The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



June 3, 2003

Sweeps smeeps, I don't need your stinkin sweeps!! AMC has had a stellar week and it was at the tail end of sweeps and after they ended! Ever notice how AMC tends to do that a lot? No matter, let's get to it! But first, all you music lovers out there like to know what I'm listening too (I know, I didn't believe people actually liked knowing that either! lol). Today I've got some Johnny Cash "16 Biggest Hits," (I ask you, how can you have a Johnny Cash's greatest hits without "Deliah's Gone" on it??) then one of my all time favorite bands, Social Distortion (self titled), Sweet "The Best of Sweet," (you know, the one with the song "Little Willy" on it) another one of my all time favorite bands Redd Kross "Neurotica" and I'm ending out the five on a happy note with Deee-Lite "World Clique."

While Maria, who has just regained her memory in a big flash of light, is happily reunited with her family, Aidan is left out in the cold. You know what's cool about Aidan, he took it like a man. He took it like a really hot man. Still in his grungy dirty and sexy white t-shirt and jeans, he heads over to the Valley Inn bar. I'm sorry Aidan honey, if you didn't work there, there is no way they'd let you in in such a state of hunky disarray. He meets up with Kendall, who is, for some reason that is totally lost on me, drowning her sorrows over Erica. She tells Aidan that she was dismissed. Well yes Kendall dear, you were asked to leave so Erica could do an interview, but that is hardly being dismissed. She didn't even watch the interview where Erica called Kendall her daughter. Anywho, Aidan fills Kendall in on the latest... he risked his life to save Maddie and MOHReen, heretofore known as Maria, they left him for dead in the wreckage of the yacht, then she rejected him when he strolled into the hospital, unscathed.

So while Kendall and Aidan commiserate about lost loves over drinks, Erica is back at her office doing some after hours work. Michael Creepias walks in out of the shadows, looking more menacing then ever. Creepias wasn't too thrilled that Erica made a fool of him in her interview on TV with Jan Brady. Erica, who you can tell is more than a little nervous, tries hard to cover it by standing up to him. She tells him he's a sore loser who should see a shrink for uh, little problem. Creepias wants to know which of his many issues she's referring to, to which Erica replies, "premature congratulations." Zing! But Creepias isn't laughing and draws closer and closer to our Ms. Kane, threatening her and telling her she should remember "her place." Erica and I are both confused by that statement and can't imagine what he means by "her place" since last time I checked this wasn't 1955. But undaunted, Erica continues to stand her ground against Creepias and goes to call her security guard. But Creepias is way ahead of her. He informs her that he got rid of her security guard, rather easily in fact, and then pulls the phone cord out when she starts to dial the police. Erica is not in a good position here, and Creepias is closing in on her, telling her that he is going to pay her back for humiliating him. She tries to run into another room, but he's too fast for her and he's definitely not going to back off! Creepias is giving me the creeps!

Meanwhile, Kendall tells Aidan how she loved the attention from Erica while she had it, but feels that it's over now. Aidan urges Kendall to go and talk to Erica and tell her how she feels, before it's too late. She decides to do just that, and then does something so sweet... she gives him a kiss on the cheek and tells him that she'll be there for him, just like he always has been there for her. Awww.

Creepias is in full on attack mode and has Erica pinned to the sofa. She tries to defend herself and bites him on the lip. But that only makes him more angry. He's going to make sure she never gets another laugh at his expense. And as he moves in on her, Kendall arrives and whacks him on the back with a vase, knocking him unconscious. Erica very calmly... in fact, too eerily calmly, tells Kendall to call the police. This turns in the the SCENE OF THE WEEK as Kendall urges Erica to let go. She tells her she's not alone and is there for her. She saw what happened and knows Creepias was trying to rape her. Erica turns to Kendall, starts to cry and hugs Kendall. Kendall comforts her. Oh I'm getting all misty just writing about it. This is something I've been waiting for between these two characters since we learned that Kendall exists. What a great payoff. Bravo!

Kendall and Erica go to the hospital with Creepias, where Derek comes to question them. Kendall is shocked, but Erica doesn't mention to Derek that Creepias had tried to rape her. Once everyone moves out of earshot, or so they thought, Kendall urges her to tell Derek what really happened. She tells her she can stop him from doing it to anyone else and that she is no one's victim. She tells Erica that she has to tell Derek that Creepias almost raped her. Oops, Jack overheard. Jack heads right into Creepias's room and tries to strangle him. Joe and Derek both have to get Jack off him. When Jack tells Derek that Creepias had tried to rape Erica, Creepias denies it, causing Jack to try and go after him again. Creepias turns into CambiAss (thanks for that one SueBee!) when he insists that Derek arrest Jack for assault, and that he has witnesses. But Erica says she didn't see anything and then asks Kendall if she saw anything. Kendall replies with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Nope, just a pathetic little man in a nightgown." ZING!

So CambiAss gives Derek and Jack his statement. He said that he went to Erica's office to conduct some business, and when it was over, she tried to seduce him. But when he rebuffed her, she became violent and threw things around the office. Then Kendall came in and they both went after him. And while he was telling this tall tale, Kendall was going to leave but get this, Erica told her that she needs her and then takes her hand. Yah! Erica's version was a little different, and when she finally admitted that CambiAss came after her with an "unprovoked violent sexual assault" Jack held her in his arms. Did anyone see him mouth the words "thank you" to Kendall while he comforted Erica. It was pretty cool. But hey, something I don't get here is why Erica said they can't use the Enchantment surveillance tape to see what CambiAss did to her. She said it only comes on after hours, not during office hours. This happened after hours I thought.

Over at Wildwind, Maria is Maria and she and Edmund bask in her return. She remembers everything and Edmund is so ecstatic that he picks her up and carries her to the bedroom. He does that a lot huh? Eddie must be working out in Wildwind's fully equipped gym. Once they get up to the love den, Maria tells Edmund how much Aidan helped her and how he encouraged her to keep remembering once they started to come back. He knew it would mean he'd lose her, but he loved her enough to want her to be happy. She asks Edmund to forgive her for all she put him through as Maureen, and now realizes how desperate he was to get her back. Edmund wants her to be sure that everything is settled with Aidan, and Maria tells him she's sure Aidan knows it's over, then takes off the engagement ring he gave her. Then she looks into Edmund's eyes and says, "take me to our place." Evidently "their" place is Boinkville because he didn't take her anywhere but farther back onto the bed and says, "Welcome home Maria." Can I get an Amen?

The next morning while basking in the afterglow of a night making love, the kids run in and jump on the bed with Daddy and Mommy (hey, Sam finally was on - you know, in that montage of Maria's memories coming back, I would have loved to have seen a flash of Edmund taking Sam from her arms. Too bad she only got to remember mostly good stuff... like Noah *sigh* and her wedding. I say mostly good stuff because she also remembered Mateo). For some peculiar reason, Mia walks into Edmund's bedroom to see this happy family reunion. She's a relatively smart gal, why would she ever walk into a man's bedroom uninvited. That's just asking for trouble.

Everyone clears out, giving Edmund the space he needs to give Mia the big brush off. Edmund tries to let her down gently and thanks her for helping him with Maddie. Mia's understandably hurt, but she can't say she didn't know this was a possibility. Edmund tells her how wonderful she is, but it seems little consolation to Mia right now.

Meanwhile, Maria goes to the Pine Cone to see Aidan. He's so gracious and hot. He's so understanding and babealicious. He only wants her to be happy so he's already stepped aside. He tells her has no regrets. She gives him his ring back. It's all so touching and emotional, then they have to go and ruin it with one of those stupid sappy montages! (To clarify, I like flashback ones - like Maria's memory returning, but those sappy ones make me gag!). Maria heads back to Wildwind to be with her family. Sam and Maddie have a big surprise for her... they have a birthday party for her for all the birthdays they missed. How sweet is that! Aidan is left alone in his dingy Pine Cone room. Oh you poor dear, let me help you ease that pain.

Carlos takes Greenlee to the Pit for an after hours party. It seems once the stroke of midnight hits, all the bikers and hookers head home for a good nights sleep and the common man, the worker bees, the laborers, party the night away. Yeah, uh, that sounds about right Carlos. The bikers and hookers probably would have been nicer to Greenlee than these so called friends of Carlos's (none of which were at his gallery showing mind you). They urge him to show Greenlee how he can sing so he sings to her in Spanish. It's kinda cute, kinda sweet. I guess. What was creepy about it is that everyone stood around them and watched. Voyeurs much people?

Back to CambiAss... he's filed assault charges against Kendall, but everyone is sure that there is no way that the charges will stick. But while discussing it, Derek gets a call. It turns out that the blood at the crime scene in the park was identified as Chris Stamp's. Jack and Derek discuss it, and Jack decides to break the news to Erica... who, of course, overhears it anyway. As Jack is trying to tell Erica, Derek finds out that a body was brought into the morgue, and has been identified as the very same Chris Stamp. OK.. herein lies some confusion. Was Flanders' body found? I seem to recall that Derek wanted Maddie to identify a body in the morgue, but instead they gave her a picture of him from his police record. And then Aidan showed up so they had him go ID the body. This all did happen I'm sure of it. Later Derek hands Erica a letter that was to be delivered in the event of Chris's death. She had Jack stay with her while she read it. It was sweet, and it was nice that they actually got Jack Scalia to do the voice-over. It told her where all the evidence against Flanders is. Why would they need evidence if he's dead?

Now Erica is blaming herself for Chris's death. She's feeling like she's toxic and whatever she touches gets destroyed. She tells Jack he should get away from her while he still has a chance. He's too good for her. Jack, of course, does not share this feeling. Frankly I find it all a bit silly. And later when Opal finds Erica at the Valley Inn with a glass of champagne I'm thinking, why? I guess so we can bring up her father again. He had the champagne on reserve at the Valley Inn. Huh... first I've heard of it. The funniest part was when Opal told Erica she should get some "help" as in therapy. Can you imagine Erica going to Lysistrata? Lysistrata will have hit the motherload!! Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing some of those sessions!

Erica heads back to Enchantment only to find Lena there, packing up her belongs. Erica is not even a little thrilled by seeing her. Lena tries to apologize, but Erica is having none of this and tells her she's just as evil as CambiAss. Erica demonstrates the best right hook in daytime when Lena tells her that she loves Bianca and Erica wallops her! Ouch.

And over at Myrtle's, Paulina Kundera arrives to talk to Bianca. Bianca is less than thrilled and not very receptive to what Paulina had to say about how much Lena loves her. She does tell Bianca that they are leaving for Chicago in the morning and only Bianca could stop Lena from going. Bianca refuses to have anything more to do with Lena. Aww come on Binks, we know you'll change your mind!

In the yadda yadda yadda department... Luis is still threatening Reggie. Reggie is still protecting Joni. Joni still doesn't know it. The Habitat for Humanity storyline has begun, and I hope it's more interesting than the first few scenes. Hey AMC... I'm loving Reggie! I like Joni a lot too. Pick up the pace. I'd much rather see them and what they are dealing with than the snoresville stuff that is going on with Henry, Maggie and Regina.

Which brings me this weeks MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK. The cheating storyline. I better hurry up and write about it or I may just nod off, it's that dull. Well there was one good part of it, and the funny thing is, it's because Bianca was in the scene. Bianca went to see Maggie after hearing that she's been accused of cheating. OK wait, sidebar... I'd like to have a little chat with the wardrobe department at AMC, the rest of you, talk amongst yourselves for a minute. What were you thinking when you put Maggie in that horrible outfit! Powder blue t-shirt, khaki pants that tie up into knickers and the worst part of it all...heels! Maybe I'm out of the loop and kids actually wear this stuff but BLECH. OK, back to the storyline. Bianca urged Maggie to tell Prof. Stevens the truth of what really happened, but Maggie doesn't think anyone would ever believe her over Henry, who isn't saying much of anything at this point other than his mommy won't let him.

And at the same time, in the classroom we have nosy nelly Regina downplaying any feelings Henry might have for Maggie and urging him to let her take the fall for him. You know what, I'm going to give Regina this weeks DCM COMMEMORATIVE SLAP AWARD this week. Who is this chick and what is her issue? At first she seemed to absolutely hate Henry, now suddenly she's the gal for him. Say huh? She tells Henry that Maggie practically forced him to cheat by shoving the test under his nose. Is she on glue or what?

Well, as it turns out, no amount of prompting from Regina changed Henry's mind and he did the right thing. He told Prof. Stevens that he was the one who cheated. OK.. I'm starting to nod off, so here's how it ends... Prof. Stevens apologizes to Maggie, Henry asks for another chance, Maggie says not yet. Phew.

Back to something much more interesting.. CambiAss. He's waiting in Kendall's condo for her to come home. Oh that guy just gives me the heebies! He tries very hard to manipulate Kendall again. Can this guy get any creepier? He sure does think he's the be all, end all of the universe. He tells Kendall that Erica came on to him and he just wasn't interesting so Erica went crazy and then evidently saw Kendall coming so she turned the whole thing around to make it look like he was forcing himself on her. Oh Mikey, you are really reaching and thankfully our gal Kendall is not as stupid as you think she is! Just as it's about to turn ugly and CambiAss is about to, yet again, show us his rapist leanings, Aidan arrives and makes him leave (and Kendall gets her key back). Oh Aidan, you can come to my rescue anytime! Kendall is too nervous to be alone so that strapping hot stud of man called Aidan, stays with her to protect her from the evil CambiAss. He and Kendall have a fun night of eating pizza and having a few beers. But then it starts to look like there may be some romance, Kendall backs away. She knows Aidan isn't ready.

How ironic that our LEO DUPRES MEMORIAL PASS THE HANDBAG MOMENT this week includes Greenlee. Greenlee and Carlos head to the park to promote Fusion's smear-proof lipstick. Suddenly all the women in the park (and there is a really large number of them for some strange reason) line up to kiss Carlos and test the lipstick. *Insert big eye roll here* A bunch of women kiss Carlos, Greenlee gets jealous and gets in line herself. Oy. If AMC wants us to take Carlos and Greenlee seriously, then can it without these stupid kinds of things!

Isabella arrives at Wildwind and blows a fuse when she sees Maria in the Spanish veil thingie (sorry don't remember what it's called and if I did, I certainly wouldn't know how to spell it! lol). She doesn't realize Maureen is now Maria and thinks she's being disrespectful. But all that vanishes when Maria tells her she's Maria. The tears flow as mother and daughter are reunited. But it soon ends when Izzie goes into a tizzy about Aidan and how she's glad "that man" is out of their lives. Maria tries to explain that not only did Aidan save her and Maddie, but he's also really really hot. Izzie is not too sure about anything, other than agreeing that Aidan is really really hot. (Oh and thanks AMC for tossing in the part about how Maria called everyone in the family, except Julia who is in the WPP, nice touch).

Later, Maria goes to Kendall's to ask her to keep an eye on Aidan because she's worried about him. She wants Kendall to help him through the pain of losing her. Oh does Kendall have a field day! She's got plenty to say to Maria. She's pissed that Maria can so easily discard Aidan, who she said she would marry. You know, Maria has no defense really... and she had it coming. She promised Aidan that even if her memories returned, nothing would change. Everyone knew it would change. But Aidan, the hunk with a heart, steps in and tells Kendall to "step off." He loves Maureen too much to hate Maria *sigh*

CambiAss meets up with Adam, who had recently bailed him out of jail and is none too pleased to hear the reports that CambiAss attacked Erica. CambiAss denies he did anything, which pacifies Adam, for now.

Grab your tissues folks, there's only one more storyline to talk about... Leora's surgery to get a pacemaker. David had planned on being in the OR while the surgery was going on, but Joe told him there is no way he would allow it. He tried to reassure David by telling him that he would be there himself to keep an eye on everything. David is not relieved by this news. He tells Joe that he will hold him personally responsible if something happens to Leora. So Anna tries to keep herself and David calm, but David just cannot sit back and wait. He has to have some control so he gives Anna an excuse about looking for a pay phone and instead goes to scrub up and heads into the operating room. Just as David starts barking out orders, Leora starts to go south. Things are falling apart and everyone is basically standing there dumbfounded while David screams out orders that no one will follow. Joe orders him out of the OR, but David throws Joe out of the way and tries desperately to save his little girl. Joe has a nurse call security and refuses to let David assist the surgeons. But Leora is not responding to any of their efforts. Joe tries to keep David away, causing David to yell out that he will kill him. Joe tells David to back off, and Leora continues to falter.

Oh my.. this is so intense!

David is finally removed from the OR and, as luck would have it, Tad is there talking to Anna. They see David being removed so Tad helps try and restrain him before he can run right back into the OR. David screams at Joe that he won't let him fix the problem, but Anna yells out his name over all the chaos and tells him he should not have interfered. David still insists he could save her, but Tad drags him off. Tad tries to reason with David, which is kind of funny because these two hate each other and I kind of doubt David would ever listen to Tad under any circumstances. David urges Tad to let him go so he can at least be with Anna when they tell her. Tad suddenly gets it... and oh my, I'm misting up. Tad and David go back to the OR, but they are too late. Joe has just told her that Leora is gone. She did not survive the surgery. PERFORMER OF THE WEEK Anna reacts to this heartbreaking news by totally breaking my heart. No no... it can't be. The tears start to fall... David, Joe, Tad.. no one can comfort her (although I'm screaming at my TV for David to go to her!). Finally she collapses against the wall... utter disbelief that her baby is dead. Wow.

This weeks AMC gets an A- Can you believe that grade? Granted, I'm thinking AMC should change it's name to AMDC (All My Dead Children) since they kill off so many. But wow, the drama. It's amazing. What storylines this week... Maria remembers, Kendall and Erica come together, David and Anna lose their baby. WOW... amazing, simply amazing. Keep it up AMC!

Oops... almost forgot. The last Editorial I had a poll "Who do you think will be Tad's next love interest?" Here are the results: Simone lead the votes with 35.8%. Lysistrata got 17.9% as did Anna. Next was "someone new" with 16.4%. And last was Liza with 11.9%. There were also a couple write ins for Greenlee.