The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


May 23, 2000

I'm going to start off this week by going a little backwards since I haven't editorialized for a few weeks. I want to talk about the climax of Dillon Phase Out. While I still think the way Trevor was written out had to be the absolute worst write out in AMC history, Janet and Amanda's isn't too far behind. It all wrapped up a little too conveniently. Janet confesses, Arlene comes through and sweet talks the real story out of Billy the drunk who actually did set up Trevor, all charges are dropped against Trevor and against Janet. What a nice little wrap up. But it doesn't end there. Janet decides to check into a hospital to get some help with her "problems" so Amanda and Smoky will be moving to a new house in a new city, right down the street from the hospital (so they can visit her all the time) and reuniting with not only Trevor, but Tim too! And all this while everyone is watching Janet tell Amanda all this and piping in their two cents. Happy happy joy joy. All is right with the world. Please, spare me. This is sickening. Nothing is ever that wonderful, especially in soaps. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that if they have to be gone, they're gone together. But this is ridiculously contrived.

Now... on to last week. Alex was electrocuted and unfortunately didn't die. Oh shame on me, did I really say that? Anyway, about the same time as Alex is flying through the air after touching a fuse in the fuse box outside of the Hunting Lodge, Edmund is getting another bizarre voice message on the computer that says, "Edmund, save Alex now" What is up with that and how do I get computer messages like that? Mine are all typed and usually say something like... "you're so mean how could you say that about Hayley and Mateo?!" But I digress. Having rigged the fuse box to electrocute Alex, Guy comes by to make sure she's dead. She's not and as he's touching her, she wakes up and has another vision of him from her past. I'm getting close to losing my lunch here, but then she passes out again and Guy is getting set to finish her off by snapping her neck like a twig. But he hears a rustling noise and a frantic Ed screaming Alex's name through the woods of Wildwind. Super Edmund arrives just in time to save Alex, damn him, and Guy pretends to have just found her. Edmund grabs Alex and tells Guy to go for help. Evidently he never does because Alex never goes to the hospital or gets checked out by any doctor other than herself. And we soon find out that he took off and got on a plane to London. This after the brilliant doctor and the Pulitzer Prize winner finally figure out that Guy is up to no good. As an aside, did you notice how the lights came back on in the Hunting Lodge after Alex was electrocuted? That must have been one powerful charge Alex made.

Over at Bryn Wydd, which excuse me, is a very difficult name to say unless you suck on a lemon first, Dimitri is playing catatonic for Dr. Griffith. But when the doc leaves the room and the nurse comes in, Dim asks her for help. She's young, not sure what is going on, but can't refuse this bloke's plea for help so she doesn't give him the sedative she was supposed to administer and Dr. Griffith is none the wiser.

For some reason, Alex and Edmund go to SOS, I think it's for Ryan's roll out party for There they run into everyone's favorite former spy and helper to all, Adrian. Between juggling his job at SOS, his partnership with Ryan, doing sanity checks on Tad, and his budding relationship with Tina, Adrian did a background check on Guy for Edmund and Alex. He tells them that Guy's credentials were faked and that his Social Security number was only issued a few months ago. Alex and Edmund abruptly leave SOS and head back to Wildwind to pack for another impromptu, who's gonna watch the kids, trip to London. Edmund informs Alex that it's too dangerous and she is not invited to tag along this time. She's pissed but when Edmund declares his love and she declares it back, he takes her mind off the trip by picking her up and whisking her off to bed. Ick, they do it again. While Alex is sleeping off their latest boink, Edmund takes off and leaves her a note saying he's gone to London. Alex mumbles something like, "hurry back you big bloke."

Tad is slowly but surely coming unglued, but hides it by diving back into work. He's come up with an idea for his show, "Nothing But the Truth" which is to have someone who was wrongly accused of a crime on to tell their story. As luck would have it, Tramplee and Leo are making out under a desk in the very room that Tad is discussing this idea with Dixie. Tramplee jumps out from under the desk without her top on and tells Tad that his idea is brilliant and that he should have Leo on the show. Dixie stands there with her jaw on the floor while Tad listens to Leo's tale of woe, as told by Tramplee. Dixie tries with all her might to stop Tad from doing this story, but Tad is determined so he grabs Tramplee, Leo and a camera crew and heads over to the PV Police Station to ask Derek some questions about the case on live TV. Sure thing, that would happen. Even a bloke like Tad should know that the police wouldn't discuss an on-going investigation on live TV!

Things go from bad to worse when Tad grabs a box that he thinks is evidence in the case but is really Stuart's belongings. Tad starts to really lose it then, on the air. He is feeling guilty and thinks he caused Stuart's death. As he takes the blame on live TV for killing Stuart, Derek, who you may recall from a few week's ago is Tad's best friend, tries to stop him, but Tad is on a role. Dixie, who remained at the studio tries to get to Tad but David barges in and starts yelling at her because Tad is ruining Leo's case and won't let her leave. And having seen Tad's confession on live TV, Adrian goes to the station to try and get him off the air. Instead Tad puts him on TV with him. Adrian and Derek both tell Tad that he didn't kill Stuart, but Tad doesn't believe them and tells them he was willing to destroy Stuart's faith to get revenge. Then he quits his job while still on camera.

David finally sees past his own anger at Tad and notices that Dixie is hyperventilating. He tries to calm her down then takes her to the police station to see Tad. Once there, Tad tells Dixie that he needs to get away, alone and straighten out his life. Dixie is upset, but understands that he has things to sort out, so after Tad leaves town, Dixie hits the town with Gillian. I see she's really broken up about the whole thing.

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK - Ryan and Gillian get stuck in the men's steam room of the health club. I'm sure everyone knows that they are one of my favorite couples but this is getting ridiculous! One minute they make Gillian smarter, the next minute she's in the men's steam room and doesn't even know it and then breaks the doorknob! It's the same scene over and over just in different locations. They love each other, they aren't together, they get close to making love and then something stops them. Enough already!

Suddenly there are groupies all over SOS because someone leaked that BBMack would be playing there. Who the hell is BBMack and/or Christian Burns?? Well, I know that Christian is the bloke that the girl wrote to Ryan at about and wanted to meet, but are they a real group or something? I'm guessing they are, but I stopped listening to teenybopper music longer ago than I care to admit. Anyway, Tina is all over this stuff and takes Christian to the hospital to meet with girl. I find this odd since it's Ryan's gig, not her's. Then she talks the band into playing at SOS for Ryan and Adrian's launch party. Christian is so taken with Tina that he offers her a job in PR for the band. All the while Adrian watches her with a look of jealousy. Right... Adrian is jealous because Tina is talking to a bloke like Christian Burns. Whatever.

After having dragged Stuart out of town, Esther's car breaks down in the desert and they end up in a place called the Queen of Hearts cafe. Stuart is intrigued by the name and knows it means something to him, but he doesn't know what. It's here that we meet Judd Enoch and his daughter MaryLynn, who would prefer to be called Marilyn thankyouverymuch. Marilyn is a rebellious and buxom teen who wants out of the small town. And gee guess what? She has already said to Judd that he is not her father. So who is do you suppose is? Here's my 2¢ theory, which is subject to change when more information is gathered. I think that Marilyn and Tramplee are sisters. Do these two seem cut from the same cloth or what?? Her mother is supposedly dead, so I guess the father could be anyone. We shall see. Oh and while I'm on this subject, Esther gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for seeing Stuart's family grieve and not telling them that he's alive and instead running out of town with him. Or maybe that SLAP should go to the AMC writers for ruining this once lovable character. Shame on you!

What a rip off, Adam goes to his sanity hearing and we don't even get to see any of it. He comes home and informs Liza that he's sane and that he has signed the divorce papers. Liza has decided that she and Colby will move into the Gatehouse with Marian so Adam can sort himself out. Adam doesn't want anything to do with anyone... not even Colby. And Liza wants to be with Adam suddenly. What a big switch. Adam telling Liza to get the hell out and Liza begging him to let her stay. I'm really not fond of the Liza that begs, it's really out of character and pretty damn pathetic.

After Liza leaves, Adam is mumbling to himself about Adam Chandler being dead when Arlene walks in and hears him. Seems she's come to comfort him and collect the money he's promised her. Oops Arlene, Adam has put Liza in charge of all his finances so if you want it, you'll have to ask her for it. Arlene isn't too thrilled with that, so she does what comes naturally... gets herself and Adam drunk. The next morning, Liza and Marian find Adam passed out on the couch with Arlene. Liza makes her leave then tells Adam that she wants him to spend time with Colby. Adam says what everyone has been saying all along, she's better off without him. Adam then berates Marian, I guess because she's not falling apart like he is. Marian has decided to be strong for Stuart, Adam has decided to become a raving basketcase.

Brooke heads over to the SOS to tell Hayley that Arlene has taken off in one of her cars. Wonder how many she has. Anyway, Hayley tells Brooke that she's wasting her time trying to help the lost cause that is Arlene. And then who should come into the bar, but Arlene herself. Adrian goes over to tell her that Brooke has been looking for her, so she seizes the opportunity to come onto him. That Arlene is nothing if not consistent. Hell Arlene would be a better match for Adrian than Tina! Anyway, she goes over to Brooke and gives her back the car keys. Brooke smells booze on her breath and goes psycho. Arlene makes some snippy comment about how she wasn't out mowing down the girl scouts so Brooke gives her a big old slap in the face. Once she realizes that Brooke's daughter was killed by a drunk driver, she apologizes for being so insensitive. Brooke then takes Arlene back to the shelter since she won't take her back to her home. Arlene is not at all pleased about this and tells Brooke that she should move on and get over her daughter's death already. Ouch, Brooke doesn't want to hear that.

A newly dreadlocked Grace comes in and comforts Brooke. Grace knows all too well what it's like to lose a child, and good job AMC for mentioning that. Once Grace goes to tend to Arlene, Brooke flashes back to Tom telling her that Laura was killed and breaks down. Enter Rev. Freeman. He finds Brooke a weeping huddled mass on the floor of the community center and urges her to talk to him about what is troubling her. Brooke doesn't want to talk at first, but then she does open up to Eliot and tells him about her daughter being killed and how she wished she could have died in her place. Brooke is this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. She may not have had a storyline for awhile, but she's back and better than ever. She makes you feel her pain so easily. I have high hopes for this storyline because it's not so manufactured out of thin air. I find it perfectly believable that Brooke never got over the death of her daughter and is suddenly facing all those feelings again with Arlene's return and reckless ways. Grace comes back into the room and tells Brooke that Arlene has skipped out of the shelter so Brooke decides to leave. Once everyone is out of the room, Eliot rips off his collar and says to no one, "who do you think you're fooling?" Oh what is this now? So much for having high hopes! Is he not a really a Reverend? Is he a drunk? Is he not who he says he is? Sheesh... he's only been on a day, can't we think that there isn't something wrong with him for longer than that!?

David decides he's going to hire an attorney for Leo since Palmer has written him off, and he's going to find the real killer. Nessie gets a little hot under the collar at this declaration and goes to call her old partner in crime, Donald Steele. They set up a plot to frame Erica for the murder. Hmm, why would Donald go along with this I wonder? But he does, and he rushes into the Valley Inn's dining room with camera's and mic's and accuses Erica of murdering Paolo. While David and Erica are trying to figure out what the hell is going on, Nessie goes and plants her own love letters from Paolo in Erica's purse. All the while there is waiter standing behind her watching the whole thing, but that's not addressed. Erica tells another waiter to go call the police and when Derek, the only cop in Pine Valley it seems, arrives there, the letters just happen to fall out of Erica's purse. Erica denies that she has ever even seen these letters, but Derek suddenly makes her a suspect. Hello? Her name isn't anywhere on them! One interesting thing does come out of it though... Leo spots his mother and Donald exchange a look then catches her paying him off. Nessie spins a tale of how she planted the letters in Erica's purse after finding them at her house and how she's trying to clear him because she knows that Erica is the guilty party. I wonder if Leo is still buying all this crap.

David is getting more and more pissed off by the minute and decides to read one of the letters, so he grabs one out of Derek's hand. As he reads it, he eyes Nessie and notices her very obvious squirm. David feigns anger with Erica and pretends that he thinks they may be hers, while PC tells Nessie that he doesn't believe Erica would stoop so low as to have an affair with a lowlife like Paolo and that Leo probably planted the letters on her. Once all the commotion dies down, David explains to Erica that he knows the letters aren't hers but they have no proof that she was set up so he's going to try and catch Nessie with her guard down. Erica asks David if it's possible that Nessie has a conscience after all. David replies with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Right! My mother's conscience can fit in a gnat's navel and there would still be room for Donald Steele's heart."

After all that nonsense, Leo spots his only friend, Tramplee, having dinner with Ryan so he goes over and plunks down with them. Evidently Ryan isn't too up on the Leo/Tramp friendship because he seems a little confused by Leo joining them. Tramplee tries to shoo him off, but he tells her he needs a friend. He even almost spills to Ryan about he and Tramplee sleeping together, but then covers it at the last minute. Ryan decides to go make a call and leave them alone. By the way, earlier that day Ryan was very pissy with Tramplee for being so involved in That was kind of weird, then again it wasn't. He asked her to be a partner, but she said no, so he pretty much told her to butt out of the business then. That didn't sit well with Tramplee so she was trying to make up for it when Leo arrived.

Adam goes to our old favorite place, the Roadside Bar, to drown his sorrows. This is the bar that is conveniently placed for whoever's storyline is involved with it. I think it was on Adam's property at one point, now it's right up the street from the homeless shelter because Arlene walked there. Well Arlene is right at home in a hole in the wall bar and shows Adam the ropes on drinking and pushing people's buttons. Before long Adam is in a full fledged fist fight with Mikey, the bar's resident bloke. I have to give Adam credit though, he wasn't a wuss and did get in a few good punches before getting his ass kicked. Adam's barroom brawl gets this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. And wouldn't you know, a day's work is never done... Donald Steele comes in and snaps some pictures of Adam getting whooped for the tabloids. Weird thing about is, Adam enjoyed the whole thing and said he's home.

This weeks AMC gets a C for being an extremely average week, but there was one very good thing about it... minimal Hayley and Mateo!