The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



May 1, 2000

The search for Stuart is in full swing, and Scott and Becca are on the right track. They knocked on Esther's trailer door and, as if they all see each other everyday, asked Esther if she's seen Stuart. Now, you and I both know that Esther is a woman of few words and simple means. The fact that her eyes bugged out of her head at the mention of Stuart, the fact that she kept looking over her shoulder into the trailer, and the fact that moaning noises were coming from inside should have been big clues for these two... the NYU student who has never gone to NYU, and the tutor. But, Esther tells them she hasn't seen Stuart, but she has a big angry dog in the trailer, and if it wakes up it will tear them to pieces. They buy this stupid story and leave.

You know, when they were wandering around the beach area where Stuart actually landed after Arlene mowed him down, how come they didn't find his shoe? I recall that he lost a shoe after the accident and that is how Arlene realized she hit someone. She dropped it and got back in the car, so it's still there somewhere.

Well, later Scott and Becca go back to the cabin to see if maybe Stuart has shown up there. As they approach, they see smoke coming out of the chimney so they are sure Stuart is there and start to pound on the door. The bum, who is really there and not Stuart, hears them and runs out the back. In case you don't remember, the previous week when Stuart is laying on the beach unconscious and the bum comes by, takes his wallet, his ring, his coat and his watch. So all that stuff is laying around the cabin. Scott and Becca get inside, see the fire going, see Stuart's wallet and watch and then... they leave. Yep, these two rocket scientists leave the cabin thinking Stuart is holed up there and leave with a fire going.

They head over to WRCW, because you know, that's where everyone goes at any time. It's the Boathouse of the new millennium. Anyway, they get there just as Marian is about to go live on TV to make a plea for Stuart to come home. Marian is off freshening up when they arrive so Liza tells them to say nothing to Marian, she doesn't want to get her hopes up only to have them dashed later. That's kind of an odd move, since they really have no reason to think it isn't Stuart who's there, it is his stuff after all. But fine, they don't say anything and Marian goes live on "To Tell the Truth" or "Nothing But the Truth" or "Truth or Consequences" whatever that show is called.

Having been broken out of Oakhaven by Arlene (I'll get to that later), Adam also goes straight to WRCW, although for him it makes more sense since Liza works there. Adam sees that Marian is going to make a plea on TV and he wants to be the one to do it instead of her. Liza tells him no way, Marian is his wife and she will make more of an impact. Adam makes some stupid comments about Marian and I see he's really learned nothing from this experience. As he watches Marian plead for Stuart's safe return, Adam gets irate and bursts into the set and takes over, making his own plea for Stuart to come home. Marian and Adam get into a shouting match on live TV as they argue about who loves and cares about Stuart more. Adam comes off like a raving lunatic and I think maybe they weren't too far off by having him committed!

Over at the trailer, Esther is keeping a beside vigil next to Stuart. She has a flashback to their breakup, if it can really be called that. When Esther was on before, her departure was fluffed off by her going to see her sister, who was ill. AMC very wisely picked it up there. When she got back, she was getting ready to go see Stuart when he arrived at the trailer. Stuart told her that he thought she was never coming back and he has a new friend now. Esther didn't get the subtly at first, until he explained that his friends name is Marian and he really likes her. Suddenly it's starting to sink in and Stuart tells her that since he never heard from her or answered any of his letters, he thought she was gone for good. Well, Esther wrote him all the time. And he wrote her too. But neither ever got the letters. Some postal carrier has hell to pay for that one! Anyway, that is how they stopped seeing each other and I thank AMC for giving us that explanation.

As luck would have it, Esther leaves Stuart's side for a moment and turns on the TV just in time to see Marian talking about her husband Stuart. Esther is shocked that they are married and continues to watch as things disintegrate and Adam breaks in. She watches these two fighting and decides that Stuart is much better off without them, so she's going to keep him with her. I have to say, I'm not at all happy about Esther's run this time. I loved her when she was on AMC before. She was sweet and kind. She and Stuart were so adorable, not that I don't want him to be with Marian... I do. I think Stuart and Marian are a great couple. But I did like him with Esther too. And this time around they've made Esther this delusional stalker type. I guess they've explained it well enough, that she was in love with Stuart, that he saved her from a life of loneliness only to send her right back there when he rejected her. Of course, it wasn't intentional but delusional people rarely see it that way. Anyway, I find it disappointing to see Esther this way.

Let's go back to Adam busting out of Oakhaven. Adam is trying to con his way out of there by telling Dr. Benton that he really wants to get well. Evidently Adam doesn't think that every new patient would try this stupid ploy and that Dr. Benton wouldn't be smart enough to pick up on it. And right as the doc leaves Adam's room, he runs into Brooke and Arlene, who are wondering the halls aimlessly. I guess Oakhaven doesn't have an admissions office. Anyway, Brooke wants to get Arlene admitted into their detox program. It seems that, after taking Arlene in, Brooke found her chugging a bottle of her best cognac. Brooke goes off with Dr. Benton to try and work out Arlene's admittance into the program, and they leave Arlene on a bench sitting right outside of Adam's room. How convenient. So Arlene sits down and starts to file her nails when Adam spots her and tries to get her attention by knocking on the window. Arlene sees him and says this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, to no one in particular, "That cognac must have packed a punch, that is one ugly hallucination."

When Arlene realizes she isn't dreaming, she goes over to see what Adam wants and he asks her to help him get out. Arlene isn't exactly thrilled to help Adam, so at first she refuses, but when Adam offers her anything, she starts to think it over. She slips her nail file under the door for him, which just happens to be metal.. the file I mean. Just then an orderly happens by and is suspicious of her being outside a patients room. Arlene plays up to him to divert his attention from Adam and tells the guy this big story about nymphomania running in her family. She goes off with the orderly to show him just how bad her problem is, and when she returns, she has a key for the room Adam is in. She tells Adam she'll let him out if he'll get her place to live, money and help getting back in Hayley's good graces. Adam very reluctantly agrees and the next thing we see is Brooke and Dr. Benton coming back to find Arlene, and instead find Adam's door ajar, Adam gone and Arlene sleeping in his bed. Gotta love that Arlene!

So, now let's go forward to Scott and Becca telling Adam and Marian that Stuart is at the cabin, so like a maniac Adam insists on going. Tad and Liza decide to take him, in between Adam's ranting about how it's all Tad's fault. That's right Adam, take no responsibility for being such a louse. What they don't know is that the bum came back after falling in the lake and went to sit over by the fire. As he started to doze off he nudged some newspaper into the fire and the cabin went up in flames. Tad, Adam and Liza arrive at the outskirts of Willow Lake and can get no further because of a police block. The very sane Adam Chandler tries to break through the police to get to the cabin but they grab onto him and won't let go. Adam screams about needing to get through to see his brother, but they are not letting him go. I guess it's his own guilt at work, but Tad creates a diversion by feigning an asthma attack.

When the cops go try to tend to him, Liza signals to Adam to go and he races through the woods to get to the cabin, only to be stopped again by some firemen. Super Adam breaks through those firemen and into the cabin. When he comes out, Liza and Tad have arrived and Adam happily tells Liza that Stuart is not in there. Adam goes off into the woods to see if he can find Stuart and when he's gone, the firemen bring out a body bag. They tell Liza the body is badly burned but that a ring was found next to him and they had it to Liza. It's Stuart's wedding band. She tells Tad that when Marian put it on his finger, he never took it off again. I guess that's proof positive that it's Stuart in the bag. Interesting coming from Liza, who didn't want to get Marian's hopes up that Stuart was even there when Scott and Becca saw all his stuff, but now that she sees his ring next to a dead body, it's him. That's a pretty huge assumption. When Adam returns, he sees the body bag and a tearful Liza hands Adam Stuart's ring. I have to admit, I know it wasn't Stuart and I still welled up. That is until Adam morphs into Stanley in "Streetcar Named Desire" and starts screaming "STUART!!!!!!" Geez, would someone please cart him back to Oakhaven??

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK - Edmund and Alex discuss their disgusting display of lust, decide neither had regrets, briefly discuss Maria and Dimitri and thankfully, that's about it for them this week. A little more nonsense... Rae called Myrtle with an update on finding her daughter. Seems she found the bible that had her name in it, but those pages were torn out. zzzzzzzzzz

Let's head over to the Valley Inn and the Paolo is murdered aftermath. Everyone is freaking out and there is a lot to cover here, so please bear with me. Derek is questioning Leo because, well he was standing over the body. Leo though seems rather oblivious to his plight and walks off when Derek turns his back. Erica is shocked when she sees the body. Palmer hides a blood stain on his shirt cuff. With everyone congregating at the crime scene, Nessie takes this opportunity to point the finger at Erica and tells Derek that Erica was paying Paolo for sex. Erica vehemently denies this accusation and gives Nessie a big slap on the face. Ironic since it'll probably be Erica that gets this week's slap award, but let's see how it goes.

Derek, who I have to say, is not the brightest cop in the universe, finally clears the room of all the people. So out in the hall, Leo tells Nessie that Paolo is the one who was blackmailing him. As Nessie stands there hyperventilating, he tells her that he knows that she was having an affair with Paolo and saw her rolling around in bed with him like a dog in heat. He gives a potential line of the week when he says, "And I thought you only got that enthused at the jewelers." Nessie is not amused. Realizing they can both be considered suspects, Nessie tells Leo they should protect each other.

This is all happening before the televised plea for Stuart, so Marian is there to find Derek. She wants them to start looking for Stuart since it's been over 24 hours since he's been missing. As they bring down Paolo's body and through the bar, yeah that would happen, Marian rushes over thinking it's Stuart and lifts the sheet down from the body. When she sees it's Paolo, she shrieks and faints. Tad goes over to Derek, tells him he's his best friend and to please start looking for Stuart. Huh?? How many best friends does Tad have? I wonder how long it will be until he proclaims Adam as his best friend. Derek asks him how Marian knows the deceased and Tad inadvertently incriminates Leo further by telling Derek that Adam hired Leo to set up Marian, and that Paolo was the one he set her up with.

Palmer corners Leo and asks him if Nessie was having an affair with Paolo. Leo doesn't admit to anything, but he does notice the blood on Palmer's cuff and believes he is the one who killed Paolo. When Nessie gets Leo alone again, she tell him that Palmer's jet is fueled up and ready to take him out of the country. Leo is not too happy that his mother thinks he's guilty and tells her that maybe she should look elsewhere for the killer.

Erica tells David that Paolo stole a tape from her that she had of him trying to con her and that if the police find it, it will incriminate her. David tells her he has the tape. She's shocked and thinks David killed Paolo to protect her. Is she horrified? Nope, she's thrilled. David tells Erica that he knew Paolo drugged her because he knows how much her sobriety means to her. Such a wonderful show of faith, one she doesn't seem to be able to return. She suggests that he killed Paolo, and David gives her a very amused grin, but doesn't deny it. Thinking he's a suspect, Erica tells Derek that David was with her all night and then they skip out when Derek turns his back to them to question Tramplee. He's a hell of a smart guy that Derek. Tramplee has no clue what is going on because she ran out in a snit when she saw Ryan talking to Gillian. Hell she doesn't even know who Derek is. Frustrated, he turns to see that Erica and David are gone and when he turns back to Tramplee, she's gone. This is like watching the Keystone Cops.

Opal corners Palmer and tells him that she's worried about Erica because she heard her threaten to kill Paolo. Nessie is of course eavesdropping. Opal is worried about what she will say when Derek questions her, so when he does start, she tells him she won't answer anything until her lawyer is present and leaves. Palmer goes to confront Nessie on why his plane is fueled and waiting and she stammers something about how she got it read so Erica can make a fast getaway, knowing how much Palmer cares for her. PC informs her that he has more faith in Erica than she does and knows she's not guilty so he canceled the plane. Nessie huffs and puffs her way over to Derek and informs him that she overheard Opal saying that Erica told her she took care of Paolo.

Tramplee was sitting in the park earlier, crying over Ryan when Gilly happened by. Gilly tried to comfort her and told her she knows what she's going through and that she herself has tried to kill her feelings for Ryan. This is not good news to the Tramp, because Gilly is basically admitting that she's still in love with Ryan, even though Gilly herself told him only a short time before she ran into Tramplee that she wants nothing to do with him. So, after that little heart to heart on the park bench, Tramplee decides that she needs to be more like Gillian in order to win Ryan's heart. She's going to be so much like Gillian in fact, she's going to be more like Gillian than even Gillian is. Got that? OK... so Tramplee heads back over to the Valley Inn to find Ryan but instead runs into Derek and blah blah blah, we went through this already. So when she finds Leo, he's a bit distressed and he tells her that Paolo has been murdered and he's the prime suspect. Tramplee says there is no way that Leo could murder anyone and Leo is touched by her show of faith. Her concern quickly fades when she wants to talk about herself and she tells Leo about her plan to become Gillian. Leo tells her that the plan is ludicrous and to "give it up!"

Later Leo and Nessie have another round when he tells her that Palmer asked him if Nessie was having an affair with Paolo. When she starts to hyperventilate again, he tells her that he covered for her and suggests that maybe Palmer was the one who killed Paolo and tells her about the spot of blood he saw on PC's cuff. Nessie doesn't think so, which kind of upsets Leo since she's so quick to think he did it.

Up in David's room, Erica and David are making up and Erica is telling David the whole Paolo story. She tells him she only did it because he dumped her and it's his own fault. They agree that they are back together where they belong and get down to some serious lovin. And just as the afterglow is starting, Derek, who has yet to call for assistance, arrives to question Erica. Only she thinks he's there to question David. When Derek starts to question her about her relationship with Paolo and why she was paying him, David ushers Derek out of the room. Erica is upset with David because she thinks it makes her look guilty and she has nothing to hide since she knows that David killed him. But David informs her that he did not kill Paolo. Erica gets ticked off that David didn't kill Paolo for her, garnering her this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. Can anyone really be so needy as to actually want their boyfriend to kill someone to prove their love?? Give me a break! Anyway, her annoyance is short lived as she realizes that someone else is the killer and then shows David the emerald she found and how that may just be the key to who killed Paolo.

The next day at WRCW, Leo tells Becca that he's a suspect in Paolo's murder. Palmer arrives and tells him that he has a meeting with PC's attorney, Walter Hines. Leo doesn't want anything to do with PC's attorney though since he's not guilty. Leo goes back to Becca and confides his fears to her, how he's worried that he could take the fall for murdering Paolo if it comes out that Paolo was blackmailing him. He asks her to divert Nessie's attention away from PC so he can get him alone. Becca takes Nessie into another room to talk about Leo and how concerned she is about him. Leo tells Palmer that he will not take the fall for him, and he knows that it was he who killed Paolo. Palmer is very amused by Leo's accusation and just nods. That is until Derek arrives to question Leo again. PC goes over to him and Leo actually thinks he intimidated PC and that PC is now going to help him. Leo is so happy he plants a big old kiss on Becca who is through resisting him and goes for it. But alas, Palmer isn't helping Leo, in fact he's making it worse for him and tells Derek that Leo just asked him to buy his freedom and that Paolo was blackmailing Leo. That's all Derek needed, and he goes over and arrests Leo for Paolo's murder as Becca watches in shock.

Gillian decides that what she needs to do is practice how to iron on one of Jake's lab coats so that when he comes back, she'll know how. Mm hmm, ok. Well it doesn't take a Scott or Becca to realize that she was going to ruin Jake's lab coat and she did. And right as she's tending to it, all the lights at Wildwind go out. She's there all alone too. She calls Joe in distress to come and help her, but he's not home. Next she calls Scott, but he's not home either and leaves a message to come to Wildwind right away. It's Ryan who gets the message and goes to her aid. Gillian has one of those big flashlights in hand when she hears a noise and calls out, but no one answers. Brilliant move. So when Ryan touches her shoulder from behind, she swings the flashlight around and bonks him in the head. Oops. She takes him over to the sofa and tends to him and already the sparks are flying. These two have chemistry out the wazoo! They start to talk and Gilly tells Ryan that she cannot get him out of her head no matter what she does. Ryan tells her that being near her or being far from her is torture. Gillian tells Ryan she still loves him. Ryan replies that Jake cannot handle her devotion and ran from it. He made the same mistake and now he can and doesn't want be apart from her. As Gilly tells Ryan that he is all she ever wanted, and Ryan tells Gilly that he dreams of being with her and wants her back, they enter into a big liplock and this is one hell of a SCENE OF THE WEEK. Soon the clothes are flying and the love making is about to commence. But then the lights go on and Joe arrives, breaking mine, Gillian and Ryan's mood. Damn that Joe, you big spoil sport! Ryan runs off so Joe doesn't see him and then Joe hands Gillian Jake's new cell phone number. It seems Jake wants Gillian to call him.

Ryan comes out of hiding and tells Gillian that a phone number does not change the fact that she still loves him. And with lots for both of them to think about, Ryan leaves. Gillian starts to fantasize about Ryan while she contemplates calling Jake. And by the way, if Jake wants to talk to her so bad, why doesn't he pick up the damn phone and call her! He's the one who left, he's the one who should do the calling. hmph!

After seeing such a lovely scene between Ryan and Gillian, I then have to endure the disgust of seeing Mateo and Hayley doing some lovin. These two are making me violently ill with their grotesque pillow talk. Hayley actually thanks Mateo for loving her. You know, if that's love, you can keep it. Mateo decides it's time for them to have a baby, and as they talk about starting a family, there is absolutely no mention of the son he already has. Nice. And then Hayley says that if they have a daughter, she wants her to marry a man just like Mateo. Please, I'm teetering on the brink of total barfarama here, somebody pass me the barf bag because this line did me in... Hayley actually says this to Mateo, "You're the dream of every beautiful thing I never knew existed until I met you." At this point, I'm wishing I were Paolo. As they get dressed and ready to go eat, Hayley wants to call Liza real quick and make sure that Stuart is OK. Nope, sorry Hayley, Mateo's hunger is more important and he drags her from the room before she can make that call because he wants dinner. What swell guy.

Amanda comes home from school kind of freaked because someone is following her. Janet and Tiffany try to assure her that no one is following her but she insists that someone is. When Jack arrives, he tells Janet that indeed the police are following Amanda, she's not crazy. Jack tells Janet that this could all end if she just says the word. It's time for Janet to confess. Jack is sure he can get Janet off without any jail time at all, then Trevor can come home and they can all be together. Janet isn't sure about this, and as the tears flow down her face, Jack walks over and whips them away. What a sweet gesture, one that reminds me how much I wanted to see these two get together instead of marrying her off to Trevor. Ahh, missed opportunities. Jack tells Janet never to use the words killed or murdered when she confesses because that isn't what she did, she defended herself. Janet tells Jack about how much she misses Trevor and how Amanda is falling apart. She confides her fears to him and pleads with him to help her do the right thing. She's so moving and so wonderful and I see how much I'm going to miss her. She is this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. When Jack leaves the room to go make the arrangements for Janet's confession, Mirror Janet apologizes to Janet for getting her in this mess in the first place. At first I'm actually thinking that Mirror Janet is remorseful, which is odd in and of itself, but when she starts saying how Jack, Brooke, Hayley... all of them want her to go to prison, I know that she's still Janet's paranoia. Mirror Janet urges Janet to kill Jack, and Janet seems to be going along with it, but I suspect that Janet will kill Mirror Janet instead.

A random thought ... why wasn't Arlene ever arrested for drunk driving for crashing into the community center?

This weeks AMC gets a B-. I think it would have gotten a higher grade if that disgusting display by Mateo and Hayley hadn't brought down the grading curve.