The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



March 9, 2004

Tunes: Redd Kross "Third Eye." "If I Were A Carpenter" compilation. "The Best of Tom Jones." "Saturday Morning Cartoons Greatest Hits." Save Ferris "It Means Everything." These are some of my "feel good" cds that I like to listen to for a little pick me up! I dare you to be in a bad mood while Tom Jones is kickin out "What's New Pussycat"!! Think I better dance now!

The murder mystery is over. Bianca killed Michael in self defense and is not being charged. Now she can get back to her life. Unfortunately not everyone can say that... Reggie, Jack, Kendall. Charges are being brought up against them all. But not Erica? Didn't she confess on the stand? Isn't that perjury? Does the court care if she thought she did it.. it was still a lie. What about David? Putting that drug in Michael's scotch has to be illegal no? Of course not, it's a little known fact but Pine Valley law dictates that if you do something to protect someone else, you are not held liable.

NIT PICK: OK... we got to see the whole murder scene unfold exactly how it happened. But if Bianca shot Michael when his back was to the door, how did blood spatter get on the fireplace? If you recall, just after Ryan came back he went into Michael's condo and had an allergic reaction to the luminal that the crime scene investigators sprayed on the fireplace to reveal blood spatter. What is that blood spatter from if not Michael? I suppose it could have been Adam's but that is heck of a long spray since he was shot at Michael's door.

Let's shift gears to Kendall. Kendall has no clue what to do with herself now that the trial is over and she can stop lying to everyone. She tried to beg Ryan for another chance because... well because she's got so much baggage that she cannot accept anyone's love and devotion to her even though they are practically slapping her in the face with it. Ryan turned her down, I think for his own sanity. I mean really, who could handle the roller coaster ride that is Kendall? The guy tried. So as if Kendall needs another man in her life to feel possessive of (Boyd, Aidan, Ryan), she turns to David. She asks him if he wants to have a meaningless, no strings, hot affair. David's all for it and why not? The guy hasn't had sex since Anna left, and that's not counting the imaginary sex he had with Erica while they were covering up what they did the night of Michael's murder. So they start to kiss and claw at each other when Kendall utters the words that David dreaded to hear most... "oh Ryan!!!" David's puts a stop this affair before it ever even gets started and tries to get Kendall to talk to him instead. Wow, can you believe this is the same David who used to blackmail Gillian for sex?

Kendall confides to David that she is lost now that the trial is over and thought she would come out a winner this time. But she's still alone. Kendall the strong and independent tells David that she thought the perfect life was out there for her and that someone would give it to her. Hmm, correct me if I'm wrong but wouldn't someone who is supposed to be such a go getter go out and make the perfect life for herself instead of waiting around for someone to give it her? And then, when David tells her that she is lost without Ryan, she goes all Kendall on him. David asks her if he pushed her Ryan button and she says, "No, you pushed the I hate when men tell me how they think I know how I feel and then proceed to tell me about it button." Got that? It was a weird line but I know what she means. She hates when people tell her how they think they know what she thinks. And to that I have to say to Kendall, hello pot.. meet the kettle. This girl starts every other sentence with "You think..."

Over in some unknown person's cabin that Ryan and Greenlee have taken over after he saved her from the mine shaft, Greenlee is feeling bad about everything she has done and wants to talk to Kendall about Ryan and make things right between them. Ryan doesn't want her to, telling her that she cannot fix what Kendall has broken. Have to agree with Ryan there. Why would she listen to Greenlee this time anyway? Greenlee already told her Ryan had nothing to do with what she did in court. I guess it's the guilt that is hitting her from those talks with her alter ego, Goody Greenlee Two Shoes.

NIT PICK: OMG, the psychic connection stuff was the dumbest thing I have seen since well maybe since ever!! Especially when Ryan saw Greenlee's face on other people's bodies. Oh, I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it again. Can someone please PASS ME THE HANDBAG?

Kendall did get one thing she always wanted, Erica has signed Enchantment over for her to run. So now she's large and in charge and who cares about Fusion. And at the office, Boyd comes in to tell her that he cut a deal with the authorities (yes, he had some charges to face too) and is leaving town, her and Enchantment. He proceeds to tell her off and that he is no longer her whipping boy. And delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, "I'm free. I cut a deal. I'm free to leave the state. Lucky for me, the penalty for tampering with evidence is only probation. Seems being in love with you is only a misdemeanor." Ouch, that one had to hurt!! Kendall is shocked, but Boyd tells her to can it, she used him because she knew she could. Oh why oh why didn't TPTB give us this Boyd months ago!! The guy suddenly gets some balls on the day he is leaving! I'd really like to get to know this Boyd better. What a shame. As Boyd gives Kendall these parting words, " Even now, with all of this, it's still about Ryan. You know, I heard he couldn't get out of town fast enough either. Who knows -- maybe I'll cross him on the road. We'll stop, have a drink, talk about how lucky we both were to make it out alive. Congratulations, Kendall, really. You'll be running the world in no time, and you won't have to share it with anybody, just like you always wanted." I am moved to giving Boyd this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for finally waking up to Kendall's manipulation.

Over in Krystal's room, Tad and Simone are searching for Babe's secret when Simone gets annoyed at Tad and throws a vase at him. Wouldn't you know, Babe's unfiled annulment papers are in it and Tad discovers the secret. He doesn't share it with Simone though. He races to the hospital as the paternity test results are about to be read.

OBSERVATION #1: Krystal had the cutest zebra purse on top of her dresser!! Of course I notice that, I have a kind of radar when it comes to zebra stuff since I've been collecting it since I was a teenager. I wouldn't mind getting my hands on that purse!

With JR, Babe, Krystal, Jamie, and Adam all assembled, Joe reads the results that indicate that without a doubt, the baby Babe is carrying is JR's. In the span of one second, JR turns from major ass to doting husband and father to be. So after months of treating Babe like a piece of gum he scraped off the bottom of his shoe, right now.. in this moment, he's back in love. Don't get me wrong, I don't think JR should have been happy go lucky about his wife having an affair, but he was mentally abusive to Babe. He should be ashamed of himself. And that one second turn around just makes me ill. So much so that JR gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD. Granted he does apologize several times for his behavior, but too little too late in my book!

After the paternity test results are read, Jamie feels a bit of a sense of loss. A few things puzzle me about this situation. First, Jamie is an 18ish year old guy... do any guys of his age really want to be a father and want to take responsibility for a child conceived in a one night stand? It seems crazy. But by the same token, it's crazy that Babe never left JR behind and went to be with Jamie. Jamie respected her, wanted to be with her, declared his love, promised to take care of her... you name it. JR berated her, snubbed her, treated her like a whore. Who would you chose?

Here's a funny... Adam is so ticked that the baby is actually JR's that he accuses, of all people, Joe Martin of faking the test! Now that is reaching, even for Adam! And now that he's back to being the happiest guy on earth, JR demands that Adam leave Babe alone and accept her or he will take his family and leave. Adam does the only thing he can do, he apologizes to Babe. Of course, you can almost see the wheels turning in his head as the next scheme starts to hatch. Adam insists that he wants to be a part of the baby's future. I have no doubt that he does, but I'm sure he doesn't want Babe in that future picture. In fact, he later confides to Mary that they need to treat Babe right for now, but once the baby is born he will get rid of her. He even goes as far to give Babe the Chandler baby gown.

Just as everyone is feeling the love... imagined or otherwise, Tad arrives with the the paper's in his hand and gets ready to spill the beans about Babe's marriage to Paul Cramer. But Krystal intercepts and tells them that she and Tad are getting married. Everyone is shocked and Krystal takes that moment to pull Tad outside the office and plead with him not to ruin her baby's life. Krystal makes a really good point when she tells Tad that if he spills the beans, Adam is the only one who wins. Her solution, which I have to admit, is a good one is that she will file the annulment papers and when it goes through, they throw JR and Babe the big wedding they didn't have, then they will be legally married. Tad eventually does back down, for JR's sake. Tad pulls a real low class move when he asks Krystal if she's going to sleep with him now to make sure he keeps quiet. Wasn't it Tad who slept with Krystal to try and find that secret in the first place? People who live in glass whorehouses Tad, should not throw stones.

Smug JR goes to see Jamie and offers him a job at Chandler Enterprises., but Jamie isn't interested in having JR as a boss. Can you blame the guy!?

Over at Erica's penthouse... you know, that place needs a name. How about... Deluxe Apartment in the Sky? Nah. Erica's Abode? The Kane Castle? The Denial Domicile? Anyway, Opal goes to visit Erica and is shocked to see that she is drinking. Erica gives her the "I'm going to revolutionize the world of beauty" speech but Opal cannot stop staring at the glass in her hand. When Opal asks her what is going on and why she is drinking, Erica reminds her that it's ok for her to have a glass of wine since alcohol was never her problem. But Opal tells her she is just covering up her pain. She needs to deal. This is something that Erica does not want to hear. You know what, I like eerily calm Erica. Her slow decent into unimaginable despair and heartache has been so riveting to watch. I think she is feeling more than betrayed, she cannot even fathom watching her daughter go through the pain she went through and continues to go through.

Erica heads to Enchantment where she find Kendall. Kendall wants her to take it back, Enchantment is her life. But Erica tells her to make it her own and then fills her in on her new plans. But Kendall tells her that she is only doing these things to take her mind off of Bianca. Erica tells Kendall that she has certainly changed and is not the same young girl who showed up on her door all those years ago. The conversation takes a strange and confusing turn for Kendall when Erica tells her she had everything she ever wanted, her dream family, and she threw it all away. She made a choice to keep Erica out of the loop and they did fine without her. Just then, Erica gets a phone call from the elusive Eric Kane. How strange that he would call now to apologize for being the most awful father in the whole world. Bianca arrives just in time to hear her blame him for everything that has happened and how she will never ever forgive him for betraying her. Kendall and Bianca fear that she was talking to them as well. They have good reason to believe that too, Erica's comments are very veiled. She says she is talking about her father, but it's hard to imagine she isn't including them in comments like, "I can never forgive such a betrayal. I'm sorry will not erase all the pain."

Back at Bianca's apartment, Lena arrives with news that she found the most perfect house for Bianca to move into to raise her baby. Lena describes a house that is just too good to be true and Bianca is thrilled and wants to see it right away. Boo hoo, Maggie feels left out. Gee, if Maggie ever did move in with Bianca at the new house, it seems like Bianca would have two babies to raise. Later, when she's alone with Bianca... Lena reads aloud to her from Shakespeare's "The Tempest." Hands joined, the two women stroke the Bianca's belly and enjoy some time together. They certainly haven't had much of that lately. While Lena is reading, Bianca decides that the character's name, Miranda is a perfect name for her baby. Looks like it's going to be a Kane tradition to name their children after characters in Shakespeare books. That is where Bianca's name came from after all.

Babe has decided she wants to throw a baby shower for Bianca. Mary is so disgusted with the decorations and plans that Babe has in store for the shower that Babe tosses her out. In attendance at the shower are Babe, Krystal, Liza, Mia, Simone, Kendall, Maggie, Lena, Marian, Colby, and Opal. Erica is late as she searches the store for the perfect gift. She has a panic attack when the doll she picks up won't stop saying "I love my daddy." A young mysterious stranger arrives and helps her turn the doll off then gives her a gift to give to the mommy to be. Turns out that the mysterious stranger is Bobby Warner.

Nice lead in to Anita deciding to stay in Pine Valley. She gets a job at Pine Valley Hospital as a physicians assistant. She tries to appeal to Maria about Edmund wanting the surgery but Maria will not listen to anyone at all. Her mind is made up, she does not want Edmund to have surgery. She has to convince him that it doesn't matter to her or the kids if he is in a wheelchair. But Anita tells her that it does matter, it matters to him. And when Maria gets to Edmund's room he tells her that he has made his decision, he is going to go ahead with the surgery as soon as Dr. Marshall is available.

NIT PICK: When Edmund called Dr. Marshall to tell him he wanted to go ahead with the surgery, the world famous surgeon picked up his own phone! That is some service!

Maria is absolutely devastated that Edmund wants to have this surgery and tries to talk him out of it. But Edmund's mind is made up. I'm feeling a lot of realism with this storyline. For instance, Edmund not only wants to walk but he is afraid that he will never be able to make love to his wife again. To me, that seems like such a real and valid concern someone in Edmund's position would have. And the more he says, the more real it seems... who is going to dance with Maria at Maddie's wedding, who is going to walk Maddie down the aisle. We have Edmund's anguish coupled with Maria's desperation and concern. Maria asks Edmund to come home for a little while before he goes ahead with the surgery. See what it's like at home before you go through with it. Edmund agrees.

Back to the shower, Liza makes a snarky comment to Simone about how she feels since she's lost Tad. Um... news flash Liza, Simone is still very much in the game. Are you?

Erica has arrived and occupies her time downing champagne. But when Bianca announces that she has decided to name her baby Miranda Mona... the Mona being after her grandmother, Erica freaks out and crashes a whole tray of glasses to the floor. Considering that she considers this child a tragedy, she doesn't want her mothers name attached to it. Erica is crumbling and I hope someone is around to pick up the pieces when she does fall apart.

OBSERVATION #2: There was a nice little use of history during the show as the guests were picking names out of a hat to try and name the baby (before Bianca announced what she decided on) someone got the name Verla and asked "what kind of name is Verla!?" Opal piped in and mentioned how Verla Grubbs was a very honorable woman! She was the character played by Carol Burnett many years ago on AMC!

OBSERVATION #3: I love how AMC now tells us things we would wonder. This week Opal told Marian that Brooke was out of town and later announced to everyone that Myrtle had a cold and couldn't make it. I like that AMC tells us these things. Wouldn't you wonder why Myrtle wasn't there? I know I would.

Well there isn't much left other than the MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK. I'm torn this week so I'll give it to two things... Maggie asking Jamie to move in with her *YAWN*. And Greenlee desperate to get an empty box out of the mine shaft. Turns out Ryan had it all along. It evidently is a sign for Greenlee of something, but of what, who knows!

This weeks AMC gets a B. Good stuff, especially from Boyd and Erica. Oh and just for the record, I LOVE Kendall... it's some of her actions that irritate me! lol


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