The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


May 25, 1998

How could I not give this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award to Erica?? I can't believe how stupid she is! Here's this guy, her former fiance, Mike Roy, who rises from the ashes like a phoenix. He comes back into her life and at every moment he can, he grabs her and kisses her and she kisses back! So much for love, so much for her devotion to Jack, so much for being smart! I can't believe just how easily she played right into Mike's hands. It's actually pretty sickening, and if Jack has the good sense I think he has, when/if he does win this contest of "Who Will Erica Chose?" he should dump her right after! That would serve her right! She's acting like such a tramp. She gets all hot and bothered with Mike and even tells him that she wants him, then in the next minute, her and Jack are making out on the couch. It's disgusting.

And then we have Jack. Jack gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK! He was awesome! I love how he's treating this whole Mike Roy business just like I would, with nothing but sarcasm. He's not falling for the Bond routine one bit, and I'm glad to see that someone has retained the use of their brain. It's just too bad that I don't think he's got a chance, again. Poor Jack. He's always the cry on the shoulder guy. Jack is Erica's constant. He's always there for her, he's always the one she goes to whenever anything goes wrong. But what will his dependability get him? Well, if it gets him a trip down the aisle at all, I think it will be a very short trip. But I personally don't think it will even get to that point. Dimitri is still around, and he's got just as much of a chance as the next guy, and the next guy, and the next guy. I don't think old Dimmie is out of the running just yet. What about Brooke you may be asking? Again, if it does happen for Dim and Brooke (which I'm very doubtful about) it will be short lived. I believe the road has been paved for an Erica/Dimitri reunion, and I predict it will be before the end of this year. While I'm still on the subject of Dimmie... how hilarious was it that Tad called him the Count of Monte Crisco this week!! Awfully close to my own little nickname for Dim, the Count of Monte Disco!

This week Hayley finally returned to Holidays. And just look how great it's been running all this time without Mateo and Hayley. I guess it just ran itself, but I had thought Kevin ran the place and that he should get a big hefty bonus. I'm totally at a loss as to why that nut job Camille was skulking around outside the whole time, watching Hayley's every move. That was just incredibly stupid, but then again, everything that Camille does is stupid. But we won't have to deal with her much longer!! Woo Hoo!!! AMC has listened to the masses and ditched this incredibly lame character! I actually think the storyline will be better without her. I can't say if it will be good or not, but it will be a vast improvement without her.

I just never really got her whole deal anyway. She's after Adam for killing the mother she never knew. Her proof is a letter from the father she never knew. I don't think that Adam killed Joy and I'm not even sure the woman is dead. Adam might just end up hiring that PI of his to find her. But what I'm still unclear on is why Lee is after Adam. Maybe he is angry that Adam befriended Joy and gave her the courage to leave him? Who knows, but at least Lee's vendetta is a little more feasible. I mean he knows Adam, he knows Stuart and he knew Joy. Camille didn't know any of them and was just some whacko with a chip on her shoulder. I'm also a bit unclear on the tattoo vision. The rest of them have been rather easy to figure out, and that Lee is the common factor in them. But the tattoo? Unless Lee is a tattoo artist and does it for her, I'm completely lost as to what it could mean. And how about Myrtle this week talking it up about the carnie. I keep thinking she's going to know Lee from the carnie circuit. It would be a big waste to not play up that connection, I think.

But anyway, when is Mateo going to can it with the macho act? I'm sick of him and his barking orders and pretending to be Hector! In fact, the next time he makes some ludicrous demand to Hayley, she should just turn to him and say, "Fine Hector, no problem." I loved when Ryan stood up to Mateo for being such a brute to Hayley. It's about damn time someone did! Edmund always seems to just stand there and watch as Mateo's being the biggest dork in the universe. I did get a kick out of Mateo threating to chop off "little Ryan" if he ever caught him coming on to Hayley. But then in the next breath he comes up with this stupid statement to Ryan, "You lie, you breathe, it's the same reflex. Me on the other hand, I tell the truth." Since when?? If he was such a virtue of the truth, he would have told Hayley what was going on by now!

What was Adam's point this week? To go around to everyone he knows and issue warnings and ultimatums? He warned Stuart about Camille, he warned Hayley, Mateo and Liza about Camille, he got in Scott's face about not keeping Marian way from Stuart. Adam never learns does he? He can't let anyone be happy on their own, he can always run their life better. He's going to hire a Private Investigator to what? Follow Marian? Dig up dirt on Marian? Set Marian up for a fall? Whatever it is, it's low. But it's also typical Adam. The man needs to concentrate on fixing his own pathetic excuse for a life, instead of trying to run everyone else's. Stuart emerged from one of these Adam scenes with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK though, after Adam told Stuart that Camille rigged the elevator, Stuart at first didn't believe it then he said, "I have the most amazing adventures when I wear your clothes." You sure do Stuart, just ask Marian!

We're seeing another side to Ryan start to emerge. After Gillian confronted him on standing up to Mateo and trying to protect Hayley, she got him to admit that his father used to push his mother around. Now is this something that we can believe? Or is this a Ryan tactic to get sympathy from Gilly and get her back in bed? I'm not sure, especially considering that when Liza asked Ryan a while back what his family was like, he had nothing but wonderful things to say about his father, and how much he looks up to him.

Palmer turned on the charm a little more this week. Seems he loves the natural look and gets all hot and bothered when Opal takes off her make up and her wiglet. I still don't get that, since Opal has always been, oh what's the word, gaudy? tacky? how about flamboyant, that's a much nicer way of putting it. I'm happy that he is willing to work out their differences, and I suspect that the old radio doctor for the lovelorn might just help them out after all! But did you all see Palmer get a little hot under the collar when Opal mentioned a government spy living at Erica's?? What is PC hiding??

And the Brooke trial continues to baffle me. Why do all these people want her to lie, or to lie themselves!? As if Dimitri and Tad conspiring to make it look like Dimitri could have possibly shot Jim wasn't bad enough, now we have Belinda thrown into the mix. I'm so disappointed by what Belinda said to Dimitri! "If you weren't testifying today, I could introduce you as a suspect, cast doubt against this case against Brooke and hopefully we wouldn't even go to trial. As it is now, he's going to question you, establish the truth and there goes that angle." What is this?! I can't believe Belinda would say such a thing! She's always been so truthful and honest and would never compromise her ethics! But the Queen of Pine Valley gets arrested for murder and everyone takes leave of their senses?? Cut me a break! She is guilty!!! She killed the guy!!!

The big wedding takes place this week. The wedding I can sure do without. Janet and Trevor are going to get married and then head on a bullet train to Boringville. I did enjoy the bachelorette party though. I'm still a bit confused as to why Brooke is so happy and so eager to put on this party for Janet, and why Opal is there and being awfully friendly too! Opal was pretty much the one person in town that never forgave Janet, since during her days of being the bad girl, she slept with PC. Well maybe Opal has finally come around, but what about when Dixie returns? Will she be able to forgive Janet for killing her brother and then for hiring a Will lookalike to try and drive her crazy? We'll have to wait and see on that one.

Right now we had the introduction of Adrian at Janet's party, who I have say, I like right off the bat, even if he does work for Inspector Clouseau. But he was looking fine, and I loved how he and Belinda had that immediate spark. Already I'd rather see her with Adrian than Keith. But why is everyone on the case of poor Faux Axel?? Phoebe called him a "sad little man," Belinda called him "that bald nebish." He's so sweet, and has been such a good friend to Janet. I'd hate to see him leave the show after this wedding is over. But we do have a little hint about Axel getting romance on his mind. With who?? I know it's not Esther (unfortunately), so who could it be? The only other person I can think of is possibly Winifred!? Or is it going to be someone we don't know? I guess we will soon find out. Maybe he'll hook up with the ghost of Nat!

One random comment... looks like Liza is getting the baby blues, but who is going to be the daddy??

The Esther Watch... Week 13. Could she possibly be gone for good? Say it ain't so AMC!!!!!