The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


January 10, 2005

Hope everyone's holidays were wonderful and all that. This Editorial reflects AMC shows from January 3 - 7. My musical choices for this week are Bad Religion "Recipe for Hate," Nirvana "In Utero," U2 "The Unforgettable Fire," U2 "War," (yeah, I'm in a U2 mood but haven't gotten the new one yet), and Orgy "Vapor Transmission."

We pick up the show with Ryan and Greenlee having just ransacked Kendall's condo and Ethan and Kendall walking in and finding them there. They stuck around waiting for Kendall to get home so they could ambush her. Not only did they search her place, but Ryan also searched her computer after Greenlee figured out her password (it was Miranda, duh). Breaking into Kendall's place, searching for evidence, hacking into her computer... wouldn't all this be inadmissible evidence in court? If it really had been Kendall, wouldn't they want to prosecute? What was their point? Why does everyone always want to play Junior G-Man? Ugh, it's very annoying. But Kendall maintains her innocence and that she's being framed. Ryan and Ethan (ever notice how much alike these two characters are? Both like to swoop in on their white horse, both like to beat on the chests like cavemen, both seem to treat their women like they are helpless) spar and circle each other... blah blah blah, "what are the drugs doing here if Kendall didn't do it?" blah blah blah "Ever think they were planted?" I guess Ryan and Greenlee never really considered that Kendall has no motive? But then, in a flash Greenlee remembers Kendall didn't try to kill her, she saved her. She remembers being up on the roof in her horrid and embarrassing GreenButterfly costume and remembers Kendall doing all she could to save her.

Greenlee sends the cavemen outside so she can talk to Kendall privately. Unfortunately, Kendall isn't interested in what Greenlee has to say, which is an apology and a thank you for saving her life. Greenlee gets frustrated so she hauls off and kicks Kendall right in the leg. And wouldn't you know, this kick is what gets Kendall to realize that Greenlee is being sincere. It's weird and crazy, but who cares! It got these two women talking again and could possibly even be the beginning of them finding their friendship again. That is something I definitely would like to see. I much prefer Kendall and Greenlee as friends, not enemies. That has always been one of my main gripes with AMC... the lack of real friendships.

Meanwhile, out in the courtyard, Ryan and Ethan are pounding their chests at each other some more. Ethan tells him that Kendall had neither the means nor motive to drug Greenlee, but yet he still continues to accuse Kendall and just why is that. Yes, Ryan why is that? As a Ryan fan it pains me to say this, but it seems as though Ryan cannot get over himself here. Kendall has had way more going on in her life with Bianca and Miranda to be worried about drugging Greenlee to get him back. Perhaps if he stepped back and looked at her frighteningly normal behavior of late, he'd see she's not a threat to him and Greenlee anymore. Maybe he should be looking in his own backyard. Ryan has a revelation as Ethan tells him that Zach keeps lecturing him about the evil that is Kendall and doesn't understand. Zach is hiding something from Ethan and that something is most likely that he's Ethan's father. Ryan tells him that Zach wouldn't be so concerned about him and Kendall if he weren't his father. He goes on to speculate the longer Ethan stays in town, the more likely he'll be to find out so if Zach breaks Ethan and Kendall up, Ethan will leave town and he'll never know the truth. The argument is rather compelling.

As they head back inside, Ryan urges Ethan to get a DNA test, especially if he cares about Bianca and Miranda. Kendall and Ethan are confused by what they have to do with it, but Ryan explains how, when he took over Cambias, he was shot at (twice) and his wife drugged. If Miranda ends up being the sole heir, will the same person go after her? Ethan has to mull it over, and takes off, where he runs smack dab into Zach. Ethan decides to put Ryan's theory to the test and tells Zach that the's leaving town, and that he was right about Kendall after all. And back inside, it's here we see more of the changed Kendall. She explains to Ryan and Greenlee that finding out that Zach is his father isn't exactly going to be hitting the daddy jackpot like it was for Ryan (with Chris) and Greenlee (with Jack). Zach clearly rejected Ethan so why would Ethan want to prove this man who doesn't want him is his father?

Exploring this new Kendall... Zach is the one who gave Ryan "proof" that Kendall was the one drugging Greenlee by giving him Kendall's medical record that shows she's been seeing a shrink and was prescribed an anti-psychotic drug. Why did they ever believe this? Why would they take anything that Zach tells them at face value. They know that Zach has the resources to fake any kind of document. As far as we know, that's never been proven to be an accurate document. But you know, it would explain a lot. Kendall certainly seems to be a changed woman. For example, assuming that Erica didn't tell Kendall about Miranda because Kendall is would fly off the handle, isn't it odd that when she did find out, she didn't react badly? She didn't go screaming for Babe's head on a platter. She didn't berate Erica for leaving her in the dark. She didn't vow revenge on any and all people involved. Nope... she thanked Erica for coming through. Not only that, she went to JR to comfort him on the loss of his son. Who is this Kendall? Maybe she's on meds after all, or is it possible she's learned from the error of her ways? Hmm... a soap character learn from their mistakes, interesting concept. Whatever it is, I like new Kendall. Her obsession had really run it's course.

Ethan has decided, for Miranda's sake and if she's in danger, he will get the DNA test. He's a little nervous about getting the results, which in the real world takes weeks, but in AMC land it takes hours. So to relieve some of that tension, Kendall and Ethan role play that they are other people and do the hot and sweaty in the hot and sweaty steam room at the health club. Right about now, I'm hoping I'm not the next person to take a steam in there.

Zach is all over the place this week. He had his confrontation with Ethan. Then he tells Maria he wants to start over with her. Start new in the new year. He wants her to face the reality that Edmund no longer wants her, but Maria insists that Edmund still loves her and she wants to make things work with him. Zach tries kissing Maria, but she only lets him for a few minutes then backs away. She tells Zach that she's too confused to be with him. I've said it before and I'll say it again, how is Maria's amnesiac six month booty call any kind of determent to her marriage to the love of her life, Edmund? Is Maria so horny that six months of mind blowing sex (I'm assuming Zach must have a hell of a prowess in the sack if she's ever given a seconds thought to leaving Edmund for Zach) could change the years of love, heartache, celebration, two children etc, she's shared with Edmund. Zach tells Maria he's willing to wait for her.

And back in the house, Maria decides to tell Edmund that she was just with Zach. She's tired of keeping secrets and wants to make things right with him. Edmund tells Maria that they can never get back what they had so Maria suggests they work together to start something new. Edmund doesn't know if he can do that. Isn't Edmund being a bit unreasonable? In the big scheme, the secret that Maria kept from him was that Zach is really Alexander Cambias, Jr. How does this information affect their lives, their marriage? To kick her out of his life for good over it is just so over the top. Yeah, yeah... I get that he's compensating for his paralysis. But here's a newsflash, you just got your dead wife, the love of your life back... GET OVER YOURSELF.

It's New Year's Eve and Jonathan is bemoaning the fact that Ryan is giving Cambias over to an infant. Maggie, who is still smarting from the slap Johnny gave her last week, tries not to say much but does tell him that Miranda is the rightful heir and Ryan is a good guy, doing the right thing. Johnny keeps apologizing for slapping her, but Maggie remains aloof and standoffish and heads to the ladies room. Once she's there, she notices that make up didn't do a very good job of covering the giant honkin bruise on her face. Considering that Johnny didn't punch her, he slapped her, I can't figure out where this bruise came from. But that's besides the point, Anita noticed it too. Maggie makes up a story about how she walked into a locker at the gym like a big klutz. Anita's not buying it at all, but lets it go. In the meantime, Reggie, who is also at SOS, goes over and gets in Johnny's face about keeping Bianca's condition from Maggie. This was cool... Jonathan is not interested in Reggie at all and tells him "Maggie does care about Bianca. But she lives with me. She goes to bed with me. She wakes up with me. And all that stuff that she does in between, Reg, it's with me. So, whatever you think you knew about Maggie, you have no clue." Reg! I have to say, I loved that! It was so "I'm a creep and I can do whatever I want you little high school zero so get out of my face." It was awesome! So much so that I'm giving Jonathan PERFORMER OF THE WEEK. You may question my sanity on this move, but truly, Jonathan is someone I find very interesting and I think Jeff Branson is playing him with great gusto. Jonathan has his hand in many pots, all of them bad and he is someone who's next move I can't wait to see. Once Maggie returns, Johnny lays the news on her that Bianca and Lena broke up. Maggie is visibly upset that she wasn't hearing this from Bianca and covers by saying that Bianca has been busy so she's not surprised she hasn't had a chance to tell her. Johnny manipulates the situation to his favor by telling her it happened over a month ago.

Next, it's MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK time. Poor Aidan, his hands are full trying to get the stick out of Anita's ass. Aidan's an adventurous guy who's done it all and seen it all at the ripe old age of "pushing 25." And Anita? Well she married her high school sweetheart, moved to Chicago and proceeded to never do anything at all ever again. So after some salsa dancing (that Anita claimed to know how to do but couldn't really prove it on the dance floor), Aidan (being the cheap date he is) decides to take her to the Boathouse where he talks her into jumping into the freezing cold lake. After they come out of the frigid cold waters, they make love at the Boathouse. At least that is what we're supposed to think. Here's a tip Aidan, adventure and excitement is all fine and dandy, but spring for a dang room like my man Reggie did!

Ahh Reggie, only 16 but knows how to treat a lady. From SOS, Reggie takes Danielle to the Valley Inn to a glorious suite where he has flowers and a fruit basket waiting for her. He's pulled out all the stops to make their night special. Dani is overwhelmed with it all and tries to evade the issue of actually sleeping together. Reggie though is ready to take the relationship to the next level and tells Dani that he loves her. Finally Reggie breaks through Dani's evasiveness and she admits that she's a virgin and just not ready to have sex. Reg is kind of surprised but admits to her that he is a virgin too, but is ready. Being the sweet guy he is though, he tells Dani he's willing to wait for her and wants it to be special and something they both want. How sweet is he!?

Later at Fusion, Johnny is not at all happy to overhear Ryan and Greenlee telling Danielle that Ethan is getting the DNA test (but she'll still have a job if Ethan takes over). Johnny tells Ryan that he's putting Ethan and Kendall ahead of him and they don't have his best interest at heart. I can't help but wonder how Ethan getting a DNA test is about Jonathan, but whatever. But then, there it is, all spelled out for us. It turns out that when they were kids, Ryan promised Jonathan that if he ever found a way to leave home, he'd take little Johnny with him, but then Ryan left him behind. And there my friends, is the heart and soul of why Jonathan is behind Ryan's shooting and Greenlee's drugging (in theory anyway). Ryan explains to Jonathan that he was only 15 years old at the time and even though he could pass for older, Jonathan was just a kid and he couldn't risk having a kid with him, and it's a promise he should never have made. Now, he has to do what he thinks is right, even if it ends up being a mistake.

And how hysterically funny was it when Lily asked Erica if Jack was her first boyfriend, like Aidan is hers? It turns into a very awkward conversation when Erica admits that no, Jack wasn't her first boyfriend. "Was he your second?" Lily asks. Jack is trying hard not to snort his sparkling cider out of his nose while Erica tries to remain dignified in the face of explaining 9 husbands to Lily. Jack tries to explain to Lily that Erica has been dating a lot longer than she has so she has a few more boyfriends. When Lily asks how many, Erica just tells her she's forgotten but it's more than seven! Jack tries to get Lily's mind off the actual number by explaining, "Well, actually, sweetheart, the number, great though it may be, doesn't really matter. What matters is that Erica and I will be each other's last boyfriend and girlfriend." What a priceless scene!

This week marked the 35th anniversary of AMC and we were treated to a lot of special guests! The show was centered around Joe Martin's 35th anniversary at Pine Valley Hospital. Agnes Nixon, creator of AMC, had a role on the show as Agnes Eckhardt, former PVH board member who talked Joe into coming to Pine Valley from California lo those many years ago. Many people in town gathered to wish Joe well on his milestone anniversary, including his wife Ruth (played by Lee Meriweather), Opal, Palmer, Erica, Tad, Marian, Stuart, Ryan, Greenlee, Myrtle and old favorites Tom Cudahy and Phoebe Tyler! PHOEBE, can you believe it!? She didn't have any lines, but she was definitely a sight for sore eyes!

Joe gives Agnes a special thank you, saying that because of her generosity and philanthropy, there isn't a person in all of Pine Valley who isn't in debt to. In response, Opal tossed out a great line when she responded, "Oh, please! You'd think she built the town single-handed." The whole show was full of wonderful moments like this. There was a reference to Daisy even, although it was a strange and incorrect reference. Agnes asked Palmer what had ever happened to Daisy and he said he didn't know. Opal chimed in that she left town because she couldn't take the competition. In show reality, Daisy is the one who helped Opal and Palmer get together, she didn't leave out of jealousy or anything like that. But I'll let it slide!

AMC even treated us to a visit from Verla Grubbs... Langley Wallingford's long lost daughter. Carol Burnett, AMC's biggest fan, plays the role to the hilt. In the scene, she spots Bianca with Miranda and Simone in the hospital corridor. She'd been following their story in the paper and just wanted say hello and good luck. She was colorful, loud and funny. Everything you would expect from Verla. The scene was a little forced to me, and a bit disjointed from the rest of the show, but it was great to see Verla and Simone too! And Verla spoke the truest words ever spoken once Simone took Bianca back to her room. "Somebody up there, just let them be happy for five minutes? Is that too much to ask?" Amen Verla, amen.

With JR hellbent on revenge, he heads over to Brooke's office and warns her that Jamie better get away from Babe or he's going to be caught in the crossfire of the Babe fallout. He wants to know where they are, but Brooke doesn't have a clue. Brooke later tells Tad that JR was planting a bug on her office phone. Meanwhile, Adam goes to the hospital to see Bianca. He wants to know where Babe is and tells her revenge is all they have left. Adam tells Bianca to think about what she went through and how now JR has go through it twice, losing Miranda and finding out his son is dead. Bianca agrees that no one should have to endure such pain and it sure seems like she's about to tell him about baby James, but Erica interrupts and pulls him from Bianca's room. She's got other visitors for Bianca.

Nick Davis and Mark Dalton have both come to see Bianca and the newest little Kane. Mark brought Bianca a baby sized kimono for Miranda from Hong Kong. A great touch was having Mark take Erica out into the hallway to discuss how she was doing with her sobriety. It would have been weird for him not to mention it since the last time he was there was for her intervention. And once they are back in the room, Nick takes out a letter he's been holding for her since Mona died ten years before... a letter to be delivered to her when her daughter is born. Mona was convinced that Bianca would have a daughter and as she reads the letter aloud, there isn't a dry eye in the house. It's this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK as she reads the words of advice from her beloved grandmother about motherhood. The letter ended with those powerful words that were written so long ago that drive the show from it's beginning, "The greatest and the least, the weak and the strong, the rich and the poor, in sickness and health, in joy and sorrow, in tragedy and triumph, you are all my children." As Bianca read them, the camera panned to others who seemed to reflect the words the best. It was absolutely moving and wonderful and I'm misting up just writing about it. *sniff*

JR consults with his PI who said he had someone matching Babe and Jamie's description spotted but it couldn't be them because they have a baby with them. The wheels start to spin in JR's head a bit and he gives Rickel the PI, a couple pictures of Babe and Jamie and tells him to find them. Just then Adam comes back home from seeing Bianca and tells JR that he saw Miranda and she looks happy. JR, in his ever cold hearted way says, "So there's no reason to think about her or discuss her ever again." Adam, trying to help, tells him he wants to put up a memorial to his son, to which hateful JR replies, "Get two dozen roses, toss them in the river. Maybe it'll make you feel better. I won't! Leave me alone!" For his hateful remarks towards Miranda, a child he supposedly loved, JR gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED AWARD.

I know this is an unpopular opinion but I find JR to be the coldest, meanest, most twisted and sick individual. While I believe he should know that his son is alive, I don't find him the least bit sympathetic or compelling. Once the truth was driven into his head about Miranda, that was it, he was done. Nine months of raising her meant nothing now that she's not his. Oh right, I've heard the argument that he's grieving and in pain. I don't see it. I see a hateful monster who wants nothing to do with a child he supposedly loved as his own. It just proves what I said all along, "Bess" was his possession, not his child. He rants, rages and screams at whoever is in the room. He is hellbent on revenge and has been since he came back to town, it's just that now it's revenge on Babe and not on his father. I can't stand him and I don't think he's equipped to be a father. He's no better than anyone else who's involved here. He has lied, he has cheated, he has blackmailed, he drugged Babe, he tried to kill Jamie (in the warehouse). No matter what anyone says, no matter what poor JR is going through, there is no justification for the things he's done. Being deceived doesn't equate to attempted murder and the unbelievable hateful things that have come out of his mouth. And before you write to me saying Babe is no better, I never said she was.

Bianca asks Tad to come to her room so she could talk to him about JR. Once there, she asks Tad if she should tell JR about his son. Tad tells her that it's her call, but explains why he didn't tell him. It was JR's cruelty... how he beat Jamie with a pipe with intent to kill. That was his choice and he even admits that it's a selfish reason, but Bianca has to make her own choice and tells her he will support whatever decision she makes. Tad goes on to apologize for not telling her about Miranda right away and she forgives him, understanding why he didn't. It's interesting that she is understanding about Tad not telling her. I makes me think she's not going to tell JR and hopes to get the same kind of understanding somewhere down the road. But what bothers me is how on earth Bianca could be conflicted about this at all having just come off a heaping helping of deception. But I also understand that JR is not Bianca's biggest priority since coming out of her coma and I don't see any reason why she should rush to tell him this news. JR has given her no reason to put him first in her life, so why should she? She should tell him, definitely. But I don't think it's necessary for her drop everything to do it. The girl just came out of a coma and got her own child back. Give her a minute! She wanted to tell Adam, Erica dragged him out. And in the end, Bianca ends up calling JR to tell him about his son, but JR is typically hateful and rude. He told Bianca she won and to leave him alone. As she keeps trying to tell him, telling him he should know the whole story, he continually interrupts her until finally he just hangs up.

After finding out from the PI that indeed Jamie and Babe are traveling with a baby, JR starts to put the pieces together and tells Adam that his son is alive. Adam thinks JR is losing his mind, and wants to call someone. JR delivers a pretty good line when he says, "I am not crazy! Although, that's never stopped you in the past." Anyway, he goes on to explain that the PI got positive ID on Babe and Jamie in FL and that they were traveling with a 10 month old baby boy. Now Adam is listening. JR realizes that Paul Cramer must have been involved somehow since he was the one who gave them Miranda in the first place. But since Paul is dead, there's no way to question him. JR checks the internet for stories on Paul and finds that he has a sister, Kelly, who's married to Lt. Governor Kevin Buchanan and that their 10 month old son Ace has been kidnapped. Oh it's all coming together so easily now. Finding a picture of Ace online, JR tells Adam that there is his grandson... Adam Chandler III. Oh no, I'm going to be ill!!! And just to keep the ill coming, as Adam apologizes and asks JR if he forgives him for deceiving him about the DNA test, JR says no... but he'll let him hold his grandson.


Random comments...

Stuart and Marian loved seeing Miranda at the hospital and ask Bianca if it would be ok if they came to see her once in awhile. Isn't that the sweetest? Take a lesson from them JR.

Zach informs David that he has miraculously found the surveillance footage of David putting Adam in a crate at the casino and handed it over to the police. Zach is doing this for revenge on David for keeping Bianca from Miranda. David, in an interesting twist calls Zach on his own behavior, saying "Aren't you the same man who staged his own violent death, who forced his father into premature mourning? You've got the stones to come here and lecture me about keeping a child from its parent? Did you ever imagine what your father looked like the day he got slammed with the news that his son had been carbecued?" Excellent point David!

At the hospital, Zach goes to see Miranda. Myrtle is with her and he tells her that Miranda is lucky that she doesn't have to bear the brunt of the Cambias curse handed down from father to child. Myrtle tells him that's a bunch of malarkey and tells him, "The truth is there are good parents and not-so-good parents. Now, you just teach them respect, you teach them right from wrong, you fill them with heart, and you get it all back in spades." She's a wise old broad that Myrtle. I love her scenes with anyone, but this is at least the second one she's had with Zach that as been absolutely wonderful.

Anita tells Bianca about Maggie's bruise and how she thinks Jonathan may have hit her. Bianca confronts Maggie, Maggie gets defensive, pretty much proving that Anita was right. They have a bit of a fight about honesty and confiding in one another but to be honest, Bianca and Maggie in scenes together bore me so much I rarely pay close attention to what it's about.


Back at the Chandler Mansion, Adam has invited Dorian Lord from Llanview over to see what she knows about JR's son (notice how I said JR's son, because that's what he is to them... he's JR's son, not Babe and JR's son, which is exactly what Babe is doing). Adam serves up some martini's and tries to charm Dorian into telling him any and everything she may know about JR's baby. As he continues to try and seduce Dorian, she tells Adam that she's spoken for. Adam asks her if she's referring to that muscle bound boy toy, to which Dorian replies with a great zinger at Adam's direction and this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK "David is more age appropriate than most of your wives." When Adam finally gets to the point and tells Dorian that Paul stole his son's baby and gave him to his sister Kelly, Dorian completely plays dumb although it seems as though she knows more than she's letting on. Just then, Mary interrupts and gets a raging case of jealousy. Dorian is totally amused by this, but Mary is not. Once Dorian heads out, Mary delivers Adam and ultimatum and he tosses her out on her keester. Mary honey, you should know that ultimatums never work!

Over in Llanview, JR meets up with Kelly and tells her that Babe told him to talk to her. Kelly isn't buying it. But when nanny Karen interrupts and sees a picture of Babe, she asks how "Bella Carey" is doing and is she as distraught about Ace's kidnapping as they are. Um, dumbass... Bella was a virtual stranger to you, shouldn't you consider that maybe SHE kidnapped the baby!? Kelly nudges Karen out, but JR is on to her and knows she knows something. Kelly refuses to help JR and walks out. We end this week with JR heading to the hospital to see Bianca. He finally realized um, gee, maybe she was trying to tell me something!

This weeks AMC gets a B- The momentum is great, the history used this week was amazing, both in the anniversary show and other places and there just seems to be more thought put into the dialogue lately. Keep it up AMC!