The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


May 18, 1998
It was Spine Week on AMC. Some of the people who seemed to have lost their spines, got them back! Let's start with Hayley. She goes from strong woman to meek child at the drop of a hat. Lately she's been letting her bully of a husband walk all over her, make all the decisions without discussion and order her around. Well, this week she finally took a stand. I'm not sure it did any good since she ended up having to fight fire with sex, but at least she took a stand. I was getting mighty sick of big man Mateo treating her like a dishrag. This is supposed to be the "Hottest Couple" in daytime? Maybe he should take Edmund's advice and tell Hayley the truth. Hell the girl has been through the ringer in her short life, I think she could handle a vision! She got through alcoholism, a marriage to Will Cortlandt, a marriage to Alec MacIntyre, she managed to get past her mother being Arlene and most of all, she married Mateo!! So he can't tell her that he visualized her dead? And anyway, if he wants to alter the future, why on earth is he wearing the same ugly clothes that he saw himself wearing in that vision??
Next we have Jack. Although I'm not sure he really counts because he's spineless with Erica, and the storyline he showed spine in had nothing to do with Erica. Maybe next week he'll show that, but this week was a warm up. Jack has been rough and tough with everyone down in Pigeon Hollow. He has put Adam in his place, and he's put Camille in her place... and he's not even in his jurisdiction! I like this Jack. Then again, I'll like anyone who can put Camille in her place. He's been a good moderator in this storyline, which has desperately needed an innocent bystander. Tad is way too involved to not show bias, even though he does seem to believe Adam over Camille. And now that it's going to be proven that the bones are not Joy's (which means she's probably still alive *yawn*), who's bones will they be? There have been hints that they will be that of Bessie Cooney, Dixie's mother. How? I have not got a clue. But this could be the lead up to Dixie's return in July.
Dixie's return, at the moment I'm rather indifferent to it. I was glad to see her go a few years ago. It was time, she was way too self righteous for my liking. She just couldn't forgive Tad for having an affair after she herself has been the other woman numerous times. That doesn't fly with me. Brooke was able to forgive her for sleeping with two of her husbands, but Dixie can't forgive Tad? And now she's coming back, and the best thing I can think of is that this return will be part of the phasing out of Camille. I just can't see Tad choosing that wretch over Dixie, the love of his life. I guess that's assuming Dixie would even take Tad back. Will she? I don't have a clue. While I'm still on this horrible storyline, I want to give out my PERFORMER OF THE WEEK AWARD. This week it goes to Adam. Anyone who can pull off the scene he had with Camille this week in the cabin, deserves kudos! This storyline has reduced Adam to sitting on the floor trying to make bird calls to impress some total imbecile, and he still pulled it off, amazing.
That brings us to our third person to show spine this week... Tad. The Tad of the old days would never have turned down a woman who asked him to make love to her. To me, that shows a big maturity growth in our Tad the Cad. I guess I'm most happy about this because I sure don't want to see a romance between Tad and Camille, but that's besides the point. Tad turned her down, when he really seemed to want to have sex with her. But he didn't want to take advantage of her during a very vulnerable time. That was very gentlemanly. Way to go Tad!
How pathetic can Allie Doyle get? I was ready to scream this week! First of all, let me back up. I think her punishment was way too severe for something that seems like such a non-crime. Not only was her medical license revoked, but Stanford revoked her degree and wants her to pay back all the scholarship money. Then the hospital voted to press fraud charges against her. Now come on people! David Hayward was guilty of attempted murder and he got fired and sent back to CA (only to return again in a few months). A slap on the wrist really. But Allie, who really didn't do much of anything gets all these charges, her license revoked and her degree stripped from her?? Excuse me, something is amiss here. OJ didn't even get this much done to him for a double murder! So what does the no longer Dr. Doyle do? She goes stark raving mad. She becomes a pool shark/exotic dancer/total whacko. That whole scene in the bar made me violently ill. First of all, she didn't seem the least bit drunk, she just seemed manic. And then, her idiotic dance ala Hayley in Mateo's vision!? What the heck was that?? And worst of all, her collapse at the end in a heap on the floor, in front of all those people. Disgusting. Every bit of it. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. OK fine, she lost her livelihood, but did she lose her life? NO! It's up to her to see the Allie under the Doctor moniker. I understand the shock of losing all that, but she didn't lose everything. She lost a part of her life, not the whole thing. When she told Jake, "I think I lost me" I wanted to puke! Was being a doctor the only thing she ever had in her life? If it was, then she's even more pathetic than I thought. I'm not saying she shouldn't be upset with what has happened, but it's not the end of her life. That's all I'm saying.
What is up with my man Palmer?? I know he and Opal have been having marital problems ever since Opal stuck her nose into Kevin's sexuality, but come now! Enough is enough. It's time to start working on this relationship. I do not like, not one little bit, how Palmer has turned this problem into being about Opal's looks. How dare he!! She is the same woman he fell in love with. He fell in love with kooky Opal, wardrobe and all. Now as much as I adore the old coot, I'm very distressed by what he is doing to Opal. I don't like how he keeps throwing Isabella up in Opal's face. This had better never turn into an affair for Izzy and PC. Izzy is the upstanding devout Catholic woman. The kind of woman who would probably never date a divorced man, let alone one that is still married! I don't really think it will, I think Palmer is just using Izzy as a diversion. As someone to talk to since he hasn't gotten two words for Opal lately. But the best thing about this whole thing is, it's going to give Palmer and Opal a much needed storyline!
Why is it that Brooke got a hero's welcome when she came back to Tempo? I'm sorry, she killed the man!! It doesn't matter that he was the scum of the earth, she still killed him! And she did it in a rather cowardly fashion I might add, shooting him in the back. I know that particular shot didn't kill him, but she intended it to. This charmed life that Brooke has is really a mystery to me. No one wants her to be punished (except maybe Keith) for her crime. Punished heck, no one even wants her to be charged! Call me crazy, but last I heard, if you shoot someone intentionally and not in self defense, you get punished for it. Brooke is a woman about town without a care in the world, it seems. She's back at work, she's planning Janet's bridal shower/bachelorette party, she's leading her normal life. Just one little glitch, she killed her fiance recently. This week at her trial, Tad and Dimitri come up with a plan to get her off by lying under oath? Good move. That always works. Then Brooke, in a totally uncharacteristic move, fakes a faint in the courtroom?? Please! That's a Marian tactic, not our responsible Ms. English. Brooke is the stalwart citizen of Pine Valley, not someone who has to divert attention in such a fashion.
Liza and Marian. What a great couple of scenes these two had and it all took place at the Pit, the new seedy hangout in Pine Valley. First the bonding. Liza and Marian had a good old fashioned mother/daughter talk. It was really sweet and I always like to see this side of their relationship. Marian was right, she will never be mother of the year, but she does love her daughter, even thought that love sometimes gets misplaced. This leads up to the funniest scene of the week! Marian and Liza being hit on by two rednecks, I mean Margo and Roxanne were hit on by two rednecks! How hilarious was all this!? When Redneck #1 asked them if they wanted to go out to the van and get it on, I was roaring! And making it even better was Marian's line about the van, "Oh mirrors! Oh darling, how sophisticated!" How clever it was of Marian and Liza to pretend to be transsexuals and send those rednecks running!! I loved when Marian told the boys, "Last week Margo was really called Marvin!" But the absolute best line and winner of this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK is also Marian's, when she was telling those good old boys about Liza's miraculous change. She said, "Shaving her moustache was the proudest and most happiest moment of her life." What a hoot!!
I also loved the scenes this week with Marian and Stuart. Which brings us the this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. This week that honor goes out to Scott. What a dork! I was so mad at him for being Adam's flunky. What is his point?! Hasn't he screwed up his own life enough? Let Stuart be happy! But how incredibly cute was Stuart's portrait of Marian on the Etch-a-Sketch!? I just loved that, it was so adorable and so very Stuart.
I have to say, I like Mike Roy a lot better when he's being truthful, which isn't all that often these days. That really annoys me. Mike was honest to a fault his first time around. He was strong and real. Now he's a parody. It's really rather sickening. I suppose those scenes in the warehouse were supposed to be funny with Erica on the forklift trying to save Mike from nothing, but I found them painful and annoying to watch. All this guy does is lie and put Erica into situations that are beyond stupid. And the fact that Erica is falling for it, makes it all the worse. I can't stand it! I had a brief moment of liking it on Friday, when Mike was real. He was telling Erica about when he was in the sweatbox, and his memories of her got him through it. Now that makes a lot more sense then all this fake danger and fake intrigue. Too bad Mike's honesty isn't going to last. Next week, Mike and Erica get kidnapped. My guess is that Mike's right hand man Adrian (who by the way, gets mistaken for a male stripper at Janet's bachelorette party on his first day on the show) helps Mike stage this dual kidnapping as yet another ploy to trick Erica into being alone with him. It's so incredibly dumb, I would rather not even watch it. Like I said before, the way to a woman's heart is not to lie to her whenever possible.
Last but not least, I have some comments on the Daytime Emmy's. I was stunned and amazed by AMC not only winning the writing award, but also the best show award. I'm happy that Julia Barr won the best actress award. But what I really want to talk about is the preshow on E! This was on two hours before the Emmy's began and had interviews with the stars as they came in. It was hosted by E!'s Todd Newton and Soap Opera Weekly's Editor in Chief, Mimi Torchin. Mimi honey, if you're reading this now.... GIVE IT UP!!! She was so incredibly awful that I'd like to give her and honorary I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award this week! This is a supposed soap professional? She was constantly talking to people like they were actually their characters. These events are for the actors, not the characters. It's about the way they portray their character, not that they ARE that character. When talking to Julia Barr, she asked her how many times Brooke has been nominated. Excuse me?? Brooke has not been nominated, Julia Barr has been nominated! How I wished that Julia would have said that to her! It was sickening! The one time I was willing to give Mimi the benefit of the doubt was when she called Vanessa Marcil, Brenda Marcil. Vanessa plays Brenda on General Hospital, and although calling her by her character name is a totally stupid thing to do, it could have been an honest slip up. But this woman made so many of these types of remarks that I was sitting there screaming at my TV, telling her to shut up already!! All I wanted to do was see some of the AMCers walking in, not listening to this morons stupid comments. The best thing that happened during this was when Kim Zimmer (Reva, GL) came up to her with a bunch of other actors from Guilding Light. Kim and Mimi were talking about the storyline going on GL right now where Reva has been cloned. Mimi says to her, "so am I talking to Reva, or the Reva clone right now?" Kim answered with, "You're talking to Kim." You go girl!!! Hey E!, next year, ask someone more professional to do the interviews huh!?