The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


March 30, 1998

There sure is a lot happening next week! But let's tackle this past week first. I'm a little distressed at the scoop for next week saying Mateo begins to come out of his coma. I've just loved him in a coma. But I'm getting a little nauseated with Hayley jumping on top of him and kissing him all the time. It's just so bizarre. I understand the notion of trying to stimulate him to wake, but Hayley honey, you are not Prince Charming and he is not Sleeping Beauty. Give ComaBoy a feeding tube and a nice toothbrushing and I might be able to buy into this all a little more. And these dreams are just beyond ridiculous. What the heck was that bleeding tattoo thing all about. The tattoo made Hayley do that idiotic dance, yeah right. OK. That sounds logical. Thanks for sharing. And why do we have to see two Mateo's in all these dreams. One being his usual obnoxious self, the other looking at himself being obnoxious. I could do without that. I'm glad that Mama finally came for a visit. It was really irking me that she was only there the first day when he was brought in. Crying her eyes out, going to Palmer for comfort, praying and all that. Then we never see her again. Guess she forgot her son was in a coma, and I can't say I blame her, I try to forget him all the time.

I guess my hunch from last week about Ryan stepping in and marrying Gillian himself turns out to be true! I knew she wasn't going to marry Scott. And with a man like Ryan around wanting her, why would she want a drip like Scott anyway? While Scott and Gillian were discussing wedding plans, or I should say, Gillian was discussing wedding plans, Liza came in with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK. I'm not going to even attempt to type French so I'll just explain the quote. Gillian says something like "A wedding is the most important day in a woman's life *French word here*" And Liza spouts off a response, also in French, to which Gillian says, "You just called me a little dog." Liza then says, "Oh my, my French is so limited, that wasn't the word I was thinking of at all." Oh Liza, we all know what word you were looking for!! But I have to take issue with Kelsey this week. There she was, lying on the floor having a chatfest with Ryan and she just talked!! What is that girls problem?? How could she lie there and not jump his bones!? Is she insane?? I know I sat in front of my TV yelling a combination of "Ryan! Take off your shirt!" and "Kelsey, jump on him!!" Maybe she should have gone to Hayley for advice on how to jump on top of a guy, instead of seeking advice from Camille. And now Kelsey is going to try and join a convent? Why are they making this very smart girl such an idiot? I really hate that. I guess after Scott I would be turned off to men forever too, but still!

I'm just thoroughly disgusted with Adam. No doubt about it, he gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD. He acted like a total idiot this week in court. How many times can Liza say she doesn't want to be divorced, that she loves him, that she wants them to have another chance. And personally I don't like this begging Liza, this wimpy woman who would do anything to get back this moron. But Adam barely budges. So Allie the wonder doctor comes to the rescue and explains the whole David Hayward sting, why Liza did it and what really happened with Stuart and Marian. OK, so he's softening. He then goes to Liza and she's confronting Camille. BAM! Mr. I Make a Habit Out of Jumping to the Wrong Conclusion is at it again. I never wanted more to reach into the TV and smack the heck out of someone before. And that witch Camille can't say one word!! After she tells Liza to just tell Adam the truth, that they don't know each other and she has nothing to do with what Camille is doing. That jerk doesn't even come to Liza's defense. She just stands there and then runs. URGH!!! So Liza is back to square one with Adam and his stupid logic that she is involved with the haunting. So what does Liza do, she again stops the divorce proceedings and when she and Adam are alone, as she begs for another chance, he writes up and agreement, tells her to sign it. She's exhausted from all the fighting and finally signs. And that moron Adam tells Stuart that if she didn't want it, she wouldn't have signed it. WHAT????? Weren't you listening when she stopped the hearing twice, when she talked to you in the witness room, when she talked to you in the courtroom alone?? All I can say after all that is Liza, you are much better than that, good riddance to Adam!!

We bid Bianca farewell this week. She's off to the group home for intensive anorexia therapy. Erica threw a nice little going away party for her, and even had Linden redecorated to match their dresses! All were in attendance at the party.. well except for one glaring omission, ESTHER! Funny how someone who lives at Linden House, and was one of Bianca's caregivers while Erica was locked up doesn't even come to the party. I liked seeing Peggy though, and it was a nice touch to have Allie and Jake there. And what was this?? Travis actually being human and surprising everyone with his papers stating that he and Erica now had joint custody. And even better than that, Barbara barely spoke! Now Bianca is gone and Erica can concentrate on seeing glimpses and glimmers of Mike Roy. Oh joy. And speaking of Mike Roy... I just don't get it!! None of it. How does he know Dimitri, how did Dim and Erica never discuss him? And what exactly is the point of raising him from the dead now?

How great was it seeing Maria back this week! What a site for sore eyes. I don't quite understand the filing of the nails thing, but hey, it's Edmund's hallucination not mine. I never thought I would do this, but this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK is Jim. Don't get me wrong, I still think that Roscoe Born was the best, and a much better Jim. But David Forsythe (Jim) this week did a heck of a job. He was pure evil. He started off really slow as the replacement Jim. He was just too fatherly. But now, he's really proved that he can be a creep too. And he's a rather funny creep. Well maybe funny isn't the word, but he's got such a sarcasm, for some reason, that just really appeals to me. Wonder why that is? Jim's downfall has been pretty good, I have to admit. The only drawback to the whole thing is Laura's return. In an unprecedented move this week, I am giving a second I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD. This one goes to Laura. She is constantly saying the same thing over and over. "I don't want to talk about it." "Can't we talk about something else." Oh please, if Brooke doesn't haul out and smack her one, can they just hire me on for one day as a bit player so I can do it! I know I've said this before, but for goodness sake's if she wasn't such a selfish little wench and told Brooke a long time ago how awful a guy Jim really is, none of this would have happened. Well then I guess we wouldn't have a storyline, but you know what I mean. And how Brooke can ever be understanding about Laura hiding this crucial piece of information is beyond my comprehension. Laura could have single-handedly stopped Jim in his tracks. If Brooke had known what he did, she would never have continued her relationship with him. But then again, Brooke has totally lost her brain lately so maybe she would have defended him saying he has changed since then. Either way, I enjoy blaming Laura for everything so I will just continue to do so. And the murder of Jim gets closer and closer... oh I just can't wait! Looks like it will be Brooke that goes on trial for Jim's murder, but I sure don't think it will be her that actually does it. My money is on LaShawna still, but I think that it will really turn out to be Laura that does it. She's got that post traumatic stress disorder plea that she can use from her porn days. Who do you think will do it?


Week 5... Esther, Esther, come out come out wherever you are!!