The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998

 

March 2, 1998

All in all, not a bad week on AMC. I think it was by far the best week of this very dismal sweeps month. Where to begin... Stuart and Marian. This is all just way too strange for me. Marian had the exact scene I described back in November, but with the wrong Chandler! It was very amusing, I admit, but there are a couple things bothering me about it. Stuart isn't exactly the man about town, so how is it that he's all of a sudden Don Juan. Heck, he was so shy with Esther that he could barely hold her hand. Maybe if he showed her his prowess, she'd still be around! This is the main thing that I have a problem with, beside the fact that Stuart is a secret sex machine, where is Esther?? Does she still live at Linden or did she take off in her trailer? Is she back in the woods or is she in Florida for the winter? What? Where? Why?? Is Stuart going to have to explain to her someday why Marian is parked outside his door? Are Stuart and Marian going to have a relationship now? Oh the horror. Talk about a mismatch! Sweet, kind and gentle Stuart and money grubbing, out for her own interests Marian. But, the scene with Marian and Opal at the Pit and Stuart trying to write Adam a letter to tell him what happened have been hilarious! Marian is, by far, the hands down winner of the LINE OF THE WEEK. It was really difficult to pick just one since Marian had some real goodies on Friday. But my personal fave was when she left the room and clung to the door saying, "Magnificence, thy name is Adam." Runners up for best line include when she was describing to Opal just how great "Adam" was and said, "That man is a virtual pleasure machine!" "I had orgasms in my toes, inside my elbows!" and "Opal, I swear that man is an artist!" And everytime she said something I sat there thinking, Stuart??? And then Stuart trying to write a letter to Adam and tell him what happened. I think my favorite line there was "Dear Adam, Marian does not have the hide of a rhino." So what is going to become of this? From what I hear, Stuart confides to Liza that he and Marian had sex. Then when Marian finally goes to tell Liza, oops, Liza knows and gives Marian a shock! Are Marian and Stuart going to have a relationship then? I just can't see that happening.

What a treat we had this week, no Mateo!! And I thought he was great in a coma. Wow he's even better when he's not on at all. Although he will be on this week and we get to see more ridiculous visions. I really can't stand all this supernatural stuff. And then the weird muscle spasm where he sits up and looks straight at Jim? Oh please, spare me.

The plot to bring down David happened this week. It sure was elaborate huh? Just how many people have been in Adam's walls in the past few weeks? Jake and Allie were hiding in there filming what they hoped would be David injecting "Adam." Unfortunately he only admitted that he set up Jake. Good enough. I have to wonder why David recommends Allie for a big job. I just don't get it. Since this is his last week on the show, I'm a little confused as to what he is up to. I can't imagine him just going away quietly. That doesn't seem like David's style. And poor Liza, I think she really did want Adam to stay. They were really close to reconciling, but she had to finish what she started. So Tad drags him away to go on the wild Mystery Woman chase. Tad said that she was still on his property, that maybe she was hiding out in that cabin he has out there... that no one ever heard of until this week. Sure enough, she was. She gets around doesn't she? But of course, she knew they were coming and took off to the bar that is probably just off of Adam's property... that no one ever knew about. How hilarious was it when Tad's phone rang and Tad, Adam and the two thugs all went for their cell phones? Made me think that I must be the only one left in America that doesn't have a cell phone! We were treated to yet another fighting scene where I was again expecting the big BIFF, OOF, POW's to show up on the screen. But hey, how about Adam kicking some major butt after having a couple strokes. That man has got some strong constitution huh? Adam has been given this weeks prestigious PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. He pulled double duty this week with a bunch of Stuart scenes and a bunch of Adam scenes, and he was great in all of them!

Next week Dimitri tells Erica that he still loves her. Is this where I say I told you so? OK, I never actually said that Dimitri still loves Erica, but I did say that they would get these two back together eventually. All this help Dimitri is lending to Bianca's recovery will most likely be a big catalyst to that reunion. I think it should take a bit longer for these two to get back together though. Erica is supposedly in love with Jack, and I can't see her dumping him just because Dim professes his love. In fact, she supposedly hates Dim. Of course we all know what a thin line it is between love and hate. Coming soon, Bianca's condition will worsen. I just hope that Erica doesn't do something dumb like get back with Dim because that is what Bianca wants (if that is even what she wants). Remember how she remarried Travis because Bianca wanted her parents together. I hope Erica learned something from that little fiasco.

Like father, like son. Scott got some boinking in this week too. What is it about these Chandler men that have the women ready, willing and able? One has to wonder if Scott is anything like his old man. Can we have a scene with Marian and Gillian comparing notes please!? Now that would funny! I was getting a little sick of Ryan's pep talks and rules to Kelsey. Ryan, do me a favor and just take off your shirt ok? Ryan did have a good line though, it was in contention for line of the week until Marian's scenes on Friday. He said to Kelsey (about Scott), "How does the charmless dweeb get these two incredible babes jockeying for main squeeze?" I've wondered that myself. Scott doesn't exactly have his father's charm... or any charm for that matter. We know Gillian is after his money, but Kelsey does actually like the guy. This week it's Kelsey who gets the I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. What a poor sport. After finding Scott and Gillian in bed together, she goes and makes an anonymous call to immigration to turn in Gillian. Yeah yeah, all's fair in love and war is probably what she'll say. But I don't buy it. As far as I'm concerned, it's just playing dirty.

Lastly, I wanted to talk a little bit about the Soap Opera Awards on Friday night. It was a big night for AMC. We won almost every award we were up for. Poor Dim, he should have won that Best Villian award, he was so great as the bad guy but he lost out to Roger Horwath (Todd, OLTL). But what is with Michael Nader (Dim)!? He and John Callahan (Edmund) came out to give an award and there's John, looking dashing and smashing in his tux, but Michael looked like he just stepped out of the movie Boogie Nights! He reverted back to his Disco Dimmie stage. I couldn't believe it when I saw him. Was he headed to Studio 54 for an after awards show party? Congrats to all the winners, but especially to the one and only Jennifer Bassey (Marian) who won the award for Best Female Scene Stealer! She sure is!! Right before Jennifer got her award, Michael E. Knight (Tad) had won for Best Supporting Actor, and Jennifer got so excited for him that she jumped out of her seat and ripped her dress!!! When she went to accept her own award she had to wear a coat over her dress, and said what happened. By the time she went out to present an award with Michael E. Knight, the dress had been repaired. Also in the winners circle for AMC were John Callahan for Best Lead Actor and Mark Consuelos (Mateo) and Kelly Ripa (Hayley) for Most Romantic Couple. Other than Marian taking an award, it sure was a highlight seeing Eva LaRue Callahan (ex-Maria). She was looking as gorgeous as ever!