The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998

 

July 25, 1999

On with the show! The first half hour of the show last week was filled with awards. I can cut right to the chase and hand out the first one... the I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award goes to none other than Assholeo! In the first few minutes of Hayley and Mateo's confrontation she got a big "you go girl" from me when she said, "stop acting like a macho jerk!" It's about time she saw that side of him. I mean who does this fool think he is!? Ryan should have beat the crap out of him. I can see right now that I'm going to rant like a raving lunatic so here's your warning right now to either skip this part or enjoy my insanity! Oh by the way, I realize that it's just a soap.

Mateo has got to be the biggest idiot on the show! How long has he known Hayley and been with her? Why the heck would she have to hide an affair from him and how on earth can even think there is one? IT WAS A KISS!!! Not to say that he shouldn't be hurt by it... of course it is a betrayal. But he is so out of control and such a damn moron that I can't even look at him. Hayley on the other hand, was fabulous! She finally told him what has been bothering her, how it was HIM that drove her to the bottle with his lies, not Raquel or Max. But she did also say that she wanted to smack Max (who doesn't!) and wished Raquel had died in the accident. I don't think she really meant that though. Assholeo though, he cannot ever face up to something he has done. He's perfect don't you know? He's never kissed Raquel... oh no? I'm pretty sure he did, when she was living at the Pine Cone and she was a different actress. How soon we forget. And what about his dance with her at the Crystal Ball? Not as bad as a kiss, I know... but you can't tell me he wasn't loving it!

Hayley gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award for many reasons but mainly because she had to be in so many scenes with Assholeo. He just doesn't get it. And how many times now has he accused Hayley of asking him to chose between her and his demon spawn of a son? She's never asked him to do that! She told him that the kiss meant nothing, but what he heard was that she's been having an affair with Ryan for months. And what was that big kiss he forced on her all about? It seemed to me to have zero purpose but the outcome was pretty good... she told him to "go to hell." About dang time she told him that. You know what though, I should actually give the award to both of them... Hayley was fabulous as she tried desperately to save her relationship, but Mateo was also good as he threw the relationship away. His total disregard for anything Hayley has ever felt has reached new heights. He won't accept her apology, and when he poured her that drink!? Wow, I wanted to reach into the TV and kick his ass myself! Anyone who can illicit such emotions in a viewer must be doing something right, huh?

The most hilarious part though was when Assholeo told her that he no longer wants to work with her and said he was going to buy her out of the club. With what?? He seems to forget that he's been riding her coattails this whole time. She's the one with the big bank account. Then he got a big dose of reality when he went to see everyone's favorite banker, Alfred Vanderpool, about a loan to buy Hayley out of the business. It's all going very well, Alfred's ready to approve the loan, he just wanted to know when Hayley was coming in to sign the papers. When Mateo told Alfred that Hayley is who he's buying out and she won't be signing the papers, the rug is pulled out from under him and the loan is not approved. I have to admit, I laughed my head off at Mateo's indignation about being turned down! Does he actually think he's better than the rest of the world? He's got three outstanding loans out there already! And whoa, Alfred must have been shaking in his shoes when Mateo told him he was pulling all his money out of the bank and taking his business to the competitor. Wow, Alfred's bank, which is what, Pine Valley Savings and Loan (?) is really going to miss Mateo's $35.29.

Hayley confides in Uncle Pork Chop the latest installment of the Let's Break Up Hayley and Mateo Hour. She tells him that she and Ryan kissed and Trevor suddenly looks like he's carrying a club and wearing a loin cloth!! Talk about caveman mentality! When Hayley told him she did not sleep with Ryan, Trevor actually says, "you might as well have." EXCUSE ME?? Let me stress this again... it was a KISS! And again, let me stress that yes, Mateo should be upset about it, but he is so far over the top (and so is Trevor) that it's sickening! I loved when Hayley called Mateo's reaction "Hector machismo nonsense." We always knew that Mateo was really Hector in disguise! Trevor does give Hayley some good advice though... he tells her to fight for Mateo, to not give up on him. OK, this isn't exactly good advice since personally I think Hayley is way too good for Assholeo, but if she's fighting for him then maybe she'll keep her hands off Ryan's abs!

Shifting gears to the scenes with Ryan and Gillian, which took place in between the Hayley and Assholeo scenes, what a contrast! After Assholeo punches Ryan, fires him and then Hayley tells him to go so she can try and talk some sense into the idiot that she likes to call her husband, Ryan goes to Myrtle's to see Gilly. Once again it's Gillian who is nursing his wounds. Gillian tells him exactly how Mateo found out about the kiss, but Ryan doesn't seem to care. He just wants to be with Gillian... at least that is how it seems to me. He needs her care and her comfort. They talk, they connect, and they finally understand each other. The scenes are amazing and wonderful and earn this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK award. As Ryan explains to Gillian that he was feeling so lost, so lonely and Hayley was feeling the same and the kiss just happened, Gillian's understanding comes shining through. There is no anger, there is no nastiness, there are no accusations. Ryan tells her that shaming himself was the only way, at that moment, that he could feel alive. Gillian tells him that that is exactly how she felt with David. These two make me weep. What I don't understand now is, with this new level of understanding they have...why aren't they getting back together yet?

Donald Steele is back and blackmailing Nessie, I mean Vanessa. He's got the pictures she stole from David's office of Erica before her surgery and he's going to publicize them under her name if she doesn't fork over ten grand. Nessie is getting a little hot under the collar since she's got no money.... which makes me wonder how she's living at the Valley Inn. But that's neither here nor there right now. She's having dinner with Palmer and whoa, the old coot asks her back to his room. Cut to the next scene, it's the morning after! Ahh the wonders of viagra! Once Palmer hits the shower, Nessie gets a call from Donald and he puts more pressure on her. So what does she do? She looks in his wallet! Hey even a mogul like PC wouldn't keep 10 grand in his wallet! Palmer, of course, catches her but she covers by saying she is going to take his suit to the cleaners.

Nessie just can't muster asking PC for the dough, so she heads down the hall to David's room and tells him that Donald Steele has damaging information on Erica that he will publicize unless she gives him 10 grand. He refuses to give Nessie the money, but he does go in search of Donald Steele. Now in a full blown panic, Nessie decides to tell Palmer what Steele is up to. Palmer agrees to pay the money, but it's too late... the press conference that Erica is having in conjunction with the Grand Opening of the Glamorama has started. PC, Nessie and Steele watch as Jerry Reeves confronts Erica on TV with the photos. Palmer and Nessie rush out, but David is already there to stop the photos from airing on TV and tears them up.

Erica then speaks to the press with Opal, looking like the beauty school drop out, standing behind her the whole time. Erica turns an almost disastrous press conference into a great shining moment for herself. She launches her new line of therapeutic make up called, "The Veil." At the same time, Janet and Opal are blocking Nessie's way into the press conference. Opal and Nessie again have words and you know, that Nessie sure has a way of treating Opal like trailer trash. But then again, why wouldn't she... she wants the old coot for herself, with no interference from Opal. It's unfortunate that Opal still cares about him after all the crap he's done to her; she sure seems to get a big pang of jealousy when she realizes that Nessie and PC hit the sheets.

Palmer accuses David of releasing the photos of Erica to the press. David denies it, of course, since he's pretty sure his dear sweet mum did it. And knowing Nessie the way she does, I don't understand why Erica suddenly doubts David and thinks Palmer might be right about the pictures. It seems odd. But David has a plan, just what that is is unclear but he goes after Nessie and confronts her. Of course, she denies she took the pictures from his office and he then he tells her, "Where there's smoke, there's you!" I loved that line! I wonder what David is up to... hmmm.

Ryan heads over to WRCW to ask Liza if he can get a roommate. Hey, why wasn't WRCW at Erica's press conference? I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, after Ryan admits that he's no longer working at SOS and Liza figures out the rest, she offers him his job back and he accepts. Later, he walks into the room while Scott is mooning over a picture of Becca and the two (Scott and Ryan) decide to be roomies.

Marian is all whacked out about Scott going to London to have dinner with the Queen or whatever it is. Scott, on the other hand, seems pretty nonchalant about it and isn't even going to go. It seems that Marian thinks if Scott goes, then she and Stuart can go too. So when Scott says he wants to finish his documentary first, Marian gets the crazy idea that he doesn't want to go because of Becca. So Marian has a chat with Becca and gives her the impression that she is holding Scott back. This is all so dumb that I can't even discuss it any further. So let's go to the scene where Stuart is feeling bad that Marian seems to want things he cannot give her. When he asked her if she was disappointed in him as a husband and the tears started flowing down her cheeks... wow! She realized that her obsession with going to London was making Stuart feel bad and they had the sweetest scene. She told him that she has never been disappointed him. Isn't it great that there is some romance on this show!? Just when you think there is none, they throw some in.

Tad has a very vivid nightmare about his father, Ray Gardner this week. In it, Ray has taken Dixie. Ahh, it's always great to see Ray. Along with Billy Clyde and Louie Greco, he's one of my all time favorite villains. Tad is scared of losing Dixie during her pregnancy, but they have decided that if David thinks it's OK for her to carry this child, then she will. Well off they go to the hospital, but before they get to David's office, they run into Jake and Gillian. Oh, let me back up a sec... David had also run into Jake and Gillian as she is telling him that she has hope. Jake doesn't seem too happy for her, but then David comes by and he starts taunting them. This is something I'm thrilled to see! It means that David has not lost his edge just yet... he's still a jerk! And after he leaves, I can't help but think that Gillian will have a story to tell Erica about David once she finds out they are seeing each other.

On the way to David's office, Dixie stops off and thanks Gillian for sitting with her the other day when she was getting a blood test. Isn't this interesting... it seems to fall in line with the surrogate theory that we were discussing on the Letters to the Editor page. I think it would be very interesting if Dixie asked Gillian to be a surrogate for her. Gillian also, just a few minutes before seeing Dixie, told Jake how wonderful she thinks Dr. Clador is. Hmmm.. and, here's a little preview for you... around the second week of August Dixie will be rushed to the ER. Miscarriage? Maybe. I'll be keeping my eye on this one!

So, David examines Dixie and tells her and Tad that she is perfectly healthy and can carry the baby. Tad is livid! He was sure that David would tell her she shouldn't carry a baby. But he thinks she can, with the proper supervision. Tad and Dixie get into another fight about this. He's very against Dixie having a baby and I have to think, because she's totally ignoring the fact that it's dangerous, that she will lose this baby after all. Tad is at the extreme of against it, and Dixie is at the extreme of being in favor of it. It's pretty annoying.. there is no happy medium. Something has to happen.

It's Damien's birthday! How old is he? 666 of course. Not much to talk about with this yet, other than he received a gift from Raquel's parents. She's gotten back in touch with them after all these years. She never spoke to them again after they tried to make her give up her demon child. But now she is and wants to break the news to Assholeo delicately. What's it to him!? I guess this means we can see them sometime soon. Great, more newbies.

And now, the dreaded thing I wish I didn't have to talk about. Dimitri calls Edmund and tells him he's on his way home with a big surprise. He wants all the gang to be there for a big party, a celebration, once he arrives. He's all giddy even. Edmund doesn't know what's going on, but agrees and calls all the usual suspects to come for the party... Brooke, Erica, Gillian, Jack. Gillian arrives first and she and Edmund talk. Edmund tells her that he wishes she would come around more and tells her that Dimitri loves her like a daughter. Oy, if that's not a set up for disaster I don't know what is! Over in the Hunting Lodge, Brooke is putting out fresh flowers when Erica arrives to do the same. They are back to their wonderfully wacky insult filled relationship. Erica sits by the fireplace and says... "if this fireplace could talk," relating to all the lovemaking she and Dim did in that room. Brooke fires back with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK when she picks up the letter opener and says, "If only this letter opener could talk," relating to when Erica stabbed Dimitri with a letter opener. Good one Brooke! Meow!

Back at the main house, Edmund decides to call the airport to find out when Dim is going to land and finds out there is a problem. They all rushto the airport and Dimitri is wheeled out on a gurney. It doesn't look good and they all leave with him and head to Seaview Hospital since it's closer than Pine Valley Hospital. As they all leave, we see our first glimpse of the ever so important Alex Devane. One question, if she does end up being Anna Devane of General Hospital fame and is in hiding, how dumb is she that she's using the same last name?

This week's AMC gets a B- I may not be happy with how some of the storylines are going, but acting, for the most part, has been solid.