The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


March 28, 2002

What should we talk about today? Let's start with the whole Chief of Staff thing. Weird. In the real world, there would be a nationwide hunt for someone qualified for this job. But in the world that is Pine Valley who has time for such inconveniences? In a matter of hours, the current Chief of Staff, Joe Martin, was shamed and forced into retirement by a criminal, David Hayward. The criminal in turn assumed he would automatically get this prestigious job. He never once took into consideration that the many charges that have been brought against him, the scandals and the embarrassment he's brought to the hospital would be a factor in this decision. So arrogant is he that he thought that his status as "world renowned cardiologist" would make him a shoe in for this job. Davy Davy... you're dealing with the self-righteous Martin's here. Under the gun to find a replacement for Joe immediately, the board opts to hire a completely underqualified nepot, instead of a criminal. What a choice! I fear for the health of anyone in Pine Valley. I hope Liza has good insurance. So Jake is the new Chief of Staff. Jake, who is little more than an intern who never really finished medical school but plays doctor anyway. Jake is now the head of the hospital, in charge of just about everything, while Joe goes back to doctoring and David tries to pick his jaw up off the floor.

Despite all this, there is a very moving scene that gets the SCENE OF THE WEEK, as Joe and Jake bond over the jobs ups and downs. Joe passes the torch to his son and the two bond in a very touching father/son moment. And the SCENE continues as Jake holds an impromptu retirement party for his father his office. Jake is moved to tears as he talks about his father and all he's done for their family and the hospital. Very moving, and nice touch with the real tears. You all know I'm a sucker for real tears, especially with men. But I have one problem with all this. AMC better damn well give Joe a real retirement party from the hospital. A few people and some balloons in the office doesn't cut it. There should be a real party, with his whole family... Ruth included, where everyone can celebrate the legend of Joe Martin.

The board gave Jake one stipulation to his appointment as Chief... he has to hire back David for at least one year. We all know Jake is none too pleased about this but agrees to it anyway. David is also none too pleased about this. The last thing he wants is to have Jake be his supervisor. Can you blame him? He immediately says no way, but Anna, who for some reason is present at every board meeting there has been about this, drags him out of the conference room to discuss his options. Basically he has none. Anna does her little dance where she shuffles from foot to foot, digs her hands in her pockets then pulls them out and points to David, telling him he must take this job. David is visibly confused by the Devane Mating Dance Ritual and tells her that he will not take the job. But she informs him that she has been named Chief of Police (will get to that in a bit) and will not leave Pine Valley, so if she wants to stay with her, he has to take the job. Caught between a rock and a hard place, David reluctantly agrees.

David goes to Jake and tells him that he accepts his offer. They two start to huff and puff and circle each other as if they are about to attack one another. They declare each other their worst nightmare and a wait to see if they are going to push each other down and run home to say a bully pushed them on the playground. Are either of these two qualified for the job? Hell, I think Dr. Clador would have been a better choice for Chief of Staff! The funniest part was the absolute shock that Tad displayed when finding out about Jake's new job. I think Tad was feeling what a lot of us were feeling when we found out.

That's about all I have to say about Tad other than he attacked David to find out what he knows about Dixie. Big yawn. Poor Tad, he doesn't realize his ex-wife is really in Oakdale (in case you're out of that loop, Cady McClain has joined the cast of As The World Turns). I wonder how far that is from Pine Valley. Since it's on another network, I'd say it's a whole world away. And one other thing about Tad, a shocker even... JR decided that he wanted to go live with Tad and Tad actually said no, because Dixie wanted him with Adam. Wow.... did we just witness a little bit of evolving on Tad's part? I guess he technically isn't really a Martin, but it's still a little shocking when he displays un-Martin-like tendencies.

Oh, but then he pulls a Martin-like above the rules move when he asks Jake to help him break into David's records because he's sure that David knows where Dixie is. The mind boggles at Tad even asking Jake to do this. Did he not hear Jake tell him that he's now the Chief of Staff? Is this something a Chief of Staff would do? Wake up Tad! Get over you and your issues.

David spots Maggie trying to leave the hospital and stops her. She's trying to get the hell out of Pine Valley and I'm really wondering why anyone would want to stop her. Her character pretty much has no point. But David does, he wants her to testify against Vanessa. Maggie is too scared and feels like her testimony would be insignificant. Then something really bizarre happens... Maggie tells David that Vanessa told her that she pushed his father to kill himself. But she didn't tell him that Vanessa told her that Charles Hayward, David's father, was actually the first Proteus. Why wouldn't she tell him that? That was an incredible twist and one that is sure to devastate David. She never even hinted at it or made a veiled reference. Are we supposed to forget that Vanessa said this? Come on! It was one of those jaw dropping moments that totally shocked me! I don't get to be shocked too often and that definitely shocked me. I just don't understand why Maggie didn't mention it. She admitted that she doesn't know David or Leo at all, so it's not like she's protecting him from the truth. She doesn't know how he felt about his father.

In a true, PASS ME THE HANDBAG MOMENT, Chris comes through and gets Anna the job he promised her as Chief of Police of Pine Valley. I feel very much like the mayor and the police commissioner that swore her in. She was not my first choice. My first choice for this job is the long suffering Derek Frye. Derek has put in years of work with the PV police and this is how they repay him? They hire some who has zero Pine Valley history. I find this very very unfair. I'm sure it's no secret that I am no Anna fan. I wish she would just go back to General Hospital already, but unfortunately it looks like she's here to stay.

Leo moved in with Simone. Kendall moved in with Myrtle. Both are very unlikely. Simone, who I really actually happen to like and I totally love her voice, offered Leo a sofa to crash on for a few days until he figures out what he's going to do. Leo being Leo, he has to go and rub Greenlee's nose in it because the apartment is in her building. Greens is not at all happy about this development and wants to be as far from Leo as possible. She's hurt, brokenhearted, and sad. But she's also vindictive so she buys the loft out from under Simone's sublet and evicts them both! How many apartments are in that building anyway? I had thought that maybe Simone was subletting the apartment that Laura had rented, but she kept referring to her sublet as being from a man, so it's got to be a different one. So that's Laura's place, Simone's place, Jake's place, Greenlee's penthouse... am I forgetting anyone?

In a very uncharacteristic move, Leo goes to Greens and tells her the truth. He tells her that he's not really living with Simone, he only said that to hurt her. He told her that Simone didn't do anything to her and that she needs that apartment and apologizes for lying. Green's relents and let's Simone stay, with Green's as her landlord.

Kendall gets a plan to move into Myrtle's so she can be nearer to Chris and Bianca and in the process drive Erica crazy. Myrt was not real pleased with this idea, and initially said no. But Bianca spoke to her and Myrt relented and let her move in. What is Kendall's plan? To snare Chris away from Erica? Well... Erica doesn't have Chris so that's kind of silly. To turn Bianca against Erica? Bianca is already upset with Erica and doesn't want much to do with her. I guess Kendall just wants to ingratiate herself into Chris and Bianca's lives. That in and of itself will piss off Erica enough to please Kendall.

Kendall goes back to Ryan's room to get her stuff and tell him she's moving into Myrtle's. Ryan so has Kendall's number and knows she's just doing it to piss off Erica. Kendall plays hurt, but I think she's just annoyed that she's so transparent. Ryan warns her not to hurt Myrtle and follows her there.

They are there just in time to see Chris come home. He's still in his wheelchair which I guess means he's sofa bound. Chris jokes about how it was about time that he got his walking papers from the hospital, then corrects himself by calling them rolling papers. Then Kendall, Ryan and Chris all toast, "Here's to rolling papers!" And they all laugh at the double entendre! Kendall sees Erica at the door and plays up to Chris, giving Erica a show as she kisses his cheek and welcomes him back. Erica launches into some whacko fantasy about Kendall seducing Chris.

Erica gets a plan. It seems that Revlon wants to lure Greenlee away from Enchantment and have her work for them. Erica decides that she'll send Kendall to Revlon instead, and they will think she's Greenlee. Interesting plan Erica, but why would Kendall help you and pretend to be Greenlee? Erica sets her plan in motion by apologizing to Greenlee and telling her that they need to get past everything. Kendall is so not buying it. Gee Erica, did you think she would just fall into place with your plan? She heads back to her office, trying to come up with Plan B, when she runs into Opal who was there using Enchantment's long distance to call MyAdrian! Ahhh.... a MyAdrian mention! I love that!

So how weird is it hearing an actual company name being used on AMC? I always think it's a mistake when they say "Revlon." In a fictional town, with fictional companies like Chandler Enterprises, Enchantment and fictional newspapers like the National Intruder and the Wall St. Harold, it just seems so strange to have a real company name being banded around. I guess money talks. For bucking to the almighty dollar first by hawking all kinds of crappy jewelry and now advertising Revlon during the actual show, ABC gets this weeks DCM COMMEMORATIVE SLAP AWARD.

Kendall gets all tarted up and heads back over to Ryan's to try and snare herself a man. Poor girl, she doesn't realize what a brooding mess that Ryan is. Granted, the dress was an obvious head turner... Mr. Diva's eyes practically popped right out of his head! But it's going to take more than a dress hon. Ryan tells her that he cannot give her what she wants, him. Kendall tries to save face by telling him that he's really very full of himself and she just wanted to take him out for some fun. Ryan tells her that he's not over his wife and cannot be what she wants him to be. Did Kendall know about Gillian? She didn't flinch when he mentioned his wife dying. I really have enjoyed the build up of this relationship between Kendall and Ryan. I like that they haven't immediately jumped in the sack, not for lack of trying on Kendall's part! I like that Ryan is facing his demons. He's had a lot to deal with since Gillian's death and it's not going to be easy for him to just move on with his life. It's not just Gillian's death, it's everything that has happened since then too. Taking it slow is a good move. He jumped in the sack with Mia and that failed miserably. He sought comfort from Liza, and that failed miserably. Now he's trying to get his head together before making another mistake. Good for him! Kendall is very hurt by his rejection, but Ryan lets her know it's not her.

And elsewhere in Pine Valley, Leo is reverting back to his stud days by picking up a woman at BJ's. Evidently she's a sucker for leather pants. She does this really bizarro slinky move of taking off her diamond watch, shaking it in Leo's face then leaving it on the bar. I guess this was to show Leo how rich she is. She had Leo's number right from the beginning. As they sit down and talk, she turns on a tape recorder and tapes Leo talking about his mother. Enter Simone who just happens to know the skank and tells Leo she's a reporter then dumps the skank's mimosa all over the purse with the tape recorder in it. It turns out that Simone used to be her intern. She slinks her slinky self right on out of BJ's and then Simone, in a really nasty move, picks up Leo's mimosa and takes a drink. EW! Get your own!

Elsewhere in BJ's, Edmund, Brooke, Jamie and Jack are all hanging out. Brooke sends Jamie away and once he's gone, Jack discusses the Pronessa case with them. Shouldn't a DA know better than to discuss a case like that? I found it very odd. Brooke gets called back to Tempo so Jack, Edmund and Jamie head over to the hospital to see what is going on with Pronessa.

At the hospital... in a regular room, not in the psych ward or anything, Pronessa is playing up her part for the new shrink. Is she crazy? Is she acting? So far it seems to look like she's acting, but who knows! Of course, Pronessa is this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. She's just too fabulous and entertaining! The doctor isn't too sure what to make of Pronessa yet, and when Leo questions him he tells him he hasn't yet diagnosed her. Suddenly, Pronessa hears the distorted Proteus voice and totally freaks out. It's talking to her in her hospital room so she runs out into the hallway, completely wigging out and screaming. Bizarro move alert, her guard goes to restrain her and the shrink instead grabs the guard and holds her back from getting to Pronessa! Everyone watches... Leo, Jack, David, Maggie, the doctor, the lawyer, nurses, the guard, and Greenlee (why is she there anyway?) as Pronessa goes into a full out panic and grabs Jamie. She won't let go, she thinks he's her son. They all just stare until Edmund comes back and pries Pronessa off of Jamie. Finally David and a few orderlies restrain her. The whole thing was so weird. Jamie freaks out and when Brooke arrives, Edmund tells her what happened and then it's her turn to freak out. She gets all up in Edmund's face about bringing him there. Oh take a pill Brooke, no one could have predicted that would happen, which is pretty much what Edmund tells her, only in a lot nicer of a way.

A nurse tells Jack that security did a thorough sweep of Pronessa's room and found that there is no way for transmissions to be made there. But is that really true? Call me crazy but I think Mateo is doing it. He's all about revenge, he told her he was going to make her suffer. Sure, he's supposedly out of town with Hayley and Enzo, but he was told not to leave town since he is a witness. Yep, I think he's doing it. But what I don't understand is why. If he really does drive her crazy, she won't pay for her crimes will she? She's just going to end up in Oak Haven.

Mia has moved into the Gatehouse with Stuart and Marian. I love this idea. I think it's really great that they are re-exploring the relationship between Liza and Mia. It was dropped too suddenly.

Speaking of Liza, I like that she is getting this big storyline. I like that it's an illness. What I don't like is the suddenness to it. There could have been a bit more of a build up. In about a week and a half she went from rage, to blinding headaches, to memory loss to brain tumor. Her rage with Adam and JR was so convincing. But more so than that, her absolute panic at Colby being missing was so intense and real. And Adam's suspicion was so typical of Adam. Why does AMC keep these two married? It's ridiculous. They will never be able to trust one another.

Am I missing anything? Ahhh the truly lovely and peaceful week and a half we've had without the two headed Mateo/Hayley monster and the digit of death!! It's been wonderful! It's like my fantasy AMC.

And last but not least, our LINE OF THE WEEK happens at SOS as Ryan (who is sub-bartending) pours Leo a drink, a very weak drink at that, and says... "So what are you celebrating? Buy a new pair of leather pants?"

This weeks AMC gets an A- The shows themselves were not much to speak of, as you see I just went on for hours about absolutely nothing (and did it all in 3 cd's time!). But the lack of Mateo/Hayley has brought that grading curve right up to the top!