The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


January 31, 2000

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! I watched all five episodes in a row on Sunday afternoon, stand back - she's gonna blow!!!! Actually it was just really uneventful and rather dull.

I think we need to discuss this whole Adam/Liza/Jake/Colby/Gillian thing first since that was the main focus of the week. We started off with Adam and Liza in the safe room. Liza, having not quite all her brains back yet, follows Adam into the room and he, of course, locks her in and tosses the remote out the door. Liza is really pissed and the two yell and fight and yell and fight and then they yell and fight some more. Adam admits that he was afraid of losing Liza totally if she had a baby with Jake. Liza threatens to send him to jail, but he counters with his own threat of sending her, Stuart and Marian all to jail as well.

When Liza heads off to the bathroom to find more blankets, Winifred happens upon the safe room and is about to open the door and let Adam out. He tells her no and tries to send her away before Liza comes back out. She leaves just in time, but Liza heard him talking to someone and asks him who it was. Adam, who is still standing by the door and no where near the monitors, tells her that it was Winifred singing off key in the living room and he was talking to the monitor. Liza believed this inane excuse. So then they discuss the terms of their divorce. Liza's term is that he never tell Jake the real paternity or Adam will never see Colby or her again. Adam counters with his own term of Liza and Colby remaining at Chandler Mansion. Call me crazy but Adam really isn't in any position to counter with any terms of his own. But Liza evidently doesn't think so, because she agrees to it. How lame. If she hadn't agreed what would have happened? Adam would have told Jake? I don't think so. Too bad she didn't think to call his bluff.

So after a night of trying to cozy up to Liza, the next morning rolls around and while she's still sleeping, Winifred shows up with coffee, scones and clotted cream (now that sounds disgusting to me). Adam takes it and sends Winifred off. When Liza wakes Adam happily offers her breakfast. Liza questions where all this came from, and Adam stupidly tries to tell her that he had the safe room restocked. Oh come on Adam, Liza may not have full use of her brains yet but even she doesn't think you got up and made fresh scones in the safe room! Soon after, Marian discovers them locked in the safe room and lets them out. This really irks Adam, but then again, everything Marian does irks Adam.

In the meantime, Adam gets another plan in his head. He wants Barry to go to Jake and tell him that Liza is not moving out and encourage a custody suit. Jake is not pleased to hear this news at all, calls Gilly to pick up Colby and then when Liza shows up, he gets in her face. You know... I feel for Jake, and know he's going to be devastated when he actually finds out the truth, but geez louise, he's being a total ass. Here's Liza, who's doing all she can to protect his sorry ass and he turns around and tells her he's suing for full custody. I am faced with no other choice than to give him this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. What a backstabber. He sees nothing wrong with trying to take a baby from her mother just because he doesn't like Adam. Liza pleads with him to be patient and give her more time, but he will not budge. She tells him that it will be the biggest regret of his life if he goes through with suing her.

Over at Weirdwind, Gilly is spilling the beans about Colby's paternity to Eugenia. Gilly is so confused, she doesn't know if she should tell Jake, or not tell Jake. Eugenia tells her that fate intervened so she would not tell Jake. It's kind of a weird notion, but I'm buying it. I guess because when Euggie says it, it makes sense. She tells Gilly that Colby's mother doesn't want Jake to know, and she should respect that. Just then, Jake shows up and tells her that they need to get married ASAP because it will look better in court if he goes for full custody and is married. Feeling as though it's the right thing to do, Gillian agrees.

Back at Chandler Mansion, Liza is telling Marian about this latest development. She tells Liza that this is it, it's time to tell Jake the truth. Liza doesn't want to do that and when Adam walks in, she realizes that he was behind Jake's sudden need for full custody. Adam asks why she's pointing the finger at him, and Marian replies with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "You know, if I were any less of a lady, I would show you the finger everyone gives you behind your back Adam." Adam is not amused. Liza realizes that the only way to keep her side of the divorce terms is to make Adam move out. So she tells him to pack his bags.

Liza heads over to Weirdwind to pick up Colby and tells Jake that she did as he asked and Adam is moving out. Mr. Powertrip tells her that it's too late, he and Gilly are getting married and suing her. When Jake goes upstairs to get Colby, Liza loses it at Gilly and tells her that the truth will come out if they go through with suing her. Liza begs Gilly to help her with Jake and not let this happen, but Gilly isn't listening and tells her that they no longer trust her to take care of Adam. I can't say as I'm very happy about this. It would have been nice to see Gillian retain the smarts she has finally found. Liza tries to appeal to Gilly, and tells her that Jake is going to be devastated when he finds out she knew. Gilly tells her that Jake will forgive her. Yeah Gilly, that'll happen. Liza is so conflicted and desperately trying to do the best for everyone. She was incredible all week with her range of emotions, so she gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Back in Adam's study, he calls Stuart over and tells him that he is sending him, Liza and Marian all to jail unless he signs Liza's divorce papers. Stuart is no dummy and calls Adam's bluff. Adam is really annoyed and does what any sane man would do, blames Marian.

Once Liza leaves, she heads over to Adam's and cries to him. Bad move. And Jake goes to see his lawyer in the middle of the night. Oh right, I forgot, no one sleeps in Pine Valley.

Finally, another storyline to talk about. Gee where to go... Alex, Rae or Hayley and Mateo? What a choice. I'll go with Alex, it's shorter. After having another psycho flashback, Alex runs into Edmund who just happens to be lurking about the hospital. As she tells him all about it, David eavesdrops. Oh why not, how else do storylines progress if people don't eavesdrop? They head back to the Hunting Lodge and after hearing Alex's tale, Ed starts to think she might have been abused but is blocking it. He tells her his own tale of abuse at his father's hand, but Alex doesn't think that is what's wrong with her. We are mercifully spared any more of them until the next day when, back at the hospital, Ed walks right into Alex's patients room without a thought to ask her to go to SOS. No wonder that kid is traumatized.

Rae, Tad and Dixie start digging their teeth into this black market baby story, with a little help and friendly advice from Myrtle. Rae tells them that she got the name of a shady lawyer who is rumored to have a big hand in this type of thing and wants them to set up a meeting with him. Lyle Wedgewood is his name. Rae decides it's time to tell Tad and Dixie that this very thing happened to her and she's hoping that somehow this story will lead to her finding her own little girl. OK, let's get the guesses going. I figured Rae's kid could be just about anyone, aside from Bianca and Amanda because we actually saw them being born. Oh and they are too young. My guess du jour is Greenlee. We've never seen her parents and we know that they are rich enough to buy themselves a child. And I must say it once again... am I the only one tired of the old long lost something or other plot device???

Tad and Dix set up a meeting with Lyle. This whole thing is pretty strange because Tad is a famous TV personality. Lyle knows this and he even knows that Dixie has a video camera in her purse. He's not falling for their bait. And when he sees Rae, he really gets panicky and takes off. He comes back and warns Rae that he knows nothing about her daughter. Rae is shocked because she's never seen this Lyle dude before.

I have pretty much no interest in Rae but I do have to admit that it's nice seeing more and more of Myrtle. And she's also bringing out the best in Tad and Dixie. This is how I like to see them... working together, being interesting, having something to do. The baby stuff just doesn't do it for me. This is far more interesting in my opinion. And I'm even going to give them SCENE OF THE WEEK for the scene of them in bed, talking about all this. They continue to show their love for one another, even when the topic of conversation isn't totally about them. Hmm, that didn't come out right... maybe you'll understand what I mean though.

Meaningless drivel of the week... Waifley's new TV show started. Big whoop.

Tramplee sets "Operation Make Ryan Jealous" into motion by flirting with Ken the Pool Boy. Leo tries to warn her, but she's having none of that. Little does she know that Ken the Pool Boy has Millicent issues and is going to use Tramplee to get even. At the big bashorama that Mateo is throwing for Waifley at SOS, Ryan blows Tramplee off so she goes back over to KPB and really starts coming on strong. Ryan is totally not paying attention to any of it, he's too busy daydreaming about Gillian and thinking about miracles. Leo continues to try and warn her, telling her that KPB seems like a really unsavory character, but Tramplee is determined to have Ryan save her. The plan is, Tramplee leaves with KPB and Leo panics, goes to Ryan and tells him that Tramplee is in over her head and then the hope is that Ryan will burst in and save her in the nick of time. So, Tramplee asks KPB to go back to her grandparents house to continue the party and starts to head out, unfortunately for her, Ryan is nowhere to be found so he doesn't even see her leave. Well, KPB has his own agenda and takes Tramplee back to the seedy center of Pine Valley, the Pine Cone Motel.

Leo starts to panic when he can't find Ryan and Tramplee never arrived back at her grandparents house. He starts to realize that Tramplee is in real trouble. He tries to get some info from Cody, KPB's friend, but he's not talking. He gets some help from Becca of Sunnybrook Farm then, and she sort of flirts with Cody and finds out they are at the Pine Cone and they rush off to save Tramplee from her own stupid plan.

At the Pine Cone, Tramplee is having a hard time trying to keep KPB at bay, so she comes clean about her plan and tells him she'll pay him a big whopping $100 to go along with it. KPB is not amused and tells her that Millicent fired him and now he's going to get back at her with Tramplee, he throws her on the bed, rips her shirt off and that is the end of that scene for this week. Hopefully Leo will get there in time and save her, then she can bat her doe eyes at him for awhile and leave Ryan alone.

Mateo plans a big surprise for Waifley at her party. He gets someone named Brian McKnight to perform some sappy love song for her at SOS. Everyone swoons during the song and I'm sorry, I've never heard of this guy. Mateo and Waifley are so happy and so in love and so nauseating. They go outside and sit on a park bench. They get all moony-eyed while gazing at the moon. Then Waifley finds her engagement ring. PLEASE HURRY BACK ARLENE, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!

Ryan can't stop thinking of Gilly and this makes me very happy. He starts to wonder if maybe he gave up on her too soon. It's about damn time Ryan! Sheesh. He heads over to Weirdwind to see her and she tells him that she and Jake are getting married immediately and suing for custody of Colby. Ryan tells her came just in time to stop her. YAH RYAN!!!!

What's left? Oh yes.. reporters are hovering around Casa Dillon. Brooke is also hovering over Casa Dillon. She's helping Janet and Amanda. She suggests that Janet might want to go see her old shrink, Dr. Jaffee. Janet is not at all pleased to hear this and asks Brooke if she thinks she's going crazy. Brooke says it's perfectly natural to need help, she's been through a lot, and besides that, it was Trevor's idea. Oh sure Brooke, pin it on the guy who can't defend himself anymore! Mirror Janet tells Janet that Brooke is trying to take Amanda away from her. Janet gets a panicky look in her eye and I wonder if she's going to go to the store and buy strawberry blonde hair dye and peach hyacinth body lotion.

This week's AMC gets a D. What a snore.