The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


July 6, 1998

I just love a good psycho. And boy do we have one on AMC right now. No, not Allie. I'm talking about Lee Hawkins. This guy is infinitely more interesting than Camille ever was, and has a real (well to him anyway) ax to grind with Adam. He's smooth, he's clever, he seems harmless, and he really is dying of a brain tumor so we know that he will be gone before we get too sick of him. It's strange really, I was sick of Camille about 2 minutes after she was introduced as the floating woman. But not Lee. I do find it annoying that he successfully avoids anyone who might recognize him... well except for Myrtle, but she's not in the know about all that is happening, so it doesn't matter. I guess there is a crash course in skulking and sneaking that people must pass before they can enter the gates of Pine Valley. Everyone who comes to town seems to do it so well.

So here is Lee, evil man extraordinaire. Not only is he evil, he's kind of crazy too. While talking to his daughter he suddenly thought she was Joy and gave her one heck of a punch that seems to have knocked her out for a few days. Then while he's talking to Hayley, he suddenly sees her as Camille. The man needs glasses. And through all his lurking, planning and working at Holidays, he still has time to meet up with Marian and discuss the Chandler's whenever he feels like it. It strikes me as odd that Marian gives this guy the time of day considering what a mess he is. He has yet to change clothes and Marian usually is one to notice this kind of thing. Then again, look at her lately! She looks like the stereotypical old school marm. The tight bun, the glasses, the dresses down to her ankles. Giving Marian a heart was terrific, but why the change in dress? She was always dressed in smart looking suits and looked sophisticated. Now she looks like a librarian.

So, I'm sure Lee will be far away from Holidays when it blows, so we will have him to contend with for a little while longer, especially since Camille can't turn him in now. Yep Camille bites the dust. Not to hard to figure out since she's the only one that has been set to be leaving the show. I have to give AMC credit for actually making her somewhat sympathetic before she got offed too. I haven't found her nearly as annoying the last few times she's been on as I did before. I guess it was after the romance between she and Tad was dropped, and she started to realize that someone other than her father might be right. Once she found her brain she was much more tolerable. She and Tad had no chemistry at all, kind of like Dimitri and Brooke, or Janet and Trevor. Zilch. But even with her quick redemption and less annoying personality, I'm not sad to see her go.

Brooke finally realizes the magnitude of what she has done. She finallycomes to grips with the fact that she killed someone, and what does Dimitri do? He tries to talk her out of her own reality check! Come now Dimitri! You can call Jim a bad guy till the cows come home, that doesn't lessen the fact that Brooke killed a human being. He was human, no matter how evil he was. It's nice to see Brooke finally come to terms with that. And then, just as she thinks it can't get worse, Jamie comes home and he's someone completely different! Did you happen to notice how both Tad and Brooke said to the new Jamie, "wow, you're getting so big!" That happens when you age a kid a couple years in a couple weeks. So far I don't really have an opinion of him, other than he's cute. He's had to play a brooding sad little kid so far, so I guess that's not really much of an indication of what else he can do.

Is it possible that Erica is actually falling for this Mike Roy act now? I can't really tell what is going on, but she seems to be giving in. Jack wants nothing to do with her, and rightly so. I wouldn't either. She's acted like the biggest fool. In fact, Jack get this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK for his reply to Erica when she was telling Jack how she almost killed Mike. Jack said, "Better luck next time." You Go Jack!!! And evidently all you have to do to win Erica is flatter her and tell her how happy you will make her. See Mike, you didn't have to go through all those sickening and idiotic shenanigans after all. Just what will happen though, when Jack gets injured in the explosion next week. Will Erica go running to his side or will she already be married to Mike??

Once again this week, the PERFORMER OF THE WEEK goes to Stuart. He had some really fabulous scenes. He had the one with Adam where he revealed that while Adam was out looking for Camille, the whole time Stuart was hiding her. Then he had that great scene with Tad, talking about fatherhood and then talking about their investigation. He also had some great moments with Marian this week. He never ceases to amaze me. And I loved how he was giggling while Marian told Gillian off. It was so cute!

I wonder if it's at all possible for the characters on AMC to discuss bodily fluids a little more. Sheesh! Between Jake's offer to donate his love in a cup, and Ryan walking out of the cubicle triumphantly after filling his cup, I have to look twice at every cup before I take a drink out of it! What is with Ryan and his over exaggerated triumph over succeeded in his donor obligation? I would think that since Gillian decided not to put out, he probably fills more than one cup a day anyway! I'm not sure I understood Liza's true motivation for firing Ryan, Pine Valley's sexual Johnny Appleseed, as Tad called him, but when he threatened her with a sexual harassment suit she suddenly caved so her reasons must of had to do with her botched insemination. And how about Ryan's line during all this, "I recently sat on a jury so I know the inner workings of a trial." Uh Ryan? Weren't you on that jury for about 5 minutes?

This weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award was a little tough to pick, but I'm going to go with my first choice... Allie. What a big time loser. Here's Liza, giving her... yes I said GIVING HER $250,000 to pay off her debt. No questions asked. Just because she wanted to do something nice for her and help her out. So Jake, dumb as the gesture is, offers to father Liza's baby as a way to thank her for all she's done for Allie. I do think it was stupid of him to do. He could spout off all he wants about biology and how he'll be able to disassociate himself from the child, but I have my doubts. At any rate, Tad was right and Allie went off in a fit of realous jage. I can understand her being uncomfortable with the whole idea, heck I can even understand her encouraging Jake not to do this. But I can't understand her lashing out at Liza the way she did and throwing out all those accusations about her wanting Jake back, and paying the debt so she could collect whenever she wanted. And the clincher was Allie calling Liza a bitch! What was that all about?? Allie is headed to a padded room at Oak Haven and I hope she gets there soon, unfortunately I have a feeling she'll do some damage first. Like maybe tell Adam about what Liza is planning so that he can maybe fill a little cup of his own and get it to the clinic?

My very close second choice for the slap this week was, of course, Mateo! Oh my can I hate this fool anymore? I'm not sure it's even possible. It's like he has the robot from Lost in Space stuck in his brain... danger danger Will Robinson, danger!! All he thinks about is danger. And old Freddie the psychic had to come by and reinforce that this week. Hey, if he's such a good psychic, how come he didn't know Hayley was out when he went to see Mateo? Oh that's not fair, maybe he thought he saw her when he was coming in, but actually what he saw was a stick sticking out of the ground. That's about how big she is. That girl needs to eat something, her bones are all sticking out and it looks disgusting. I did have to give her a pat on the back this week though when Mateo was doing his best impersonation of Hector and ordering her around. She said, "One more order and I'm going to order you to divorce court." Oh my dream! Break these two up and send that fool packing back to Texas! I can deal with Hayley, I just can't stand Mateo any longer! He's an ass with a capital "A". The way he was pulling on Hayley when he wanted her to leave Holidays was like a caveman who would grab his woman by the hair and drag her around. It made me sick. Good thing Ryan was there to get in at least one good punch. Oh was that a joy to watch. I rewound it and watched it again and again and again. All the while laughing with delight. But my delight was soon shattered when Mateo went into some kind of whacked out attack of rage and started to pummel Ryan uncontrollably. Ryan should slap that fool with assault charges.

*SPECIAL NOTE* My email is finally back up and running. The bad news is that anything that was sent to me from Thursday, June 30 through Wednesday, July 1 is lost forever. It really stinks, but there is nothing I can do about it. If you sent me anything within those dates, please send it to me again. Thanks!