The Pine Valley Bulletin

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March 26, 2000

I begin this week with a question to the writers of AMC... ok, fess up! Have you been reading this column or what!? I ask this because out of nowhere this week, Leo said one of my standard lines. Let me back up a bit. Leo and Becca are at the Valley Inn, having a tutoring session. Didn't these two ever hear of the library? Erica sees them and interrupts, sending Leo away for a minute. She then warns Becca that Leo is a user and she'd do better to stay away from him. Becca politely thanks Erica for her concern, but she would rather form her own opinions about people. Once Erica walks off and Leo comes back, Becca is peeved and asks who Erica thinks she is. Leo responds with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, "She's Erica Kane, haven't you heard?" Loved it. But then, he steals my line! He says, "this is her world, we just live in it." Excuse me, but this is something I say rather frequently about Erica or Adam. This is a line I've never heard anyone but me use! My jaw hit the floor when he said it! So, AMC writers... do I get a credit for that one? Cash will do, thanks.

OK, now that I'm done tooting my own horn, let's get down to business. Dixie phones Gillian and asks her to meet her for lunch at the Valley Inn. Gilly is certain that it has to do with Jake and is hoping that Dixie is going to tell her that he's forgiven her. No such luck hon, Jake is having Dixie do his dirty work by having her tell Gilly that he has left town. What a wuss. Jake gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for not telling Gillian to her face that he is leaving to sort everything out. It's pretty inconsiderate and hell, maybe she doesn't want to wait for him. Maybe he should think of her and not just himself. Maybe he should consider how much she put on the line to protect him. OK fine, he sent her a note, but still. So Dixie consoles her by telling how getting away from Tad did wonders for her when she left and went back to Pigeon Hollow. Hmmm, is that some foreshadowing Dix?

Over at Ryan's, Tramplee is lazing around the next morning after spending the night on the sofa and has another dream of Ryan walking around in those sexy little boxer briefs. Who can blame her really. Ryan decides to confide in the Tramp and talks to her about Gillian and how concerned he is about her. Bad move Ryan, the green-eyed monster rears it's ugly head. Tramplee heads out of Ryan's, wearing his sweater and searching for Gilly. She finds her of course, at the Valley Inn. Tramplee asks her if she's OK and if she'll be able to work things out with Jake. Gilly distractedly answers her, but she can't tear her eyes away from Tramplee's sweater. When Gilly admits she's wondering where she's seen it before, Tramplee confesses that it's Ryan's and that she was with him again and how she can't resist him. Gilly gets very upset and runs from the dining room, while Tramplee grins her evil "I'm ruining another life" grin. Interesting how when Dixie told Gilly that Jake left town, Gilly soaked it in, but when Tramplee says she was with Ryan, Gilly is so overcome that she has to race from the room. Very interesting indeed.

Gillian is getting set to move out of the boarding house and into Wildwind to be near Grandmama when Myrtle mentions something about Ryan having been there and talking to Jake. Gilly immediately thinks that Ryan turned Jake against her, and when he conveniently shows up at the boarding house with a year's supply of liquid soap for Myrtle... yes, a year's supply of liquid soap, Gillian is ready to tell him off. She accuses him of coming between her and Jake and that he has ruined her life. She tells Ryan she'd be happy if she never had to think about him, see him or talk to him and tells him to stop interfering in her life. Ryan tries to defend himself, but Gilly isn't listening to him. So finally he tells her that he will stay out of her life for good. Once Ryan leaves, Gilly gets the letter from Jake that says he believes she acted out of love, and Ryan helped him to see that. Oops Gilly, you just told Ryan to stay out of your life forever and he actually helped you with Jake, not harm. I can't wait to see that apology!

With Adam and Tad in jail, the insults keep on flying. Adam is pissed that he's there at all and tells Derek that he can't hold him there against his will. Evidently Adam doesn't understand what being in jail means, and you know, I was almost expecting to hear an "I'm Adam Chandler" coming out of Adam's mouth! Liza arrives to post bail for Tad, and does one incredibly insensitive thing, she tells Tad, in a loud enough voice for Adam to hear, that she is trying to get a hold of Jake because Colby said da da and she wanted him to hear it. Wow, that was really uncalled for considering how Jake bowed out of the custody fight and all. Tad tells her that she should cool it with trying to talk to Jake about Colby, and well, she can't anyway because he left town. Once Liza leaves, Adam tries to cut Tad a deal... he won't press charges against him if he can get Liza to drop the charges. Tad says, no dice old man.

Back in court, this time for Adam and Tad's arraignments, Keith McLean wants to throw the book at him. Judge gives Adam $1 million bail and sets a court date for April 3. Tad is so appalled that he gets up, starts screaming and then attacks Adam. The two start brawling in the courtroom and Tad even punches out Derek by mistake when he was aiming for Adam. The judge then denies them both bail, holds them in contempt and sentences them to 30 days in the same jail cell or until they can get along peacefully. Once they are put behind bars, Adam grabs Barry's cell phone and keeps it with him. Yeah, that's possible.

Back in the court room, Marian is upset and confides to Stuart that she's afraid that Paolo raped her. She tells him that she had been to the doctor for an HIV test, and it was negative, but she needs to be tested again. She also tells Stuart that she thinks Adam is behind it all because he hates her so much. Stuart goes to see Adam and tells him how upset Marian is and that she thinks that, as Stuart calls him, Pie-hallow, may have raped her and that she thinks Adam is behind it. Adam starts to panic, but denies any involvement. Stuart pleads with Adam to tell him the truth and Adam replies by saying he would never hurt Stuart. Adam admits that he doesn't like Marian, but Stuart loves her and he again denies involvement with Leo. Adam once and for all tells Stuart that he did not set Marian up, but he cannot even look Stuart in the eye when he says it, but still, Stuart believes him. Adam, Adam, Adam, you are setting yourself up for disasaster. Once Stuart finds out he lied to him, I shudder to think what will happen, but I bet it will be a hell of an outlet for David Canary!

After talking to Stuart, Adam calls Leo from his prison issue cell phone and threatens him. He tells Leo he's dead if Stuart ever finds out that he was involved. So, Stuart goes to confront Leo. Stuart is so upset and Leo is in a state of panic. He admits that someone else paid him to set up Marian, and tells Stuart that she was drugged. But he tells Stuart that Pie-hallow never touched Marian after he put her in the bed. But Leo never gives up Adam and tells Stuart that it was someone in Europe and he cannot tell him the person's name.

At the Valley Inn, Liza had asked Dixie and Joe if she could take them out to lunch and they could talk about everything that has happened. Liza tells them that she is very sorry for everything and tells them that she is going to be testifying against Adam. She also tells them that she wants the Martin's to remain a part of Colby's life. Joe gets a page and has to leave, so now Dixie and Liza are alone. This gives Dixie a perfect opportunity to jump on her high horse and lay into Liza. She tells Liza that she's the same selfish unthinking person she's always been, that she let them all fall in love with Colby. She tells Liza that she used them all. Dixie tells Liza that she blames Adam for everything, but she too is at fault for not coming forward and ending this all sooner. Liza really has no defense, and you know, I really hate it when Dixie is right. She is right, but I don't blame Liza as much as Dixie seems to. In fact, I would think that Dixie would jump at the chance to blame Adam for everything, considering all the things he's done to her and her family. Then again, I guess Liza and Dixie aren't the best of pals, no matter how much they have both faked it in the past.

Tad notices Adam's shift in mood after Stuart left and calls him on all the times that he's hurt Stuart and Stuart has forgiven him. He reminds him of how he made Cindy's life miserable, how he stole Gloria from him, and how he threw a dinner party with all of Marian's former lovers. Good use of history AMC, bravo!! Tad realizes that something is going on between Adam and Stuart, but doesn't know what it is yet. He plays Adam's conscience and tells him that he's going to lose Stuart. I have to say that I'm very happy with the way this jail situation is being handled. While it does tend to be funny (with Tad making that smootchy face at Adam when they have to go shower, and then telling the guard that Adam doesn't want anyone to see the big tattoo of a steamer ship on his back, and the dingy in the front) it has also been very serious. I was hoping that AMC wouldn't turn this little stint in jail into a comedy and they haven't. And after another visit from Stuart, where Stuart praises Adam, thanks him for always protecting him, and then apologizes for accusing him, Adam is even more distraught. Stuart tells Adam that he can't imagine his life without him and tells Adam that he loves him. Oh Stuart, you are unknowingly really putting the guilt to Adam.

Uncharacteristically, Adam is starting to realize that something he did was wrong. This last scene between Adam and Stuart gets this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. This is going to get so good. Again, Tad enters after Stuart leaves and this time finds Adam with tears in his eyes. Tad realizes that Adam did something terrible to Stuart and again tugs at his conscience. He's been great this week, both funny and serious and has played them both perfectly.

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK - Tramplee talks her grandfather into bankrolling Ryan's dot com business venture. They set up a friend of Woody's, named Midori, to be the front. By the way, we'll be seeing Midori this week. I wonder how long it will take for Ryan to figure out that Tramplee is behind all this. Hmm.

Over at Wildwind, Eugenia's Russian friend Arinna is visiting. Ed says a few phrases in Russian to her, but that's about all he can muster. Arinna tells them she noticed the stables and asks if she can go for a ride. Edmund calls down to the stable and tells Guy to get one of the horses ready. Soon after, Guy brings Arinna up to the house...she's ill, hyperventilating it seems and only speaking Russian. One minute Alex is saying she can't understand her, the next minute she is speaking fluent Russian and finds out that Arinna needs her medication which is in her purse. After an ambulance arrives and takes Arinna to the hospital, Edmund confronts Alex, who said she couldn't speak Russian, on how she spoke perfect Russian to Arinna. With Guy listening at the door, Alex denies that she can speak Russian and tells Edmund she doesn't believe him. This is when I wanted to throw something at my TV. This is so incredibly ridiculous I can't even stand it!! She doesn't remember learning to speak Russian? She doesn't remember learning martial arts?? PLEASE! This is so sickening already. We know she's going to be Anna, it's so damn obvious. Can you just put her out of our misery! Admit it, get on with it and send her back to GH where they actually care about this character!

OK, breathe in, breathe out. Count to 10 and move on. Edmund is so confused by all these abilities Alex has that she can't seem to remember she has and wants to dig into her past. Oh Edmund, why don't you just cut your losses and toss this lunatic out! Oops, sorry. Alex mutters "I just want to get on with my life" when Edmund pushes her and Ed realizes that this is a phrase she mutters whenever he pushes her or questions her. Ed asks her why she says that, and Alex gets defensive. So Ed calls up everyone's favorite former spy, Adrian, and asks him to meet him at the Valley Inn. What a guy, he's always there for everyone. Edmund explains everything to Adrian, and Adrian suggests that maybe Alex has been brainwashed, in fact, maybe she was a spy. Gee, ya think? Wow, I'd never have guessed that. Ugh. Edmund tells Adrian he's going to try and find out who Alex is and who brainwashed her, but Adrian advises against it, telling him this is dangerous stuff and if she was brainwashed, then it was done for a very good reason.

At Wildwind, Alex is trying to call her doctor, but can't seem to muster doing it. Guy slithers up behind her and whispers in her ear, "Alex, I can see you just want to get on with your life." Alex freaks and asks Guy who sent him and what he wants. Guy covers and hightails it out of there and goes to email whoever. He tells the mysterious email person that the next step is inevitable and asks if he can terminate. Terminate the assignment? Terminate Alex? Who knows, who cares. Edmund comes back home and soon Jack arrives. Alex gives them permission to dig into her records and try to get her medical files opened.

Paolo has arrived back in Pine Valley, much to Leo's dismay. But he suddenly is without that cheesy accent and to me, this makes him infinitely more appealing. That had to be the worst Italian accent I have ever heard. Leo tries to talk Paolo into leaving town as fast as he came back, but Paolo's got other ideas. He has figured out that Adam was involved in "Operation Seduce Marian" and thinks he deserves another 30 grand for his silence about it. Leo is really starting to sweat inside those leather pants now... man that must really chafe, and goes to Greenlee for money. She, of course, refuses. Why help out a friend when she has boats and businesses to buy to try and buy herself a boyfriend.

Opal and Erica are having lunch at the Valley Inn when Opal asks Erica if she's going to marry David. Why did she ask this? Well, because Erica put his name in her address book, in ink! I guess in Pine Valley circles that means you're engaged. Erica says there is no way she's ready to marry David. And over at David's office, Dixie is asking David the same thing... are he and Erica getting married? David tells Dixie that there is no way he's ready to marry Erica. I guess this means we'll be seeing a wedding pretty soon.

Paolo spots Erica at the Valley Inn and immediately turns on the smarm, I mean charm. He pretends to be some leather mogul, which would explain his friendship with Leo. Erica drinks in the attention and Paolo asks if he can get a tour of Enchantment. Erica agrees and tells him to come by her office that afternoon.

Well, in the meantime, Becca is telling Leo what Erica said about him and how he's just using her. Leo gets pretty pissed off and races to Erica's office to tell her off. He tells her to stop badmouthing him to his friends and then who should sashay into Erica's office, but Paolo. This is an interesting coup for Leo who tells him that he won't tell Erica he's a scam, if he stops trying to bleed him dry for more money.

The stress of Trevor's departure is starting to take its toll on Amanda; she's withdrawn and her grades are dropping. Janet is worried so Arlene makes a very Arlene-like suggestion, get her a little boyfriend, that will perk Amanda right up. Janet ignores her and heads out to work. Right after Janet leaves, Adrian calls and asks if there is any work to be done at the house. He'd like to lend a hand since Trevor's gone. See... he's always there for everyone, even though it was probably more about that promise he made Assholeo to keep an eye on Arlene. Arlene tells Adrian to come on over and then plans her seduction of him. She sends Amanda to her room with a movie and sets the mood with lighting and music. Once Adrian arrives, Arlene hangs herself on him like one of Trevor's old ties. Adrian manages to escape, again. Come on Adrian, go for it! This could be so much fun!!

Derek barges in on Janet and tries to coerce a confession out of her, again. He tells her he knows that she is the one who killed Sophie, not Trevor and if she just would sign the confession, Trevor would come back. Derek's timing couldn't be better. Janet is confused and worried about Amanda. She wants to help her and starts to think that if Trevor were back Amanda would be OK. Janet is just about to sign the confession when Arlene steps in and tells her not to sign anything! She really gets in Derek's face for trying to intimidate Janet. And he gets in her face for being a lowlife mooch. After Derek leaves, Janet accuses Arlene of using her, not protecting her. Arlene is taken aback by the accusation and sings her "I just want another chance" song. Amanda comes down from her room with a new angel necklace and tells Janet that Trevor was there and gave it to her. Huh?

A few final things... Liza calls Leo over to her house and it looks like she's going to try and seduce an admission about Adam's involvement from him. I think we'll be treated with an appearance by Grace Keefer (Lynne Thigpen) this week, which would be awesome, I love her! And last but not least, this weeks PERFORMERS OF THE WEEK are none other than Hayley and Mateo for not even being on the show!

This weeks AMC gets a B. Some good stuff with Adam and Stuart, and Adam and Tad. A very good use of history this week. And most of all.. no Hayley and Mateo!!!