The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


May 24, 1999

First and foremost I have to say again... YOU GO GIRL, to Susan Lucci. I still can't believe it! I'm so so SO thrilled for her. This was a way overdue award, that she so deserves! I just wish I had taped it! Oh well, I have the next best thing... has Susan accepting her Emmy online, so go check it out all over again! I know I will... over and over and over.

Before I get to the past week on AMC, I want to talk just a little bit more about the Emmy's. Aside from Susan's win, which was the absolute best, the show really stunk. I think this had to be one of the worst Daytime Emmy telecasts ever. There were no AMC presenters at all! We had Susan Lucci introduce Aretha Franklin, whose presence on the show was pointless. She sang the intro to her ditty, and then as soon as the clips began for the soaps nominated for Best Soap, the music went to tape and she wasn't even singing! The presenters should represent all networks, but this year, since the show was on CBS, it was the CBS soaps that were concentrated on. If Susan hadn't won, the whole show would have been one big waste of time. Thank God for Susan Lucci!!!

On with the show.. this week, Erica made David her prisoner. After knocking him out with her hand mirror the previous week, this week she actually (and all by herself), tossed him down the laundry chute, dragged him to the area of the basement where she wanted him to be, tied him up and put his hand in a vise. You know, for someone so tiny, she sure is strong. She must be drinking her Ovaltine. So after she takes care of all that, she's just chillin in her living room when Vanessa bursts in feigning distress and upset. Seems Janet has accused her of tipping off that smarmy reporter, Jerry Reeves and Vanessa is aghast than anyone could think such a horrible thing about her! And then she starts spouting off how Janet is probably bilking Erica out of money at Enchantment. So just to shut her up, she tells Vanessa to go ahead and hire an auditor to look at the books. And when Adam calls, she sends Vanessa to Enchantment so she can talk to him without Vanessa hearing. This is a pretty cool thing that Erica does. In fact, I really like it. As much as she likes to say that Vanessa is her friend or whatever she is, it's obvious that she doesn't trust her. Why else would she completely send her out of the house when she needs privacy? She knows that Vanessa would eavesdrop. As it turns out, this time she probably could have stayed because Erica wasn't in the mood to try and calm Adam's frazzled nerves. When Adam asks her if David is going to spill the beans to Liza, Erica hangs up on him.

Once David comes to, many many hours later, Erica goes and sits down with him, drinking a cup of tea like it's just another day. But David is panicked when he can't get his hand free. Erica tells him that she has full recollection of the night of the accident now and she intends to make him pay for what he did. Uncharacteristically, David actually begs Erica to let him go and then starts to scream for help. Erica is really acting deranged. It's really quite bizarre. It might even be time for her to get a little help ala Oak Haven. But David just keeps making his situation worse and worse. When he tells Erica that losing cosmetic perfection isn't the same thing as losing the ability to save lives, I cringed a little. That was not the right thing to say. But when he told her that all she does is sell lipstick, oy, I knew Erica wasn't going to like that! Even in times of great duress, David is smug and an egomaniac. And then he even lies to Erica again, telling her he has a patient. My how he underestimates our Ms. Kane! She checked out his schedule and made sure that he didn't have any patients to see that day. It's beyond my comprehension though, how this "world renowned cardiologist" could have a day where he has no patients.

The more Erica taunts him though, the more David starts to lapse into some big male chauvinist crap. He even screams at Erica that no woman will ever control him. But my favorite part came when David gave his little speech. "You think that the world adores you. That you deserve all the fame, money, power, pleasure that you can rake in, so you rake it in. You take and take and take until you destroy every man that's ever loved you. You don't care who you trample on or even who you kill, as long as you get what you want." To which Erica replies, "You're not talking about me." He could have been, the only part that made it not about Erica, and which probably convinced her that he wasn't talking about her, was the part about not caring who she kills. Up until then, it was all Erica!

When Erica tells David that Vanessa told her that his plastic surgery buddy is just that, a buddy and would do whatever David asks of him, he tries to convince Erica that Vanessa is not her friend and that really she hates Erica. David starts to tell Erica what a monster his mother really is, but when he hesitates, Erica insists on hearing the whole story. Just then, Vanessa arrives back at Erica's and, while talking to herself and looking for Erica, she mentions that she saw her car outside so she must be home. What about David's car, didn't she see that? Once Erica makes her presence known, she starts to question Vanessa about her husband's suicide. Vanessa back peddles and tries to blow off the questions, so Erica again sends her to Enchantment under the guise of checking on the auditor. And yet again, Adam shows up in a panic and Erica won't let him in. When she finally does, she tells him that he should just tell Liza the truth and throw himself on her mercy. But Adam does not think that is even an option. So once Adam is gone again, and Erica goes back to the basement, they again start to talk about his father and we see that Vanessa hasn't gone to Enchantment after all and is eavesdropping on them.

For some strange reason, Opal had a dinner party for Adrian the day before Tad and Dixie's wedding. I guess it was to get the family all together, but it just struck me as a little odd so near to the wedding. Adrian is visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation and being their with two mothers. Tad could give him some advice about that being as at one time he had three mothers! But instead Tad tells him to stop feeling sorry for himself. The guys then called a truce until after the wedding and Tad ask him to be an usher. Opal was so thrilled to hear that! She still has such hopes that Tad and Adrian will be friends, and I have to think that someday that exact thing will happen.

After talking to Raquel and learning that Gillian doesn't really want the divorce, Ryan rushes to the hospital to talk to her and find out if it's true. Gillian tells him that he can tear up the divorce papers, it's not too late, even though she signed them. But Ryan backs off. First we think he is rushing there to stop her from signing, and then, since she did sign he blows it all off and decides to go through with it after all. So, even though it pains me to do it, Ryan gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. Maybe a slap would knock some sense into him! It really pisses me off that he could give up so easily, and not even fight to save his marriage... a marriage he obviously wants to save. And damn was Gillian pissed off too. She actually threw her ring at him and storms out!

Seeing a distraught Gillian rushing to leave the hospital, Jake grabs her and takes her to see Colby, hoping that seeing the baby will cheer her up. Mission accomplished! It did cheer her up. And of course, Ryan watched the whole thing. A little later, Jake asks Gillian to be his date for Tad and Dixie's wedding. Then Ryan runs into Liza at the hospital and they have a heart to heart talk. Even Liza, who can't stand Gillian, thinks they should be together. Ryan finally admits that everything bad that happened to him, happened after he fell in love. So poor misguided Ryan blames love for his problems. He should be blaming his idiot brother Wooden, but that's besides the point. And yes, Gilly is partially to blame. But as Liza told him, love changes things. It's time for Ryan to get over himself already and suck it up!!

NuScott debuted this week. I'm reserving comment until we get to see him a little bit more, but so far the only thing I have to say about him is... tone down the grin! He showed up while Stuart and Marian were pretending to be Scarlett and Rhett. They were surprised to see him, and I could tell that Marian was feeling a little bit of trepidation by his return. She had no need to worry, NuScott welcomed her to the family and gave her a big hug. So while Stuart and Marian went off to get Marian into some normal outfit, Gillian arrived to claim the pouch full of money. She was surprised to see Scott to, and the two had a nice talk. Then after explaining how she came into possession of $100,000 Stuart and Marian gave her the money back. I wonder what she's going to do with it.

Liza and Adam brought Colby home this week. Liza at first thought she would return to her loft, but, for once, Adam and Jake were on the same side and thought that it would be better to take Colby to her permanent home instead of trying to move with her later. NuScott pays them a visit to see his new uh... cousin? Yeah I think that's right. Soon to be cousin anyway, once Adam and Liza are married again. NuScott tells Liza that he'd like a job at WRCW, possibly as a director. Gee NuScott, how long have you been gone? You think that you've been gone long enough to go from non-pay intern to director?

The impossible happened this week! Janet and Dixie made amends! I was stunned to see Janet at Dixie's shower, and it seems that Janet was stunned to be invited. After a few brief moments together, Dixie telling Janet that everyone deserves a second chance, their whole past is now behind them. All I can think is my Dixie, how you've matured! Not too long ago she could never forgive Liza and even thinking of being in the same room with Janet was out of the question. Now she's buddy buddy with Liza and has completely forgiven Janet. So all I can say is... wow! You know what the best part of the shower was though? That everyone noticed how cranky Hayley was. When Brooke asked Dixie if Hayley was alright, Dixie should have just told her the truth... she's fine, she's just gotten her period and she's a little bit pissy is all. You know how it is. Now if only someone would have gagged Brooke and her stupid shower games!

Wedding prep at the Martin's was definitely not without incident. Tad and Adrian were there to try on their tux's. And while Tad made phone calls, Joe and Adrian talked. Joe told Adrian that there is room for everyone in his life, and he's glad that he has agreed to be a part of the wedding. When the tux's finally arrived, they found out they were the wrong ones. With Tad, Adrian, Jake and Joe all in those powder blue numbers with the ruffled shirts, they looked kinda like Tad Martin and the Pips! Tad starts to argue with Mr. Simm's the tux guy about bringing the wrong tux's and when Mr. Simms tells him it's too late, they can't be exchanged, Adrian steps in. He smooths things over with Mr. Simms, telling him that this wedding and the fact that they have to wear dinner jackets is a matter of national security. He even gets Joe in on the act, having him pretend to be a general.

Once the tux problem is solved, Tad acts like a big poop and doesn't want to go to his bachelor party, which is at SOS. With some prodding and prompting from Joe and Jake, Tad finally gives in and goes. Here's a few random observances from the bachelor party... when Adrian arrived, Hayley was there with Mateo to set up a surprise for Tad, and Adrian said, "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Santos." Maybe someone should tell Adrian that Hayley and Mateo aren't married! Trevor was drinking his beer with a straw. This is a big no no, and if you want to know why, you're going to have to ask Mr. Diva about that one! And even though his speech was pretty boring and not typical Tad fun, he did give us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he started his speech with, "Thank you, all of you. I know you all lead busy lives, well everyone except Dimitri."

Tad then got the surprise of his life, and so did the other guys at the bachelor party for that matter, when, instead of the usual stripper type mayhem that accompanies a bachelor party, they got their own personal rerun of Diva's Live! Dixie, Janet, Brooke, Hayley, Belinda and Opal get together and put on their own little dance number. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. On the one hand, it was really cute, the ladies looked fabulous (Hayley even almost had cleavage!) and the guys sure seemed to enjoy it. On the other hand, they thought of it at the shower and one day later they not only got the whole routine choreographed and memorized, but they also found matching outfits! Also seeing Opal strutting her stuff for her son (make that sons) kind of gave me the heebie jeebies. And I'm very much opposed to the bride crashing her future husbands bachelor party. Most times that spells disaster. In this case it didn't, lucky for all involved! Aside from all that, like I said, it was cute. But if they had started singing "I'm Every Woman," I might have lost my lunch! Also at the bachelor party... Jake informed Ryan that he was taking Gillian to the wedding. Ryan didn't seem to thrilled, but he said that it was fine and dandy.

It's the morning of the wedding now, and it's time for the comedy of errors to begin. At Cortlandt Manor, Opal is doing Dixie's hair while all the girls arrive and discuss the wedding. When Junior comes in to see what is going on, she tells him that Auntie Opal is making her look beautiful. Auntie Opal? Wait now, let's back up. Opal was Palmer's wife, and Palmer is Dixie's uncle. OK, so yes, that would make Opal Junior's aunt. But once Dixie and Tad are married again, that changes everything. Opal is Tad's mother, and Junior will be his step son, so that would make Opal, Juniors step grandmother aunt. HUH? Dixie is feeling sad and sneaks out to go try and talk Palmer into attending the nuptials. Palmer says, and I quote, "I would rather eat glass." He's never been a Tad fan and he believes Dixie is making another mistake. Oh well, she tried.

Over at the Martin house, Tad and Jamie are going out to plant a tree. The tree was a wedding gift to Tad and Dixie from Jamie. Well, one thing leads to another and Tad hits the water main with a pick ax and floods out the Martin's yard, which is where the wedding is to take place! Jake comes running down to the living room in nothing but a towel and a smile and informs Joe that the water has stopped. For no other reason than Jake was looking mighty buff and mighty yummy in that towel, this gets this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. Woof.

Tad rushes over to the Valley Inn to see if they can have the wedding there after all, and after talking to some Siberian husky people, he gets them to donate their room, the Garden Room, for the wedding. So after a lot of running around and changing of plans, the wedding finally begins. The bridesmaids dresses were far from spectacular, but once they put their hats on, I really thought it was kinda cute. Call me crazy! And Dixie!? Wow, she looked stunning. Really stunning. I saw a picture of Tad and Dixie in last week's Soap Opera Digest and I thought yuk, what an ugly dress! But on the show, it looked fab! Junior gave Dixie away, and then came the vows. They were silly, sweet, touching and, call me crazy again, but I loved the whole thing. There was a bit too much laughing, but other than that, I thought it was great. And like all weddings, I even shed a few tears. And that old coot Palmer did show up, he watched for a bit and then left before anyone saw him.

I was thinking about this as I watched this wedding... between them, Tad and Dixie have 12 marriages! Yes 12. Here they are. They have married each other 3 times, that already makes 6. Tad has married Dottie Thornton, Hilary Wilson and Brooke. Dixie has married Adam, Craig Lawson and Brian Bodine. WOW!

At the reception, Adam had some very sweet and very sincere words for Dixie. Jamie, as the best man, gave the toast. Myrtle caught the bouquet. Edmund and Dimitri got Tad and Dix a helicopter to take them to NYC for their honeymoon. Real Ruth was there! And Ryan and Gillian continued to long for each other. Scott talked to Ryan for a little while and, as he got Ryan's side of the story that he heard earlier from Gillian, I got to thinking that it just might be Scott who helps these two get back together. I can see it happening. And at the end, Mateo and Hayley had to rush out because Mateo got an urgent call from Isabella that Damien was acting out.

And I'm unveiling my new feature today... This week of AMC gets a B+