The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



May 2, 1999

Before I even start, I had toyed with the idea of simply saying... This week sucked, the end. But here ya go, my review of this really dull week of AMC.

Bu-bye!! Sayonara baby!! Later days!! Good bye!! Good riddance!! Wish I could say I'll miss ya, but I won't!! I said it to Braden and I'll say it to you... don't let the door to Pine Valley hit ya on the ass on your way out!! This week was the final good bye to Miss Kitty that was, unfortunately more like a "see ya later" than a "good riddance." That door is wide open for her return. I'm glad she's gone, but some things about it bug me. Like, after all he did for her, she didn't say good bye to Edmund. I mean, OK, they had their little "I'm not the woman for you" scene a few weeks ago. But what about a good bye? They went to say good bye to Brooke, who has changed out of her bondage gear by this time and was once again demure, because of all the help she gave Kit. And duh Brooke, even the Phoebster wasn't surprised to hear that Miss Kitty was leaving town, why were you? In fact, Phoebs gave us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK after Kit told them she was leaving and Brooke asked her why. "I have lived in this town since the earth cooled, and no one has ever let anyone forget anything." Tell it like it is Phoebster! And if Miss Kitty loves Dack so much, why is she leaving him to go live with Travis. It just makes things hard on Jack because he's got that "my brother always wins" complex. And besides that, can't you just see Barbara and Kit hating each other? That is ALMOST something I would like to see! At any rate, she's gone... let's all rejoice and go dancing at Sounds of Salsa!!!

Backing up a bit to when Bondage Brooke and uh... Daredevil Jack? No, that's no good. The DA from Hell? No, he's resigned. Jack The Unemployed Oh Woe Is Me Former DA? OK, I'll go with that for now. Bondage Brooke and Jack, TUOWIMFDA hopped on the back of BB's motorcycle and took off to Pine Valley's comedy club. Hey, who even knew they had one! But then again, this little town now has a salsa club, so why wouldn't they have a comedy club!? Well, they decided to challenge each other to getting up on stage for amateur night. And who do they run into?? AXEL!!!! Yes, our old favorite Albert Carrington, who is now really going by Axel Green, is the MC at the comedy club! Well he is a site for sore eyes isn't he?? I love that guy. So with some pushing from Jack and some encouragement from Axel, Brooke heads up to the stage to try her and at comedy and wow does she bomb. Jack on the other hand is a natural. He goes up to save Brooke from the Mad Heckler and wins over the crowd. And although it was a little cruel to make fun of Erica in her current state of mind, I thought it was pretty funny when, after Jack asked the crowd how many of them have dated Erica Kane and Brooke raised her hand, Jack said, "Wow Brooke, who knew?"

Over in Gillian's room, Ryan and Gillian are kissing after he had comforted her after a nightmare. But before things can go any farther, Ryan pulls back. Gillian thinks Ryan is still angry about her affair with David, but Ryan assures her that that is not it. But he is so confused and doesn't know what lies ahead for his future and he's afraid of dragging Gilly down. He wants to do the honorable thing and let her go, but all Gilly wants is to be with him. He tells her that it is too hard living in the same house, so he's going to move out. Gilly tries to put on a brave face, but heads downstairs to cry so Ryan won't see her. In comes Jake in his new capacity, marriage counselor. And as Gilly pours out her feelings about Ryan to Jake, Ryan listens in. The next morning, Ryan and Gillian are not speaking and she leaves to go get ready for work. Dr. Jake, Family Therapist, goes to Ryan and tells him that he will help him find his way back to Gillian.

Over at Leslie Coulson's office, Tad and Adrian had just gotten David's file out when someone was about to come into the room. It turned out to be Roberta, office cleaner/screen play writer. She, of course, recognizes Tad as host of the Cutting Edge, so he covers what they are doing there by saying they are doing a story. And when she asks him who Adrian is, Tad tells her he's the director. Well Roberta's eyes light up and out comes her screen play! She wants to read to them and well, she does read it to them. After she's done, Tad tries to shuffle her out of the room, but Adrian gives her advice on how to make it better. It was cute and she left happy. So, suddenly they are alone in the office again and about to look into David's file when the lights go out and Adam's goons, Bruno and Rolf knock them out and take the file. You know, this week was chock full of fun and wacky extras. So, I'm going to give them all the PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. Axel, Roberta and, even though we never saw them, Rolf and Bruno get added in there on the merits of those names alone.

While Tad runs off to tell Liza what had just happened, Adrian goes to Cortlandt Manor to see Opal. Opal is thrilled to death that Tad and Adrian have been working together, but Adrian tells her not to get too excited. He's not real fond of Tad and doesn't expect to be inviting him over for Sunday dinner with the family. Opal's heartbroken, and then Palmer shows up with Petey. Suddenly it all makes sense. Last week Opal seemed to forget she even had a third son and when I saw Petey I realized why. That week at space camp aged him about three years and his red hair is gone! Poor Opal just didn't recognize him! Once he thinks everyone has left the room, Palmer manipulates Petey into thinking he wants to spend every weekend with Palmer. Poor Petey is feeling torn between making his mom happy or his dad happy. Adrian heard the whole thing, and once he is alone with Petey, the two have a heart to heart talk. Adrian tells Petey that it's hard to do, but standing up to someone is very brave. Petey didn't have much to say, but he got Adrian's drift. I thought this was a great scene, one worthy of SCENE OF THE WEEK. Petey then tells Opal that he loves her and wants to stay with her always. He also tells her that his new brother is really cool.

So Adrian, suddenly feeling like he belongs in the family, tells Opal that while he doesn't want the Cortlandt Electronics stock that she offered him, he will help her handle it in any he can. Off they go to the Board meeting. Trevor is there, and for a moment I'm wondering what the heck he's doing there, on the board of Cortlandt Electronics. But luckily he explained it to me. He said he was there representing Erica while she was in South America. It doesn't make much sense, but it makes more sense than Trevor being on the board himself. Palmer is nasty to Opal, but she holds her own and takes her seat with Adrian at her side to help her through all the technical jargon. Adrian then passes around a proposal to the board... one that Palmer poo-poo's away, but the rest of the board is intrigued by. The proposal gets passed, despite Palmer's disapproval. After the meeting Opal tries to make nice with Palmer, telling him he had it all and threw it way. Palmer, who has become the biggest, nastiest curmudgeon to walk the planet, is nasty to Opal still. Then Adrian seizes his opportunity and lays into Palmer for trying to manipulate Petey. It seems like Adrian is beginning to realize that he does love his family, even though he is fighting it. But will that all change when his mother shows up in Pine Valley next week??

Over at Liza's, Adam is not enjoying David's taunts as much as David is enjoying the taunting. So Adam decides that he has to get Liza out of town and marry her. Liza finally agrees to go and Adam takes off to go make the preparations. Tad arrives and starts to tell Liza what happened in Leslie Coulson's office. Liza is trying very hard not to believe what Tad is saying, and when Jake gets there... the two tag team her with the "Adam is no good" speech. It's getting old, but once Adam comes back they all confront him about why he wanted the file on David. Adam covers his tracks by saying he's trying to find something, anything that he can use to get David to leave town and be out of their lives. Liza then shocks them all by saying that he should have told her what he was doing so that she could help! She's sick of David too and as if on cue, David arrives. Liza has had it with him showing up at her loft whenever he feels like it and fires him from WRCW and fires him as her friend. She doesn't want him around!

Off they all go, and Adam and Liza take off on their getaway. Unbeknownst to them, Dr. Devious is trailing them and finds out from Rudy that they are going to the Sleepy Hollow Inn. So in the midst of way way too much mush between Adam and Liza, there is a knock at the door and ta da! It's not Avon calling, it's Dr. David Hayward! How he knew what room they were in is beyond me, since Adam registered them as Mr. & Mrs. Jones, but I suppose if he asked what room the pregnant blonde and her grandfather were in, the front desk would tell David exactly what room they are in. Well, Adam and Liza are both really pissed off now and Adam takes David out into the hallway to try and get rid of him. He offers David money, something he doesn't really need and Adam knows it, but he offers anyway. First five million dollars, then when David says no, he ups it to ten million dollars. David still isn't budging. It seems that ruining Adam and Liza's relationship is more valuable to him than money. Adam then begs David to let him be the one to tell Liza, and after some thought, David agrees. Adam and David go back into the room and Adam starts to tell Liza what is going on, and how David is out to ruin them. That David has some information that he thinks will cause Liza to leave him. Liza gets really ticked and tells David off, but before she can finish, she starts to go into labor. Liza and Adam head off to the hospital and Liza dismisses David, telling him that they do not need his help, they are going to the hospital. But once in the car, the storm is so bad that it has washed the bridge back to town out. They are stranded. Lucky for them David is keeping tabs on them.

At the hospital, Raquel is suddenly going to be released. The problem is that there is no one to take care of her. She tells Mateo that her cousin Angela has just gotten a new job and cannot take the time off to come and help her. So, suddenly it's the return of Assholeo!!! He tells Raquel, "No problem, I'll take care of you." Raquel lights up and actually believes that Mateo is going to drop everything and sit around all day with her. So why is Mateo the asshole and not Raquel? Because he is WAY too accommodating and is leading her on! And for that, he gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD. She finally gets the picture though, he is going to hire a nurse for her. But when Trevor comes by to talk about the divorce, she blows him off. It seems she's going to stall again.

Is that Batman? Is that Zorro? NO! It's the Phantom of Pine Valley!! Erica has returned from Rio with some funky mask on her face that makes her look like Phantom of the Opera. Although I have to admit, it looks better than those big white bandages. She immediately goes to talk to David about what the doctor said and tells him they are optimistic that her face can be fixed and she thanks David for the referral. She then asks him to be the one to care for her wounds until she goes back to Rio for the surgery in about a month. You know, I'd really love to get a look at these hideous scars that Erica has under her mask, but unfortunately that is not going to happen. We will never see them, we can only guess what they look like. David seems very sincere when he is with Erica, and maybe that is his guilt about the accident showing through. And he once again tries to warn her about his mother, but Erica isn't interested.

Over at Enchantment, Vanessa is looking pretty cozy. Janet comes in and starts to ask her about all the expenses she has charged to the Enchantment account. Vanessa is a little stunned and it seems she has not done her homework. She didn't know that Janet kept the books at Enchantment. And when Opal arrives, the two of them confront Vanessa on her intentions with Erica and Enchantment. Vanessa, Queen of Denial, denies everything they say. Opal decides to go talk to the Phoebster about this Vanessa dilemma. Janet heads back to her office to work on the books. Phoebs calls Dimmie about Vanessa. Erica walks in as Vanessa is about to hire two models and when Vanessa sees her, she makes a very lame attempt at covering her ass. This is what bugs me about this storyline. I love Vanessa and think she's a fabulous addition to the show. But she keeps doing things that are blatantly not in Erica's best interest, while claiming that they are. She makes up the lamest excuses on the earth as to why she is doing something and Erica always believes her and dismisses her friends for trying to make Vanessa look bad. Janet and Dimitri both tried to tell Erica that Vanessa is not her friend, while Vanessa admits to everything they are saying and then says she thought she was doing the right thing. And what happens? Erica swallows Vanessa's load of crap and gets mad at her friends for trying to warn her! What's it going to take for Erica to wise up? Is she going to have to lose Enchantment to this witch!?

Get out your tux's and your gowns folks, we have a wedding to attend! Tad and Dixie try it for the third time on May 20.