The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


July 30, 2001

Just a little warning... there isn't much to praise lately, so there will be a lot of bitching and moaning in this Editorial, which is what I do best anyway ;)

Let's get the aftermath of that farce of a reception that was for that farce of a wedding completely out of the way. I'm not going to do a full rehash of the reception because, well frankly, I can't stomach it. I will say that it was wonderful to see the Phoebster looking so well (I'm still pushing AMC to address Louis Edmonds death and give Langley a fitting farewell) and it's always a pleasure to see Palmer. I don't get why they have not given him more to do. He's awesome! Oh wait, I do know the answer to that... TPTB would much rather be GH Redux and All My Teens instead of showcasing the veterans that made the show so great in the first place. You'd think that being at the bottom of the ratings would be an eye opener, I guess it isn't.

Anywho... here are a few highlights from the wedding reception from hell. For some peculiar reason, Marcus was invited. Yes, I heard him tell Rosa that his mom is good friends with Brooke, but so what. Laura hates Marcus, so he should have been left off the guest list. And how's this for a completely false claim. Marcus told Rosa that his mom said she is the perfect girl for him. I find that very hard to believe. First of all, Mrs. Dunn is today's Enid Nelson. She is a society snob who knows everyone's business. Rosa is not the ideal girl for her son. She's not rich, she doesn't come from PV society and *gasp* she's Hispanic. I would think that Mrs. Dunn would be trying to put the brakes on this relationship, not encouraging it. At the party, Mrs. Dunn was sure to tell everyone what she heard about Gabriel and how he grew up caged like an animal, and then had a little chuckle about it. Well that is all Marcus needed and now calls him DogBoy. Even Rosa got angry and told him to "go back to your cage."

Bianca had brought Gabriel to the reception as her "date" but why they put those awful cornrows in his hair I'll never understand. It just wasn't him. Dreads or braids would have looked better. But that's just my opinion. (Oh and to top it off, they decided to take his picture for the opening credits on the day of the cornrows! Blech!) Things got a little out of control when Marcus kept taunting Gabriel and he got so upset that he overturned the buffet table. You know, if Marcus doesn't watch himself, Gabriel is really going to lose what little control he has and land Marcus in the hospital!

Let's interject here and discuss Marcus "I'm one sick" Studpuppy for a minute. It's plain to see the kid has issues, serious ones at that. He is controlling and violent, but hides it from all the right people. To me, it seems like Marcus is a rapist. He very obviously did something to Shannon since she keeps threatening to tell what he did to her. Yet the Ecstasy Queen still wants him for some reason. She brings him X, plays up to him, follows him around, and begs him to see her. Heather seems to know what Marcus is all about now, and doesn't want to leave Shannon alone with him. Gabriel is on to him and his violent behavior. Mateo is sick and tired of him bothering Rosa every minute of the day while she's supposed to be working, and who could blame him. In fact, one of the many times that Mateo threw Marcus out so Rosa could work, he got so angry that he popped Shannon one in the jaw. And Shannon just keeps coming back for more. There's definitely a self esteem problem here. I would have thought this problem would rear it's ugly head back when she lost the Miss Young Enchantment gig, but than again maybe it was. Marcus is constantly berating and trying to keep Shannon down. I guess it makes sense that she would do the same to someone else... in this case, Bianca.

Shannon is so far gone that she believes when Marcus hits her that she means something to him. So when she sees him with Rosa, she gets all jealous. It's pretty gross if you ask me. I mean, if they do it right (HA!) they could teach the viewers something and maybe even help someone who may be in a similar situation. But this is a storyline that would have been played out much better with adults. I'm sure it happens with teens, but I personally would have preferred to see this storyline explored with Mateo and Hayley. True, Mateo has been far less obnoxious lately, but that doesn't erase the horrible things he's done in the past and his very controlling nature. That doesn't erase his potential to be more than the verbal abuser he is and head straight into physical abuse. And Hayley has always had self esteem issues and been blinded by her love for him. Basically I think this storyline would work better with characters that viewers actually give a darn about and for me, Mateo and Hayley are the natural choice. Before you go and get on my case for my opinion, I'll just say that Mateo saying "I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry" was not enough for the way he treated her when he thought she had a thing with Ryan. His temper needed to be explored and it never was. So, the outcome of all this is so obvious... Marcus will most likely get nowhere with the virginal Rosa, get frustrated and eventually try to rape her. Gabriel will bound in on his white horse and save the day. *yawn* Nothing will ever be resolved... Shannon will sit at Marcus's side at the hospital (Gabriel put him there after kicking the crap out him) taking all his abuse, he'll never pay any price, Shannon will blame Rosa, etc. Sheesh, what a waste of time.

Back to the farcical reception aftermath... Greenlee tried to make a scene at the reception but Jake made it for her instead by kissing her in front of everyone and then ushering her out as Leo toasted his new bride. Jake then, for some wacko reason, took Greenlee camping. Why do men feel the need to take women camping? First Jake, then Aiden on "Sex and the City"... it makes no sense. It stands to reason that someone who has never experienced the great outdoors without being in a five star hotel that is, would not take to camping. And men think that women are always trying to change them? Please! Anyway, while setting up the campsite in his wedding reception clothes and shoes, Jake and Greenlee talk about what happened. When things turn passionate, Jake backs off and tells Greenlee that if they make love again, he'll fall in love with her and he won't let that happen. Greenlee is confused but Jake explains that he was so hurt by Gillian, who was in love with Ryan the whole time she was with him, and knowing that Greenlee is in love with Leo, he will not allow himself to get too close to her. Makes sense, but well, we can't control our feelings like that can we Jake? Greenlee loves that Jake could love her. After all, she is the next Erica Kane and all Erica ever wants is love. Greenlee is no different. It's that lack of a father figure upbringing I guess. They both have that too.

Elsewhere, Anna spots Brooke giving her the evil eye when Edmund puts his arm around her. That was a real head scratcher for me. Brooke jealous of Anna? What on earth for, she hasn't shown any interest in Edmund romantically for years. But Anna decides to have a chat with Brooke and encourage her to pursue Edmund romantically because she thinks he still sees Alex when he looks at her and isn't ready for a relationship with Alex's twin. Lame. What was she saying? Gee Brooke, why don't you help Edmund get over Alex and when he is, then step aside so he can be with me? That's what it sounded like. Brooke tells her that she and Edmund are just friends. Personally I hope it stays that way. I've never been a big fan of the Brooke/Eddie pairing. But, I could really care less about Anna too for that matter.

Teen Drug Czar Sweeney is dead. Tad is the prime suspect and has been arrested for murder. Oh, before I go any further, I have to mention a scene that made me sick! Derek had gone to Tad's to question him about Sweeney but he wasn't there so Dixie called him on his cell phone and told him to meet her at the Pine Cone in a room that was registered to Mrs. Carson. Once Tad is there, Dixie tells him she knows what he did and is willing to go out on the run with him. All the while that sappy love music that AMC uses is playing in the background. Help me out here, is it love to automatically assume that your husband not only is capable of murder, but actually did murder someone? Is it love to be willing to run off and not face up to a crime she thought he committed? Why was she so willing to run off with Tad, giving zero thought to JR, when it's JR that is having all the problems? More and more, with each passing day, Dixie proves herself to be a big honkin moron. And worse yet... Tad felt that her doing all these things was indeed the gesture of love she thought it was!!!

So Tad's in jail and Dixie is trying to play Ms. Junior Detective by hitting up Tad's old PI contract Fiedler for some information. Well she nosed around for about a minute and got a threatening letter. She sends JR to stay at Brooke's awhile, until they are all out of danger. Good move, the hoodlums won't find Junior at his brother's house. Duh. In the meantime, Tad is being terrorized by Cop Sweeney, dad of the deceased, and no one at the PV police stations seems to care. He's a cop, so he gets to do whatever he wants, even give Tad a dead rat instead of dinner. And in another brilliant move, Tad actually subdues Cop Sweeney, switches clothes with him and handcuffs him to the bed, then busts out of jail. He runs into Dixie on the way, who sees Cop Sweeney in Tad's cell and, in true wifely fashion, asks Tad if he killed him. That Dixie... she really wants Tad to off someone it seems. Tad assures her that he didn't kill anyone, again, and takes off. He lands, of course, at SOS. Don't all fugitives go there? Tad begs Mateo to hide him out, which of course, he does because Tad used the "you're my best friend" line on him that he uses on anyone when the mood strikes. He used it on Derek just a week before. He's used it on Edmund, Jake, Liza. You name it! Well maybe not Adam.

For some reason, Jesse and Gillian are hanging around outside of SOS and hear Cop Sweeney on the phone. Jesse realizes he's after Tad but he cannot do anything to help him. This is something that Gillian doesn't understand, but we'll talk more about them later. First we have Cop Sweeney looking for Tad at SOS... why? Like I said before, don't all fugitives go to SOS, it's the first place the cops would look! Opal and Dixie also go to SOS and after seeing Cop Sweeney in action, Opal says to Dixie, "Don't you wish old Jesse were still around?" Dixie didn't know Jesse did she? I think she came to Pine Valley the same year that he died. At any rate, Tad sees Dixie and sends her a plate of chicken fingers to indicate that he is there. She gets the code. Mateo lies to Cop Sweeney so he doesn't continue looking for Tad. With Dixie's help and some of Mateo's clothes (like they'd fit Tad!) Tad goes out on the run to prove his innocence. They couldn't just leave it at that, nope. As Tad looks up at the stars and says, "I love you Dixie" and at the same time, Dixie is looking up at the same stars in another location and answers, "I love you too Tad" Can someone please PASS ME THE HANDBAG!!!

Alright... bring on Mia. Mia is someone who has a secret with Marian. Marian had hired Ryan to see to it that Mia leaves town. She also paid Mia $5,000 of her own money to bribe Mia away. But Mia's not going anywhere. She wants to hang out in Pine Valley. This whole scenario has been played out to death on AMC. It's the same boring crap over and over. We're supposed to be so intrigued by Mia, full of wonder at what her secret could be and why Marian wants her to stay away from Liza. Well, it's plain to see that Mia is the illegitimate daughter of Larry Colby, Liza's father, thus making her Liza's half sister. Gee I'm so shocked. Mia is also a con artist who's place in Pine Valley is somewhat puzzling so far. First, when Ryan was playing poker at WRCW, the guys said someone new was coming to the game, "someone from corporate" meaning the same company. We also find out, after Liza walks into her office to find Ryan and Mia there, that Liza does not know her so she doesn't work for the same company after all. Later we learn that Mia works at the health club. And oh, here's a big clue, when Mia introduces herself to Liza, and Liza asks what her last name is, Mia says... "it's just Mia." HELP, I'm having a Braden flashback!!!!! A BIG SUPER DUPER SKANK SLAP to the writers for not being the least bit creative.

After Mia leaves, Liza is under the impression that Ryan and she had spent the night in her office. Ryan is shocked that Liza would think such a thing and tells her he could never do that to Gillian. Liza offers her shoulder to Ryan and the two share a lovely scene as Ryan opens up to Liza. Liza tells Ryan that Gillian is waiting for him and that they will see each other again someday.

Hey, how come ghost Gillian gets to change her clothing and her hairstyle? It doesn't seem like the other ghosts get that luxury. Just curious. Cindy, Travis, and Natalie all try to relate their own experiences with loss and leaving their loved ones behind to Gillian in hopes that she'll be able to let go. But she doesn't want to hear it, and isn't ready to accept the fact that she is not going back. Upset, she leaves the room and runs into Ray Gardner. Oh if Opal weren't so great this week I'd be giving him the performer award. Ray was as slimy as ever. Did you catch that creepy up and down look he gave Gilly? Ewww, he's so gross! He's so awesome! He tells Gillian that he's Tad's daddy and that he can help her with her problem, all she has to do is get him in the transitional room. Gillian is about to agree to anything, when Jesse comes by to save the day and sends Ray back down where he came from. He tells Gillian about what an evil man Ray is and all the horrible things he did to Opal and Tad. He tells Gillian that Ray must pay for those terrible things now. I hope we get to see more of Ray before all this ghost stuff is said and done.

So back at SOS, after hearing Opal saying she wished Jesse were still around, Gillian gets the idea that Opal could help her. Opal can talk to Ryan for her. She starts to talk to Opal and tells her how much she misses Ryan and loves him. Gillian tells her to tell Ryan that she is still with him. Opal's signals are a little crossed and in this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK, she goes over to Ryan and plants a big old kiss on a very unsuspecting Ryan. As if the kiss weren't enough, Opal then tells Ryan that she loves him. The look on Ryan's face is priceless! Everyone, including Opal, seem to think she has had too much to drink and she leaves to go for a walk in the park. Meanwhile, Ryan tells Liza that something happened and he felt something real when Opal told him that she loved him.

In the park, Opal tries to make sense out of what just happened, but can't. She starts to have more thoughts of Ryan and wins this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award when she starts to fantasize about Ryan... thinking about touching him, lying next to him and feeling his arms, his chest, his belly. Opal's confusion continues to mount as she starts to hear another voice. She realizes that someone is trying to connect with her and that maybe she's not just crazy after all. She calls Frederick, hoping for a little help, but he's not around. On her own, Opal calls out to the spirit who tries to help her realize who it is by giving her clues... princess, someone who loves Ryan. Why she couldn't just say "Gillian" is beyond me, but who am I to question the spirit world! Opal finally realizes that it is Gillian and is thrilled! She turns and when Gillian actually appears to her, a stunned Opal faints. Marian happens by and finds Opal passed out in the park and revives her, then helps her up. Seeing and hearing Gillian very clearly now, Opal tries to get Marian to leave so she can find out what Gillian needs her to do.

Once Marian does go, Opal asks Gillian if she has met her Jenny. Gillian tells her that she hasn't, but that she has met Ray... much to Opal's shock. Gillian tells Opal that she is going to come back and needs her to tell Ryan that she is still with him and will be reunited with him soon. Opal knows that this cannot be, but realizes that Gillian doesn't know it yet. Opal agrees to help her talk to Ryan and goes to see him at the health club. Ryan is once again shocked by Opal when she tells him that his prayers have been answered and that she has seen Gillian.

For the record, I am really enjoying the ghost stuff. Granted, I don't want to see Gillian a ghost forever, but so far I have enjoyed it. I have always loved Jesse so seeing him again is a real treat. So is seeing Natalie, Travis and Cindy. It was great to see Jeremy and Harold too. And especially Ray Gardner! Arguably one of the greatest villains in AMC history. Another interesting aspect to this storyline is the friendship that Liza and Ryan are developing. I like it, it's refreshing and (so far) there isn't one hint of sexual tension. I think there should be more friendships on AMC and I like this one.

On to the final storyline to discuss today... Adam and David. David is not too pleased when he meets with Adam's lawyers and they tell him the best they can possibly do for him would be for him to serve three years in prison. David won't settle for that and wants to get off completely scott free so he adds more fuel to his blackmail against Adam via JR. Seems David had JR followed and knows that he was at the scene of the crime, the boathouse, when Sweeney was killed. He taunts Adam with the idea that JR could have killed him. Then he tells Adam he has until the next day to make sure that all the charges are dropped. You know, as much as I love David, this is all a bit too much even for him. Having David threaten a child is just too despicable. I don't think he would do this, considering his feelings for Dixie. That is one of the things that AMC has dropped the ball on in this storyline. They are making it all about Adam and JR and disregarding the fact that JR has two parents, one that David is supposedly in love with. If he ever wanted another shot at her, he wouldn't be doing this.

Adam finds out that his old friend and flame, Judge Kay Campobello, is presiding over David's trial so he goes to see her. He basically cuts right to the chase and tells her that it's a matter of life and death that David be freed. He tells her that David has suffered enough and that he has saved so many lives. How a bolt of lightning didn't come down and strike Adam as he said that I'll never know! The Judge is intrigued by Adam's desperation and makes it very clear that she doesn't want his money, but she wants him instead. Adam is shocked by the indecent proposal and tells her he needs to think about it. Judge Horndog tells him that he can do all the thinking he wants later that night at the Sleepy Hollow Inn.

Adam decides he can't go through with it and goes to see Stuart for guidance. Stuart tells him that he should let JR face the consequences of his actions or he'll never learn anything. But Adam won't let that happen and goes off to see David. He tells him that he tried but she wasn't interested in his money and he's not about to risk his family for David. David puts the pieces together and realizes the Judge wants Adam's bod. So I have to ask... just when did Adam get so stupid? Adam may be a lot of things but stupid was never one of them. What he just did was hand David more ammunition against him on a silver platter! That is not the Adam I know!

David is having none of it and delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says, "I know you came here for our ritual, ok, so let's do it again. I have proof that your son stole drugs. I can also place him at a murder scene. Unless you fix my trial, Adam, I'm going to ruin J.R.'S life. So is that what you needed to hear?" We could all probably recite it with him since he's said it so much. Feeling like he has no other choice, Adam goes to the Sleepy Hollow Inn to meet with Judge Horndog. They actually do the deed. Wouldn't it be funny if Judge Horndog convicted David anyway? I know I'd laugh!

Worried that she hasn't heard from Adam, Liza calls his chauffeur and finds out that he had dropped him off at the Sleepy Hollow Inn. Liza can't figure out why he would be there so she goes to find him.

This weeks AMC gets a B+ I know it's high when the show, on a whole, isn't all that good, but Opal's performance and seeing Ray Gardner again made the week very worthwhile.