The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


June 14, 1999

OK, now on with the show! Sheesh, what a snore this past week was! You can definitely tell that Sweeps are over. Everything is getting old really fast. David manipulates, Adam panics, Jake acts macho, Mateo coddles his demon child, Hayley is understanding, Ryan feels sorry for himself, Vanessa lies, Liza loses more of her spunk, Gillian longs for Ryan, Tad acts silly. The only surprises that I had this week were from Janet and from Dixie. I was shocked, after the history they had and how it was actually Marian who spilled the beans about Liza and Tad's affair, that Dixie would actually tell the newcomer to Pine Valley, Becca, that Marian is a nice lady! Oh and while I'm on this subject, when did Opal and Liza become chummy? I thought Opal hated her? I guess it's because Opal and Marian are friends? I don't know. I just found it really odd that Opal and Dixie were hanging out with Marian and Liza while Liza got ready for the wedding. Heck Dixie even gave her the "something borrowed." Don't get me wrong, I didn't dislike any of this, it just all seemed so surreal.

Janet from Another Planet is back!!! Woo hoo!!! This was the absolute best thing about this whole week. Janet tells Trevor that she is not going to sit back and watch Vanessa Bennett ruin Erica's life. At the same time, Vanessa is telling her ghost writer, Donald Steele, all about Janet and decides to include her sordid past in the tell all book. Well, Janet dons her black wig and her Mean Janet Green persona and heads over to Donald Steele's room at the Valley Inn. She starts to really intimidate him and then suddenly whips something out of her purse that resembles a magician's cane. You know the collapsible kind? Then things get really interesting. Donald Steele is shaking in his boots and then suddenly Trevor and Brooke arrive and try to stop Janet from hurting him. Well, Janet punches Trevor in the gut and then whacks Brooke in the head with the cane thing that is supposed to pass for a crowbar. It's looking like Janet killed Brooke, and I start to cheer, then realize it was just an act for Donald's sake. Bummer. If Brooke were dead, then maybe Michael Nader could stay. But anyway, Donald gets so worked up that he leaves. But then, Vanessa arrives. She's not falling for the Mean Janet Green routine, and tells Brooke to get up. Too bad, it was a good show. So much so that Janet gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Once Janet is back to being mild mannered housewife extraordinare, Janet Dillon, she and Trevor read the tell all book that Donald Steele wrote about Erica. It's nasty all right, and now they've got the proof they need. Oops, not so fast! Vanessa hurls the computer across the room. No more proof. That woman has no regard for machinery... hmph!

Where to go, where to go... hmmm. Oh, Liza and Derek both receive letters from David's lawyer. I find this a bit strange actually. Granted, David had been gone a few days with no notice to anyone. And he did tell Leslie that if he were to suddenly be missing, she should deliver those letters. But I have a couple problems with this. First, Leslie sure seemed to jump the gun a bit. David wasn't even officially missing by the police when she was delivering those letters. But even weirder than that is that I didn't think she even had those letters anymore! if I'm missing something, please write and tell me. But the way I remember it is that Barry hired Adrian to get those letters from Leslie's office. Adam suddenly realized that Adrian and Tad are brothers and panicked (fancy that), thinking Tad would find out the secret. So, while Adrian and Tad are in Leslie's office with David's file in their hands, the lights go out and a couple of Adam's thugs rough them up and take the file. Well... doesn't that mean that Leslie no longer has them?

Erica decides to visit Liza for some input about David and to see the baby that is constantly wearing a hat, even while she sleeps. Erica sees the letter from David that has not been opened yet, and pockets it. When Derek arrives and starts questioning Adam about being connected to the murder of David Hayward, Liza looks for the letter but can't find it. Derek is a bit gung ho huh? No body, no report of David missing... and he's already accusing Adam of murder because of a letter. Erica clears the air by telling everyone that David phoned her just the previous day and he was alive and well. So after everyone leaves, Erica tells Adam that she has the letter and plays around a bit, telling him she's going to give it back to Liza. See Erica really wants Adam to tell her himself, but he won't. She's trying to force his hand into doing. Things got a little carried away and Adam accidentally knocked Erica's mask and bandages off. Quite a feat, but Adam accomplished it. Liza came down then and both she and Adam were horrified to actually see Erica's face. Erica grabbed the mask and ran out, with Adam not too far behind.

Adam catches up to Erica at the No Name House and seems to really show genuine concern for her. But with Adam you just never know. He could have been doing that because Erica knows his secret or he could have really felt for her after the long history they have had. Erica gives Adam the letter and tells him to burn it, which he does. But then, after this very sweet moment they had, Erica tells him she will not tell Liza about Adam being Colby's father because she was really impressed with Jake's fatherly instincts and thinks Colby deserves to have someone like Jake be her father, not Adam. Adam finally leaves. Erica then has a fantasy. She's in her gown from the first Crystal Ball and is making her debut at a large function. David is there and tells her it's time to remove her mask. She takes it off, she is perfect and everyone cheers. The one thing I find strange about this... Erica fantasizing about David. And then like every good fantasy, the person you are dreaming about shows up and snaps her back to reality.

David tells Erica that he returned because he cares about her, was worried about her. He claims he has changed his outlook and it's all because of her. He even is thinking of letting go of his angry and hatred and even is considering forgetting about his vendetta. When he asks Erica if she has let go of the hatred she has for him, she lies and tells him she hasn't. Sure Erica, you were just fantasizing about the guy two seconds ago! Erica tells him that the letters were delivered and he is actually surprised. My theory was that David split town so that would happen and then Liza would find out the truth, but it wouldn't have been him actually telling her. Yes, he wrote the letter and all, but it wouldn't have been him saying it to her face. Oh well, I can't always be right! David is a kind of happy when he thinks the secret it out, but then Erica tells him that she stole the letter before Liza could read it and that she let Adam burn it. She also tells him that Vanessa told her that it was actually David that killed his father, not Vanessa. David is none too pleased to hear this. While David is still there, Bianca calls and I keep thinking how she should come back already!

Vanessa goes snooping around David's Valley Inn room, looking for I don't know what. Of course, David walks in. He confronts her about what she told Erica about his father's death and, true to form, Vanessa denies it. Then David says something that has me a little baffled. He says that since he killed his father, what would stop him from killing her too? I really was on David's side on this one and thought he was telling the truth to Erica about his father's death. Now what are we supposed to believe after he says something like that?? Then out of blue, Janet arrives at David's and the two act like old chums. They taunt Vanessa and try to intimidate her. It's all very fun and aside from not knowing when David and Janet ever met, I'm giving this scene, this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK award. Vanessa takes off and goes straight Erica's door in a state of false frantic.

David heads to his office and who should show up, but Jake. He's getting mighty testy and wants to know what he's got on Adam. He wants to stop Liza's wedding to Adam and if whatever David knows can do that, he wants to know. Oh David is tempted to tell Jake the one thing in the world that he does not want to know. Jake even tosses everything off David's desk and grabs him by the shirt. But David just won't spill. Derek arrives with some questions for the Devious Doc and when Derek says, "I don't like people wasting my time," in regards to David's letter being delivered while he's still alive, I almost fell off my chair laughing! Geez Derek, what else do you have to do?? David makes up some piddly excuse and walks out, heading straight for the wedding.

After hearing Gillian's story about her experience with David, and paying her handsomely for it, Adam tells Liza all about it. Liza is totally disgusted by David's treatment of Gillian, and wants in on ridding Pine Valley of him. Adam pleads with her to let him handle the David Hayward mess, and she, of course, finally relents. Come on now, you weren't actually shocked by Liza's sleepy type of "yes dear, no dear" attitude were you? Adam's been slipping Valium into her morning coffee for weeks now. How else can her total lack of spirit be explained?

All donned in his different, but very dashing wedding attire, Adam once again goes to Erica's. Come on Adam, this is really getting old. I'm almost as annoyed by him as Erica is! Erica tells Adam that she believes that David has changed his mind and is not going to tell Liza. Adam is not buying it, not even a little. Erica tries to convince him that he's had a change of heart, but Adam doesn't even believe David has a heart. He does give us this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK though. While talking about David he said, "He's the soul spawn of the world's biggest narcissist!" Ouch... a two for the price of one slam!

Once he's back at the Wildwind Chapel, Adam and Barry talk about the guards they have set up outside the chapel and outside of Adam's house. So how is it that David got up to Liza's room then?

Opal has decided to re-open the Glamorama at Cortlandt Manor. This time it's going to be a full service spa. That is exactly what every residential area needs. But I guess the neighbors won't complain since the closest neighbor is probably a few miles away. But when Palmer shows up to pick up Petey for the weekend, Stuart steps in. He tattles on Palmer, telling Opal that he tried to take Petey from his art class. Opal gets in Palmer's face about it, but her protector Adrian steps in. Then when Petey wonders why he can't go with his daddy, Adrian has another heart to heart with the little cutie. I love when Adrian and Petey bond. It's so adorable. Adrian and Belinda decide to team up and teach Palmer a lesson. That is something I don't want to miss!

Hayley and Raquel had a nice scene this week. They had a heart to heart about the future and Hayley told her that she and Mateo are going to hold off on having children until things are smoother with Damien. Raquel is very moved by Hayley putting her life on hold for the sake of Damien. Just then, the little devil comes into the room screaming about a nightmare he had. Seems Hayley was a magician and she made Mateo disappear forever. And when he asked her if Mateo was coming back, she laughed at him. Nightmare nothing! That sounds like a dream I've had a few times and I always wake up happy. Of course, when Hayley tries to talk to Damien, he pulls away and won't listen. So Assholeo has to stay with his demon child and Hayley is once again off to the club that they are both supposed to be running, alone.

At SOS, Hayley and Ryan let out their frustrations by completely trashing the back room. At one point, Hayley yelled, "Here's to being on the backburner!" and I wondered why she would say such thing, she obviously knows nothing about that! Once they are calm and sitting and talking, Hayley puts her head on Ryan's shoulder and Mateo picks that moment to walk in. It's a totally blatant set up to look like something is going to develop between Ryan and Hayley... something more than friendship I mean. But Ryan urges them to take the morning off before heading over to Liza and Adam's wedding. But it's Assholeo's day to, guess what, coddle his son. How this is different than any other day is beyond me, but that's besides the point. Ryan has another idea though and he goes to see Raquel. He wants to hang out with Damien for the morning so that Mateo and Hayley can have some time together. Raquel balks at first, but then asks the little demon if he would like to go with Ryan to the fire station to see the firemen. You remember, this was Damien's reward for setting a fire in the house. Ryan's intentions are good though and he tells Mateo and Hayley to enjoy themselves.

Mateo and Hayley head off to a picnic and some public sex. I can't believe they didn't bring their usual love rug with them. Maybe it was finally taken to the cleaners. Don't you love how they tossed in that it was a private beach? Yeah right, that's why Ryan and Damien found you so easily. Ryan couldn't get Damien to shut about about his Daddy, so he took Damien to the beach. Damien once again ignored Hayley and when he tells Mateo about how his mommy got out of bed and is going to try walking today, Mateo decides he has to be there. So, even though it's very slapworthy, I have that reserved for someone else this week, but Mateo asks Ryan to take Hayley to her own father's wedding! UGH! That is grounds for divorce right there! Oh wait, they aren't married are they! Anyway, you don't ditch your woman in favor of watching your ex-wife take a step when it's her father's wedding day. Didn't Assholeo not go to Stuart's wedding because of Damien and Raquel too?? Does anyone still wonder why I call him Assholeo???

This weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award goes to TPTB at AMC. Who's brilliant idea was it to fire Michael Nader!? I haven't been this pissed since they tried to fire Robin Mattson! I hope you are all writing letters to AMC about this. I don't know if it will do any good, but it certainly can't hurt. They have to know that firing a great character in favor someone they think will bring the ratings up isn't going to sit well with the long time fans. And at the same time, they are continuing to hire inexperienced actors. If they really need to cut back, why do they keep hiring?? Granted, they newbie's salaries aren't as high as Michael Nader's is, but still! If you're going to cut back, then cut back! Leave the newbies out and keep the established actors who so obviously have chemistry with everyone! Ugh, I just don't get it!

And lastly, this week I give AMC a D+. If it weren't for the great performance by Robin Mattson this week, the shows would have gotten an F!