The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998



July 4, 1999

HAPPY 4th of JULY!!!!!

**Warning this Editorial contains harsh language and several bouts of anger... read at your own risk**

I am compelled to start with the dreaded kiss. Yes of course, we all saw it coming, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. I really hate how the soap magazines are all saying how expected this is because they are such good friends and it's the natural progression of things. BULLSHIT!! This notion that men and women cannot be friends without there be underlying sexual attraction is a load of crap! Hayley and Ryan have never even come close to being flirty with each other; where was their sexual attraction before this kiss?! It came out of left field. The whole thing stinks because it's a big waste of time. Hayley and Mateo will get back together and so will Ryan and Gillian... eventually. And what really irks me is that Hayley had just gotten done having some nice girl talk with Gillian and even told Gillian that they are "best buds." Well with friends like Hayley... you know the rest. Fine... argue with me that Ryan and Gillian are divorced and Hayley and Mateo are separated. That makes no difference to me! She still stabbed Gillian in the back and you don't do that to your "best bud." She knows that Gillian is still in love with Ryan. Hell she knows that Ryan is still in love with Gillian too! And isn't Mateo the man she will love forever? What the hell is she doing kissing someone else? And what about Ryan, he's far from innocent, but he's a man, men are so weak. Maybe he was turned on by stick figure in the white bikini. Who knows, he was wrong to kiss her too. But it's Hayley I'm mad at with this more because she's going to have a litany of excuses... Max hates me, my dad bought off the judge, Mateo doesn't have time for me. Blah blah blah.... suck it up sister!

Phew, now that I got that out of the way... let's go backwards to what led up to the awful kiss. Liza and Adam threw a surprise party for Hayley's 25th (yeah right) birthday at SOS. She was surprised all right. She and Mateo both looked like they hoped the floor would swallow them up. Adam keeps throwing them together too, which is bizarre. He wants them to dance with each other, be together in the video, wants him by her side when she's opening gifts. Since when is Adam such a big Mateo fan? I mean, I know he doesn't hate him or anything but he was really overdoing it. I guess it was so we and everyone else could see how uncomfortable they are. Of course, the only ones to pick up on it were Janet and Trevor. They get Hayley to spill about the break up and then insist she stay with them. Oh, Gillian picked up a vibe too. She asked Ryan what was going on and he told her that Hayley left Mateo. Both were upset and shared their mutual shock that this could happen to the happiest couple on earth.

At court the next day, Mateo and Raquel get shared custody of their demon child. They are both ecstatic because that is all they wanted all along. Raquel has had a miraculous recovery. Let me qualify that.. the recovery took way too long, but once they actually started giving her physical therapy, she has healed miraculously. She doesn't need a walker, a cane, a neck brace and she can even wear high heels without any trouble walking. Amazing. I'm glad though, I was sick of seeing her in that bed. And she looks wonderful too! Raquel's lawyer, Lynette, speaks to Trevor about the first hearing being fixed. Trevor is surprised when she accuses him of such a thing, then realizes that maybe someone else got in on this... someone like, oh I don't know, Adam maybe?

In the meantime, Gillian stops over at Trevor's to see Hayley and they talk and bond and confide in one another and even hug. It's a really sweet scene that makes me glad these two are friends... until later anyway. When Gilly leaves, Hayley gets ready to head out to a meeting.

Trevor goes to Adam's and accuses him of buying off the judge in Max's first custody hearing. Adam doesn't even try to deny it. As usual, Adam thinks he did the best thing for his kid. Trevor asks him if his plan all along was to break up Hayley and Mateo. Adam was stunned, he didn't know they were broken up. And, ta da! Hayley is outside the door listening and hears the whole thing. Trevor decides to head out so that Tink and Adam can duke it out. As Adam pleads his "I was only trying to help" case, Hayley rips into him and takes no prisoners. That is, until Liza interrupts and tells Hayley to knock it off. As I was watching this, I kept saying to myself... she better not defend him! Guess what, she defended him!!! Liza Liza Liza! You are such a fool, just like Hayley said. Liza gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award for actually trying to make Hayley see that Adam's intentions were good. Hell they may have been, but how the hell would she feel if Adam fixed a trial that involved her child being take away from her!? What's going to happen when she finds out that Adam pulled the sperm switcheroo on her? He's changed... yeah sure he has. Someone, anyone, please give Liza her brain back!!!

After leaving Adam's, Hayley heads over to SOS for the big 4th of July celebration. For some idiotic reason, Max is there... in a nightclub, and Hayley sees Raquel, Max and Mateo through the window all laughing and having fun. She decides to skip it and instead heads to the beach for a swim, where, as luck would have it, she just happens to have a bathing suit handy. Ryan saw her looking in the window at SOS and sees her flee so he goes after her. Oh my, Gillian and Jake just happen to be having a picnic at the beach. No one else in Pine Valley is at the beach on the 4th of July though, just Gillian and Jake. When Ryan gets there, he sees Hayley in the water and presumably thinks she's trying to drown herself, so he goes in after her. Once he gets her out of the water, he gives her his shirt to warm up and suddenly they are in an intense lip lock. At the same time, Gillian had gone to the car to get a towel after backing away from Jake and sees Hayley and Ryan kissing. See angry tangent above.

Oh, before Trevor arrived at Adam's, he had been talking with Barry about what would happen if he told Liza the truth about Colby's paternity. Adam seems to be having a big case of the guilts and wants to come clean. But Barry gives him a whole array of charges, jail time and fines he would endure if Liza and/or Jake decided to press charges against him. Adam gives this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when he says to Barry, "You're saying that I committed a crime!" Well duh Adam! Of course it's a crime! So, Barry talks Adam out of telling the truth and I have a feeling this secret it going to remain hidden for a long time.

Four and a half months after the accident, Erica finally has surgery to reconstruct her face. She's in a Brazilian health, hospital, where David's friend, Eduardo Fashinella, performed the surgery while David stayed at her side. When she wakes up from the anesthesia, David feeds her ice and talks to her, trying to ease her anxiety. When the nurse comes in with pain medication, David sends her away and instead talks Erica through her pain through breathing and visualization. He's so compassionate with Erica. He gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for that amazing bedside manner of his. When the bandages are removed and they take a look, they discover that the surgery was a complete success and aside from some swelling, she will be back to normal soon. So rejoice ladies and gentlemen! The Phantom of the Soap Opera mask is gone!!! Erica and David share a very passionate kiss and he invites her to stay in Brazil for a few extra days for some much needed rest and relaxation. When David leaves to go make the arrangements, Erica has some bizarre dream about her father abandoning her.

Palmer and Vanessa took PC's private jet to Brazil to talk to Erica about the take over attempt at Cortlandt Electronics. Palmer wants to make sure that he will get Erica's support. But before they can get to the hospital where Erica is, Adrian has their limo intercepted. Let me just say one thing here... give that limo driver a contract, he was yummy!! Can he act? Who cares! Ok, back to the action... a friend of Adrian's from the spy days tries to take Palmer and Vanessa somewhere else for a few days so they cannot see Erica, but Vanessa does one her her patented fake heart attacks and while the man is diverted, Palmer zaps him with a stun gun. Just how Palmer got such a thing through customs is beyond me, but they tell the driver to head to the hospital and Palmer goes to see Erica.

Palmer gets to Erica's room right after she has this weird dream of abandonment and Palmer just happens to play that up, telling her that David will only break her heart. He convinces her that he needs her support in Pine Valley and convinces her to go back with him. In the meantime, David runs into Vanessa in the hallway at the hospital and the two exchange harsh words... well David has some harsh words for her anyway. Vanessa taunts David about falling for Erica. When they go to her room and find her gone, David gets angry and Vanessa sees the note Erica left for David and snatches it before he can see it. David heads back to Pine Valley and then it's a game of cat and mouse as both he and Erica are looking for each other but keep missing each other... until he goes to her house and she sees him when she goes outside to watch the fireworks.

This weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK takes place in Belinda's apartment. Seems Adrian is doing his morning exercise regime of push ups and I start to feel light headed while watching him. Oh baby! He's all sweaty and very very yummy! Woof. Once Belinda and I wipe the drool off our mouths, she realizes that Adrian's anger toward Palmer is getting very serious and starts to worry. They head over to the Glamorama where Opal tells them of her plan. She invited all the board members wives to a day of beauty, and let's Adrian go to work at charming them. And that he does! Later, when Belinda goes to get a massage, Adrian secretly takes the masseur's place and the two of them generate some heat in that massage room!! Oh yes!

Dixie hasn't told Tad yet that she's pregnant, but Becca does tell him that she's worried about Dixie's health. When he confronts her about how she's feeling and just what the heck is going on, she blurts out that she's pregnant. Tad is not overjoyed, much to Dixie's dismay. Tad is worried about her health because when she donated a kidney to Del, the doctors told her that she should not have any more children, that she is high risk. Jake tells Tad that that is still true, Dixie's pregnancy is high risk. But Dixie is so thrilled and later at their family picnic, she dreams of having a little girl and being on a picnic with the whole family. At the same picnic, Tad dreams of being at a picnic with just Junior and Jamie because Dixie has died. You know, I can understand that Dixie is excited about the baby, she's always wanted to have Tad's child. But she's not even considering her health at all! She seems like she totally refuses to even think about it. Seems to me that this is something very important that both she and Tad should be discussing, not arguing about. Wise up Dix, your health is at stake here you could at least think about that!

Becca decides to stay in Pine Valley so she can help Scott with his documentary, "49 Ways to Leave Your Lover" and to help out Opal with Petey and the Glamorama. I have one question... what is that thing she wears around her neck?? While at the Glamorama, they talk to Opal about her break up with Palmer. And then they talk Janet into giving her story about her obsession with Trevor. They decide to head over to the SOS and see who they can talk to there and while Scott is putting the camera in the car, Opal and Janet decide to play matchmaker and fix her up. When Scott sees her, he's taken aback by how great she looks. He already seemed to be hot for her if you ask me though. So anyway, over 21 Scott and 17 year old Becca head to a bar without a bouncer so Becca gets right in. They interview a few of Pine Valley's dumped like Brooke and Jack. Hey Dimitri and Edmund are there too! Wow, fancy that. And so are Stuart and Marian all dressed up like Uncle Sam and the Statue of Liberty! I love how these two have a costume for every occasion, it's the cutest dang thing!

At the Cutting Edge (yes folks, Tad does work!) Tad is doing a show on teen fathers and mentoring. Guess who he has a guest?? Give up? Why it's Jake, doctor extraordinaire, all around good guy and now, Father of the Year! Not only does Jake mentor, but he also gives seminars to teen fathers about how to take care of a child and being a good father. Yep Jake, who has been a father for all of what? 20 minutes? Is now an expert on child rearing. Is there anything he can't do?

This week's AMC gets a C-