The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


March 23, 1998

A shirtless Ryan is a good Ryan. What is Gillian thinking wanting to marry Scott when Ryan is right there waiting for her, wanting her. Oh yeah yeah, she thinks it's her only way to stay in the country. But why on earth hasn't she called on her cousin, Dimmie? I'm sure he'd be able to help her somehow and they are reconciled now. Dim's got more contacts than the CIA! This whole thing is getting very boring. While Gillian is trying her darndest to convince everyone she loves the very boring Scott, Scott makes no bones about his not loving Gillian. Scott thinks he's being so noble by marrying her, when he's just being a moron. Ryan pretends to not care about any of it and Kelsey walks around feeling guilty. And all this brings us to the I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. This week it goes to Gillian. Honey just tell me what Scott's got that would make anyone (other than Kelsey) want to marry him?!

Speaking of Kelsey, what the heck was that whole scene with her and Camille about! That was just the worst, and if I had an award for WORST SCENE OF THE WEEK, that scene would definitely win. First of all it's pretty much been stated that Camille is 24 years old (she was 4 when her mother was killed 20 years ago), and Kelsey is about what? 19 or 20 now? OK, so why did it look like Camille was this woman of the world, while Kelsey is a child? Camille had this very sophisticated looking upswept do, while Kelsey had little girl clips in her hair. Camille is a boring loser, out for revenge. Kelsey is a boring loser out for revenge. OK, so they do have that in common. Kelsey has at least been in love (she was in love with Bobby, she was in love with Kevin, and now she's in love with Scott), while Camille admitted that she's never been in love. So why get advice from her? I just didn't get it at all. It looks like the wedding will be coming in the second week of April, but I wouldn't count on it going off without a hitch. I almost want to say that I think Ryan will step in and marry her, but I'm not so sure. I think he will stop it though.

Oh wait, another contender for WORST SCENE OF THE WEEK, Camille waking up from her nightmare in Tad's arms. Can she possibly breathe heavier? First of all, I'm just really disappointed in Tad. When Adam showed up at his house he covered for this woman he barely knows while Adam ranted and raved about how Liza is setting him up. Excuse me Tad, but isn't Liza your good friend? Shouldn't you draw the line when what is going on could hurt someone else, your friend? I was just shocked at Tad. And then he gives this woman some of his history, which is good. I like to see this kind of thing, in fact I'm still waiting for Jake to tell Allie about Emily Ann. But when Camille said, "I know you Tad Martin," I thought I was going to hurl! What does she know about anything?? AMC's attempts to endear this woman to the viewer are failing miserably. I'm beginning to hope that Adam did kill her mother (although I'm sure he didn't) and that he'll go off and kill Camille too!

I'm very disappointed in this turn in the Bianca story. Sending her away to a treatment center is such a cop out! This story was very interesting and intense. I really was enjoying it. But why is she leaving? So that AMC can concentrate on raising Mike Roy from the dead. And we know that Erica can't take care of her daughter and interact with Mike Roy. So we go from a storyline that is based on realism, to one that is absolutely ridiculous! Don't get me wrong, I loved Mike Roy when he was on, but he is DEAD! Dead as a doornail. This crap about him never being dead and working for some government agency is such a load of bull. So who did Brooke and Mark see shot to death in front of them? Who's ashes did Erica spread over Tibet? Did the funeral home just collect a bunch of ashtrays and pass it off as Mike?? Please! This is just too stupid to be believable. I know it's a soap and people come back from the dead all the time, but those are people whose bodies were never found! AMC is setting a precedent here. I expect to see Billy Clyde, Louie Grecco and Ray Gardner back anytime now. AMC seems to enjoy rewriting history so why not.

Liza was just full of zingers this week! She was busting me up. The whole scene at WRCW when she walked in on Ryan, Kelsey, Scott and Gillian was just too funny. From when she wanted to talk to Scott alone and said, "Ryan, Kelsey and the Queen of absolutely nothing, please go away." to asking Scott to see his hand and then smacking it, to the next scenes with Liza talking to Ryan alone. When she walked into that office and said to Ryan, "And you, Lord of the Dance," I about lost it!! What a funny thing to say! And then as she's leaving, so Ryan could take a phone call, her line was just great, "I'm just going to go gargle with some crushed glass and eat a box of carpet tacks and get back to my old self... divorce, it's made me a little human." How true you are Liza! Too human. I'd like to see some of the old Liza back, but I do like that Liza actually has friends now. That's a nice addition. But she's too soft. Well, except when it comes to Marian. She's still as hard-nosed as ever where Mother is concerned. And I just love how she's torturing Hurricane Marian and not telling her that she actually slept with Stuart. I don't understand why Adam hasn't mentioned it yet though. Then again, I don't think Adam realizes just what is going on with that anyway. Liza gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she said to Marian, "Mother, Holiday's is stocked with all your closest friends, why don't you go and visit them." Poor Marian, so persecuted! And for all these scenes, Liza gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. She's been great, and I have to say... she should have gotten the Emmy nomination over Boo Hoo Brooke, Julia Barr.

That brings us to Slimeball Jim. Yet another death this week, Judy Morton, the woman Edmund visited at the prison to get the goods on Jim. I'm sure it's not a coincidence that she was killed in a fight with another inmate so soon after she told all to Eddie. This week Laura shows up and just as she's about to spill all to Brooke, Jim shows up. I also heard that Brooke is very understanding when Laura does finally spill and tells her it's not her fault. Excuse me, but Laura could have stopped all this from happening months ago if she would have just looked past her own selfishness and told Brooke. It is her fault to a degree. If she would have told the truth a long time ago, Brooke would have dumped him. But I do have to thank Laura for one thing, making it an interesting story. If she would have told all sooner, we wouldn't have the fun of watching Jim's downfall. I guessed a long time ago that he would be killed and it looks like I might just be right, with the announcement of his "sudden and dramatic" departure in May. Plus all the signs are in motion, Brooke has a gun, Laura is back in Pine Valley, Dimitri is chasing him, Eddie is being held captive, and Phoebe is hiding a howitzer under her blanket! Sure we have more suspects, but I've talked about that before and also given my pick for the murderer, so I'm not going to go there again. I'm just glad that Jim's porn past has been brought into this. It would have been very disappointing if it had just fallen by the wayside and never mentioned.

This week we will get to see the return of Maria, albeit an hallucination, but still Maria. She'll help Eddie cope with sadist Jim. He's going to torture Eddie and kill him slowly. Which just goes to prove that Jim isn't too bright really, all the more time for him to get caught. I can't wait to see Super Dim on his white horse, come and save the day! That'll score big redemption points for Dim. What I don't understand is how all this drags out until May? It seems that by next week Eddie is close to being freed and that's only the beginning of April. I guess there is more in store for Jimbo!