The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



March 14, 1999

Because of my sudden and unexpected move in two weeks, this is going to be an abbreviated Editorial. Oy, moving makes your life hell!

This past week Jack showed that he doesn't always have to be a jackass, when he went to see Erica. I actually did like this scene, as I knew I would. He was truly upset by seeing Erica in the hospital and in such bad condition. But I was confused by one thing...what was with all those "sweethearts" and "honeys" he was tossing at her. And what was this about how he will always love her? He sure didn't give that impression when he told her to stay out of his life. Still... I like to see people who were at odds come together. I hate grudges. Jack convinces Erica that Bianca needs to be told about the accident before the press gets wind of it and she finds out from someone else. Erica finally agrees and Jack places the call... on his cell phone, in a hospital, in a room with a person on a heart monitor. Does that strike anyone else as odd? Jack talks to Bianca for a few minutes and then hands Erica the phone. She, for some reason, puts the phone on the side of her face with the bandage. All I could think of is... I wonder how Bianca can hear Erica while she's talking through that bandage. And I wonder how long Bianca will remain at that clinic.

Later in the week, Dr. Weiss comes in to change the dressing on Erica's face. A few things here bugged me. First, why hasn't Erica had the plastic surgery yet? Dr. Weiss was so gung ho to do it ASAP that he wanted David to hold off on fixing her heart. So now that the heart surgery is over, why hasn't he done it?? Second, as Dr. Weiss and his nurse are about to go in and take a look at Erica's face, he tells the nurse not to react. What happens when he takes off the dressing? The nurse ever so slightly pulls in her breathe and makes a face. Nice professionalism ya got there babe. Erica asks for a mirror and Dr. Weiss and Nurse Inept totally ignore her, like they didn't even hear her. Sure, let's not rouse suspicion. After they leave, Erica takes matters into her own hands and struggles over to the mirror, at first with Janet's help. But once Janet also leaves, Erica goes back to the mirror and starts to take off her bandages. As luck would have it, some dolt (probably Nurse Inept) leaves a pair of scissors in Erica's room, so it's that much easier for her to get the bandages off. Just then, Dr. Devious comes in and catches her. He gives her some song and dance about how removing her bandages could cause infection and infection can cause permanent scarring... as if he doesn't think she is already permanently scarred. Vanessa goes to see Erica after she eavesdrops on everyone who is discussing Erica. No good can come from this, but wow... how cool is this woman? I'm loving the character of Vanessa!

Wooden has suddenly dropped the tree act and shown some spunk. In fact, he's shown so much life in the past week or so that he gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. That is by no means an endorsement or a plea that he gets to stay... good riddance I say. But I did find him much more enjoyable lately. He scared the crap out of Miss Kitty when he confronted her in Jack's office. I thought maybe that she would have realized then that it was really he who raped her, not Ryan. But that doesn't seem to be the case. What is with Wooden anyway? I mean the guy is so stealth... he goes in and out of places with such ease, and no one ever hears him. Miss Kitty didn't hear him until she turned around. Then he went to see Dixie, she never heard him until she turned around and saw him. In fact, he didn't even use the door... just how did he get in there? While I'm on this Dixie/Braden scene I have something to say about it. HUH? The whole scene just made my head spin. They were both talking in cliches, and all I could think of was that they seem to have their own language. The only thing I got out of it is that Braden is starting to unravel. That was even more apparent when Braden went to see Ryan in jail. The guy is losing it. First he thinks Ryan is wearing a wire and then he even bared his fangs. Too bad Ryan didn't have a wooden stake handy. Ahhh, where is Buffy when ya need her! What I can't figure out is why Braden is so ticked about Ryan taking the wrap for him. I mean, I know he didn't want Ryan to go to jail... but he's still off the hook. Seems to me that Braden has hopped on the train to Deludedville because he seems to think that the sex was consensual. Somehow I don't think that that is the case.

Later at the Valley Inn... Gillian confronted Braden about firing her PI. He covered it up rather lamely, then Hayley showed up and they both tried to get him to tell them who the heck he is. I still think there is more to this than the rape, otherwise why is Braden's identity such a secret? It was a secret even before Ryan figured out that Braden was the rapist. Anyway, the whole point I wanted to make about this scene with Hayley, Gillian and Braden in the Valley Inn bar is that all I could think of was how much Hayley and Gillian looked like two of Charlie's Angels at the time!

This weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK was the scene in the bar with Jake, Tad, and Joe. Not only was it nice to see a family hanging out together, but it was also pretty darn funny thanks to one big bad dude named Mortimer. How funny was it that Jake got in the big dude's face? The best part though, was when Joe came and led Mortimer away and it was like they were going to have a little counseling session.

Jake is way out of control, I think. He made an agreement to not be involved in this child's life. He fought with everyone (Tad, Allie, Ruth, Joe) about his ability to keep his involvement clinical and not emotional. Suddenly Adam's involved and he decides that he has to be daddy. OK... I don't claim to know anything about the law, but do sperm donors really have rights? Can Jake file a paternity suit and actually have a chance at winning? I don't understand it at all. I think he's being a big jerk. He's hurting his good friend Liza and all because he doesn't like Adam. I sure didn't see him feeling daddyitis before Adam was brought up. In fact, if you recall... he was mild manneredly sitting at a table in the sun porch at the hospital when Adam and Liza walked in. He never even looked up. But the minute Adam told him that he and Liza were getting remarried, something went click in Jake's brain. Now he's a man possessed. What will Liza think when/if Adam encourages her to name Jake as the father? Wouldn't that be what he has to do in order to keep the paternity a secret? Or is he ready to let the cat out of the bag? It will be out of the bag anyway if Jake takes a paternity test to prove he's the father.

What a lovely little dinner party they had at Weirdwind! Assholeo, Hayley, Raquel and Max. Sounds like a blast. Little Max gets this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he asked Hayley, "Why don't you like my mommy?" You want a list kid? Heck, what's to like about her? She's a manipulative wench! I have to admit though, I like this Raquel better. She's got the snippy little hair toss thing down pat. And she also gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD. Not only is she a creep to Hayley all the time, sweet and innocent to Assholeo and now Eddie too, but she is manipulating and using her own child to try and get what she wants. Which I'm still not quite sure of. A few weekss ago she made some very cryptic phone call and then whatever that was all about was never mentioned again. Weird. At any rate, she really pissed me off when she told Max he should stay away from Hayley.

Don't forget folks... Mama Santos comes for a visit this week! Oh, and one more thing before I go to strip wallpaper.. a Salsa Club?? What the heck is Assholeo thinking?? And where the heck is he going to get the down payment?

Today we have two Editorials for the price of one! Here's the deal... I asked my galpal Lori if she could write it for me because I've been so busy with the move. Well, our signals got crossed and she and I both ended up doing it! So, since I don't want it to go to waste... Heeeeeeere's Lori!

Since Kathy is swamped with packing for her big move, I'm going to give the editorial this week. This was a week chock full o' characters who needed slaps, plus there were a few standout characters. But, before we get to that, I just want to's about time Adrian reconciled with Belinda! He made his peace with Opal, and it was high time he forgave Belinda for keeping Opal's secret.

Of course, we know that sooner or later, Adrian will be a full fledged famil member in this community. Dixie played Ambassador of Good Will this week, and we know that Adrian and Tad will actually find common ground. I'm sure one of these days, Adrian will save Tad's life, or vice versa.

Moving right along..........I want to give out countless slaps. The first slap has got to go to Vanessa, mother of the Evil Spawn known as David Hayward. I see the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree, here! David gave explicit instructions for Vanessa to stay away from Erica, but does that deter our Vanessa? No! She saunters into Erica's room and utters a dramatic gasp........the very thing David didn't want anyone to do. I really don't understand WHY anyone would be startled by the sight of Erica's face at this's still covered by bandages! Give me a break! Anyway, Vanessa gets First Slap.......because she plants seeds of doubt in Erica's mind that her face won't be healed. With friends like Vanessa, who needs enemas?

Second slap this week goes to Raquel from Hell. Or maybe I'll just call her RaqHell. She's STILL playing puppeteer with Max's mind! Not only did she tell Max that she doesn't like Hayley.......she told Max to stay away from Hayley, as well! She won't win Mother of the Year for sure! This storyline reeks of a "fatal attraction". What's next? RaqHell giving Peggy the night off and cooking a bunny for dinner? Ugh.

Third Slap goes to the upstanding member of the Martin clan........Jake. All I can say is.............WE TOLD YOU SO!! Everyone told Jake not to donate sperm for Liza's child. Including even Allie, who was mentioned in a "let's NOT go there" moment in passing. Liza trusted her friend........trusted that she was solely responsible for her child's welfare. Jake suddenly has "feelings" for a sonogram picture, and now wants to be "Daddy" to little Cheesy......I mean Colby. The Third Slap goes to Jake, because of what he's putting Liza through. He's ultimately betraying her with this parental rights suit.

Ok, this brings me to the Scene of the Week. This scene was so memorable for me, because I'm including a new category........Minor Character Scene Stealer of the Week. Yes, it's the pool hustler scene with Burly Guy Mortimer!! What can I say? Jake was getting roughed up by "Mort? I'm not Mort? I'm MORTIMER". Tad and Joe coming riding to the rescue. I just loved seeing Joe and Mortimer have a heart to heart discussion as they left Jake and Tad to their talk. This scene was the best laugh I had all week!

I was glad to see Stuart and Marian this week, even though they should have been on a honeymoon! They certainly were frisky, weren't they! Twice they had a "tiff", and of course they had to kiss and make up. They were so sweet this week, my teeth started to rot. Don't get me wrong.........I love these two together. But, too much cutesy wootsy gets to me! I felt like a voyeur when Stuart needed "Nurse Marian". On the other hand.........Adam romancing Liza didn't feel as "dirty", for some reason!

Of course, we can't forget Braden.......or Wooden, as Kathy calls him, acting more psycho by the moment. I STILL don't understand the "almost conversation" he had with Dixie. Life is something that happens when others are trying to fish? Those homespun homilies from West Virginia must have addled Dixie's brain a bit. I figured out by this strange conversation that guilt was starting to set in for Bra....Wooden, but he couldn't very well tell Dixie his troubles. Wooden visits Ryan at jail, once again. Ryan finally tells Wooden that he thinks Wooden raped Kitstine. Wooden goes postal once again, placing all the blame back on Ryan for confessing! Hayley walks in at just the right time........enough to start asking questions about Wooden. She had perfect timing again, when Gillian was livid that Wooden fired the investigator. Hayley and Gillian both wanted to know what Wooden's relationship to Ryan was......and Palmer crawls out of the woodwork! Of course, Palmer's reason for being in that scene was to add the bit about Wooden's "morality clause". Well, we know he's got no morals.......he's outta there very soon!

As I was pondering the efforts of Hayley in Ryan's mess, I started reminiscing about the days she was a private investigator with Charlie Brent. Hmm.......I wondered. Hayley is good at investigating............why doesn't she join forces with Adrian and Tad.........and they can be Pine Valley's answer to the MOD SQUAD! I'm liking this scenario WAY too much.