The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


January 3, 2000

Happy New Year everyone!! No, I wasn't obliterated in a Y2K disaster, I've just been enjoying some time off from my job, and from the site for the holidays. Without further ado... on with show!

Wow, I don't even know where to start so I'll start with Psycho Alex. Let me just go on record as saying this whole storyline just reeks of Richard Fields. Ahh AMC, still recycling into the next millennium, how environmentally conscience they are. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. I already thought she was a nutjob before she saw some old guy's face in place of David's. How about this for wacky... I hate you, I will not let you run my dead husband's foundation but I will not run it myself either. I know... let's run it together. And if that were not idiotic enough, every time David is anywhere near her, she totally freaks out. Granted, David has been a bit overbearing with all his gifts and such. When he gave Alex the gift box, I sat there and yelled... OH PLEASE BE A CLOCK!!! I so wanted to see her freak out. It was and she did!! Girl, you are nuttier than a Peggy's Christmas fruitcake. And then David surprises her with flowers too? What is up with that. Not only did he personally take them to her, but he also walked into her house uninvited, found a vase and waited for her to get out of the shower. Just a bit presumptuous there David. Step back.

Speaking of overbearing, Rae suddenly decides she's Alex's keeper. They meet once and then she follows her around, asks very intrusive questions, and talks about her to Edmund. What's up with that?

And back we are to Alex. So, she finally agrees to go to the Crystal Ball with Edmund. How big of her. Here she is, trying to get support for a brand new foundation and she hedges about going to the biggest party of the year where she can hobnob with big wigs? And why? Because countdowns freak her out? Oy vey, what a loon. But she puts her own wacko feelings aside, bites the bullet and goes to the Ball as Edmund's escort. They share a dance and all is right with the world, for about five minutes anyway.

David arrives and Alex commences with wigging out. She actually sees some old guy's face in place of David's and races from the room. David goes to see if Edmund saw Alex's intense reaction to him. Edmund tells David to leave Alex alone. I should give Eddie a slap right here mainly because I hate when people coddle wacko's and try to rationalize their behavior. Alex runs into a bedroom at Wildwind and who should be there, but Erica. Ahhh a nice Alex and Erica showdown. Alex sounds like a blithering idiot and Erica, having almost no voice at all, basically tells Alex that she sounds like a blithering idiot. [Susan ended up with a case of pneumonia and her Broadway debut in "Annie Get Your Gun" was delayed by 5 days. She debuted on December 27.] Alex gives Erica an earful about how David has been trying to win her over, but Erica plays it cool. Later she rips into David. Back at the Ball, David tries to cut into a dance with Alex and Edmund and guess what, Alex freaks out. Shocking, I know. This time as she races from the room, David follows her. And when David confronts her, she really starts to go bonkers. She's seeing things, hearing things and then, as David is teetering at the top of the stairs, Alex sees someone else... much like when Erica thought Dimitri was Richard Fields and stabbed him. This time Alex thinks David is someone else and pushes him down the stairs.

Now we have the parade of former smart characters who no longer are... heretofore known as idiots. First up... Trevor. Before you go getting all nuts about me calling Trevor an idiot, hear me out. How could he not know that Janet is coming unglued?? This is his wife, someone he has a very major history with. He knew she was nuts before, he saw how she acted when she was Jane Cox, he should know that something is up. Next is Janet. Now, I absolutely love Janet and Robin Mattson is my favorite actress on the show... but did she actually think she killed Sophie with a styrofoam candy cane? Geez, even in her state of panic I can't see her thinking that! Then Trevor finds the big candy cane in the trash and soon after Janet wants to leave town and go to Paris... right now! Trevor doesn't find that odd, just fluffs it off and says they'll go another time. And he doesn't notice Janet's panic attack when he brings in the big candy cane. Sophie, who of course is not dead, starts following Janet around and playing the ghost game. She goes into the Dillon's house and puts candy canes all over the place. Ahh what the heck, no big deal... it's just a kids prank. HELLO??? Anybody home in the Dillon house? This is not something you just shrug your shoulders at and pretend didn't happen. Someone was IN your house! Urgh! And my favorite part of all this? When Trevor does finally ask Janet if something is bothering her, she passes her edginess off as Y2K paranoia! Yeah, that's it.

OK... next in the parade is Liza. What has become of her!? Where did her brains go? For the life of me I can't understand how 1) she didn't know at first that Stuart was Adam, and then that Adam was Stuart. Granted, Adam does a better Stuart than Stuart does Adam, but still, she's his wife for goodness sakes! 2) How does this very smart independent business woman blindly make plans to go to a conference she a) never heard of before and b) is in another country without ever checking it out! Yes, I remember that Adam told Barry to make the invitation untraceable, but that means what? She'll go anyway? Ugh. Why does AMC insist on making their smart characters into imbeciles!? I can't stand it!!! Everyone I mentioned... Trevor, Janet, Liza... they are all, or should I say, were, all smart people. It makes me ill.

Adam is out, this we know. And Barry knows and they are making plans to get Adam custody of Colby. But in order to do that he needs DNA proof that he is the father. So, he wants Barry to go steal David's file with that shows the proof of Colby's paternity. Barry won't, so Adam heads out to do it himself. He goes into David's office, unseen. He breaks into his file cabinet and proceeds to take out the file with the DNA evidence in it. Ta Da! Erica walks in. She's about to not let him get away with taking the file, but Adam explains that he wants the world to know that Colby is his daughter. Erica, who at first didn't want Adam to ever be found out and decided to keep the secret, now changes her mind and lets him go with the file and promises not to tell anyone she saw him there. Can't figure that out, but whatever. So the plan is for Adam to go to the Crystal Ball as Stuart and whisk Liza and Colby away when she thinks she's going to Monaco for this mysterious conference. But he has to get Stuart out of the way so he has Barry drug him. He arrives at the Ball and hovers over Liza and snaps at Marian. Ladies... that's a big clue as to who he is! WAKE UP. Tad and Dixie approach "Stuart" with another brilliant idea to get at Adam. Tad wants Stuart to come back on his show as Adam and donate Chandler Mansion to charity. They would make it a halfway house and fully staff it. Yeah right. Even Stuart wouldn't do that with Adam's house! Let's put Tad in that parade as well. That has got to be the stupidest idea since the pie in the face. At midnight, "Stuart" and Liza were dancing and he plants a big old kiss on Liza. Then a light bulb goes off over her head. About damn time! Yet again though, Adam/Stuart gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award. The man is just incredible. He went to the Ball as Adam, playing Stuart, playing Adam! WOW, he's just awe inspiring!

Meaningless drivel of the week... 1) Greenlee using Leo as her Crystal Ball decoy so her grandparents don't get angry that she is there with Ryan. Who cares.... not even Ryan evidently. 2) Mateo gives Tina an invitation to the Crystal Ball and she thinks it's a date, but soon makes it clear that it's not. She's crushed. Who cares. Oh but the funny part about that scene was, as Tina was hugging Mateo, Adrian's hand came into the scene and rubbed Mateo's newly shaved hair. Then later, when Mateo and Trevor were talking, Trevor rubbed his head. Cute. 3) And this is where our I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award comes into play... Jack and Brooke both get a slap for continuing this stupid charade of pretending to have dates. It's totally stupid and WHO CARES???

Now don't faint, but I'm going to give AMC a few kudos for actually paying attention to details this week. First up, when Leo met Rae for the first time, he charmingly asked her if the scent she was wearing was Invitation. Very nice. Second, they showed Adam holding the broken remote all taped up. You'll recall that Adam didn't have batteries so he threw it at the wall and it broke into a few pieces. Showing it taped up was a very small thing, but a good thing. I do have one question I would like addressed though... at WRCW, where did Eli come from and what happened to Rudy.

Jake's in love with Gilly and has decided to pop the question. Instead of going to Eugenia, or even Edmund for approval, he goes to Liza. That makes sense. Yeah yeah, she'll be Colby's step mom if she says yes, but if Liza didn't approve, would he not ask? Doubtful. Then Jake asks Ryan if he's at all interested in Gilly anymore and Ryan foolishly says he's not. Yeah right, that's why you're always staring at her, thinking of her, dreaming of her. Interesting... he never even talks to Hayley, let alone think about her. But that's neither here nor there. Jake pops the question at the Ball, and Gilly's answer is a big smile and a hug. Does that mean yes?

We're almost at the Ball... first there are a few little things that happen before. Like our SCENE OF THE WEEK when Gillian and Eugenia had a talk about being in love. Eugenia gave Gillian a gown to wear, the one she wore when she first met her darling Alexi. What a sweet and moving scene it was. And the LINE OF THE WEEK... as Liza and Marian were getting ready to leave for the Ball, we notice that Marian is wearing a cast. Liza asks her how she broke her wrist. Marian's explanation was priceless and oh so Marian, "Stuart and I were celebrating the new year early and well, I never should have read the Kama Sutra." Liza's reaction was equally priceless, "Too much information!"

Enter Diva Blackwell... it's time to talk gowns! The first Crystal Ball showcased white, silver or gold gowns. Last year, just about everyone wore brown. This year, there was no stand out color, but the majority of gowns were strapless and had big butt adornments. What is up with that? First up... Hayley. The Queen of Fashion who has her own Fashion show. I liked it. I thought the gown was sexy and fun. Nice colors, interesting back even with the big butt festoon trailing down into the train. Of course, it would have looked better on someone who actually had a body to fill out the top, but I didn't hate this dress. Her hair was a little strange, kind of like Pebbles Flintstone without the bone, but I didn't hate that either. And a nice little added touch, body glitter. And contrary to most emails I got, I didn't hate Liza's dress either. I think it's unfortunate that they don't give Liza anything sexy to wear ever, but this dress was nice... basic black and the best part, no big butt thingy. I thought Eugenia looked lovely, and loved the necklace. Vanessa looked wonderful and very much in the Cruella DeVille vain, how appropriate. I loved Alex's burgundy velvet dress with the gold train, but I just don't understand how that chest part flairs out. Brooke's dress was very nice, a coppery brown color, again a big train. What I saw of Erica's dress, I loved. But, my BEST DRESSED lady and belle of the Ball is without a doubt, Gillian. Her gown was huge, but totally stunning. She looked like the Princess she is, and even reminded me a bit of Audrey Hepburn. Wow!

Now the bad ones... Dixie's dress was just plain awful. Well... not from the front. A light blue strapless gown, nothing major, but turn her around and she had this long row of ruffles starting at her butt and ending at the floor. YUK! Greenlee's dress looked like the one Scarlet O'Hara made out of the curtains, accept Greenlee's was strapless. Becca's was not the least bit flattering on her, and was an awful pale yellow color. But the WORST DRESSED of the night goes to Opal, hands down. Just what was that monstrosity she was wearing!? Yikes!

For the most part, I thought everyone had good hair, but I think that the women needed jewels! All the bare necks with the strapless gowns looked strange. And for the second straight year, my BEST DRESSED man is none other than my man Adrian. Does this guy fill out a tux or what? Yum. And I love how he had on a vest and not a stupid cummerbund. I hate those things! But for the life of me, I can't understand why he would waste a minutes thought on Tina.

Well that about does it for this week... oh accept for one final award, CHEESIEST SCENE OF THE WEEK. This is when Mateo walked into the Ball, saw Hayley and all action stopped, the lights went out and only they were illuminated by spotlights as they stared at each other and walked towards each other. It was all I could to keep from vomiting. And one last thing... there were a few glaring absences at the Crystal Ball, Janet, Trevor and Ruth to name a few.

This week's AMC gets a B+. I'm a sucker for the Ball and there were only four shows to watch this week.