The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



March 20, 2000

You know, I almost started this by saying it was going to be an abbreviated Editorial because I'm so late with it this week, but then I realized, I don't do abbreviated. Just call me Chatty Kathy ;)

So, the aftermath of Jake finding out the truth happened this week. Jake is being pulled in so many different directions. He's feeling betrayed, overwhelmed, extremely lonely, and most of all... sad. Jake arrives at the courtroom after having left Chandler Mansion with Colby. Adam, of course, thought that Jake had kidnapped Colby and wanted to press charges, despite all the times Liza said she trusts Jake. Yet another example of Adam not caring what Liza thinks, wants, feels. So at the hearing, Jake is holding Colby and, like the creep he is, Adam tells him he can't possibly win, but he can hold Colby one last time. But Jake hasn't decided if he's still going to pursue custody. Leslie is badgering him to continue but Jake silently holds his daughter. Jake proves he's the bigger man and bows out of the custody suit. He doesn't want Colby pulled apart. So he hands her over to Liza and tells her that he hopes she'll do the right thing, meaning divorce Adam. Liza is very shook up, but grateful for what Jake has done and tells him that Colby will always be a part of his spirit. And as the court proceedings draw to a close, the Judge informs the court that she has contacted the DA about Adam's sperm switcheroo caper.

Jake then leaves the courtroom without talking to anyone and heads back to the house he was hoping to make his home with Colby and Gillian. Lucky for him there's a rocking chair in the room as he sits down and visualizes how his new life was supposed to be. After a little while, Gillian arrives and tries to comfort him. Then she tells him how she tried to tell him the truth, she wanted to tell him, but things kept standing in her way. She tells him how she didn't know how to tell him, how she didn't want to hurt him. When Jake asks Gillian if she would have married him if he weren't fighting for custody of Colby, Gillian has a hard time answering and says that they love each other. This answer is not good enough for Jake and he walks out.

Gillian, furious at David for telling her about Colby's paternity in the first place, rushes to the Valley Inn and finds David having dinner with Erica. She lashes out at David, yelling at him for ruining her life, again and then throws a drink on him. Erica is stunned because she had just gotten finished praising him for keeping his word and not telling anyone. Ho hum... another fight between Erica and David. And another MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK award for them. You know, TPTB had better come up with something more interesting for David and Erica than fight/make up, fight/make up if we are to stay interested in them as a couple.

Ryan ditches Tramplee and runs off after Gilly, after seeing her throw the drink at David. But the next time we see Ryan, it's not Gilly he's with. He goes to see Jake. Jake isn't exactly tickled pink to see Ryan, and tells him that Gilly isn't home. Jake tells him that he came there to see him. Ryan tries to explain to Jake that Gillian didn't tell him because she loves him so much and couldn't hurt him. He tells her how brave Gilly was and how she stood up to Adam Chandler for him. He tells Jake not to blow it with Gillian like he has. Jake seems to be listening to him. You know, I really like this side of Ryan. As much as I want Ryan and Gillian back together, I love seeing this mature guy. This guy who is not out for his own interests... this guy who is showing us how much he loves Gillian by letting her go. I love this Ryan so much more than the sniveling mess that was following Hayley around everywhere she went.

Ryan's gone and Gillian arrives to see Jake, and tries to get through to him again. She tells him she has the answer to his question "would you have married me." She tells him that she wanted a big wedding, she wanted to get married in June, she wanted to wait a little while, but yes she would have married him. Gillian pleads with Jake to forgive her, to start their life together. Jake tells Gillian that he does love her, but he's not sure he would have married her were it not for the custody fight. Nice Jake. You're the one who pressured her into this marriage and now she wants to make it work and you tell her that you wouldn't have married her!? He tells her that he doesn't want to give up on their marriage, but that he needs time and space to sort everything out. Gillian is heartbroken.

Over at Chandler Mansion, Adam has given Liza a necklace with three hearts to represent Colby, Liza and himself. He tells her it represents his hopes for the future. Does this guy have balls or what!? Liza has made it painfully clear that she wants nothing to do with him, but he doesn't hear her. His ego is so big it blocks everything else out. He thinks that now that the truth is out, they will be one big happy family. Nevermind that he impregnated Liza against her will, that he lied about it for months and months, that he tried to destroy Marian and Stuart's marriage (ok, Liza doesn't know that for sure yet, but she will!). I've probably said this before but it bears repeating, it's Adam's world, everyone else just lives there. It turns out that Liza has a gift of her own for Adam, something that represents her hopes for the future... divorce papers! Adam throws in an "I did it all for love" for good measure and then Liza tells him to sign them and get out of her house.

Meanwhile at the Martin's, Tad is out for blood... Adam's blood. Joe and Dixie try to discourage him, but there is no discouraging Tad. He's a man possessed! He heads over to Chandler Mansion to urge Liza to press charges against Adam. She agrees and gives Derek a call and tells him to come and get Adam. Liza tells Adam that this time, he's going to pay for all he's done.

Jake goes to Joe and Ruth's to tell them he has decided to leave town, to California in fact. Dixie phones Tad and tells him to get home immediately, that Jake is there. So they have their goodbye's. Jake says goodbye to Joe and Ruth, to Dixie, to Tad. Hey Jake, it would have been nice if you had told your wife before you left! And it seems like he forgave Tad and Dixie before he left, but the same cannot be said about Gillian. Did he forgive her? Who knows, he didn't even have the courtesy to say goodbye!

The cops arrive to take Adam away. True to the intelligence level of Pine Valley policemen, Adam tells them he wants a moment with his wife and asks them to wait in the foyer and they do! Uh huh. Adam takes this opportunity to call Barry on his cell phone and tell him to put their contingency plan in motion. What that plan is, I have no idea but I think it has something to do with getting charges brought up against Tad. Which is exactly what happens next. Derek arrives at the Martin's and arrests Tad for forgery, theft, solicitation and conspiracy. Tad and Adam are getting booked about the same time and the insults and fists, well, handcuffed fists behind their backs, are flying! Joe and Dixie arrive at the station and GO JOE!! He goes after Adam again! That Joe, he's awfully feisty! Dixie steps in and tells Adam how much damage he has done to their whole family and how all this will affect Junior. Well gee, Adam never thought of that. He tells Dixie that he'll drop the charges against Tad if Tad will get Liza to drop the charges against him. Dixie tells Tad what the offer is, but Tad refuses.

Meanwhile, Scott and Marian arrive at Adam's after seeing the police cars in the driveway. Liza tells them that Adam was arrested and Marian freaks! She's afraid of the revenge Adam will plot out against them all for putting him in jail. Just then, Stuart arrives and tells them he called a friend of his in Italy and she just happened to know of Paolo. She told Stuart that he's a gigolo who preys on rich women. Scott tells them what he knows about Leo's involvement, but they are not too quick to believe him. When Scott and Stuart compare what they know, it's concluded that Paolo is not the brains behind the operation, but that someone helps him. They realize that someone else must be involved and the funny thing is, Marian can't seem to figure out who hates her enough. Here's a hint Marian, it starts with "A" and ends in ADAM! Liza figured it out though, and then Marian agreed, but Stuart didn't want to believe Adam would do such a thing. Ahhh a brother's love runs deep.

Waifley is offered a remote shoot for her show from Jamaica. Interesting... her show has been on like, what? once? and she's already getting remote shoots? That's some gig she's got. Anyway, Arlene is all for it, and wants to go with her but Waifley is having none of that. In fact, Waifley doesn't even want to go herself because she doesn't want to leave Janet alone with Arlene. Enter Assholeo. He did a little checking up on Arlene and found out that she was fired from her job at the carpet company after her boss died under unusual circumstances. Uh oh... Arlene is getting panicky. She tells them that he boss was coming on to her for months, attacked her, and then had a heart attack. That's a polite way of saying he died in the sack. Assholeo laughs his evil maniacal Assholeo laugh and tells her that he knows the whole story and that he talked to someone at her office. He tells them all how Arlene was always coming on to the boss and the whole company knew it. Arlene tries to defend herself but Assholeo tells her to pack her bags and that he is buying her a bus ticket out of town.

After Assholeo and Waifley leave, Arlene tries to appeal to Janet. She tells Janet that she was in love with her boss and that she was devastated when he died. Janet asks her why she lied and she says that the man was married and Waifley would be mad at her for that. She tells Janet she has no friends, no money and nowhere to go and begs her to let her stay. Janet gives in and says she can stay. While they are talking, Arlene lets on that she knows it was Janet who killed Sophie and not Trevor. Janet is shocked for some reason. But then she breaks the news to Waifley that she is letting Arlene stay. Waifley is none too pleased and tells Janet that she is not going to Jamaica and leaving her and Amanda alone with Hurricane Arlene. Janet asks Waifley that if Dr. Jaffe said it was OK for her to be alone, would she go? Waifley agrees so Janet makes a fake call to Dr. Jaffe and tells her to phone Waifley at SOS when she gets a chance, since the big Assholeo/Waifley engagement party is happening there tonight. Oh joy.

So the party gets underway and who should show up, Isabella! Wow... nice that they dragged her out for such a glorious occasion. You know, Izzie probably sees much of herself in Waifley. A poor deluded young woman marrying a mean controlling domineering jerk. And back at Janet's, Arlene is feeling a little left out because she was not invited to the engagement party. Damn woman, consider yourself lucky! Anyway, she raids Janet's liquor cabinet and gets all sauced up and then decides to crash the party. And back at the party, my fave Axel, has shown up and is chatting it up with Waifley. Waifley seizes this opportunity to tell Axel about Arlene's latest antics and gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she says, "My mother has personally put the shag back in the carpet biz." And of course, right on cue, Arlene arrives. She heads straight for Adrian.

Oops! I missed something very important. Janet puts on her Dr. Jaffe voice and calls Waifley to tell her that Janet is fine and dandy and she can go enjoy herself in Jamaica. You know what this means? NO ASSHOLEO AND WAIFLEY!!!! Woo hoo!! I hope they are gone for a least a week, I know I can use the break. So, Assholeo asks Adrian if he would be so kind as to keep an eye on Arlene while they are gone. Why? I have no idea.

Arlene decides that she should make a toast to the happy couple. This is by far, hands down, without a doubt, this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. A very drunk Arlene took center stage to toast her baby. This was like watching a train wreck. Arlene talked about how great it is that Assholeo and Waifley have found their way back to each other, because well... we all know that Waifley doesn't have a very good track record with men, and neither does her mom. And so what that he lied and never told her about that wife and kid he had, if Waifley can forgive him, then there is hope that she will also forgive Arlene. She goes on to say how yeah, she made some mistakes, like sleeping with her husband. But you know, Arlene says that she helped Waifley see him for the rat he was and if she had to do it all over again, she'd sleep with her daughters husband to save her again! This whole thing was so incredibly uncomfortable to watch, but I couldn't tear myself away. Which means Arlene gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Assholeo pleads with Adrian to get Arlene out of there, so he goes to take her home. That stupid Tina thinks Adrian really is interested in Arlene and gets jealous. Yeah, whatever babe. Although I have to admit, seeing Arlene and Adrian as a couple would be delicious fun! So, back at Janet's, Adrian is bringing Arlene inside and she is all over him and who could blame her really. But Adrian fends her off and runs out the door. When Janet gets home, she really lays into Arlene for making such a spectacle of herself and tells her that if she wants to stay she has to straighten up and dry out. Arlene promises her she will never do it again.

Seems Nessie really has a deep hatred for Erica, yeah we knew that, but for some reason it came up again this week and Leo questioned her about it. Nessie is babbling about how Erica has never found someone to take the place of her father, the father that abandoned her. And we hear that Nessie has hated Erica for years, long before she ever met David. So this brings me to remind you all of my theory about Leo's father. Yes, I said it when Leo first arrived and I'll say it again... Eric Kane. Why do I think so? Well we know that Nessie used to be an actress and that Eric Kane was a Hollywood producer. There is that connection. But some of it doesn't fit. Nessie was most likely an actress before she married David's father, so that would make Leo older than David, which we know is not the case. And if Eric Kane is Leo's father, what does that have to do with Erica? Why hate Erica for something her father did? Hey, I don't write the stories, I just come up with a theory every now and again.

So Scott and Becca seem to be getting hot and heavy, especially after Becca confesses to kissing Leo, which is a strange thing. They start really making out and then discuss why they aren't having sex. Becca admits she wants to be in love and well, that means she's not in love with Scott. Ouch. Later they overhear an argument between David and Leo, where David mentions that Leo is illiterate. Becca tries to go talk to him, but Leo is so embarrassed that he gets short with her and she walks off. After calming down a bit, Leo asks Becca if she will tutor him and she agrees. Leo wants to get started immediately so they go to the most logical place to study, Tad's office at WRCW. Becca starts by trying to teach Leo what 7 x 7 is. Who knew that this was the key to learning math, 7 x 7. Leo can't seem to figure it out yet, so Becca gives him a pep talk and tells him he is not stupid. Leo is so taken with that declaration that he jams his tongue down Becca's throat. Becca is into it for a moment then gets really pissed off and accuses Leo of asking her to be his tutor so he could seduce her. A logical assumption on Becca's part. The girl is barely out of high school, or is she? Who knows. But now that I'm on this... does Becca still live at Tad and Dixie's? Does her family miss her? Did she graduate? OK... we do know that Becca is not stupid, because she shows great insight and accuses Tramplee of planting the seduction seed in Leo's head. Becca is very upset and tells Leo that she's not going to have sex for the sake of sex and tells him how she wants it to be perfect and romantic. Ahhh... a young girl's ideals. Leo begs Becca to continue helping him and she finally does agree. I do believe that Leo is falling in love though.

So what's left? Oh Tramplee swiped Ryan's wallet while they were dancing at SOS so that she could return it to him later. Which is exactly what she does when she shows up at the loft. They hang out while Ryan looks up some stuff on the internet about starting a dot com business and he talks about how there is nothing for him in Pine Valley anymore and he is probably going to move to Silicon Valley. Hey, maybe he'll see Charlie and Cecily! Anyway... Tramplee calls Snooticent on the sly and tells her of a business proposition, read... scheme to keep Ryan in Pine Valley. Then she fakes being drunk and asks Ryan if she can stay over night, on the sofa. He agrees and goes to get her something to wear. While he's gone, she has this wacko dream about Ryan asking her to marry him and then picking her up like a feather doing her on the table. But when she snaps out of it, she gets a big dose of reality as she changes her clothes right in front of him and he doesn't even look up from his computer. Can't you take a hint hon?

Oh, and one last thing... I've been getting in some Spring Previews and one of them says that we are getting a big murder mystery, finally! I love those. So send in your bets... who do you think is going to get offed? My guess is Paolo. There will be lots of suspects ... Stuart, Marian, Liza, Adam, Leo, Scott... just to name a few. Oh this could get fun!

This weeks AMC gets a C- pretty good shows, but a low grade for the firing of Robin Mattson and Alexis Manta. Shame on you for disposing of all the Dillon's!!