The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


May 13, 2002

I'm so excited! There's so much to talk about...really! But first, of course, my cd selections for this writing: Bauhaus "1979-1983 Volume Two" (I'm still on that high from the Peter Murphy show last week! wow!), The New York Dolls (self titled), Cocteau Twins "Head Over Heels," Soul Coughing "Irresistible Bliss," and They Might Be Giants "Flood" I know most of you probably don't care about this stuff at all, but I liken it to when you're in high school and have the music blasting while doing your homework. Your mom probably didn't understand it, but hey, it works!

Without further ado... Can we talk about the total ick factor with this Roger and Simone relationship? Not that Roger isn't a handsome guy, he is. But Simone is way hot and Roger is so smarmy. I wonder how he knows Trey's blackmailer. I wonder how much Roger really has to do with Proteus. I wonder if Roger is really Proteus. Nah, couldn't be. Why would he have to use Greenlee's credit card to buy Simone flowers if he was. Anyway, here's Simone, this total babe with that smoldering voice and she's doing it with guy who wears an ascot!? Please, PASS ME THE HANDBAG right now! To complicate matters, neither Simone nor Roger want Greenlee to know about this liaison. That might be difficult since Greenlee and Simone have become fast friends. I like it, Greenlee has never had a girlfriend on the show and now she's got one in Simone. Unfortunately it will probably end when she finds out her galpal is boning her father, who by the way, is still married. I suspect it will come out when Greenlee gets her next credit card statement. Duh. I have to admit, Greenlee has been really cool with Simone, well aside from the constant badgering about her "mystery squeeze." Once Greens realized that Simone wasn't after Leo, she totally lightened up. They binge out on junk food in a total girls gripe about the men night. And now, with her new fancy job at Revlon, Greens wants to hire Simone as her assistant. She even asked her to be maid of honor! I guess the fact that I actually like Greenlee and Simone's friendship means it's destined to fail.

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Back to Revlon for a second... how is it that they are picking up the bill for Greenlee and Leo's wedding? That totally threw me for a loop. Since when do companies pay for their employees weddings? I don't get it. It's not like Greenlee is famous, she's not Erica yet for goodness sakes. I guess in the next few months AMC needs to toss that Revlon name all over the place since they shelled out such huge bucks for that very thing. You'd think they could come up with something better. I am looking forward to Erica's confrontation with Greenlee though. Erica played this whole thing totally wrong. She may have wanted Revlon to take Kendall instead of Greenlee for that job in Paris, but berating and demoting Greenlee wasn't the way to keep her in her good graces. The whole thing was confusing and stupid.

Leo decides that he will help Anna recover Vanessa's drug money in exchange for all charges against him being dropped. Anna agrees to the deal and Leo heads to Oak Haven to see Vanessa. He plays her, telling her he misses her and wants to help her. How he loves her and they need to get back to how they were. Vanessa plays him right back by agreeing and playing along with everything he said. Part one of Leo's plan, whatever that is, has been set in motion.

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And back to Revlon again, Kendall went to their offices (which are where? Pine Valley? Fancy that) to offer them some of Erica's corporate secrets in hopes of landing a job there. Little did she know that she was actually meeting with Greenlee who gave her the whole story about how Mommy Dearest Erica played her for a fool. Kendall is totally floored.... Erica trick her? How unusual. Well this is the last time (HA!) that Erica will play her for a fool. She heads over to the Valley Inn where she is supposed to be having dinner with Ryan, Chris and Erica. After she sits down, she pulls out a gun and holds it on Erica. She tells her she knows all about her scheme to get rid of her and has come for revenge. Chris tries to protect Erica, but Erica really doesn't need protecting. She never misses a beat and even with a gun being held on her she tells Kendall exactly how it is... she will never chose her over Bianca. She tells Kendall that yes, she did set her up, but it was up to Kendall to take the bait and Kendall did. Kendall sealed her own fate. Say what you will about Erica, but that is one tough broad. Nothing phases her. It's really pretty cool. She tried to talk Vanessa into letting Greenlee go when she had the knife against her throat, and now she is brutally honest with Kendall while Kendall is holding a gun on her. Sure, they are in the Valley Inn and it's clear that Kendall will not fire it. But still. In true La Kane fashion, she walks out in huff.

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Ryan talks Kendall into putting the gun down and Chris takes it from her. He finds that it was not loaded anyway. Chris is pretty ticked that Erica lied to him again about her efforts to make amends with Kendall, but Ryan urges him to go to her, and he does. But when Ryan turns around, Kendall has vanished. He finds her hysterically crying in the park. She tells him to leave her alone, she wants to be alone. But Ryan isn't listening to her pleas and instead picks her up and carries her back to the Pine Cone. Ryan tells Kendall that he cares about her, he wants to be with her and he wants to make her happy. Kendall is confused by the word "happy," she doesn't understand what Ryan means. Ryan is too tired to explain it now, and the two go to sleep. Kendall sneaks out while Ryan is still asleep.

Over at La Kane's house, Chris and Erica are making up. Chris has finally given in and decided that he cannot change Erica, so he might as well just accept her the way she is. Good move Chris. Bianca, who has moved back home, hears them talking about Chris staying over to protect them and is shocked to hear that Kendall has held a gun on Erica. That is the last straw for Bianca, she writes Kendall off. When Kendall arrives to talk to Bianca, Bianca isn't interested in anything Kendall has to say. Since Kendall is not really on an even keel, she lashes out at Bianca. She had hoped that Bianca would understand and forgive her. Ultimately, Bianca has sided with Erica, much to Erica's delight and Kendall's disgust.

I have to say (again probably) that I think Alicia Minshew (Kendall) is doing one hell of a fantastic job in this role. As a huge fan of Sarah Michelle Gellar, I was skeptical that anyone could pull off the role of Kendall as well, but she has! I'm not saying I understand all that Kendall is about... not by a long shot. But I never did understand all that Kendall was about. I kind of do, then suddenly I don't. I really don't get her animosity towards Erica. OK, she's got abandonment issues, that's clear. But Erica was just a child herself when she gave up Kendall and she was given to a very loving and nurturing home. She wasn't on the streets, she wasn't beaten or abused. I'm sure there is some cache with learning your biological mother is someone famous, but still. She has done so many awful things to Erica and Bianca, why would Erica ever welcome her into the family? She has never tried to make amends, she's only done more and more to lash out because she's not accepted. Every time she does something horrible, she expects forgiveness and to be a part of the family. When that doesn't happen, she concocts another plan to get to Erica and/or Bianca. It's a vicious cycle. But Alicia Minshew gives Kendall heart (pardon the pun). Kendall truly wants to belong but is so consumed by her jealousy of Bianca, so consumed with her need to destroy the mother who abandoned her, that she doesn't know how to achieve that sense of belonging. Maybe Ryan can help her with this.

After she storms out of Erica's house, Ryan is there to once again pick up the pieces. He tells her she has to go back and knocks on the door with her. Just as they get there though, the cops arrive and serve Kendall with a summons. Kendall, who I have to say, in not one of her more brilliant moves, starts screaming about how Erica turned her in for pulling a gun on her. Duh Kendall, that's not why they were there! It seems that Jack has brought charges against her for giving Bianca (a minor) two bottles of champagne. Jack also spills the beans that it was Kendall who called Donald Steele and told him that Bianca was driving drunk. Bianca is devastated and asks Kendall if she really hates her that much. Kendall says yes, she does. I think she's lying. Kendall puts up a lot of defense mechanisms. Shattered, Bianca tosses Kendall out of the house while Erica beams with pride.

By the way... did you notice that the huge portrait of Erica above her fireplace is gone? I always envisioned someone throwing a drink at it like Rhett did to the huge portrait of Scarlet in "Gone with the Wind."

Chris decides that he needs to move in to Erica's house to protect her and Bianca from whatever treachery Kendall can cook up next. He decides to move into the guest room. Is it possible that Erica and Chris have not boinked at all yet? I think it is. There have been several times when it was headed that way, but then we were told that Chris went to the guest room. Interesting. Even Bianca isn't buying that they haven't been intimate! I guess Chris is just an old fashion guy. He has the ring ready by the way, but he hasn't yet proposed.

Ryan wants to "save" Kendall from herself. He's got a huge job ahead of him. He's got a lot of barriers to break down. And being the romantic hero his first order of business in his quest to save his woman is to take her to bed.

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Color me shocked, while Ryan and Kendall are basking in the afterglow, she tells him about Del. Del... remember him? Dixie's brother who Kendall left Pine Valley with a few years ago to go back to Florida and help take care of her adoptive mother, Alice Hart. Kendall tells Ryan she never had a real relationship. I know her relationship with Anton wasn't exactly a great one, but I thought she and Del really did have something. I guess for storyline reasons, she didn't now.

Trey is blackmailing Mia. Mia refuses to give in. Trey pressures Mia. Mia refuses to betray Liza and give him her money. Trey threatens Mia. Mia refuses to give in. Jake sees Trey strong arming Mia. Mia covers. Trey threatens to expose Mia. Mia refuses to give in. Jake see Trey harassing Mia. Mia covers. Trey threatens Mia. Mia finally gives in and steals Liza's money. Anyone care?

Trey so far seems to have zero redeeming qualities. He has no humanity to him. Just a tip AMC, but if you don't give him some kind of heart soon we'll be hearing that old "written into a corner" or "storyline dictated" excuse for his departure. Which would be a shame. He's got some great potential... just give the guy a conscience!

Mia is hiding something which seems to be the father of her baby's identity. Why this is something anyone is going to care about is beyond me. But it is something Mia seems to want to keep hidden. In fact, she wants this so bad that she even told Jake that Trey was the babies father. And while everyone at the Chandler house trusts and loves Mia, she is deceiving them because she cannot seem to be honest about this. Bad move. This will end up backfiring on her because "I have nothing better to do" Hayley is snooping around. If anyone needed a slap this week it was Hayley, so why not give it to her... Hayley is this weeks recipient of the DIXIE COONEY MARTIN COMMEMORATIVE SLAP AWARD. Doesn't she have a kid to look after? Which reminds me:

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Hayley is very suspicious of Mia's intentions toward the family, stating that she came out of nowhere. Well Hayley honey, SO DID YOU! She came out of nowhere as Trevor's niece and was suddenly found to be Adam's daughter, now she feels the need to be watchdog over the Chandler billions, like the $20,000 Mia asked for, for her son's medical care, is going to break Adam's bank. And since when does Adam need a watchdog anyway!? And by the way Hayley, if you don't get that damn smirk off your face I'm going to scream!!! OK. I'm calm. The only good thing about all this is that we didn't have to see Mateo's dang digit of death in Mia's face every two seconds. He was too busy back at SOS, which leads me to....

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I'm sure there has been a storyline as stupid as this one with Jamie, but at the moment I'm hard pressed to think of one. I could understand that the kid freaked out when Vanessa grabbed him thinking he was her son, but that doesn't seem to have anything to do with his odd behavior. He has suddenly decided that he wants Brooke and Tad to be back together. This after he helped Phoebster, Sam and Maddie get them together at the Crystal Ball. How much sense does this make? None. And to top it all off, Tad is being a big jerk and acting like he has nothing to do with the fact that Jamie has no stability. Gee Tad, how many times did you and Dixie get married and divorced? And suddenly Tad doesn't like Edmund. How come I remember when they were good friends but TPTB don't? Why can't they just check a little history!? I distinctly remember Tad and Edmund working together to bring Maddie back after Dimitri and GloHo took her to Hungary. Remember this... when Ed and Tad dressed in drag at the airport in Hungary so they wouldn't be discovered? They were great friends then. I just don't get why Tad suddenly hates him. Did I miss something? Is he jealous that Brooke is happy and his life is in shambles? Is he that much of a dufus?

All of this transfers to Jamie not speaking. He hasn't spoken in weeks as he plots for ways to get Tad and Brooke in the same room. Isn't he a little old for this kind of behavior? It seems pretty horribly ill conceived to me. Jamie could have had any number of problems that Brooke and Tad would have to band together to help him through.. problems in school, psychological damage from Vanessa's hold on him, issues with the fact that his formerly bestest buddy JR is never around. Anything at all. I suppose it's normal for a kid to not want his mother to remarry, but as I said, he helped them get together so this all falls pretty short in my book. He's so consumed with this that he even sends Brooke a dozen roses, using Phoebster's credit card and signs Tad's name. (As an aside, while trying to figure out who sent the flowers, Brooke mentions that Phoebs is on a dig with Langley so it couldn't be her. Just when is AMC going to do right by Louis Edmonds and work in his real life passing!! This is absurd already!) Suddenly Opal arrives and puts it all in perspective with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when, in regards to Jamie's lack of talking she says, "You know, I just cannot wrap my hairdo around the idea that somebody from my gene pool has just stopped talking." Thank you Opal, I can't wrap my hairdo around it either!

Things are not going to get any better any time soon for Jamie either. While talking about how much he misses Dixie to Opal, Tad receives an overnight letter from Dixie telling him how much she loves him, how she wants to come home and oh, by the way I'm having our baby. She goes on to tell him how sorry she is for leaving him but couldn't let anything stand in her way of having this child. Tad is shocked and overjoyed. I'm so glad that Opal is there to share the joy of this news with him and it's so moving that I am giving it the SCENE OF THE WEEK. Opal is there to experience the happiness her son has been longing for, short lived as it may be. Dixie tells Tad in the letter that their daughter is perfectly healthy and so is she. All the danger has passed now that she is in her third trimester and she wants to come home. Tad tells Opal that of course he will take her back.

At the same time that Tad is reading his letter, David is reading one from Dixie too, telling him that she is telling Tad the truth and coming home. Anna's a little surprised to actually hear Dixie say in the letter that she is carrying Tad's baby. I guess she still thought David was lying about that. David decides this is a good time to bring up the idea of starting his own family. He wants Anna to have a baby. What are you loopy!? What has happened to that awesome David, that edgy, manipulative, downright creepy guy. I loved that guy. I miss that guy. I don't want this sniveling loser with no edge at all, begging his wife of convenience to have his baby. Where is the David that wanted to destroy all the Martin's? Where did he go!! Bring him back!!! For the record, I love that David has a soft side, but this ridiculous!

Anna isn't keen on the idea of having a baby with David, and who could blame her. They married to keep him out of jail. They didn't marry in some grand love gesture. And now that David has found out that his father was a fraud and always knew his mother was a fraud, he needs to build his own family? Blech. No thanks. But it turns out that Anna's reason for not wanting a child with David are not what I'm thinking at all. She's worried about the genetic possibilities of mental problems. Oh please, like you're the picture of mental health Anna!?

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David heads over to Tad's to talk to him about Dixie's return and Tad is not at all pleased to see David, nor is he too pleased to find out that David knew all about Dixie's pregnancy and where she has been this whole time. It seems that Tad doesn't know that there is a new and improved David so he tells him to get out of their lives for good and never bother any of them again. Maybe if he knew that David was now an upstanding citizen, he wouldn't have acted so harshly. I can't figure out why David went there in the first place, but that's besides the point.

Tad shares his blissful news about Dixie and the baby with Brooke. She urges him to go to Europe and bring Dixie home right away, she will take care of Jamie. Tad decides she's right and heads out immediately to go make arrangements and talk to JR. JR is shocked and thrilled to hear the news about his mother and his new baby sister.

Everyone is sharing the joy, but back at Brooke's things suddenly take a drastic turn.

Opal arrives, looking as though her whole world has collapsed. Without uttering a sound, Opal conveyed more emotion than most people do with pages of dialogue and earns this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. The news is not good, and involves Dixie. In fact, the news is so terrible that Brooke goes to the airport and actually boards the plane that Tad is on so she can give him the news in person before he leaves. I think that's illegal but let's not quibble, it's an emotional scene. I hope everyone knows by now what has happened because I'm going to talk about it. If you don't want to know, stop here! Brooke delivers the devastating news that Dixie and their unborn child have died in a car accident in Zurich. I just have to say, while I'm not fan of Dixie, I think that all this really stinks. No, not that Dixie is dead. But why did they have to make her pregnant? Why did AMC have to kill another child? It's really ridiculous. (Laura Cudahy, Donna's baby burning at the Chateau, Maria's miscarriage, Liza's miscarriage, Erica's miscarriage, Dixie's miscarriage, Gloria's premature baby Anna Claire, etc). Couldn't she just go away to find herself or whatever? Why involve a baby? It's just really uncalled for.

This weeks AMC gets a B- I don't know why it's dropping in the ratings, I think it's way better than a year ago at this time. True, the Leo/Greenlee never ending make up and break up is getting dull, there's not nearly enough Vanessa lately, and this Jamie thing is beyond horrible. But for the most part, it's holding my interest pretty well. That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement, there always is. But the writing is just so much better. I like that not everything is so obvious. I don't know what Mia is still hiding. I don't know how Roger is involved with Trey. I don't know what is going to happen with Vanessa. I like that a lot!