The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


July 12, 2004

My handy dandy 5-cd disk changer is set and ready! Today I have my fave singer ever, Peter Murphy "Holy Smoke" (Happy Birthday Peter!), David Bowie "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust," Nirvana "In Utero," Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros "Streetcore" (I realize I've played that one the two or three Editorials, but I can't help it, it's great!), and Joey Ramone "Don't Worry About Me."

Erica's loved ones... Kendall, Bianca, Opal, Myrtle, Jack and Mark gather to confront Erica about her addiction. She's ticked. She so doesn't need to be told not to drink and she will if she wants, it's not a problem. But with every person who talks to her, it becomes more and more clear to her. She has not recovered from being raped. She has not dealt with it enough to move past it. It becomes very clear to all, that there is more to the story. We find out why Erica left Pine Valley and her life behind. I don't think her immediate intent was to not come back. She got the call that her father was on his death bed and this was her final chance to confront him on what she has been bottling up for so long. She had to get it out. But she missed her chance. He died before she got there. It was then that Erica withdrew.. well withdrew isn't exactly the right word for someone who leaves their home and becomes a Vegas showgirl, but you know what I mean. She withdrew from her family. She couldn't confront the one person who needed to be confronted so she dropped out of her life in an attempt to block it all out for good. It didn't work of course. Her father haunted her around every corner. But back in town, with the support and love of her family, Erica tells them all that her father knew Richard Fields was a pedophile. But he wanted Richard for a movie he was making so he offered up his own 14 year old daughter as a sort of sign on bonus for doing the movie. She overheard Eric Kane and Richard Fields discussing it and laughing when she was hiding in her room after being raped. Sick, sick, sick!!

With the love and support of her family around her, Erica can now start to heal. She apologizes to Bianca for making her pain worse by not being there for her and making Bianca worry about her on top of all the other worries she had. But much to her families surprise, she picks up a glass of wine and refuses to go into therapy. Jack steps in and tells her he has an offer for her, and it's much better than wine. Erica, who was hoping that Jack's better offer was actually scotch, finds that he's offering the love and support of her family. Everyone rallies and tells Erica that she has to face her issues and they will all be there for her. Erica, realizing that they will all walk out right now and leave her, decides that family and friends is more important and pours her wine into a potted plant. I suspect we'll see that thing wilting before too long.

Erica wants nothing more than to retire to her room with Jack so she thanks everyone for loving her and having faith. It's when Kendall goes up to Erica and asks her "who do you see when you look at me now?" that we get the payoff and the SCENE OF THE WEEK, when Erica replies, "I see you, Kendall. Only you. Only you, honey, the daughter that I love." Oh my, pass the tissues, I'm getting weepy reliving it all over again! And as Jack and Erica lie in bed, Erica agrees to treatment.

I cannot say enough how much I adored seeing Mark LaMura back in his role of Erica's brother Mark Dalton. He was absolutely wonderful. Hell, the whole intervention was amazing with outstanding performances by all. Narrowing it down to just one performer of the week is a very difficult task, so I have decided to give two. PERFORMER OF THE WEEK goes to Susan Lucci. The was her storyline, her moment to shine and show us what she's got. And personally, I was not disappointed. She took Erica to a place we rarely get to see.. messed hair, disheveled clothes, make up not perfect. She dove head first into those scenes! She was vulnerable, angry, scared, defensive, loving and just plain wonderful. Bravo!!

I'm calling the second award, GUEST PERFORMER OF THE WEEK, and that one goes to Mark LaMura. AMC, sign him back up IMMEDIATELY!!! Do not delay!! He was so amazing. Can you tell I loved seeing him? AMC, it's time for Mark Dalton to leave Hong Kong behind and return to Pine Valley. If I had one nitpick (and of course, you all knew I'd have at least one right?) Mark never mentioned Ellen so we were left wondering, is she still with him? Are they together? Where is she? But that's ok. I'll let it slide this time, but I'm only cutting some slack this time because, since she wasn't mentioned, AMC will now have to bring him back so we can find out what happened to Ellen ;)

How much do I hate JR, let me count the ways. Am I really going to count? OK, 1) He's mean. 2) He's a jerk. C) He teamed up with Adam. D) He has that awful looking facial hair thing. And 5) I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!!!! I wish I knew how to do a screen cap because, as I've said before, JR reminds me too much of Mateo. And this past week he proved it when his own digit of death started to fly! That finger went right into seedy drug dealer Seth's face. OK, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. JR, who swore he would never do to Babe what Adam did to his mother, stoops to Adam's level and buys drugs from his old pal Seth (the aforementioned seedy drug dealer). JR's intent is to get Babe all hopped up and then have her cheat on him. He decides, swell guy that he is, to use Jamie for this purpose. Got that kids? He wants Babe to cheat on him again, with his brother, again. Sweet. JR, not looking the least bit suspicious, calls Jamie away from a date with trampy Nicole, under the guise of an emergency. When Jamie arrives at SOS, he finds that the big emergency is that JR wants him to hang out with him and Babe. And after JR slips Babe the drug in her ginger ale, he fakes a business call and has to leave, leaving Jamie with a suddenly amorous Babe. Jamie is confused and tries to keep up with Babe. Geez, what did JR give her? Horny Goat Weed?

JR watches as Babe is all over Jamie, all the while saying she wants JR, only JR. Did anyone (as in JR or Jamie) notice that? Even in a drug induced state of horny toadness, Babe wants only JR. And when she attached herself to Jonathan, she kept calling him JR. She thought Jonathan was him. Why didn't anyone (especially Jonathan) point that out! ugh. Anyway, JR is watching with that damn awful smirky look he has that drives me to fits when I see it, but then all the fun and games stop when Babe collapses in the alley. JR actually panics for a minute, a minute mind you. He appears as if out of nowhere and calls 911 while Jamie tries to give Babe CPR. Can I slap JR now, please huh can I??? JR get this weeks (ironically named after his mother) DCM COMMEMORATIVE SLAP OF THE WEEK. Did he happen to forget the heart trouble Babe had after giving birth (gee, I almost said after having Bess!) or did he just not care and drug her anyway? I vote for didn't care. Do I think JR wanted to kill Babe? Maybe not but I don't think he would have been too upset if she had died, other than it probably could have been traced back to him. After all, he did tell Adam he wants to kill her. And for what? The horrible crime of not filing an annulment paper and marrying him while she was still married? Remember, JR doesn't know that Bess is Miranda, that can of worms is yet to be opened. His cruel and unusual punishment for her is based on her lying about the annulment. I'm not saying it was a bright thing to do, but does she deserve to be drugged within an inch of her life for it? Absolutely not. You know when I wanted to SLAP him the hardest? When he was in the waiting room at the hospital while Babe was being treated and he told Tad that he thinks Babe might have a drug problem. Oh if only Tad had SLAPPED him upside the head for saying that, I would have jumped for joy!

I'll just come right out with it. I like Babe. I like her WAY more than I like JR. I certainly don't agree with all that she's done. I hate that she is not giving Miranda back. I think that if TPTB aren't careful, they will ruin her and Krystal to a point of no return. That would be an awful shame because Bobbie Eakes (Krystal) and Alexa Havins (Babe) SHINE. I think that, while both started out with best of intentions, both are now getting to a point where they will be unforgivable. Of course, Erica was eventually forgiven for keeping Maddie, so...

Back to the action. At the hospital, Jamie immediately suspects JR is behind whatever happened to Babe. Jamie saw JR talking to Seth at Metro Music. But JR covers by saying he told Seth to clean up his act or he was going to turn him over to the cops. He tells Jamie that Seth must have drugged Babe to get revenge on him. Even I'm having a hard time buying into that story. But Jamie wants to go after Seth. JR stops him and tells him to stay with Babe. Huh? He goes on to say that Jamie shouldn't get involved and he'll take care of Seth himself. OK.. that makes a little more sense than telling Jamie to stay with Babe! So JR catches up to Seth and, as previously mentioned, lets the digit of death fly!!! As JR is paying Seth to leave town or he'll turn him over to the police, he hears a noise, Jamie, and shifts gears so he can put on a show for Jamie. He tells Seth he'll get back at him for drugging his wife. Proving he's as smart as you would think a drug dealer is, Seth says, "duh, what?" and runs off calling JR crazy. That Seth, he's really quick on the uptake, he's got a bright future ahead.

Babe assures her new daddy... wait, stop right there and hold the presses. If you've been reading my Editorials for awhile, you have to know how much I absolute hate and despise "long lost" stories. And this one, this on has to be up there on the top of the contrived list! Here we have JR who left town to go work on a tramp steamer. While he's docked in California, he meets a random girl, Babe, and decides to marry her and bring her back to Pine Valley. Suddenly she's David's daughter? AMC, you're killing me here. It was bad enough (and I still can't figure out the reasoning) that Ryan was Chris Stamp's son and Greenlee suddenly was revealed as Jack's daughter. Come on! Yeah yeah, I know, they only did it to throw another monkey wrench into Bianca getting Miranda back. But seriously, they couldn't come up with anything better than this!? What's next?? Are we going to find out that David is really Palmer's kid, that Tad is really Adam's, Krystal is Myrtle's, and Bianca is Brooke's!! Please, give it a rest!

NITPICK or FLUB - I laughed and laughed when I saw this. Bianca came to see Babe in the hospital ER. Babe sent her out to get her some juice while she was talking to David. Bianca goes out the door, but when she came back, she came through the wall! Babe was in a room, and Bianca did not return through the door, she came back up beside Babe's bed. All I could think was wow, Bianca really is a saint!!! She can walk through walls!!!

So Babe assures her new daddy David that she never took any drugs and she wouldn't. David is skeptical. He has not yet embraced the fact that he has a daughter again. Don't worry it happens in record time. But for now, Babe tells David that he owes her nothing and that he has to do whatever it is that helps him sleep at night and if that means telling Bianca about Miranda, then so be it. She just asks him to give her and Krystal a heads up so they can be prepared and she can say her goodbyes to Bess. The conversation turns though, when Babe seems to indicate that she is doing the baby a favor by not having the Cambias name attached to her. David doesn't seem to like that comment and neither do I... she is not doing Bianca any favors. And as David and Babe continue to talk about the baby, Bianca is at the park with Reggie telling him how she thinks about Miranda and what she would be doing at 4 months of age. At the same time, Babe is telling David the exact same things, as she gets to see Miranda doing them. FOUR MONTHS that's how long Bianca has been without her baby. Um, PTB? You cannot get that time back. It's time to return that baby NOW. Babe, at least, realizes she's being selfish by keeping the baby. And it's clear that if David doesn't spill the beans, she is not going to. See what's happening? The longer she keeps the baby, the harder it will be to fix it and keep Babe and Krystal around.

As Babe is getting released, JR is standing at the desk talking to Kelly (Paul's sister) who is holding his son. Of course, he has no idea. It seems that Bianca is the only one with any kind of instinct about her child. JR has no sense that this child is his, neither does Babe. Bianca on the other hand, continues to believe that Miranda is near. And this is where the barf alert comes in. JR wants Babe to look at the child, as if he's some big baby freak all of a sudden. JR has made it clear that "Bess" is his possession. He hardly strikes me as a lover of all babies. And oh my God, don't you just want to scream when Adam, while plotting with JR, calls Bess "ours." ugh.

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK although it was kind of funny. Danielle dons an orange jumpsuit at the police station, handcuffs her hands and feet as a protest for the way that Derek is keeping her under constant watch. The funny part is that Danielle was not only wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, she was also completely accessorized with orange earrings, bracelet and flower for her hair. And I swear I almost snorted my iced tea through my nose when she started yelling, "I'm GUILTY!!! I'm guilty of kissing a boy in the first degree!!"

Back to David, he's starting to feel as though having a daughter would be a really good thing and has a fantasy about Babe being there for him, loving him no matter what. And isn't this what David has always wanted? Someone who will love him, for him, no matter what. He's got a huge decision to make and Tad doesn't help matters by showing up at his cabin and telling him to back off of Babe and Krystal. Tad should know that David will most likely do the opposite of what he wants him to do. David makes his decision and tells Tad he is heading over to Adam's now. If he wants to know how much he plans on listening to Tad's warning, he can meet him over there. See Tad!!! Told ya.

David arrives and announces that he is in fact, Babe's father. Didn't we already know this? Well yes, but JR and Adam didn't know that David had proof. So just as you think that David might spill the beans, the rug is pulled out from under us again and David has decided to embrace Babe as his daughter and be a part of her and Bess's lives. I'm so on the fence here. Sure, David has always been more evil than good. He tends to do the wrong thing over the right, no matter the situation. But would he really decide to keep this secret from Bianca? He knows what it's like to lose a baby. He bonded with Bianca over her pregnancy and her loss. Is his new daughter suddenly more important? Babe even told him to do what he had to do and she wouldn't hold it against him. So why not tell, then bond with Babe. She didn't seem like she was going to hate him for telling. She didn't have anything to blackmail him with. She didn't say she'd never forgive him if he revealed Miranda. I don't get it. So put David on the list of people that TPTB will be hard pressed to redeem. David has NO reason for doing what he did, other than the fact that he is David and he doesn't need a reason. Needless to say, JR and Adam are not thrilled to have David in their lives. But get a load of this family dynamic.... David, Adam, JR, Adam! That is one twisted family tree!

What makes me really sad is that JR has zero affection left for Tad or Jamie. And you know nothing thrills Adam more!

Babe takes David and Krystal up to the nursery to she can properly meet his "grandchild." Once alone, Krystal asks David if he is for real or if he was just putting on a show for JR and Adam. David assures them that he wants to be a part of Babe and Bess's lives, but that the Chandler's don't factor into the equation. David delivers this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when, to reiterate this fact he says, "Sunday dinners at the Chandler table? Please. I'd rather suck mud through a straw." Krystal and Babe are not exactly convinced and want to know why he decided not to tell. David tells them that he lost one child and doesn't want to lose another. I suppose Krystal and Babe would leave town if he revealed Miranda, but we already know that Babe said she wouldn't hold it against him so it's not like he would be losing her. Lame, lame, lame.

It's time for the 4th of July picnic. Tom (can you believe it.. Tom and Mark in one week!) and Livia are there with Danielle. Maria, Edmund and Anita are there. Hey, was it me or did Edmund go to Palmer's guy to have his eyebrows dyed? Anita's whining about Bobby...blah blah blah. Danielle is complaining and griping while trying to sneak off to see Reggie... blah blah blah. Bobby comes back and tries to make amends with Anita, who tells him she filed for divorce... blah blah blah. Derek decides to help Edmund try and trace the call he heard through his cell phone... blah blah blah. What a boring picnic! But wait, it's about to get good. Maria, who seems to have dipped into that Horny Goat Weed herself, is shocked to see Zach arrive at the picnic and launches into a super hot flashback. Poor Maria, her husband has been incapacitated for about 6 months and she's about to lose her mind from being so sexually frustrated. Isn't it interesting that Edmund lived with blue balls for about 5 years after Maria "died" and she can't hold out for a few months. Take a cold shower Maria! Anyway, she's reliving some hot times with Zach and Derek asks her if she's ok. She says she is, so Derek tells her that if she ever wants to talk, he'd be happy to listen. Sorry Derek, talk is not what Maria wants!

Random comment.... leave it to Palmer to come to a 4th of July picnic in a suit!

We almost got through a whole week without the Kendall/Ryan/Greenlee stuff. Almost. So we go there again. Kendall and Greenlee are sparring about who Ryan wants to be with *yawn*. Greenlee informs Kendall that she almost had him back and tells her that when he caught Kendall in bed with Jonathan (Jonathan being Ryan's brother who just showed up in town), Ryan was on his way to take her back. Why does everyone get that Kendall ruins her own life over and over and over again except Kendall? And at the penthouse, Ryan and Jonathan are getting to know each other again. Ryan fills him in on his past with Kendall and how they were engaged. Oh did I love this line from Ryan, "We were engaged more times than Spinal Tap had drummers." Great one! As the two bond, Ryan offers Jonathan a job with Cambias...he accepts and about 30 seconds pass when we see that Jonathan most likely has an ulterior motive in coming to see Ryan. Gee, can you make us think a little bit!?

Well boys and girls, that's about all I have to say. All in all, other than the intervention, a painfully average week. I'll give it a B though, Mark, Tom, some great lines, and a whole lot of David which is always a good thing.