The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


June 2, 2005

For my listening pleasure while I write, I have one of my faves, If I Were a Carpenter tribute cd, Bad Religion's Recipe for Hate; They Might Be Giants Flood; Jet Get Born; and Social Distortion White Light White Heat White Trash.

This Editorial reflects the events of May 23 - 27 and we pick up this week with Amanda, plotting with JR to break up Jamie and Babe. Times sure do change don't they? Sweet little Amanda, now a full blown skank.


She went from this To this:


Wow, that is some change. Now, she claims that her mother is still suffering from mental illness, that Trevor is so wrapped up with that, that he probably doesn't even know she's gone. But wait, she also claimed that Hayley was supposed to have called Adam and JR to tell them she was coming and let her stay there. Then she took 10 grand from the Chandler safe and blamed Di. Which leads us to JR holding this over her head and plotting with him so he doesn't call the police. The whole thing was rather barf inducing. JR feigns some concern for Jamie and declares to Amanda that he wants his brother back. Thankfully she's not stupid enough to fall for that and immediately calls him on it, telling him that she doesn't want him back at all, he just wants to make him miserable. Now that he knows she can't be taken in so easily by his horrible acting and phony concern, he gets that smirk that I'd like to slap into next week and says, "Is there anything wrong with that?" *shudder* This line I found perplexing though. JR goes on to say how he knows that Jamie is making a mistake passing up the money for Babe, and then says "Oh, he'll eventually see through her, and if I have to make him cheat to open his eyes quicker, I'll do it." MAKE him cheat!? Give me a break. For that comment JR gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD. Amanda so has JR's number though and tells him that it's not about Jamie at all, it's about Babe and it galls him to no end that Jamie can make her happy when he couldn't. Oh yes, it's the whole if I can't have her no one can mentality. Sounds like JR to me. Skankanda then drops her robe and tells JR that in addition to tuition, room and board, she wants $1000 a week and a night with him. Seems they have a deal. Excuse me now while I hurl.

And while all this was happening with Amanda and JR, we have our MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK as we watch Jamie try to repair a leaky pipe in his dilapidated apartment. Gee I guess he's feeling the sting of not taking that money now huh? *yawn*

JR and Amanda set their plan in motion by having JR go to the apartment and just be his usual smug nasty ass little self and while he's taunting Babe and Jamie. It's here where we get this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when, while JR is taunting Jamie about being a Mr. Fix It type, Jamie responds with, "You know, but I don't feel like a complete loser standing next to someone who's a useless sack with no skills, no job, and just plenty of their daddy's money." Ahh... thank you for saying it Jamie!!! I'm glad someone finally did. While all this is going on, Amanda arrives and comes to Jamie and Babe's defense. JR pretends to get all angry and taunts Amanda about her mother. When Jamie kicks JR out, he and Babe comfort Amanda. Boy did they fall for it!

Random comments

Simone is worried about Ryan and Greenlee's relationship so she follows him and thinks he's visiting a brothel. I'm here to tell you, it is NOT a brothel. I adore Simone, but I think she should but out. Especially when she went to Ryan to confront him about their relationship. Bad move Simone.

Di goes to the Pit to talk to Babe and informs Babe that she needs a friend on the inside, and like or not Di is her only choice. Babe isn't too keen on this idea, and will look to Amanda for some answers about Di. Doh!

Maria goes to see Ryan to apologize. For what, I'm not sure. But Maria starts telling him about how much the kids hate her and Ryan encourages her to do whatever it takes to win back her kids.

Maddie is getting harassed at school because evidently her mom is a slut. Call me crazy, but I find that hard to believe. At any rate, Maddie declares war on Zach. Good luck. *insert eye roll here* What is really pissing me off here is how Maria keeps letting these brats blame her for everything. SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! But in a bit of foreshadowing, Maria tells Sam that she thinks they should move away from Pine Valley and start fresh. Sam says no way.

Ryan is paid a visit by the ghosts of Christmas Past (Patrick), Christmas Present (Braden) and Christmas Future (Jonathan). They tell him that he will never change and that he's doomed to a life like theirs. Where have I heard this story before?

Tad and Aidan go to Germany to question the real Diana Cole, but what they don't know is that David has already paid her off to give them information about their wild Dixie chase.


Ok now that the boring stuff is out of the way, we have a wedding to discuss! 10th time really is a charm! Ok ok... don't let me get ahead of myself. We have to start with Greenlee locking Zach in the pool storage room. Which is dumb in and of itself, but when she refuses to let anyone open the door when they want towels, she just looks like a blatant psycho. The funny thing is, Kendall knew he was in there and had already let him out. Erica gets the manager to open the door and he's not there. Duh Greenlee.

Meanwhile Reggie is giving Jack a pre-wedding pep talk about how to keep Erica happy. It's all pretty cute and mostly accurate really. But when Reggie tells Jack to remember that Erica is always right, that's when it turns from a talk for Jack about women to a talk to Reggie about women. Jack tells Reggie that no one is always all right or all wrong and how relationships come with bumps in the road, but those bumps can make your relationship even stronger. Greenlee overhears this and wholeheartedly agrees with him. Jack come to an understanding about Ryan and all is right with the world again.

Ahh Bianca... what a site for sore eyes! Wasn't it just awesome having her and Miranda back, even briefly? The wedding would just not have been the same without her. Unfortunately for Kendall, she brought Ethan with her. Ethan flew to Paris to talk to Bianca about Kendall but he left a few vital details out. So when Kendall told Bianca the unabridged story, she was more than a little ticked at the new Mr. Cambias. Kendall and Bianca had some great bonding time though, talking about the failure of the relationship and the prospect of Kendall marrying Zach. Bianca had an excellent point that if she marries for business, that limits her chances at real love. She should listen to Bianca, the girl is wise beyond her years. But Kendall seems to have given up on true love and tells Bianca that she gets her love from other places, like family.

FUN SCENE OF THE WEEK - The girls having spa day! How much fun would it be to be hanging with the Kane/Montgomery clan and having facials, massages, and all those other fun spa treatments!? I wanna be a Kane!!!!

We're getting to the good stuff, which means this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. Kendall and Bianca had the foresight to bring with them the infamous mirror that they stood in front of when Mona called them a legacy of strong women. Oh man, I'm misting up already. It was classic and needed and THANK YOU AMC for including this memorable piece of history.

The wedding begins with a gorgeous Erica at one end of a courtyard and Jack at the other. Reggie, Lily and Greenlee meet Jack on his walk as Bianca, Miranda and Kendall meet Erica on hers. The two families come together and walk Jack and Erica to the minister.

The setting, the music, the gowns, the beauty and grandeur of this wedding has, to me, made it one of the best AMC weddings ever. I thought nothing could top Noah/Julia or Ryan/Gillian but it's fitting that Erica's last wedding, and I do believe it is, be the best AMC ever had. I truly wept from start to finish. It was perfect, and a lovely pay off for this 17 year courtship! And it only gets better!

As the wedding gets underway, each child steps forward to speak from the heart. It's truly a weepfest, especially when Lily allows Erica to touch her. Jack and Erica then say their emotional and heartfelt vows to each other and I have to wonder why there is a minister there at all. I guess he has to pronounce them husband and wife. Other than that his part was pretty minimal. It was GREAT though, that is certainly not a complaint.

At the reception, Jack and Erica share a toast and a dance. But poor Reggie, he's the only other guy at the event and he has to take turns dancing with all the ladies, even Greenpea. Hmmm... did I say poor Reggie? I meant to say lucky Reggie!

The first chance she gets, Greenlee confronts Kendall about Zach being there, but Kendall denies it. Greenlee isn't buying it, she saw them on the beach and she locked Zach up. But Kendall doesn't budge.

Erica surprised Jack by buying him the yacht that kidnapped her in as a wedding present. They decide to embark on their honeymoon by yachting down the coast and stopping in different ports, including Charleston, where Jack is from. They say their goodbyes to Bianca and Miranda and everyone else, and head off to the high seas! What they don't know is that Lily has stowed away accidentally when she brought them some wedding cake and the boat left port. She's hiding in their suite. But luckily big brother Reggie knew she must be on the yacht and got another boat to catch up to them so he could take Lily back to shore.

And it's more goodbyes for Bianca. I don't know about you, but this time when Bianca left it seemed a lot more final. I guess maybe because I knew all along she'd be back for the wedding. Now there is nothing else coming up that we know she'll come back for. Yes, it definitely feels more final.

Ethan finds Kendall and tells her that he doesn't want Cambias if it means losing her. She's all he wants and he has signed over his half of the company to Zach. Kendall is shocked and Ethan continues on that he is ready to be the man that Kendall needs. He wants to marry her. But Kendall isn't jumping for joy. She tells Ethan that he didn't listen to her, she wasn't enough for him . But Ethan is confused, he did exactly what she wanted, why isn't she jumping for joy and into his arms? Well, Zach has the answer for him... he and Kendall are already married. A shocked Ethan looks to Kendall for a confirm or denial, and unfortunately for Ethan, she confirms that she is in fact married to Zach. Ethan tells her he's done with all things Cambias, including her.

Zach goes after Ethan while Greenlee finds Kendall to try and talk some sense into her. Greenlee tells her to annul this nightmare. But Kendall already realizes that it's too late. Ethan will never ever forgive her for marrying Zach. He could forgive her for sleeping with JR (and just the mere typing of that gives me the heebies). Greenlee goes on the attack and tells Kendall that she had to do it, she couldn't wait things out and see what happened, she had to hurry up and marry Zach to stick it to Ethan. She goes on and on about trust and how she and Ryan have no secrets. But Kendall is privy to a whopper of a secret that Ryan is keeping from Greenlee.

Meanwhile Zach tells Ethan that he doesn't love Kendall and he'd be willing to swap Kendall for Cambias, it's not too late. Ethan is so not interested in Zach's offer and instead attacks him. He is beating the pulp out of Zach without Zach ever laying a finger back on him. But Greenlee and Kendall hear the ruckus and rush back to the pool storage room just in time to stop Ethan from killing Zach. I wonder how many times Ethan has tried to kill Zach but was stopped or stopped himself... what is this now, the 857th time? Kendall tries to appeal to Ethan. She tells him she wasn't thinking and wants to make things right. But Ethan tells there is nothing left to say. She threw it all away.

Back in Kendall's room, Greenlee just can't leave well enough alone and goes back to berate Kendall for her poor decision making skills once again, and how her relationship is so perfect. Kendall finally blurts out that her relationship is far from perfect and that the doctor Ryan has been talking to is a surgeon, not a shrink. Ryan is planning on having a vasectomy. Greenlee at first doesn't believe her and immediately jumps on the "you're trying to break us up" bandwagon, which is absolutely ludicrous considering she's just had her heart broken by Ethan, married Zach and boinked JR. What does she need Ryan for? Wake up Greenpea. Kendall convinces Greenlee that it's the truth, that she found out because she heard Ryan on the phone with a Dr. Cooper and called all the Dr. Cooper's in PV until she found the right one. Greenlee goes into a rage for not telling her sooner and then makes plans to go home immediately.

Back in the pool storage room, Lily is looking for a towel and finds Zach there. He seems to like that room an awful lot since Greenlee locked him in. Lily can't read his expression, and she's not the only one. I never really know what Zach is thinking and that's one of the things I find so intriguing about the character. As I've said before, he's such an enigma. Zach tells her that he has been wrong about everything and has made a lot of wrong decisions. Well that's an understatement Zach! Lily wants to help him figure things out, but Zach doesn't think there is any help to be had. He tells Lily that his interference has ruined Ethan's life. We learn more about Zach in his one scene with Lily than we have his whole time on the show. Lily tells him that he should try unconditional love, and then gives him a life jacket. She tells him it works. Zach thanks her and so do I... for being this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. Lily has picked up where Bianca has left off as the heart of the show. She's just wonderful.

This weeks AMC gets an A+ for giving us the best wedding ever!!!

Now, I realize that I was very late with an Editorial this time around so I hope these beautiful pictures made up for it, a little anyway, and I leave you with this beautiful shot of the wedding party.