The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



March 8, 1999

Hey! Guess what!! Rine and Wooden are brothers!!! No kidding, I swear! Gee... how long did that big revelation take? Too long if you ask me. Same as this rape storyline. It's been going on since Halloween and it's done zero in the area of show improvement. It's made us see way too much of Miss Kitty, it's turned Jack and Edmund into complete jerks, it's pulled Gillian and Rine even farther apart. Can I say anything good about this storyline? Well, we've gotten to see some of Trevor and it's gotten rid of Wooden. Yes folks, all roads seem to point straight at Wooden as the rapist. I have one thing to say about that... bu-bye!!! Don't let the door to Pine Valley hit ya on the ass on your way out Wooden. Good riddance. Adios amoeba. But alas, he's not gone yet. So let's back up and pick up where we left off last week. Gillian's testimony. We're in court and Jackass has called Gillian to the stand to testify that Rine was not coerced into doing a DNA test, but that he actually volunteered. Gillian's testimony basically ruins Trevor's chance at getting the DNA test tossed out because Gillian says he did volunteer. Now... I have a few problems with all this and the main one is Jack's involvement at all. There is no way he should be prosecuting this case. He's too close to it all. Thank goodness it was at least mentioned this week that Jack should have taken himself off this case. Funny thing is, when it was brought up, Jackass just poo-pooed that notion away like it was silly to even bring it up. It's interesting how he couldn't prosecute Brooke because they were friends and he was too closely involved, but what? He's not too involved to prosecute his own sister's rapist? Sure Jackass, whatever.

So, with the DNA evidence kept as admissible evidence, it's back to the clink for Rine. Gillian is distraught, thinking that yet again, Rine's troubles are her fault. She is sitting in the courtroom all upset when Hayley comes in late. She missed the whole hearing. But her and Gillian do have a really nice scene together where Gillian tells Hayley that she will never stop loving Rine or ever stop trying to help him. Hayley explains to Gillian that Rine may never come around and she does it in such a way that it has brought these two full circle and into friendship. After how much Hayley hated Gillian I found this really nice to see. Gillian definitely needs a friend right now. It ends with Hayley and and Gillian leaving the courtroom arm in arm and Hayley taking Gillian home.

Back at the jail, we have another little bonding scene. This time between Rine and Wooden. They talk about this horrible childhood they had with their abusive parents. They even give us the chant they had that kept them going when things were bad, "whatever they dish out, we can take." I'm a little concerned about where this is headed. It almost looks like they may try to blame Wooden's behavior on childhood abuse. Is that a defense? I don't see anything as an excuse for rape, so right off the bat, I don't buy it. But check it out... Wooden says that Kit was not raped. He was there, so how can he say that. Was it consensual all this time but Kit just didn't remember? Why would she be sitting in that parking lot like some whacko, rocking back and forth if she had just had a fling? Or does Wooden just think that forced sex is the "in" thing? OK... here's another problem I have with this storyline. Wooden did it, but how? That was the night that Palmer fired him and he left Pine Valley to head back to his apartment in NYC. It's also the same night that he finds Dixie passed out on his floor. So when did he find time to stop at the bar and rape Kit? I suppose it's possible, but it never has made sense to me. He gets fired and goes back to NYC... but before he does that, he stops off at a dive bar but never makes it inside because he spots a wolf mask on the ground and a very very intoxicated Miss Kitty outside. "Eh, what the hell, I think I'll rape this chick before I head home. All in a days work."

Back to the bonding... Rine mentions something about Wooden running away from home. And then Rine says something very interesting, something that caught my attention. He said something to the effect of, "if they find out we're brothers, they'll put it together." Hmmm, put what together? Why are they trying to hide the fact that Wooden and Rine are brothers. What will be put together if it is found out they're brothers? Sounds to me like there is more to this than meets the eye, and maybe Miss Kitty's rape isn't Wooden's first crime. What I'm thinking is that maybe Wooden took matters into his own hands when the abuse got to be too much and killed their father and then ran away from home.

So, during all this bonding, at some point we hear Wooden say that infamous phrase... "score one for the kid." It's at this point that we can almost actually see the light bulb go on above Rine's head and he realizes that big brother Wooden raped Miss Kitty. And all on his own, Rine comes up with the stupidest idea I have ever heard. He decides to confess!! Oh I can't even tell you how mad this makes me. But before he can actually go through with it, Hayley pays him a visit. He thanked her for all she did for him, and hinted around about what he was going to do. Hayley was ticked, but Rine got really stubborn and decided that he "owed" it to Wooden to take the rap for him. Excuse me??? Take the rap for a rapist?? This is sick and wrong. In fact it's so sick that it gives Rine this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. How is it that you figure out who a rapist is and decide to let him off? This makes me sick... owe shmoe! I hate to say this because rape is a despicable crime that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but I actually hope that Wooden does try to rape someone else, someone like Gillian, just so Rine can see what he did. How do you suppose it would make him feel if his own brother tried to rape his wife when he could have prevented it?

Speaking of Gilly, she goes to cousin Dim. He was genuinely glad to see her and the two hugged. Gilly showed so much maturity when she was talking to Dim. She said she was so happy when she and Rine were at Wildwind and she didn't even realize it. She told Dim that her marriage to Rine is over, and Dim immediately tried to reassure her. But Gilly stopped him and said that he shouldn't try to convince her otherwise because she will believe him. I thought this showed that Gilly had really grown. This gets my SCENE OF THE WEEK. After the bonding session between Dim and Gilly (gee, lots of bonding this week huh?), Gilly tells Dim that she would like to hire a private investigator to find the real rapist. And to think, it only took about 5 months to come up with that idea. But she needs Dim's help. She ripped out a page in the yellow pages that lists all of Pine Valley's PI's and I'm thinking... just how many PI's are there!? She wants Dim to help her pick one, and needs monetary help as well. Well my man Dimmie beat her to the punch and had already hired someone. Then he sets up a meeting between Gilly and PI Hendricks at the Valley Inn bar.

Fancy that, Miss Kitty is already at the Valley Inn bar when who should walk in but Wooden. The two have a little chat and let me tell ya, it's creepy. Wooden has definitely done his research and tells Miss Kitty that big brother Jack should have stepped aside from this case. He accuses Jack of falsifying evidence and he goes as far as telling Miss Kitty that it'll be all her fault when her nieces and nephew are harassed at school because of her past being made public record. Yeah sure Wooden, is this case really going to make national news and reach from Pine Valley, PA all the way to Seattle, WA? Oh wait, of course it is. Everything that happens in Pine Valley is national news isn't it? Heck, sometimes it's even international news. Basically Wooden convinces Miss Kitty that her going through with this case against Rine is going to ruin everyone's lives and talks her into dropping all the charges.

Off Miss Kitty goes to big brother Jackass. Trevor and Jackass are making a deal. Miss Kitty tells big bro that she wants to drop the charges, but Jackass informs her that she doesn't have to worry about a trial anymore, Rine has confessed. Jackass wants to go for the max sentence, so Trevor tells him that he'll get the confession recanted and cart out a slew of witnesses from the bar that will testify she was drunk as a skunk and acting like a hosebeast. Jackass gets all pissy and says something like, "oh you're going to make sure that the jury hears every sad and sorry detail aren't you." Uh yes Jackass, that's how rape trials work. Sometimes I just sit there and shake my head and think things like... I wonder how long Jackass has been a lawyer? Why would he act surprised that it's the victim's past that gets dragged through the mud during a rape trial? And why would Trevor not do that very thing to defend his client? WAKE UP JACKASS!!!! Anyway, they settle on a 10-25 year sentence, Trevor hoping to get 10, Jack hoping to get 25.

Gilly runs into Wooden at the Valley Inn bar and is so excited about meeting the PI that she tells Wooden all about it and how he's going to find the real rapist so that Rine can finally be freed. Wooden gets noticeably hot under the collar and tells her that the PI is unnecessary because he talked Miss Kitty into dropping the charges. So, just when I think that Gilly has gotten some smarts, she lets Wooden talk her into going to see Rine and telling him that the charges are going to be dropped. She in turn tells Wooden what the PI's name is and lets him take care of it. Off goes Gilly and in comes Mr. Hendricks. Wooden plays it cool with him at first, then tells him that his services are no longer needed, by orders of Dimitri Marick. And then pays him off with about $700 in Monopoly money. At the jail, Rine tells a very confused Gilly that he lied the whole time and that he has now confessed to raping Miss Kitty. All in all, I think Gilly showed a lot of growth and some maturity even though she left the bar and let Wooden, someone she barely knows, talk to her PI, so I'm going to give her this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Tad and Dixie start their check on just who the heck Wooden is. They start with calling Palmer's company. Dixie threatens Ms. something or other in payroll with telling PC that she was uncooperative and gets her to read everything in Wooden's file. They find nothing, seems his last name isn't even listed there. In between ideas on what to do next and actually doing something, Tad and Dixie smooch and grope each other. These scene's are all so boring that they actually have to do something contrived like Tad eating a piece of candy and getting it stuck in his teeth so he talks funny just to add some levity to a nothing scene. And while they are rifling through Palmer's desk, who should walk in but the old coot himself. And it sounds like he has laryngitis. Geez louise, is everyone in the state of New York sick? On AMC alone, James Kiberd has been sick... remember last week when Trevor was sneezing and sniffling through his scenes? The little boy who plays Max was sick and had to be replaced in his scenes for one day. James Mitchell (Palmer) was obviously sick when he was on this week. And I read that David Canary also recently had the flu! Sheesh, and this added to just about everyone being sick the week I was in Ithaca, NY. I think there is something going on in that state and I'm glad I got out of there with my health! But I digress... Tad and Dixie grill Palmer about Wooden and ask them what he knows about him. PC doesn't seem to know much, but he does tell them that the only way Wooden can be fired is if he violates a morality clause in his contract. I'd say rape would definitely violate that clause wouldn't you?

Just then Opal walks in and says that this would be a perfect case for them to get Adrian involved in. Tad isn't thrilled at the idea and then Adrian arrives. They spar, Opal gets upset, they spar some more and then Dixie and Opal try to get them to realize that they are brothers and should start acting as such. Opal then tells a really cute story about how Tad thought that Adrian looked like Rocky the flying squirrel from the Bullwinkle cartoons when he was a baby. Adrian and Tad then break into impersonations of the two cartoon characters from time to time... and hey look! Here's a picture of Tad and Adrian as babies! Aren't they just the cutest? After a bit more arguing, Bullwinkle decides to let Rocky play and well, then they argue a little bit more because Rocky has a ton of connections and Bullwinkle starts to think that he can do it without Rocky's connections. Rocky starts to get ticked and is going to walk, but Dixie intervenes and all is right in the world of Frostbite Falls once again.

Guess what, there's still some more bonding to talk about from this week's shows. It's Joe and Jake. They bond over fatherhood when Jake tells Joe that he is starting to have feelings for Baby Colby. Well none of this happened until Jake heard about Liza and Adam remarrying. Before that he was just happy go lucky Jake, sperm donor extraordinare. Now suddenly he wants to play daddy. Dr. Joe was not the least bit surprised by Jake's sudden desire to be a poppa to his sperm donation. Jake decides he needs to talk to Liza and he goes to see her. He tells her that he does not approve of Adam, and I wonder if this is supposed to make Liza immediately change her mind. Jake disapproves!! The wedding is off! Nope that doesn't happen, in fact, Adam has convinced Liza to get married in April, before the baby is born. Things start to get a little hairy (and I'm not talking about Jake's new beard) when Liza informs Jake that Adam will be listed on the birth certificate as father. But she assures him he will have the part he was always going to have, godfather and Uncle Jake.

Adam goes to see Stuart and Marian and fancy that, he finds them at the frozen pond, ice skating. That seems to be the place to go these days, and why not, it's connected to that other Pine Valley hot spot, the Boathouse. Adam tells Stuart and Marian that he needs help planning his and Liza's wedding. Money is no object! To which Marian exclaims, "Oh! I just love being a Chandler!" Once Adam leaves, Stuart voices some suspicion about Adam's motives for wanting to marry Liza so soon. Marian has a sudden bout of amnesia and thinks Stuart is being paranoid.

Well, for someone who faked a heart attack, Vanessa sure has been in the hospital a long time. She must have a full wardrobe of kimono's too. While we're at the hospital, let's check in on Erica. The doctors are trying to get her to cough so that her lungs will stay clear and she doesn't develop pneumonia. But it hurts when she tries to cough, so she doesn't want to. David suggests pain killers, but Erica refuses. She doesn't want to go down that road again, so she toughs out the pain. Guess what? Adam goes to see her and the two bond. Adam hadn't heard about her accident until he ran into Vanessa and she spilled the beans. So off he went with an armful of flowers to see Erica. I have to say, this was a very enjoyable scene. I really enjoy it when two people who had been at odds get it together. During this scene, Erica gave us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK. Adam said something to the effect of how she's a survivor and will survive this too. Erica replied with , "If I can survive marriage to you, I can survive this," and the two had a little chuckle. Susan Lucci did an admirable job of showing that the laugh caused her a bit of pain too. David comes in and is not too happy to see Adam there, especially when Erica starts to remember things about the accident. When she accuses him of trying to kill her, he tells her that actually he saved her life. And he once again puts the blame on her for making him continue to drive in the hazardous weather conditions so she can get to her appointment with the TV crew.

Thought we could get through a whole column without a mention of Assholeo didn't you? No such luck. Assholeo walks in on Raquel and Edmund when she is about to tell him what happened the day Max was missing. Assholeo tells Raquel to go on and tell Eddie, so she does. She even uses Maria to try to appeal to Eddie and get him on her side. And the sick part is, it actually worked! Eddie said he understood why she did it and told her about the time that Maria tried to run off with Sammy (who by the way was too cute when he said that his mommy smelled like apples... too bad it was Miss Kitty in that scene with him or it may have gotten scene of the week this week). Edmund assures Raquel that he knows she did what she did out of love. As I sit here and watch this scene, my jaw hits the floor as Eddie yet again shows a distinct lack of judgment and can't see what a manipulator Raquel is. And then, we see her manipulations come into play again when she goes to see Max after Assholeo told her for the bazillionth time that he doesn't want her and would be happy with joint custody if she'll agree to a divorce. She's crying as she looks at Max sleeping. When he wakes up, he asks her why she's crying and she tells him that he is the only one that loves him. He tells her that daddy and Hayley love her too, to which she replies that Hayley hates her. He then asks her if Hayley made her cry and there's that light bulb again. She decides to try and turn Max against Hayley and says yes, Hayley did make her cry. She's a real breath of fresh air, that one. All we need now is for Ed to side with her and hire her a big time lawyer to help her win custody again. Can't see him turning against Assholeo and Hayley that way? I sure can... nothing that man does would surprise me anymore.

Yikes, this show can be awfully frustrating. I've actually been toying with the idea of defecting to As The World Turns. Can you blame me? Not only do they have the fabulous Ben Jorgensen (ex-Kevin), but now they are also going to have Roscoe Born (Jim Thomassen #1) for a brief time and if you recall, I loved him! But what can I say, I'm as loyal as Rine and I'll stick with AMC.