The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


May 16, 1999

Hi Soap Fans! Sorry for the delay, but it's May! There's always a million things to do in May. This weekend I had my niece's second birthday party to go to. What a cutie, and she knows Aunt Kathy well. She said..."when we go see giraffe, elphant, zebra, Aunt Kathy?" (she says elphant by the way, that's not a typo). She's a child after my own heart, I think it's time to take her back to the zoo!

On with the show! I'm going to jump right in and probably start another nurse debate, but what is up with Nurse Kelly? First we had the very gruff and grumpy Nurse Vandermere, who seems to have learned her bedside manor from Attila the Hun. Now we have Nurse Kelly who must have learned her bedside manor from Kathie Lee! On her first day she made waffles for Max and offered to make something else for Raquel since she wasn't eating them. She offered Gillian something to drink, as well as Mateo. She takes care of Max, she goes to pick up medication and ice cream. And, every time she is finished with whatever she says, she meekly goes back to the kitchen. This woman should be bottled and sold to anyone who needs home health care! She's a maid and a nurse all wrapped up into one. Maybe they should hang onto her even after Raquel is well enough to move.

OK, now that I got that out of the way, let's back up to Ryan taking Gillian home from the grand opening of SOS. Gilly was pretty inebriated after becoming good buds with Margarita, so Ryan made sure she got home and in bed safely. I have mixed feelings about these scenes. I liked it because it was a playful and cute scene. But then I didn't like it because these two can't seem tell each other how they feel! It's always been my experience that when I'm drunk, I say way too much. But what did Gilly do? She said what she felt in German so that Ryan couldn't understand her! How annoying! But then again, would it really matter? You know, as much as I love Ryan and Gillian, Ryan's pride or whatever the heck it is, that is keeping them apart is really annoying me. There have been dumb reasons for a couple not to be together before, but this is ridiculous. As devoted as Gillian has been to Ryan for all this time, and through his whole trial, how could even think for a minute that she would actually want this divorce? Oh wait, I'm forgetting the bigger picture here. Ryan's a man. That explains it all doesn't it?

The next day, Gillian goes to see Raquel and Ryan heads off to work at SOS. Gillian tells Raquel how she has decided to give Ryan a divorce, telling her that seeing the sacrifice she made to make Mateo happy inspired her to do the same. Raquel told Gillian that she made a big mistake and should have never done that, and tries to tell her that Ryan still loves her. Over at SOS, Hayley thinks things may have gotten good again when Ryan took Gillian home, but he tells her that she asked for a divorce. Hayley is shocked, but Ryan tells her it's the right thing to do. Then I start thinking that Hayley, Jake, Dimitri and Raquel should all put their heads together and compare notes. They all know the real deal... Jake and Raquel with Gillian, Hayley and Dim with Ryan.

While still at Raquel's, Gillian notices the ad that Stuart placed in the newspaper about the found money. Gilly gets dollar signs in her eyes and decides to go tell Ryan that they can claim that money for themselves. Bad move Gilly. Ryan didn't want that money in the first place, why would he want it now? But she goes and tells him anyway. And of course, Ryan was not happy to have to dredge up all the bad memories of Gillian sleeping with David for money. He tells her the money is tainted and he wants nothing to do with it. But Gilly has other ideas, she wants the cash.

One day after she asked Trevor to draw up divorce papers, Trevor delivers them to Ryan. That is some quick service Trevor provides. Trevor did try to tell Ryan he didn't have to sign them immediately, that he could think about it. But no, Ryan jumps right to it and signs them. After Trevor leaves, he dreams of Gillian and tosses a glass or two. So then, Trevor takes the papers to Gillian, who is devastated that he signed them so quickly.

Ryan went over to Raquel's to find Mateo to sign a check, but he wasn't there, because he had to run after Damien (more on that later). Raquel was practically falling out of bed when he came in, but he caught her. And since Raquel is alone, Ryan pulls up a chair. Raquel didn't seem overly enthused to have Ryan hanging out with her, but he stays anyway. She tells him that he must be blind to not be able to see that Gilly doesn't want a divorce and never did. He's shocked. What?? He's shocked? Wake up Ryan!!! He takes off to try and find Gilly.

Now, let's back up a bit to Hayley and Ryan at SOS. What is Hayley's deal? She has no qualms about telling anyone and everyone that she thinks she might be one day pregnant. She hints around to Ryan about it, and when he asks her if she is, Hayley replies, "From your lips to my womb." Ugh. Then later she goes to see Liza and the baby and she tells Liza she thinks she might be pregnant too! And then even Mateo tells Raquel that Hayley might be pregnant. And every time the words "Hayley" and "pregnant" are spoken, I get more and more annoyed. First of all, she went off birth control about a week ago when Jake told her she was fine and can have children. She's banged Mateo a few times since then and suddenly she thinks it happened. Of course, I'm sure it could, but it didn't! And to go and tell everyone she is before you know for sure is setting yourself up for disappointment. Then Mr. Honorable Mateo is jazzed to knock Hayley up and they aren't even married yet! And they started trying before Raquel even signed the divorce papers.

Well, of course, the inevitable happened. Hayley took the test and found she was not pregnant. Well duh! Then she starts crying like a maniac and lashes out a Ryan for no other reason than she's an ass for getting her hopes up so high after she's been healthy for a week. This all points to one thing... Hayley gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award.

Adrian had a heart to heart talk with his mother, Aunt Viv... uh, I mean Alice, this week. Adrian's hurt about not being told that Alice was not his mother has resurfaced. Well maybe not even resurfaced, it's probably always been there. But Alice's presence in Pine Valley now has brought it back to the forefront. Alice wants Adrian to try and accept Opal into his life, as his mother. But Adrian tells Alice that he just doesn't have those special feelings for Opal. That bond that Opal seems to think is there... for Adrian, it isn't. He says that Opal and Tad are just people. Of course Opal overhears this conversation because, hey, how would people on soaps find out anything if they didn't eavesdrop! Opal is upset, but Alice tells her to give him time. I'm still holding out for Tad and Adrian to go into the PI business together. How perfect would that be!? Besides, it's not like Tad ever works at WRCW anymore.

At the hospital, everyone is thrilled to see Baby Colby. Joe even thanks Dr. Hayward, and calls him David! Even David is stunned by that. And as all the men... Joe, Jake, and Tad moon over Colby, Dixie goes to talk to Liza. The two bond over motherhood and all I can think of is how Dixie and Liza both know that Adam fixed the custody hearing so that Mateo would get Max and neither has ever said anything. I wonder how either of them would like it if someone took their kid! And poor Jake. He's so thrilled with fatherhood. So thrilled in fact, that he is actually civil to David! I feel bad for Jake. He's going to be devastated when he finds out he is not that little girls father.

While all this is going on, Erica is telling Adam that she knows he's Colby's father. Adam at first plays dumb, but when Erica tells Adam that she saw David's file, he tries to explain his actions to her. Erica is disgusted by him though. She makes Adam squirm because she has this information and he has no idea what she's going to do with it. Erica is holding all the cards. She hates David because she realized that it was this information that was making him drive so recklessly in the blizzard and caused the accident. And she's sickened by what Adam has done to Liza. Adam tries to appeal to Erica to cover for him, but she's not interested. Then he suggests that they team up to get Hayward. But Erica informs him that he deserves everything David is doing to him. Adam is definitely nervous about what Erica might do with this newly remembered information.

Back in Liza's room, Marian and Stuart arrive. Marian is talking a mile a minute and goes right past Colby, never even seeing her! Then when she does, she is so moved and starts to cry. How cute is it that Colby will call Marian, Mimi, instead of Grandma! I love it. It's adorable. I've never heard that before, is it common anywhere? Anyway, as Stuart is holding the baby, he points out how much she looks like himself and Adam when they were babies. And, like clockwork, David enters the room and says he knows why that is. Adam gets visibly hot under the collar and David goes on about how, since they want Adam to be the father, they are visualizing that Colby looks like him. Yadda yadda yadda, then he spouts off some medical mumbo jumbo about transference.

Adam takes David out into the hall for a little chat and tells him to knock it off with all the innuendo. David just laughs and enjoys Adam's torture. David is having so much fun with this, and I have to admit, so am I. It's not often we see someone get the better of Adam Chandler, and I am truly loving it. David tells Adam that his own guilt will be his downfall. That he won't be able to handle it forever and then tells him the classic Edgar Allen Poe story, "The Telltale Heart." This was the coolest! And gets this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. Adam listened to David tell the story as if paralyzed. He never uttered a sound or word while David continued with the torture. Poor Adam, he honestly thinks that he will be able to make Liza understand why he did what he did. Poor disillusioned Adam.

Adam decides he has to see Erica, so he heads to her house. He's stunned when Vanessa answers the door. Adam is definitely on edge while Vanessa tries hard to find out what Adam wants with Erica. Erica shows up then, and sends Vanessa on an errand to Enchantment to get her out of the house. Good move Erica! Vanessa would surely eavesdrop if she just sent her out of the room. After she's gone, Adam tries to appeal to Erica again, to keep his secret. He tells her that he knows he can make Liza understand but Erica is not buying it, not for a second. Just then, Brooke comes over to make sure that Erica is OK after being hounded by the press at SOS. Erica seizes this opportunity to make Adam squirm even more by bringing Brooke in on the conversation she and Adam are having. The two women agree that Adam will never change his ways, even through Brooke has no clue what they are really talking about. Adam is not amused by any of it. Adam shouldn't really worry about Erica spilling the beans to Liza though, I have a feeling that honor is going to go to none other than, Vanessa, I Love To Tell People Bad News, Bennett. Sure she doesn't know yet, but she will.

Vanessa stops by the hospital on her way to Enchantment to see David. David is immediately hostile and tells her that he knows that she has been sending the media after Erica. Of course, Vanessa denies it. But then she tells David that Erica and Adam have put their heads together about something. David gets a bit concerned about whatever that might be and heads straight over to Erica's.

After Brooke leaves, she and Adam get down to business and she tells Adam he should just have David killed. Adam doesn't want to go that far! He tells her that David has put proof of Colby's paternity in his safety deposit box and gave his lawyer instructions to deliver a letter to Liza with the truth if anything should happen to him. Suddenly, David shows up at the door, flowers in hand. Adam begs Erica to protect him. Finally she agrees. Once Adam leaves, Erica and David talk. She tells him that she's got no one anymore... no one to trust. David tells her that she can trust in him. You could actually see the, "yeah right" Erica wants to say. Instead she bashes him in the head with her hand mirror.

Over at Raquel's condo, Damien wants to call his daddy, but Raquel says no, that it's too early. Whine whine whine, and Raquel caves in and lets him call Mateo at SOS. They are in the midst of cleaning up from the big opening the night before. Damien wants Mateo to come over and see him, but Mateo is busy. Whine whine whine, and Mateo caves in and leaves the clean up to Hayley and Ryan. You know Assholeo, if you're going to run a business, you are going to have to be a bit more responsible to it and not drop everything to pacify the demon spawn's every whim.

Once there, Mateo and Raquel are talking. Mateo picks up the newspaper with the story about SOS's grand opening on the front page and notices that Damien had x'd out Hayley's face. Mateo tells Raquel that they need to tell Damien about the divorce, especially since she signed the papers and it's a done deal. Raquel tries to put him off, saying Damien might get upset. But Mateo persists, telling Raquel that he and Hayley are getting married and that she might be pregnant. This news does not make Raquel too happy, especially since she thought that Hayley could not have kids. She starts talking about how upset Damien is going to be if Hayley has a baby. Uh, too bad! That has to be the most coddled kid ever... suck it up Damien, this is life! I'm sure that Mateo, Raquel and even Hayley will help him deal, but to put your life on hold because he might get upset is too much.

Mateo finally convinces Raquel to tell Damien about the divorce and how he is going to marry Hayley. What I can't believe is that he didn't go ahead and tell little Damien that he's going to have a little brother or sister too! Everyone else was told, why not him too! And just as Raquel suspected, Damien was not thrilled with the news and told Mateo that he hates him and took off. Mateo had to go run after him, leaving Raquel alone. And when he catches up to Damien in the park, instead of punishing the kid for running off alone where anything could happen to him, he tells the brat a story and buys him a hot dog! That'll learn him!

At Enchantment, my girl Janet is doing her work in Erica's office so she can keep an eye on Vanessa. Vanessa is on the phone talking to someone about, what it seems like, getting Fabio to do the new Enchantment campaign! Well Vanessa is not real thrilled with having Janet babysit her. Then Myrtle shows up and it's more than Vanessa can stand so she leaves. Just then, Janet tells Myrtle that Vanessa is trying to ruin Erica, but Janet isn't sure what to do about it. Then Myrtle gives us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Honey, you and I have done quite a few scams in our day, now if we can't put our heads together and figure out a way to blow Madame Bennett clean out of the water, then we'd better give up our union cards." Myrtle tells Janet that they need to get proof that Vanessa is the one who keeps sending Jerry Reeves to every place that Erica is. So Janet phones him under the guise of being Vanessa's assistant. When Vanessa walks in as Janet is trying to get the goods, Myrtle shuffles her back out. Janet tapes the conversation, getting all the proof she needs because Jerry says right out that Vanessa tipped him off. When Myrt and Vanessa come back, Janet informs her that she's about to be kicked out of Erica's life and plays her the tape. Vanessa plays dumb, and pretends to have a reasonable excuse for what Jerry said, but Janet tells her to get out of town and she won't tell Erica about this. Janet and Myrtle leave, feeling victorious, but unfortunately, Janet has left the books in Erica's office, and Vanessa sees them and is going to sabotage Janet's accounting. Even though she left the books, Janet gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for showing some of her old self again!