The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998



March 1, 1999

Was this really sweeps month? Sheesh, talk about dull! I'm actually having a hard time coming up with anything to say because the show is that boring. It's a lot easier to talk about it when it's good or when it's bad. But when it's such a snore what else can be said other than... it's a snore! Gillian begged Ryan to forgive her, he won't. Adam proposed, Liza accepted. Raquel schemed, Assholeo refused to believe it. Jack acted pompous. Is this news to anyone?

Ryan wants Gillian to give up on him and leave him alone. She won't. She is constantly begging him for forgiveness and professing her love. It's rather pathetic really. Has she ever heard the words, "give him his space"? Maybe if she stepped back, let Ryan think things through, he'd be a little more open to talking to her. She realizes she hurt him yet she keeps hovering over him like some lost puppy. I'm not saying I want her to totally give up on Ryan, quite the contrary even. These two are one of my favorite couples, but her constant badgering isn't going to do anyone any good, and it only ticks Ryan off more. To make matters worse, Jackass has Gillian subpoenaed and she has to give a pretty damaging testimony against Ryan after Jackass railroads her on the stand. I feel for Gillian, I really do. She feels responsible for all of Ryan's troubles. But like I said, she needs to step back. Perhaps she should stay devoted, but from afar.

Liza predictably accepts Adam's marriage proposal. Gee what a shock... NOT! Let's see, Hayley is thrilled, Stuart and Marian are thrilled, Junior is happy about it, and well, that's about it. In fact, speaking of Junior, I'm going to give him this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK award. Adam and Liza took Junior aside and Adam told him that he was marrying Liza again, and was he OK with that? Junior said sure, no problem. Then he asked, "If you two get married, will that make Marian my aunt or my grandmother?" Liza answered, "Both, do you think you can handle that?" Junior then says, "Sure, I've handled worse." What a smart kid! And a cute answer too. OK, that about does it for the pro Adam and Liza people. Now we have Tad and Dixie telling Liza she's nuts to even think about marrying Adam again; Jake, who suddenly decides he wants to be a father and isn't thrilled that Adam will be the father of his child; and I'm sure David isn't going to be at all happy to hear that Liza said yes.

Hayley had to go to Stuart and Marian's wedding alone because Assholeo was concerned about leaving Max the same night he had been missing. Yeah sure, that's why he was nowhere to be found and Assholeo and Raquel sat around and reminisced all night. Watching them together, all I could think was how they should just run off together and end my misery. Hayley would be better off without that jerk anyway. Hey, I can dream if I want to! Anyway, Assholeo gets tired and wants to go to sleep, but he also wants to wait up for Hayley, so Raquel tells him to sleep on the ugliest sofa known to man and she will wake him when Hayley comes home. He agrees. So he instantly falls asleep and Raquel stares at him all night long because Hayley had been snowed in at the gallery and didn't get home until the next morning. Raquel hears her come in, and puts her head down on Assholeo's shoulder. Hayley sees her, immediately knows Raquel did it for her benefit and goes to wake up Assholeo while putting her purse over Raquel's face. Now, had this been me, I'd have yanked Raquel's head off my husband by the hair. Then again, if it were me, we wouldn't be in this situation cuz I'd never marry Assholeo!

Later, Trevor comes by and tells Hayley that he's sure Raquel staged Max's disappearance. Hayley agreed with him, but told him that Assholeo wasn't ready to hear this yet, and asked that Trevor not tell him. Through all his hacking and nose blowing, Trevor promised, but then told him anyway. I was glad too; there was absolutely no reason not to tell Assholeo about it. Assholeo, of course, wouldn't believe it. But Trevor's reasoning was rather compelling so Assholeo decided to try and get the truth out of Raquel. It took some doing, but Raquel did finally come clean. Then she says why she did it. She is doing whatever she can to get her son back because (get this) Assholeo has power, money, and position and she can't fight that. Which Assholeo is she talking about, surely not the one we know? Assholeo then decides they should move out that minute and he goes to tell Hayley to start packing. Raquel panics and for some reason, Hayley talks Assholeo into staying at Wildwind so Max will be near his mother. Big change of tune there for Hayley. As I'm watching her explaining why they should stay to Assholeo and she's so moved by Max, telling Assholeo how she is so happy to have Max in her life, all I could think is, she's too good for Assholeo. Oh and one more thing... hold on to your hats folks, Mama Santos finally makes an appearance! Look for her on or around March 15. I guess she finally gets to meet her grandson!

At the wedding, the guests are snowed in because all the roads are closed. One of the kids happens to have had a laptop computer with them and are playing on the internet when someone asks Tim to pull up a weather report. Well a big thanks to Tim and the folks at AMC for giving my web page a big promo this week! Tim pulled up none other than "The Pine Valley Bulletin"! OK fine, it wasn't really my web page, it was the page for Pine Valley's newspaper, "The Pine Valley Bulletin" which is what my page is named for. I thought it was pretty darn cool. Anyway, on the page is a big story about how Kit had accused Tad of rape years ago. The article had a definite anti-Kit slant to it. Poor meek and mild, and easily breakable Miss Kitty got all upset and it's big brother Jackass to the rescue. Jackass had these words of wisdom to share, "When Ryan Lavery is convicted, and believe me, he will be convicted, I'm sure many of the good citizens of Pine Valley will regret championing the wrong side." Yeah Jackass, including you and Miss Kitty's personal bodyguard and PR manager, Edmund. Both Jackass and Edmund immediately jump all over Tad's case for spilling the story to the press. Accuse, accuse, accuse. They didn't ask him if he did it, they just assumed he did. Miss Kitty even goes so far as to accuse Tad of sicking Wooden on her. That's when things start to click and Tad realizes that it was Wooden who gave the press the story. Now he's on a mission to find out why.

Tad and Dix are pretty ticked off at Wooden for having told the press this whole story. Tad tells him that he would have been happy to tell the whole thing on the witness stand, but now it's aired to the whole world and he has to explain it all to Jamie. Wooden, who obviously didn't think things through, tells Tad that he didn't intend to hurt him, that he was only trying to protect Ryan. Wooden leaves before Tad and Dix can get an answer as to why helping Ryan is so important to him. With their interest piqued, they decide to find out the connection between Ryan and Wooden.

While I'm on the subject of the connection between Ryan and Wooden, I'd like to talk about a spoiler for next week. I just want to warn anyone who doesn't like spoilers that that is what I'll be talking about in this paragraph, so if you don't want to know what it is I'm talking about, skip this paragraph. OK... it's very obvious that Wooden and Ryan are brothers. We've known this for some time now. What bothers me is Ryan's confession. Ryan will suddenly realize that Wooden is really the rapist when he hears Braden say that dreaded phrase "score one for the kid" and to protect him, Ryan will confess to the rape himself. Ryan is a reasonably intelligent guy, but doing something like this is just plain stupid! He may feel like he owes Wooden something, in fact, from what I hear, Wooden always protected Ryan when they were kids and took some beatings for him. But to actually take the rap for a crime he didn't commit, and a rape no less!? I think he's carrying this "I owe it to him" crap a bit too far. How does Ryan know that Wooden won't rape again? How could Ryan confess so that a rapist is free to roam the streets!? And why would he still want to protect him after Wooden didn't seem too eager to confess to being the real rapist while his own brother is in the clink, charged with a crime he himself committed???

OK, I'm done with that. On to the crash. Erica and David are sharing a car back to Pine Valley in the big snowstorm. Erica finds David's file on Liza and reads it, realizing that the baby Liza is carrying is Adam's. She taunts David with this information and blasts him for trying to get back to Pine Valley so she can ruin Liza's life at Marian and Stuart's wedding. All the while David keeps insisting that he is doing it because he cares about Liza and is her friend. Suddenly I'm thinking, is that really true or has he been kidding us this whole time? I don't think that David can really care for someone in the way he keeps saying he cares for Liza. In fact, I think that he has said it so often, that maybe he even fooled himself into believing it too. I never thought that David was out of revenge against Liza, but now, after watching him think back to when he left town the first time, I'm not so sure. I don't think David is either. Well, Erica and David keep fighting while he is trying to drive and they crash into an abandoned truck. Erica is injured very badly, but David hardly has a scratch. He needs to get Erica to the hospital as soon as possible because a spike had gone into her chest and she could have bled to death. She also has severe injuries to her face. David really seems to be in a panic that Erica won't survive. It was very intense watching the usually cool as a cucumber, World Renowned Cardiologist break into a sweat. David gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. He was completely out of character when he was yelling for Jake (who just happened to be near the phone all three times that David called) to get help there immediately. He tried to keep Erica calm and still, and then insisted on continuing to treat her when they finally did get to the hospital. Of course, David wants to get that "I saved Erica Kane's life" pat on the back, but I still thought he deserved this award for showing us that he can panic and be scared.

At the hospital, David is about to take Erica to surgery when Dr. Weiss, the plastic surgeon that David had Jake call in, wants to work on Erica's face first. Excuse me, but what doctor would put a heart problem over stitching up a facial injury?? I know there was a time frame to consider if Erica wasn't going to have a scarring problem, but getting the spike out of her heart should take precedence! Once she is in her room, Myrtle goes to see Erica and she asks Myrt what happened. Myrt tries to explain without upsetting her too much. But when David walks in, Erica gets upset. She didn't remember anything about the accident, and David is thrilled to hear that. Meanwhile, Dimitri is also there and trying to find out all he can about getting Erica's face repaired, knowing that Erica will be devastated when she finds out about the extent of her injuries. Dimitri goes to see Erica and tries to comfort her. He is so fabulous. I loved his story about when Erica dressed like a mummy for Halloween and when all the gauze came off, she was still the most beautiful woman he ever met... just like she is now. At the same time, Myrt confronts Hayward for not telling Erica that he was driving the car when they crashed. David tells Myrt that the accident was Erica's fault because she kept insisting that he keep going so she wouldn't miss her appointment with the TV crew. A big old lie that will come out soon enough when Erica starts to remember what happened! I think this injury will be a great storyline for Erica, and I'm looking forward to the visits she will be getting. I'm happy that AMC will let Janet and Opal be Erica's friends again, as they spend a lot of time comforting her. And it'll be very interesting to see Erica try and cope with an injury that may take away the one thing she has always had, beauty.

So what the heck is up with Jake?? He suddenly feels like he wants to be daddy? Why? Because Adam and Liza are going to get married? I don't get it. Before he found out about Adam and Liza's engagement, he was totally detached from thinking the baby was his. Now suddenly, he's looking at her sonogram and even taking a picture of it for himself. He goes to Tad and tells him about his feelings about Adam and Liza getting married. This whole thing all leads to one thing... Jake getting this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. He promised he would be a donor only, which is why Liza agreed to his being the donor. Now suddenly, he's thinking about how fun it will be to play daddy.

What's left? This weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. That goes to the scene with Adam and Liza at the baby boutique. Adam was like a little kid in a candy shop! It was so adorable. But then again, it kind of reminded me of all the stuff he bought for GloHo when she was pregnant with Anna Claire.

And since I wasn't here last week, I wanted to say how much I loved Stuart and Marian's wedding! I'm not quite sure how Marian was able to breathe in that dress, but she and Stuart both looked wonderful in their Elizabethan costumes. They said their own vows and Marian was heart wrenching as she thanked Stuart from saving her from a life of martini swilling loneliness. But when Stuart sang to her as his vows, well that did it for me... pass the Kleenex! It was terrific. AMC needs much more romance and a lot less heartache! Too bad though, Stuart and Marian will probably end up just like Janet and Trevor, in that place called no storyline.