The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


March 8, 2005

We have TONS to discuss!! Especially all the recent departures, so no pooh-poohing around. Here's the tunes: Velvet Revolver "Contraband;" Peter Murphy "Deep;" Echo and the Bunnymen "Ocean Rain;" Simple Minds "The Glittering Prize;" and The Police "Synchronicity"

This Editorial reflects the shows that aired February 28 - March 4, but I will speculating on some things (remember, speculations are guesses not spoilers) and will be discussing Bianca's departure with Maggie. We pick up the action this week with Lily who for some unknown reason, had gone to Wildwind to see Aidan. I know she's a sleuth in training and all, but that is kind of an odd place to know to go to find him. At any rate, she finds him just as he and Anita start locking lips. Lily gets very upset and runs off. Aidan, the perennial nice guy, tries to explain things to Lily. She says she understands and then refuses to let him drive her home, telling him she's very independent and can go alone (um, Jack...where are YOU during all this?). Aidan goes back to Anita to tell her what happened. But instead of going home, Lily goes into the stable where things turn bad for her when she sees Zach unconscious on the floor. Ethan had knocked him out in order to get the evidence on Edmund Zach wanted to show Maria.

Before we know it, an unknown (Braden) glove handed assailant (Braden) hit Edmund in the back of the head with a shovel and then turned on a space heater (Braden) face down in the hay (Braden). Seems a little odd that there would be a space heater in a barn at all, but lets just say that it was in the tackroom where there is a cot and desk. In the winter in Pine Valley, a heater would be needed. Wait a minute, what am I talking about!? Who needs heaters in Pine Valley when the women wear strappy or sleeveless dresses all winter! They don't care about heat. Anyway, that's besides the point... the heater is there, it's catching the hay on fire and Edmund is unconscious and so is Zach. Suddenly Zach comes to and sees Edmund lying there. Just as he goes over to him to see if he's ok, Ethan walks in and sees Zach trying to put out the flames with shovel and Edmund lying there. He immediately assumes that Zach did something to Edmund, but Zach yells for him to call 911. Before too long, Maria and Anita arrive on the scene and see Edmund. Maria and Anita try to administer first aid and revive Edmund.

Just then, Aidan hears a scream and realizes that Lily is trapped in the burning barn. Aidan tries to get Lily to take his hand so he can pull her to safety. She's scared, she hates being touched and she just saw a lot more than she bargained for. Lily is traumatized, but Aidan finally gets through to her and she takes his hand. Aidan saves her life, but she's hysterical. And while Aidan is trying to save Lily, Zach is back in the barn trying to put out the fire when a beam falls on him. Ethan finds him trapped and actually contemplates whether or not to save him. Ultimately he does free Zach.

The EMT's have finally arrived and are working on Edmund when Aidan brings Lily to them. She's hysterical and struggling, not wanting to be touched. Aidan tries very hard to calm her down. Eventually when they get to the hospital, Lily has to be sedated so they can treat her. Everyone else seems to be fine... except for Edmund that is. Maria, Joe and David all work on him and try to revive him. Nothing is working. Then he crashes. Maria tries to keep working on him and just will not give up. They've done all they could and Joe and David know it's time to stop. But Maria wants to crack his chest. David and Joe finally get through to her, that he's gone. I guess David's last official act as a doctor was being unable to save Edmund. That kind of sucks when his mantra for years has been "I SAVES LIVES"

OK let's back up a little. I've said before that I think Edmund's anger at Maria is pretty lame. This all started because she didn't tell him that Zach was really Alexander Jr. This is what caused him to toss her out and want a divorce. This unrevealed piece of information that had absolutely no effect on their lives. But to me, this is quintessential Edmund. He wasn't Mr. Nice Guy Editor of Tempo when he first came to Pine Valley. He was a jerk then and he ended his run a jerk. I can't say I'm going to miss him. Then again, I've never been a big Edmund fan. That said, there are so many missed opportunities with a character of his caliber's death. First of all, there is no excuse not to have Dimitri and Peggy back. Of course, I'd prefer to see Michael Nader back, but I realize that is a highly unlikely proposition. So get a TempDim, and bring him back for the funeral. Secondly, I want RealMama Santos back. Socorro Santiago created that role and she WAS Mama Santos. AMC recasted this role for no apparent reason. The FauxMama has been on about twice. No Mama when Anita got divorced. No Mama while Maria and Edmund are having problems. I'm sure we'll see FauxMama at the funeral, but I want Socorro back! In addition to that, we've yet to see any Eddie flashbacks since his demise. Maybe at the funeral. All in all, not the best send off for a 13 year veteran of the show.

Back to the action, Maria is sure Zach had something to do with Edmund's death and goes to confront him. Zach explains to Maria what happened, and it's the absolute truth, but Maria is not ready to hear that Edmund was a big honkin jackass just yet. It's too bad that Ethan stole the evidence of Edmund walking and locking them in the storage shed. Come to think of it, I wonder if Maria will find it before Ethan pays a faux visit in order to steal it. He saw Edmund toss it in that box in the living room. Anyway, Maria starts beating on Zach's chest, berating him for attacking poor defenseless Eddie in a wheelchair. Zach tells her that Edmund could in fact walk but Maria is having none of that and continues to wail on Zach, screaming about how he killed the love of her life. Zach is at a loss but tries to comfort hysterical Maria. Bad timing Zach. Sure, he should tell her eventually about Edmund when he has the inevitable copy of the DVD, but right after Ed died? Nope, this was not Zach's best moment, even though he was defending himself with the information.

Enter Ethan. Just as Zach assures Maria that he did not kill Edmund (Braden), Ethan comes in to say that yes, in fact Zach did kill Edmund (Braden) and he saw him do it. LIE. But Zach doesn't deny it. He just lets Ethan tell anyone who will listen that Zach killed Edmund (Braden). It's kind of strange really. What is Zach's point? Does he think that Ethan really did it? In case you haven't figured it out by now, I think Braden did it. We already know he's returning, and for what reason could it possibly be other than to be the expendable murderer. It couldn't be Zach or Ethan or Aidan or Lily. They were the only ones around, other than the gloved hands of the murderer. I think it will all tie together with Braden being the one who shot Ryan as well. I'm on the fence about him being the one who drugged Greenlee because I can't figure out how he would have opportunity, unless he's in cahoots with Johnny.

But back to Ethan. Ethan sure has proven that the Cambias Curse is alive and well hasn't he? The money is ruling his life and turning him into a pretty big creep. Not only does he tell Maria that Zach killed Edmund, but now he's giving that very statement to Derek. I really don't think that Ethan believes Zach did it, and he certainly is lying about seeing it. Through it all Zach remains quiet. Don't ya just want to shake him and tell him to SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!!!! It's weird. The only one who doesn't seem convinced it's Zach is, of all people, Kendall. But then just as I start thinking that, she rushes off to FUSION to tell Ryan and Greenlee that Zach not only killed Edmund, but that he shot Ryan and drugged Greenlee. Ryan rushes right over to the police station to ask Zach if it's all true. Zach isn't talking, but Ethan is only too happy to tell Ryan that he saw Zach do it. Ethan gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for lying to anyone and everyone who will listen.

After they both have their emotional farewells with Edmund's body, Maria confides to Brooke that she blames herself for everything for bringing Zach into their lives. But Brooke, who knows Edmund was going to toss Maria out on her ear after nailing Zach for shooting at Ryan, decides not to tell her of his nefarious ways and instead tells her that Edmund loved her and that she should concentrate on that. Maybe Brooke should tell her the truth sometime, but her timing is way better than Zach's. What Maria needs right now is sympathy and understanding. But Maria tells Brooke that Zach the things Zach told her... that Edmund could walk, that he only took her back because he didn't want Zach to have her. Brooke is stunned. Just then the worst physical therapist in the world, Manny, comes by to offer his condolences to Maria. Maria asks him if it was possible that Edmund could walk and that he was trying to surprise her. Manny says absolutely not. How on earth could Edmund's physical therapist not know! Are we supposed to believe that Edmund came to this have this ability to walk all on his own, in this own Wildwind exercise room? Please.

I was thinking about Zach the other day and while I found it extremely aggravating that he wouldn't deny any of the allegations against him, I find him to be quite an enigma. He's so complex and interesting, while being exasperating at the same time. He's sexy and mysterious. He's broody and moody. He's got a big heart under it all, but still an edge. He's everything I wish JR were and he's not even close. The even bigger mystery now is why Zach confessed to all those crimes and got himself arrested. Even Myrtle can't get a read on Zach and she's the most intuitive person in Pine Valley, next to Stuart. I love whenever she has a scene with him though! She'll end up being his surrogate mother too.

Over at Tempo, a very saddened Tad goes to see how Brooke is holding up. Brooke is wracked with grief and concern. She confides to Tad that Edmund had been lying to Maria for months about wanting to reconcile and was really setting her up for a giant kick to the curb. Tad is shocked and not thrilled to hear such information about his former best friend du jour. Brooke is torn about telling Maria that the Edmund she's grieving is not the same Edmund she fell in love with. Tad doesn't know what to tell Brooke to do, but tells her that whatever she decides, he'll be with her through it all. That wasn't exactly what Brooke wanted, but Tad is really in no position to tell anyone whether or not to tell secrets.

At the Chandler Mansion, Babe has decided to bring the baby's toys and things to JR. Babe, Babe, Babe... I try to stick up for you. I do. Sometimes you make it very difficult. Why would she go there in direct violation of the court orders? At this point, JR is completely correct when he accuses of her of wanting to sneak extra time with the baby... but in true JR form, he doesn't say "the baby" or "Little Adam" or "our son." Instead he says, "Think you'd catch a free look at my son?" So even when he's right, he continues to be a raging ass. Honestly I don't think JR can not be an ass. It's part of the Chandler make up. Granted, he has no reason to ever be nice to Babe, but occasionally, just once in awhile, couldn't he put his own issues aside for the good of THEIR child? Probably not. He's too consumed with revenge, hatred, contempt and that colossal chip on his shoulder. JR hands Babe divorce papers and makes it clear he never wants to see her, even when she's there for her 3 hours a week visit with HIS son. He also makes it clear that Jamie is to go nowhere near HIS child. Like the disgusting pig he is, he tells Babe to just go ahead and crank out another kid for Jamie and leave HIS alone.

Before I can get too truly disgusted by JR, Adam and Palmer arrive. I have to admit, I did like one line JR said right after that, "Enemies unite all because of you." Adam and Palmer have teamed up to make life hell for the Babe, David and Krystal. I love when these two put their heads together, but even though I do think Babe etc, need to pay for the crimes they've committed, I'm not sure Adam and Palmer are exactly the right ones to dole out that punishment. Since when are they innocent. Or how is JR innocent for that matter. He's done plenty that he should answer for and he's not. Not only is he not paying for them, they are completely swept under the rug. It's that double standard that irks the crud out of me.

And speaking of paying for their crimes, David has once again had his privileges at the hospital revoked, courtesy of Adam and Palmer. Before he leaves, Joe takes him aside for a word. David isn't too interested in hearing what Joe has to say, but after calling the hospital board a bunch of halfwits and Adam and Palmer vigilante buffoons, it's Joe's turn to speak. Our SCENE OF THE WEEK continues as Joe tells David that he has made a mess of his life, both as a doctor and a human being. Joe goes on to tell him that in med school, there were discussions on the danger of playing God. Ever the smartass, David replies with "Oh, I think on that day I was busy -- oh, creating light." Joe isn't amused and tells David he needs to be held accountable for the lives he's ruined. David isn't exactly moved by Joe's speech and tells him that he doesn't need his or the hospital's approval to live his life. But Joe tells him that as a brilliant doctor, he could have given the world so much, instead he wasted it. GO JOE!! Much as I love David, he does need to hear these things from time to time.

It's David, Krystal and Babe's day in court. As a favor to Tad, Livia is defending them, but isn't happy about it. It's looking to be pretty open and shut since they cut a deal with the DA. But Adam, JR and Erica are there and they want to have a say in what is happening. After a little pleading, the judge gives in and lets Erica and JR speak. Knowing that the judge can overrule the deal made with the DA, Erica tells the judge about how much pain Babe put Bianca through. She wants them to have to listen to the pain of Bianca crying out after learning that her baby was dead. JR then weighs in with his own pain of being told his child was dead and the continued agony (yeah right) at missing the baby girl he thought was his. That the same baby girl he called the demon spawn of an evil rapist? Erica tells the judge that any kind of plea bargain is a slap in the face to the victims. The judge mulls over what was said, and in the end sticks to the terms of the deal. He does add a few contingencies though... David and Babe must report to their parole officer 3 times a week, they will be doing community service picking up trash, David loses his medical license and Krystal gets 10 years in prison. Krystal is taken off to jail after an emotional goodbye with Babe and Tad telling her that he'll be there for her no matter what. Krystal tells Tad that she loves him. JR and Adam gloat, as usual.

Johnny Boy decides to go see Maggie, but instead he finds Reggie and Danielle packing up Maggie's things. Jonathan is not thrilled with this and is even less thrilled when he finds out that Maggie has went to Paris with Bianca. Reggie gets all up in Johnny's face, and rocks! Reggie is not the least bit scared of Jonathan and that kicks ass. Reggie gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Ahh, Maggie and Bianca. First let me say that I thought Bianca's final week was very emotional and beautiful. She got the most glorious send off, especially compared to Edmund! The final scenes (especially with Babe), the party, the memories, the montage, the gifts (Palmer and Myrtle especially). It's all good. I was a little disappointed that she didn't have a special goodbye scene with either Erica or Kendall, but otherwise I thought it was all terrific. What I am boggled by is by her sudden and deep love for Maggie that goes beyond friendship. Yes, I am calling it sudden because she got over Maggie and moved on with Lena. Lena, a woman who was confident in who she was, just like Bianca. Not a child, like Maggie who at the first sign of any kind of affection from Bianca went running straight to the nearest penis. I just don't see Bianca falling in love with Maggie all over again after all the heartache, confusion, nonsense and brush offs. It seemed so misplaced to me. And to have it appear when she was serious and "in love" with a man was not only silly but insulting. While I think the character of Bianca has been incredible and groundbreaking, I also think that AMC missed so many opportunities to do so much more, and sent out some rather poor messages in the end. Bianca has grown up so much, that for her to fall in love with another straight girl was irresponsible at the very least. I get that the girls (Eden Riegel and Elizabeth Hendrickson) wanted to leave together and I'm thankful they didn't suddenly become the lesbian couple so many have been clamoring for, because Maggie and Bianca riding off into the sunset together, in love, is not something I could buy into. Maggie has stated, clearly and on more than one occasion that she is not gay and she has proven it over and over. But that said, I will miss Bianca so much and wish Eden nothing but the best.

Back to the action... Jonathan returns to the Valley Inn and shares the news about Maggie and Bianca with Ryan and Greenlee. Jonathan plays the hurt puppy routine for Ryan, who falls for it hook, line and sinker. Greenlee isn't buying it though and when Ryan leaves the room for a minute, she tells him so in no uncertain terms. It's not Jonathan's day that's for sure. Not only is Maggie gone for good, but Ryan overhears his reply to Greenlee, "Now I understand why someone tried to make you go away. Lucky for you, though, whoever poisoned you hasn't had another chance. Because if they did, bye-bye, Greenlee."

Once Greenlee leaves, Ryan confronts him and realizes that Johnny hates Greenlee. Jonathan tries to deny it, but how could he possibly deny it after Ryan heard what he said? He can't. Ryan immediately calls their therapist and he comes straight over to the Valley Inn. Ryan wants to discuss Jonathan's dislike of Greenlee but Jonathan tries to brush it off by saying that it's Greenlee who dislikes and doesn't trust him. After a few questions from Dr. Robbins, Jonathan admits that when he first came to Pine Valley, he was jealous of Greenlee because he wanted Ryan all to himself. While talking about how he tried to be there for Greenlee after she was sick, he Freudian slipped and called her Gail, his mother's name. Oh now it's all starting to come together. Johnny tries to blow it off as just a slip because both names begin with G. Oh nice try Johnny boy but Ryan's not buying it, Dr. Robbins isn't buying it and neither am I. As they start to talk about their mother the lights finally go off in Ryan's head... maybe Jonathan did poison Greenlee after all. I mean come on now, the similarities are crystal clear. When Ryan says how he hated his mother and loved her all at the same time, how she used to drink cheap liquor, Jonathan interjects saying that she used to drink that poison until she was sick. *DING DING DING!!!* Then Jonathan says how he used to love making drinks for his mother *DING DING DING!!!!*

Over at FUSION, Greenlee is confiding her suspicions about Jonathan to Simone. Simone starts to remember that Jonathan was always running out to get drinks for Greenlee. So even though Zach has been accused and admitted to drugging her, Greenlee doesn't believe it. There is something about Jonathan that she can't shake. The plan comes together when Kendall arrives. She talks Greenlee into going to see David and getting a truth drug that they can slip to Jonathan. Meanwhile Simone takes it upon herself to flirt with Jonathan and wrangles herself a date with him for later that night.

At David's, Kendall and Greenlee demand that he make them a truth drug, one that is odorless, colorless, tasteless and will work with only a few drops. That's a pretty hefty order. I can't imagine that even Pine Valley's own Dr. Jekyll can come up with a drug to do exactly what they want that quickly. But hey, this is David we're talking about and he was able to pull it off. David then decides to lecture them on the evils of giving an untested, unapproved drug to someone. Oh my God... hello pot, meet the kettle! Even Kendall and Greenlee laugh at that one. And Greenlee delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says, "Who do you think you're talking to? We didn't take the amnesia drug that you made. Maria did. What was it called? 'Forget-about-it-all'?" But David does make them promise that if the victim (who he thinks is Ryan) has any kind of adverse reaction that they will take him to the hospital and have his stomach pumped. They promise.

Back at FUSION, Simone tells the girls that she has a date with Jonathan. They adamantly refuse to allow her to go out with him. Since when do they have that kind of authority over Simone?? But Simone wants to help them, and they finally decide how they will get Jonathan to drink the drug David made. Simone calls Jonathan and asks him to pick her up at FUSION, while Greenlee and Kendall hide out in the back room. In the meantime, at the Valley Inn, David spills the beans to Ryan about giving Greenlee the truth drug. Ryan's pissed!

Random Thoughts

Ethan stopped work on the Miranda Center because he needed the crew to work on another project. Doesn't Ethan continually say he has more money than God? Hire another crew dumbass!

Tad goes to David's place and starts packing his bags for him to leave town. It was a totally unnecessary confrontation, especially since Tad blamed him for Edmund's death (if David hadn't screwed up Maria's memory, she would have never met Zach and yadda yadda yadda... that argument is about as good as "if you were never born, none of this would have happened."). But as unnecessary as it was, I loved it! Whenever these two have scenes together, I'm glued to the TV! The tension, the chemistry, everything. They have it all, and they're fighting over the same woman! It's awesome!

Have you ever noticed how much Jonathan says the word "crud?" I swear, whenever he says it, I hear "shit" For example, he's talking about Greenlee and when she was being drugged, "We were all freaked out. It scared the crud out of me." Another day he's talking to Ryan about Edmund's death and says, "I'm sure it's -- it's going to be hard for everyone. It's just that all this crud's behind us."

After Babe return's to Tad's with the news that she and JR are divorced, Jamie wants to rush off and get married immediately. But Babe does not want to get married that quickly, especially when it's the same day that her mother was taken to jail. Don't blame you one little bit girl!

Jack has some serious misplaced anger when he continually blames Aidan for Lily ending up at Wildwind and in the fire. Jack maybe should look to himself and keep better tabs on his own kid.

After talking to Lily, Erica starts to wonder if maybe she saw Edmund's murder.


This weeks AMC gets a C. It was a pretty crappy send off for Edmund, but some of the good stuff with the Jonathan storyline made up for it some and having not too much of JR really made up for it!