The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998


January 23, 2006

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! Today I'll be discussing shows that aired from January 16 - 20, as well as some picks for the best and worst of 2005. For my listening pleasure, the handy 5 cd changer is loaded and ready with Harvey Danger Where Have all the Merrymakers Gone?, The Raveonettes Chain Gang of Love, The Strokes Is This It?, The Royal Crown Revue Mugzy's Move, and end up with David Vanian and the Phantom Chords self titled.

First, I'm trying to figure out why Opal, Joe, and Brooke are enemies of Amanda's and why Janet felt the need to kidnap them. It doesn't exactly make sense that Janet is going after Adam and Krystal for Amanda's sake, but it makes more sense than the others. I wracked my brain to try and figure out just what Opal or Joe or Brooke ever did to Amanda. I came up with Brooke being against Jamie and Amanda getting married and fell flat with a reason for Opal or Joe. But even the Brooke reason is a stretch. How would Janet even know that? Maybe it's nothing to do with Amanda anyway. Maybe Janet is exacting revenge on Brooke for that long forgotten vendetta of Brooke stealing Pierce from her. It makes about as much sense as anything else.

As out there is as the whole Janet thing is, Kate Collins has certainly been a joy to watch. Admittedly, I was disappointed that it wasn't the last Janet we saw, Robin Mattson, in the return role. But the more I think about it, the more I'm not so sure it would have worked as well. Robin's Janet was terrific, but in the end, she was much too stable and that is how we remember her. But Kate's Janet went to prison for killing Will, and was nuttier than a fruitcake when we last saw her. She picked up right where she left off. It was even explained that she has gone off her meds, a definite reason for erratic behavior. She isn't called Janet from Another Planet for nothing! But there are a few things that haven't been explained, like how Janet went back to her pre-plastic surgery face. It's such a crack up that she got a brand new face, experimental surgery and all, as part of her parole or whatever it was, and now she's back to looking just like Natalie again. Also a little vague are the details of Trevor's whereabouts. It's a given that Trevor does not know about Janet's backslide back into kookidom and Janet told Amanda that Trevor is unreachable, apparently on some undercover mission. It would be interesting if she were actually telling the truth, but at this point, I'm not so sure I believe that.

So, Janet's hostages are held in the back of a truck. Kudos to AMC for the little touches, like the truck being, of all things, a mirror truck with the words "Mirror Mirror on the Wall" blazoned across it, complete with mirror so she can have chats with her black haired, bespectacled alter ego, Mirror Janet. Joe, Opal, Brooke, Krystal and Adam are all knocked out and lying next to each other in the back of the truck. And as they start to come to, Adam gets that devilish little grin across his face as he realizes that he is lying next to Brooke. But that grin quickly fades when he turns the other way and sees Opal. Discombobulated and lying together with Opal, Brooke and Krystal, Adam delivers a potential line of the week when he says, "How much did I have to drink? Oh, my head, my head. Am I a trigamist?" They quickly all realize that they have no shoes and are in the back of a truck and try to make some noise so someone will find them and get them out. In the meantime, Janet terrorizes Jonathan. She's decided to make him her scapegoat and dons disguise after disguise while manipulating Jonathan's insecurities. There is one thing in particular that she tells him that he cannot shake, and that is the one where Janet suggested that maybe the doctors didn't get all of the tumor out of him and maybe there is some bad still in him. Janet tries to instill enough doubt in Jonathan so that he will believe he's actually doing all the things she has done.

Others are just starting to realize that these people are missing. JR and Babe are barking each other about who plotted to kidnap who... did Adam kidnap Krystal, or did Krystal kidnap Adam. Tad and Di band together to figure out what is going on and go to Chandler's to see what JR knows. Palmer arrives to see Krystal and realizing that Adam and Krystal are both missing, tells them that Marian (yes Marian.... it really was her, I saw her with my own eyes!!!) told him that Opal is missing too. JR and Palmer are both more than a little annoyed to see Di, but she holds her ground. I have to give the girl props. She is not intimidated by JR, and that is something I love about her. No one should be intimidated by that weasel! Realizing that Brooke is missing too, Jamie joins the party and is not thrilled when JR and Babe immediately accuse Amanda of being the mastermind. What's this? Is Jamie's act turning real? Is he really starting to care about Amanda?

Meanwhile, Amanda is having tea with Pine Valley's original surrogate mother, Myrtle. She wants to be the kind of woman that Jamie could love and asks Myrtle how she can change. Wise to the core, Myrtle tells Amanda that she just has to be herself. Amanda sounds so desperate, but Myrtle tells her that she cannot force Jamie to love her, it just has to happen naturally. It's when she asks Myrtle if she thinks she's crazy like her mother that we see Janet is at the door and heard her. Taking that as her cue to leave, Myrt makes her exit so Janet and Amanda can talk. As I'm watching Janet pour out the endearments and love on Amanda, I'm finding it a little creepy. Janet is completely obsessed with her daughter. Of course, that isn't exactly new information, but the level of that obsession is just darn icky. The constant shower of adulation and praise. Yikes. And then she gives Amanda a pair of earrings that are exactly like the ones Janet herself is wearing and says they are from Trevor. Janet is quick to tell her again that Trevor is unreachable so Amanda cannot call and thank him. Hmm. Then she tells Amanda that she's hurt that she would think she's crazy again. Amanda tries to reassure her mom that she loves her and she is the best mom in the world. She goes on to say that Babe and JR spread such lies about them both. It's then that Janet slips and says, "I sure try to be, because you're the sun and the moon and the stars to me, and I hate it when people don't see you for the princess that you are. And after everything I've done for you lately, I just couldn't stand it if you thought your mom did anything wrong." DING DING DING!!! The alarm bells start go off for Amanda. Just what has her mother done for her lately? Janet blows off the comment and rushes out. Amanda is not feeling good about any of this.

What her mother has done for her lately is put her perceived enemies in the back of a truck and pipe in laughing gas. Oh my, things are getting crazy in the mirror truck!! The giggles erupt, Brooke tells Krystal all about her past with Adam, and Opal attacks Krystal because Palmer proposed to her (actually, I think that happened before the gas!). The best is when Adam and Krystal declare their love for one another and start making out. Krystal tells Adam that she is head over heels for him, and Adam replies with this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, when he says, "I prefer heels over head" and the two erupt into a fit of laughter. Suddenly everyone comes back to reality when the gas starts to dissipate. Confused and hoping they can now get out of the truck, everyone just looks around and wonders what the hell is going on. Meanwhile, Janet consults her mirror image and decides to drive the truck into that ever popular Pennsylvania area that is renowned for having big giant pits of quicksand. You know the place, it's right by the ocean.

Thinking they are going to die, some true confessions come out... Opal admits she still loves Palmer, Adam apologizes to Brooke for being unfaithful during their marriage and Krystal and Adam get as far as saying they are both great in the sack.

Back at Chandler's, Babe is worried and scared that she is going to lose her mother so JR tries to reassure her. He tells her that he loves her and he wants to marry her again. Feeling like this isn't the time to continue her charade, she gets nervous and guilty and wants to tell him that he was right all along and she has been playing him. But I can't decide if she really is. Of if they are playing each other. Or if they both started out playing each other and now are really in love and freaking out about it. Babe beats around the bush about how he doesn't know her and that she'd stoop to any level for something she wants. But he doesn't get what she's saying and she won't just come out and say what she's been doing. I can't imagine that JR is that blinded by love or that stupid to not understand what she's saying. Which makes me think he's just playing along. Although with the stress of the situation, who the heck knows!

Tad and Di head over to Ryan's penthouse to talk to Jonathan. They are there under the guise of thanking him for saving Di's life. She even brings him a gift, so Jonathan invites them in. But they are actually trying to see if he knows anything about all the disappearances. At first Jonathan is happy and friendly and even offers them some fruit punch. Ut oh, that is what Janet left her hostages in the truck... snacks and fruit punch. Can you believe it, a tie as lame as fruit punch will most likely lead them to believe that Jonathan really did do it?? Tad and Di are being kind of sneaky but not sneaky enough that Jonathan doesn't realize what they are up to. As soon as he realizes they think he did something bad, he rushes them out. After the visit with Jonathan, both Tad and Di decide that Jonathan isn't really capable of pulling off such a feat and head over to see their next suspect... Amanda. As they grill her about anything she may know, Jamie continues to defend her. But Amanda is starting to wonder more and more if her mother is behind it all.

That Janet... manipulating Jonathan, wearing kooky costumes, going on a huge crime spree without leaving a clue, and still whipping out damn funny lines like "Greetings and hallucinations," All this earns her this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Random Comments:

Why is that Erica is so easily manipulated by Josh? She suspects him of something, he makes up some lame excuse and pours on some guilt and suddenly she's apologizing to him. What's up with that? He's awfully cute though, maybe that has something to do with it.

Tad admitted he has feelings for Di and wants to give them a chance. Yeah that's going to last when he finds out she lied again!

Kendall is so concerned that she and Zach cannot have sex. Is this not the dumbest thing in the world? If Kendall is so worried that she cannot hold onto Zach without having sex, then I have five words of advice for her... get on your knees honey!

It seems Julia and David are having a steamy affair. I like it, and I'd like to actually see some of it rather than just hear them talk about it. Come on AMC, show us some lovin!

Great use of history this week when Simone tells Ethan about her father and how he treated her and made her feel like nothing all the time. We haven't heard about Simone's father in literally years. It was good to hear her acknowledge the fact that she actually has a father.

And while I'm on Simone, she better damn well ask Danielle to be her maid of honor. If she asks Kendall I'm going to scream!! Kendall has never done anything but treat Simone like crap.

And one more for Kendall... how stupid does she have to be to think that Zach and Ryan aren't plotting against each other?

Can I say "I told you so" yet? I believe it was my last Editorial where I said I thought Zach caused the blackout in an effort to keep Kendall from being inseminated. OK... I won't say it yet, but Zach sure is feeling guilty about something!


Zach finds out from the morning paper that Ryan is back at Cambias Industries and is not at all pleased about it. And I find myself saying, for not the only time this week, "what's it to you?" But he goes to see Ethan to warn him that Ryan is using him. Ethan is not the innocent Zach seemed to think he was, and tells Zach that maybe it's he himself using Ryan instead. So here we have the resurfacing of Ethan's thought to be forgotten vendetta against Zach. This folks, is what we call a storyline accelerator. There is no other reason to bring back up after it had already been settled and peace made. But here it is.

I decided to dub this week, WHAT'S IT TO YOU? week. I said it to just about everyone on the show this week, as one after one, someone who had no business being there, got in someone else's business. I know, I know, this isn't exactly new. But for some reason this week, the annoyance factor with the whole thing was kicked up. First Julia with Ryan. She's concerned that Zach will go after Ryan. This is a minor one, but what's it to you Julia? Then we have Zach arriving to see Ryan at the Cambias office and makes the weird and unfortunate comment of, "So we're even. You have my son, and I have yours." Basically it just pushes Ryan along into thinking that Zach will raise his child, which is certainly not the way to get Ryan to back off . But then Ethan arrives and it gets weirder. Seems Ethan called Maria so she could talk to Zach and urge him not to interfere with Kendall and the baby. Wow Ethan and Maria, what's it to you? And more with Ethan, he wants Zach out of Kendall's life. If I'm not mistaken, Kendall ceased being a concern of Ethan's when he lied to her repeatedly about seeing Zach kill Edmund and then she married his father for revenge.

And again, there is Julia who goes to see Kendall. Julia urges Kendall to chose between Ryan and Zach and stop pitting them against each other. Granted, someone needed to say this to Kendall, but Julia is hardly the best choice and I have to say it again, what's it to you!? Kendall of course, assumes it's because Julia is interested in pursuing something with Ryan and gets ticked, telling Julia off and how she doesn't want her with Ryan. Say it with me folks... Kendall, what's it to you?

After her disastrous meeting with Kendall, Julia then goes to Zach and asks him if he wants Kendall's baby. Um, Julia... I hate to say this again to you only a few minutes later but, what's it to you? And while we have this nonsense going on, Ryan is being a fool at Kendall's and asking her to marry him. He claims it's so he can give the best possible life to his child and be in on all the decisions, which could partly be what is happening, but it's mainly so that Kendall doesn't marry Zach again. And I have to say it... I do, what's it to you Ryan? Didn't Kendall's love life cease being your concern when you married Greenlee for revenge?

For being the biggest of the buttinski's with a total of three "what's it to you's", Julia gets this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award. Mind your own freakin business Julia and go play with David or spend some time with Anita and Mama.

This weeks AMC gets a C+ Some good stuff, some not so good stuff. But I'm loving Janet!!

Now a little extra, my picks for...

The Best and Worst of 2005


Best Couple - Pickens were slim, but I chose the most obvious choice... Kendall and Zach. Their courtship was nonexistent, they married under false pretenses, but their growing mutual love and the sizzling chemistry put them at the top. Zach's devotion and Kendall's acceptance of that devotion make watching them a real treat. If I had a complaint (and when don't I?) it would be the weird New Year's Eve they shared. Kendall just does not strike me as the mushy, corny woman who wanted to tie New Year's wishes to balloons and let them go. But whatever. She finally believed he loved her and got over herself. I loved the slow build up of their love and hate that they are kept from consummating their relationship. Poor Zach hasn't had any booty since he's come to Pine Valley!



Worst Couple - For me, there is only one choice, even though they were never even shown as a couple on AMC... it's Bianca and Maggie. I have never bought into this pairing. Maggie clearly enjoyed the company of men. But Bianca returns to Pine Valley to help Kendall and what do we learn? She and Maggie are a real couple now and have given into their "love." Oh spare me please. That makes about as much sense as learning that Leo and Ryan had a hot fling between their respective romances with Greenlee and Gillian.




Best Comeback - Janet from Another Planet!! As said earlier, watching Kate Collins has been an absolute treat. She's hilarious and she makes this over the top and ridiculous storyline so much fun to watch! If you've been a PVB reader for a long time though, you know how much I love a loony!


Worst Comeback - Mimi Reed. This character was completely destroyed. She came back engaged to the biggest criminal mind since Proteus, alienated her daughter, and basically came out of the whole thing looking like the biggest moron on the planet. It will take a miracle to heal her relationship with Danielle, not to mention the rest of her family. My favorite dumbass Mimi moment had to be when she was talking to Tad about who the Dragon may be and Tad mentioned Garrett's tattoo (of a dragon) and Mimi replied, "So he has a dragon tattoo, so what?" WAKE UP!

Worst Storyline - Continuing from the Worst Comeback, we have the Dragon storyline. Granted, I realize this was merely a story to get Julia back in Pine Valley and out of the WPP, but it was sloppy and stupid. Not only was Garrett the criminal behind the murder Julia witnessed 9 years earlier, but he also was a Svengali type figure to Di and he's also a big honkin perv who was trying to make time with his fiancé's own daughter! There was just way too much going on and it didn't mesh.


Best Storyline - Kendall puts it all on the line for Greenlee and agrees to carry her and Ryan's child. This is the Kendall I love, the selfless woman who will do anything for the people she loves. Seeing the devastation that Greenlee went through when Ryan "died" and then she lost her baby and found that she could not carry a child to term was more than this BFF could take. She put her whole life on hold to give Greenlee the thing she wanted most. Unfortunately, no good deed goes unpunished.

Worst Departure - Greenlee skips town feeling betrayed by Kendall. Here Kendall made the biggest sacrifice she ever could for Greenlee, but all Greenlee saw was betrayal. No matter what Kendall said to her, she did not listen. Greenlee stupidly believed her own idea that Kendall wanted Ryan's baby for herself. After everything Kendall did for her, and even knowing that Kendall was in love with Zach, she chose to believe the worst. Greenlee left town with one final blow, she gave all her shares of FUSION to Babe, a person that Kendall hates, making Babe her partner. OK, that part I like! But the parting shot made it hard to remember the Greenlee I loved, the letter to Kendall that said, in part, "I figured one lowlife, baby-stealing bitch deserves another."

Best Departure - Well it's not like it was great, but I give this to Maria because she was putting her family first and starting over in a new place. Leaving Sam behind was a puzzler, but her intentions were honorable. It's unfortunate that Maria's story never really got off the ground, but too many mistakes were made and putting her with Zach was one of them. Which is not to say they didn't have chemistry, they did. But Maria had fought her way back from amnesia to be with the love of her life, Edmund. So the appearance of Zach, a man she knew only for a few years and had a 6 month affair with should never have been a threat to her marriage. And in the process, the character of Edmund was destroyed, paralyzed and ultimately killed off. What a disaster all the way around, and still.. the best departure!

Biggest Letdown - Danielle sleeps with Josh. Upset by Mimi and Garrett's impending wedding, Danielle gets a little drunk (not drunk enough if you ask me!) and instead of giving her virginity to her long suffering boyfriend Reggie, she sleeps with Josh, a much older man she just met on the beach. In one fell swoop, the potential of the Reggie/Danielle pairing was wiped out.




Best New Character - Di. She has had a million names... Di Kirby, Diana Cole, Dixie Cooney, Di Henry and each time, she's been interesting and made us believe she is who she says she is. Heck, she may not even be Di Henry but have a new name by next year and I'll probably believe her again!





Worst New Character - Josh. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily dislike Josh. I think he's hot, but I don't understand his story. He was a business major, then pre-med and now he's a TV producer. Ok, whatever, lots of people change careers. He doesn't get along very well with the father who seemed to sacrifice a lot for him. And most puzzling of all, he has an unexplained vendetta and hatred for Erica, his boss. Not only that but he took Danielle's virginity... through no real fault of his own, but I don't like it! She was Reggie's girl!



Best Potential Couple - Julia and David. They've only had a handful of scenes together but the chemistry is sizzling. Being spoiled by the best couple of all time, Noah and Julia, is a hard act to follow but I'm willing to give them a chance. So let's see them interact more!

Worst Potential Couple - Jonathan and Lily. Not only is he far too old for her, but if Lily and Jonathan actually do become a couple, that vein in Jack's head may just explode!! The friendship is cute and endearing, but that is as far as this should go. Jonathan needs to go start speech therapy, get back some of his faculties and enjoy his redemption by turning the tables on Janet and saving everyone from her treachery. Then he will be free to have a new romance. My pick for Jonathan is Amanda. There will be much to overcome with the Janet factor, but I think it has potential.

Worst Trend - Tie - No romance/No friendships. 2005 was fraught with angst and very little love. There was deception, plotting, murder and mayhem. But were was the love? Real romance and love was sparse. Almost as sparse as friendships. Greenlee and Kendall were the best of friends, only to have that destroyed. Amanda pretended to be Babe's friend. Jamie and JR's brotherhood and friendship is all but destroyed. No one is Krystal's friend. Opal and Erica barely had a scene together. The list is endless. Where are all the good friendships!

Best Trend - The use of vets! I suppose that is more of a 2006 thing, but already year we have seen more of Palmer than we did in all of 2005. Kate Collins is back as Janet. Brooke, Opal and Joe have all shared scenes. Marian was even on! Now if you'll just bring out Ruth once in awhile and not forget about the glorious Anna Stuart as Mary Smythe, you'll really make me happy!





Best Moment - Jack and Erica finally wed!!! It was the wedding to end all weddings. A glorious union of two people who have been through thick and through thin and may go down in history as one of the best AMC weddings ever!! Set in a beautiful resort in FL, most of their family was in attendance (no Myrtle was a glaring omission), even Bianca came in from Paris for the event. The bride looked beautiful, the groom was dashing and all the bridal party was stunning. It was truly a wedding worthy of Erica Kane's 10th walk down the aisle.





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