospital fills Kendall in on the arraignment and she rushes to the courthouse. Zach is ticked and tells her that she should start a new life with Ryan and forget all about him. I don't think Kendall can do that.

Angie is only too happy to finally maybe have some evidence against David and informs him that she knows the labels on Adam's pills are fake and that she had the residue in the bottles analyzed. David is cool a cucumber as usual, because the dude is like super elastic bubble plastic and nothing sticks to him! So even though she does have evidence to nail David, he never cracks.

Jake spots Liza at the hospital and is stunned to see that she is pregnant. But Liza has news for him, she's not really pregnant, but what she wants is Amanda's baby. Say huh!? The kooky nutty plot that Liza has come up with is this weeks MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK. Liza decides that instead of finding a worthy adoptive family for Amanda's baby, that she would just take the child. And then they could go along with the plan to tell David that the baby died. Jake is not into this at all. He doesn't think he could keep such a thing from Amanda, who would be living in the same town as her baby. Liza tells him that if he doesn't go along with it, she will instead tell David what they are planning. What confuses me about all this is that Amanda decided she wanted to keep the baby, so weren't they trying to come up with another solution instead of the adoption/fake death route anyway?

The SCENES OF THE WEEK unfold as a very devastated Marian returns to town and cannot fathom how her beloved Stuart is gone. Scott fills her in on what happened and the two break down. Scott tells Marian that he had just told Stuart how he wanted to go fishing and learn how to tie the lures that Stuart always used. Marian tells Scott how proud he was to have such a man as Scott for a son. And across town at the hospital, Adam insists on seeing Stuart's body. When he gets the morgue, he weeps for the loss of his beloved brother and tells him how much he did wrong by him. He tells him how special he was, how important to him he was and then says, "I failed to love you as you should've been loved. I failed to protect you. I am -- I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Then Adam shrieks in the pain of losing his brother. Oh my it is absolutely gut wrenching.

Farewell sweet Stuart. You will be missed.

So who did it? That's the question. By my calculations it isn't Aidan, Opal, Krystal, Kendall, or Zach. That leaves just about everyone else fair game. But who? Who do you think did it? I know I said I would say who I thought earlier in this Editorial and true to my word, I will tell you that I think it was Nurse Gayle. She would do anything for the object of her affections it seems. Plus Adam had just fired her and sent her on her way. Was she disgruntled enough to have not really left the mansion and shoot who she thought was Adam? Very possible. Plus she didn't know that Adam had a twin. Not that it makes that much of a difference since all the others pointing at Stuart that night didn't realize it was him. But I'm just saying. So my guess is Nefarious Nurse Gayle.



This weeks AMC gets a ... I don't know what. The murder of Stuart is devastating and hard to swallow. But the performances by so many were so wonderful. I'll give it a high B, being generous because David Canary remains on AMC, because Marian was back, because the actors on this show make this show worth watching. When the writing is less than stellar, the acting is always so worth tuning in for.