The Pine Valley Bulletin

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January 31, 2005

I tend to be a creature of habit with my musical choices, so you probably notice a lot of repeats (if you notice this part of the Editorial at all that is!). So this week I have my new Peter Murphy cd, "Unshattered" followed by Cocteau Twins "Head Over Heels" Love and Rockets "Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven" Godfathers "More Songs About Love and Hate" and PJ Harvey "To Bring You My Love."

This Editorial reflects the shows that aired from January 24 thru the 28th and starts off with Bobby Warner skipping town with Eddumbs cool mil. I have a little advice for Eddumb... stop worrying about Bobby, stop worrying about dying your eyebrows, stop worrying about Zach and work on sucking up your stupid Marick pride and fixing your marriage. Sheesh. Am I the only one who wants to smack some sense into this guy? Sure, you've got an ego thing going with the paralysis and the um, plumbing issues. Get over it, deal with it, move the heck on already!

Back to Bobby for a minute. Can I just say, what a waste of a talent. I rather liked Christian Campbell and thought there could be so much done with him, once he released the baggage known as Anita. Personally I think he would have made a perfect love interest for Simone once she's back. He's got Zach and casino involvement, he's got his volatile relationship with Palmer (and I think you all know that I love Palmer and would love to see him on more), he's got his volatile relationship with Edmund and Maria stemming from their adoption of his son. Lost opportunities.

Greenlee is once again caught in Jonathan's apartment looking at his computer, this time she's with Kendall. Greenlee needs to learn how to be a little more stealthy, she keeps getting caught no matter where she's snooping. Creepy Jonathan is none too pleased to catch them so they cut right to the chase and confront him about drugging Greenlee. He denies it, of course. But Kendall seems to see more clearly that the guy has some issues and she tries to provoke his anger. Unfortunately Jonathan doesn't take the bait and instead of turning creepy scary, he remains creepy calm. He decides to call Ryan, which is exactly what Greenlee didn't want him to do, and asks him to come to the apartment. Once Ryan arrives, Jonathan wastes no time in telling him that Greenlee thinks he's drugging her. He reminded me of a little kid telling daddy on the sister who's bugging you. And falling right into the part of the bad little girl, Greenlee tries to defend her suspicions. Ryan is having none of it, he can't believe it... he won't believe it and there is no proof. Creepazoid Jonathan tells them to toss the apartment, check his computer and when Maggie comes home ask her anything they want. Of course, the fact that he's recently cleared out his hard drive doesn't go unnoticed by Kendall and Greenlee, but Jonathan covers that up by saying he was just removing Cambias files. Sure, Jonathan, sure. Ryan, having nothing to go on but Kendall and Greenlee's supposed paranoia, apologizes to Jonathan and tells Greenlee there is no way Jonathan could be such a monster.

After Ryan and Greenlee leave, Kendall goes back to getting in Johnny's face and tells him he's not fooling her for a minute. She warns him that if he makes any more moves against Ryan and Greenlee, she will tear him apart. Johnny is not amused or threatened by Kendall, but I am loving having Kendall and Greenlee as friends again. And back at the penthouse, Ryan asks Greenlee to trust in him and that he knows Jonathan much better than she does. He is upset at the accusation against Jonathan and explains how his intense personality is a product of being raised by Patrick Lavery. OK people, for the last time... Ryan's father's name is PATRICK CURRY. Ryan's mother's maiden name was Lavery and Ryan took that name when he left home.

Johnny is reeling from the accusations and that poor unsuspecting dolt Maggie comes home to some serious ranting and raving by Johnny and she doesn't even know why. While holding a knife and looking crazy, he accuses her of feeding Greenlee the suspicions against him. As his manipulation and passive aggressive behavior continue, he actually gets Maggie to think she did something wrong when she did absolutely nothing at all. It's Maggie, poor dumb Maggie, who apologizes, telling Johnny over and over how much she loves him and would never do anything to hurt him. And then after that is settled, and they are calm for five minutes, Johnny asks Maggie to marry him. Hurry up Maggie!!! Say yes, don't hesitate or you're in for more insanity! DOH! She didn't answer quick enough. Johnny launches into a tirade about what a loser he is. When Maggie assures the psycho that she truly wants to spend the rest of her life in hell with him, he accuses her of humoring him. If she were smart, she would be, but poor dumb Maggie isn't humoring him at all and Johnny finally gets it. The bask in the joy of their new commitment to each other. Johnny wants to elope, which gives Maggie pause, but it's quickly overshadowed by a knock on the door. It's Bianca. Johnny won't let Maggie answer the door, it's their night. *shudder*

Backing up, Kendall has gone over to Aidan's new digs. Yep, he's upgraded from the Pine Cone to an arcade. Don't ask me, I just report it. Why he lives in an arcade is beyond my comprehension. But at any rate, it's where Aidan now lives and works. Kendall wants to hire Aidan to dig up some dirt on Jonathan because she thinks he was the one drugging Greenlee. Aidan thinks it's just another Kendall plot to get revenge, but she assures him she's not trying to hurt Greenlee, she's trying to save her. Aidan isn't buying it. Kendall tells him what Johnny has done and said so far, but Aidan remains skeptical. But after more pleading, he finally gives in.

From Aidan's Arcade, Kendall goes to see Bianca and asks her about Maggie and Jonathan's relationship. For some reason she doesn't tell Kendall that she thinks Jonathan hit Maggie, but she does tell her about how Jonathan burned her grody disgusting placenta laden tank top that she gave birth to Miranda in. Kendall is ready to rush right back to Johnny and confront him again, but Ethan steps in and calms her down. For some stupid reason he tells her that he'll handle Jonathan and that he is now off limits to both Bianca and Kendall. Um Ethan, you don't know these women very well do you? And anyway, who are you to tell them who they can and cannot see, even if they won't listen to you. More controlling male behavior.

Now it's the next day and Bianca goes back to Maggie's. She is worried about her, misses her and wants their friendship back. Maggie isn't too thrilled about this, and doesn't think they can even be friends anymore. But Bianca tells her she will fight for her and she will respect her choices. Maggie tells her to congratulate her then, she and Jonathan are eloping that night. Say huh!? Bianca tries to talk her out of it, to wait a while and continue living together. Just then Jonathan comes home and acts like he's actually happy she's there and tells her he wants to start over with her. He insists on having a toast together and then suggests she come to Vegas with them. Johnny goes into creepy mode when he realizes she can't just leave Miranda and says, "Oh, I'm sorry. How could I forget? You have a baby mogul now to take care of. She must be swamped in meetings, huh? I'm going to warn you now don't disappoint that board. They'll cut off her caviar baby food like that." Neither Bianca or Maggie seem amused. But Johnny does, and grabs a glass of champagne while Bianca hightails it out of there. Once Bianca is gone, Johnny gives Maggie lovers knot rings to match the bracelet he gave her. Maggie gushes about how romantic he is.

Back at home, Stuart and Marian are babysitting for Miranda. Bianca has a heart to heart with Stuart about helping out a friend. Stuart gives her some great advice, urging her to trust her instincts and stick by her friends. Ahh Stuart, don't ya just love him!?

Later, Maggie is trying to figure out some things she needs before they leave for Vegas when Johnny gets a little amorous and wants to make love. Maggie backs off a bit and tells him she's not in the mood. Ut oh Maggie, don't you know you never say no to Johnny!? He gets angry and puts on the TV to the handy dandy lesbian porn channel and asks her if that's what gets her hot. Johnny gets meaner and meaner as he taunts Maggie with her fantasies about making love to Bianca and thinking about Bianca when he makes love to her. Maggie is horrified and confused and continually tells Creepy Johnny that she loves him, only him and only wants to make love with him. Maggie is reduced to begging Jonathan to make love to her. Bianca hears Maggie's pathetic pleas to defile and degrade her some more, and pounds on the door, demanding to be let in. Instead of being grateful though, Maggie is mad and defends Jonathan, saying this is what couples do. Man that girl is out of her mind if she thinks what she has with sick twisted passive aggressive Johnny is what couples do. Bianca tries to explain that very thing to her, but Maggie is having none of it and tells Jonathan to just ignore her, and assures him that it's he that she loves. Bianca continues, telling Maggie that Jonathan is manipulating her. But she tells Bianca that Jonathan is everything she wants. But when Bianca tells Maggie to leave him while she still can, before he really hurts her, Maggie tells her to get out.

Bianca goes straight to Ryan's in a panic. Little does she know that Ryan is already in deep denial about Jonathan. So whole Maggie and Jonathan canoodle and gush at each other about how wonderful they both are, Bianca is ranting to Ryan about how horrible Jonathan is and how he hurt Maggie. Ryan (who by the way, needs to lay off the tanning before I start calling him Ryan Hamilton) yet again wants proof of all the things that Bianca is saying. To some degree, I get that. Why should he just believe these horrible things about his brother, someone he loves and who he shared a horrible upbringing, with based on hearsay. Then again, they shared a horrible upbringing and some of the things that Bianca is saying should trigger off warning signs of his own childhood. His father was the same kind of passive aggressive manipulator that Jonathan has become. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The things Bianca is telling him are probably things Ryan himself overheard his father saying to his mother as a child. As if it's not bad enough that Ryan accuses Bianca of being jealous, but when he makes the Kendall leap, yet again, and blames her for the things Bianca is thinking and feeling, Ryan gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. But then, Ryan starts to have flashbacks from his childhood. Could he be starting to get it?

Kendall goes to Greenlee and wants to plan their next move against Jonathan, but Greenlee has promised Ryan that she would leave Jonathan alone. Kendall is kind of ticked, she knows Greenlee doesn't trust Jonathan and she does get Greenlee to admit that, but Greenlee made the promise. The promise that takes all of a few minutes to break as she agrees to continue going after Jonathan for drugging her. They duo head to Aidan's, where they find Lily already there. She's been helping Aidan crack the case. Aidan is so sweet to Lily and her crush on him is just adorable. Of course, as we all know, they don't call them crushes for nothing. Eventually Lily is going to end up hurt, but I give Aidan credit. He's incredibly sweet and goodness, who wouldn't have a crush on him! Lily has good taste. It turns out that Aidan has turned up some dirt on Jonathan. He has a police record and a compliant filed against him for domestic abuse.

Random Comments:

Lily leaves and Aidan doesn't realize that she has decided to investigate further and goes to Jonathan's to ask him some questions. Poor sweet Lily has no idea what creepy Jonathan is capable of and tells him she needs proof that he hurt "her" and I think we are to assume Greenlee but he may be thinking Maggie. He gets very agitated and starts moving in towards Lily. Aidan realizes what she may be up to and hopefully he will get to her in time!

Over at the Valley Inn, Kendall and Greenlee are getting drunk and planning out their next move. I only mention this because I loved this scene and loved watching these two women bond and become friends again. So it's this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK.

Ethan asks Ryan what he's going to do about his brother. Ryan is getting a little annoyed with people asking him that.

Did you notice that Ethan seamlessly has become a corporate mogul? No training necessary.

In New Orleans, JR and Adam burst into Liza's apartment and only find Tad. Liza, Colby, Jamie, Babe and James ducked out when Tad saw their shadows outside the door. JR demands to know where his son is, but Tad isn't about to give them up. So JR pulls a gun and holds it on Tad, thinking that will make him more forthcoming. Adam looks scared. JR, who put the maniac in maniacal, takes a shot when Tad refuses to give him any information, thus proving why Tad isn't telling him anything. Tad tells him that the boy deserves a better father than him. I have to agree with that really. No, I never thought that JR should be led to believe his son was dead, but he's certainly in no condition to raise a child. As Tad goes to leave the apartment without saying anything more, JR readies his trigger finger to shoot... make no mistake, he was going to shoot, but just then Adam's cell phone rings and Tad is saved by Adam's informant who has a location on Babe and Jamie.

They all race to the location... JR, Adam and the cops, with Tad close behind. They burst in and we see JR see his son for the first time. I guess if JR weren't such a raging horse's ass, it might have been more emotional for me. But since I can't stand him it just made me sick and I got even sicker as the scene progressed. The police are about to arrest Babe and tell her to hand over the baby. But JR steps in and tells them they will not take the child from his mother. HUH? Where did that come from? Oh it's just a ploy. When the police tell JR to back off, Adam drops yet another name, this time it's the Attorney General of Louisiana. Is there anyone in this country that Adam hasn't gone fishing with or hasn't paid off somehow? He's got the Llanview DA in his back pocket, he's buddies with the Governor of PA, and now the state of LA Attorney General. Sheesh!

JR wants to hold his son, but Jamie blocks him from getting too close. As they argue about who did what to whom, Tad intervenes and tells them it's over and now they can either all make it worse, or they can do whatever they can to help each other. Tad asks JR if he really wants to cut Babe out of her sons life, JR replies, "The sooner, the better." Tad tries to talk some sense into him, telling him that he is doing exactly what he's resented his own father so long for doing. He tells him that they need to come together and do what is right for the child. JR experiences a sudden and completely turn around (yeah right) and says he wants to be a good father and do the right thing and tells Babe that no matter what happened between them, the baby needs both his parents. Babe, who is far too naive and trusting, agrees and lets JR hold his son for the very first time.

After a minute or so of holding him, Babe goes to take him back and calls him James. This snaps JR back into his own rage filled reality. He can't believe that they named his son after the person who kidnapped him. JR calls in the police to have Jamie and Babe arrested. Jamie then goes bonkers and tries to grab James from JR, but the police grab him so what does Jamie do? He punches one. Smooth move. JR tries to walk out with James as Babe is screaming for someone to stop him from taking her son. He turns around and puts the babies arm up in says "bye bye." Yeah, he wants to do what's right, he wants both parents in his child's life. What a sick twisted bit of evil he is. And before you all go getting on my case about Babe this and Babe that. I didn't say she was right either, but at least she's not a taunting evil sick twisted horror show unto herself!

Adam has the cops arrest Tad for aiding and abetting, oh and for being a general pain in the butt. The cops comeback is priceless.... "If that were a felony, you'd be in cuffs sir." Good one!

As JR tries to walk out with the baby, the cops stop him. He claims he was only going to his hotel room. The cop tells him that he must remain there until Kevin Buchanan arrives, but then Adam hands him the phone, telling him the Attorney General would like a word. After the cop gets off the phone, JR is free to go back to his hotel with James. But ahh, he doesn't get very far because just then, Kevin and Bo Buchanan show up and take the baby from him. HA.

The rest of this stuff happens on OLTL and I don't watch it. Presumably, Babe, Jamie and Tad are extradited to Pine Valley. Kevin takes custody of James. Adam and JR go home in a huff. Back in Pine Valley, JR vows to get his son from the Buchanan's and is outraged that the judge denied their motion to test the baby's DNA. JR assumes that the judge was bought off by the Buchanan's since that's how he and his father do things and asks Adam why they didn't get to the judge first. Nice.

At the jail, Erica goes to see Babe and rips into her for all the sorrow and pain she caused Bianca. Erica isn't interested in Babe's sorries, there is nothing she can say that will excuse what she has done. At least Babe realizes this. See this is where I see the difference in Babe and JR. Babe is sorry for things she's done. She speaks it and she shows remorse. JR is completely unapologetic for all the horrible things he's done. But I digress. Babe takes her licks from Erica, knowing she deserves whatever Erica can toss at her. But it's when Erica promises her that she has ever intention of helping JR get his son back that Babe gets a little edgy. She can understand why Erica hates her but she can't understand why she would want an innocent child subjected to a life with JR. In Erica's defense, she doesn't know half the things either of them have done, so she only has Babe's evil deed of keeping Miranda to go on.

Random Comments

Did you notice how numerous times JR was referred to as Babe's ex, or Babe referred to has JR's ex? When did they actually get divorced? And how? JR didn't know where she was, don't they both need to sign the papers?

Brooke blames Adam for everything and yet again threatens to publish the story she has about JR pushing Bianca off the balcony. I'm puzzled by that whole scene. I guess it's easy to blame Adam since he's usually at fault, but for once, he's not.

Once Erica finishes with Babe, she goes over to David and tells him he's in for a world of hurt. Oh yeah Erica, you go girl... bring it on!!!!

Adam tries to cut a deal with Tad and Jamie, if they tell him where Liza and Colby are, he'll get them freed. Sure Adam, they're really going to play ball with you!

Back in the jail, JR... the guy who puts the cock in cocky, tells Babe he wants the DNA evidence she has proving that the baby is his. Babe denies she has any DNA evidence and tells him she just had to look at him to know. Poor JR, he underestimates his (I guess) former wife. He continually calls he stupid but this move proves she's anything but. He tells her that if she took a baby and had proof that he was hers she may get 5 to 10 years, but if she took a child that wasn't hers, she's looking at 25 to life. Babe already knew this. She tells him that without a DNA test, he cannot have his son and she'll keep him from the baby even if she has to stay in jail for 25 years. It will be worth it to keep the baby from him. She may not have her son, but neither will he.

Meanwhile Adam is talking Daniel Coulson aforementioned Llanview DA who is in Adam's pocket (no relation to Loony Leslie Coulson). He tells him to talk him into having Babe turn against Jamie and testify against him, so Babe can get off. But when Coulson tells him this, David tells him he doesn't need to go to Babe, he can give him all the evidence against Jamie he wants and proceeds to tell the DA that he saw Jamie kill Paul Cramer.

Armed with new information, Bo Buchanan and Derek have Jamie brought up for questioning. Jamie denies any involvement in Cramer's death. At the same time, David goes to Babe and tries to get her to turn on Jamie. David didn't know he was dealing with some true love and Babe flatly refuses to betray Jamie. He tells her that he saw Jamie standing over Paul's body. It doesn't matter, Babe knows that Jamie isn't capable of murder. She tells David that Jamie means everything to her. So, not wanting to lose his daughter, he goes back to Derek and retracts his statement against Jamie. Bo and Derek aren't too happy with this whole waste of time and Bo asks him if he has anything left to say. David replies with a very puzzling comment, "Why don't we get this over with. Opal Cortlandt told me that Cramer mocked her accent, so she pumped him full of holes. Can I go now?" Weird. But neither Bo or Derek think David killed Paul. They don't think Jamie did either.

Fasten your seatbelts folks, we're about to have the feud to end all feuds. The Chandler's vs. the Buchanan's. Can I say how uninterested I am in all this? I don't watch OLTL for one thing, and I have no intentions of starting to, I don't care how much AMC they put on it. And there is no feud with one DNA test. So what's the point?

And lastly, we have Erica going to see Zach to find out what he has planned for getting back at David, Krystal and Babe. But what she finds is Zach about to leave town. He tells her that he's decided to go back to Vegas. She's pissed, which is kind of funny considering she's wanted him gone since he came to town. But now that he can do something for her, she's all for him staying around. Zach tells her that there is nothing left for him in Pine Valley. Erica replies with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Oh really, what about Dr. Maria Boom Boom Grey." Oh my God was that funny. Erica continues that he should stay in town for his son. This is where Zach gets aggravated and tells her to take a hike. Oh Zach Zach Zach... you don't tell Erica to get lost. Erica tells Zach that she needs him and Ethan needs him and when he's done helping her, he and his son can leave town together. Don't you just love Erica! She pulls no punches. She basically flat out told him that she's using him and that he can't leave until she's done using him. Then she sits him down for a lecture on parenting and tells him that Ethan pulling a gun on him is nothing. Been there, done that. She tells Zach that he's a coward... when the going got tough with this father, he left. Now that the going is tough with Ethan, he's leaving. That got to him. PERFORMER OF THE WEEK Erica leaves, and Zach goes to Ethan and tries to start over. Unfortunately for Zach, Ethan rejected him and denies him as his father. Ahh well, keep trying Zach!

This weeks AMC gets a B-