The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



January 13, 2004


It's girls day!!! All my tunes today are sung by a bunch of talented women. Starting off with The Donnas "Spend the Night," then Garbage (self titled) - now I ask you, just how hot is Shirley Manson! She's sizzlin! Then PJ Harvey's "To Bring You My Love," The 10,000 Maniacs "Unplugged" and topping it off with always a classic Kate Bush's "The Whole Story."

We have much to cover, much to talk about, so let's get right to it! And I have to say right from the get go that I am not feeling the JR love. There is just something here I'm not buying and it finally dawned on me... he's too much like his brother in law. He should be Mateo Jr., not Adam Jr. and I think you all know how I felt about Mateo! JR has the potential to be physically abusive. As it is now he screams, yells, manhandles women, grabs and pulls at them. It's sick. Just how much more will it take for him to snap and be the wife beater he seems to be heading towards? See this is where I always thought AMC missed the boat with Mateo. He was abusive to Hayley and AMC portrayed him as a hero. It made me sick and now JR is going down that very same path. Sure, Babe has given him reason to be angry, along with his father and brother, but this is ridiculous! Someone better tell that boy to chill.

Let's get it all on the table here. JR's angry with his father right? He came back to Pine Valley with his white trash wife to piss off Adam. Where did he get that idea? Why from Adam himself! Remember when Adam married Arlene to alienate his whole family? Well like father like son. So here he is, back at Chandler Mansion with his white trash wife and her equally trashy mother. And now he wants to get back at his father for all the crap he's done to him. To me, this would ring a lot more true if JR stood on his own like a man. But he's not. He lives under daddy's roof, gets food prepared by daddy's cook, gets his room cleaned by daddy's staff. He's got a big job now, running the company once owned by his daddy, how about standing on your own two feet like the man you want everyone to think you are JR. In short... GROW UP!

OK, now that I got that off my chest, how about we back up a bit. Babe's a skank. There's no way around it. She is what she is and that in no way means I don't like her. In fact, I like her a lot. I find her to be quite an endearing skank. Misguided at times, oh yes, definitely. What was she thinking when she slept with Jamie after talking to him for about 10 minutes on the beach? She claims she was freaked out and scared to meet JR's big rich family. But a skank is a skank is a skank. She doesn't need a reason to be a skank, she just is. Jamie on the other hand has completely lost his mind. He's in love with a capital L. Why? Because Babe gave him the one thing he'd been dreaming about for years as a teenage boy... boink city. Now he thinks they're "connected" on some cosmic level. The amount of eye rolls I have had at Jamie in the past few months have given me such headaches. How much rejection does one person have to endure before they finally get the message? I guess Jamie needs more.

Jamie is convinced that Babe is pregnant with his child, even though he used protection when he did the deed with her. Sure, these things are not fool proof and Jamie certainly is a fool, but it boggles the mind that a teenage boy would be this into being father to the baby of a girl he knows nothing about. Wouldn't most guys in his position run for the hills at the prospect of being a teen father? Not Jamie... he wants to be there for Babe, wants to take care of her, wants to be a father to the baby. Who cares if she doesn't want any of those things, he does. Talk about selfish! Not only has he harassed her mercilessly, he's also harassed her doctor, broke into his grandfather's computer and snuck into her room several times. Jamie is by far the hands down winner of this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award.

For Babe's part, she certainly is not innocent and has kept her share of secrets. Not only has she denied sleeping with Jamie, but she also forgot to mention to JR that she was married before. Not only that, but she's still married! Babe never signed the annulment papers and is still married to some guy named Paul Cramer, who lives in Llanview. What a coincidence that this girl who lived in California her whole life has married two guys who live in such a close proximity to each other in Pennsylvania! But that's besides the point. And now she's even admitted to her mother that not only does she love JR, but she has very strong feelings for Jamie too. What boggled my mind was how she wanted to sleep with Jamie again to get him to leave her alone. Honey, sleeping with him in the first place is what got you in this mess!! But anyway, Krystal is right... Jamie won't go away if Babe doesn't want him to and she doesn't.

Jamie has decided that he wants to get a paternity test but when he finds out that an amnio has risks to the baby and the mother, he decided against it. Babe is thrilled to hear that but is soon dismayed when Jamie finishes by telling her that he will want a DNA test as soon as the baby is born. This sends Babe into fits again. At this rate, with all the stress this girl is under keeping her marriage to Paul a secret, wondering who the father of the baby is, ducking from JR's rage... can a miscarriage be a big stretch here?

Tad is doing all he can to protect his son and find out the truth. He overheard Babe and Krystal talking about some papers that Krystal would keep hidden and in order to get his hands on those papers, Tad got his hands all over Krystal. Tad didn't know what it was she was hiding but wanted to find out. So on New Year's Eve, he did the horizontal tango with her but came up empty. Yep, that Tad will do whatever it takes to protect his son, even if that means doing the nasty with a hot woman. Krystal, who is certainly no dumb bumpkin, knowing what Tad was up to all along, gave up the papers. But they were only papers to her bank account and Tad certainly wasn't buying this line of crap. The jury is still out on Tad and Krystal as a couple. I certainly do like Krystal a lot, but I did love Tad with Simone.

And speaking of Simone, she's looking for him and worried that he is up in the room doing the deed with Krystal. Wow, very intuitive Simone! She goes up to the room to find that Tad has just come out of the shower. She's thinking Krystal is there but Tad covers and says she wasn't there and he was all alone. Simone seizes her opportunity to make her move and Tad does the horizontal hula with Simone. Two women in one night... now that's a throwback to the old Tad the Cad days. Thank goodness he got a shower in between!

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK... Liza keeps putting seeds of doubt about Tad in Simone's head. Liza, get over it and move on!

As a total unrelated comment to anything else, did you notice that AMC has been using their stars children's names for some minor characters? For instance, Brooke's date for New Year's Eve was named Chance... Walt Willey's son is named Chance. And the man who was after Juan Pablo was named Andreas... Susan Lucci's son is named Andreas. I just thought that was an interesting little tidbit to toss out.

I'm really ticked that there was no Crystal Ball this year, especially after Edmund and Maria made a point to ask Tad if he would mind if they dedicated the Ball to Dixie's memory. Oh don't even get me started on that!!! That was so annoying. I have one thing to say to Edmund and Maria about this... you have a dead cousin named GILLIAN who it should have been dedicated to. Especially since she and Ryan hosted it one year! What a stab in the back. But that's besides the point, it didn't happen anyway and what a lame reason... because Juan Pablo was in danger! Lame lame lame! Instead we had a party at the Valley Inn. I'll give a brief Diva Blackwell review of the dresses... BEST DRESSED had to be Krystal and Lena. I really loved Krystal's dress. It was unique and sexy and she looked fabulous in it. Lena looked ultra feminine and gorgeous. WORST DRESSED goes to the ever frumpy Liza. Why oh why must they put her in such tailored clothing, even with sequins? I had such hope when she was cleaning out her closet a few weeks ago that she'd be dressing better. Not to be so far, but she does have a kickin new hairdo!

Many of the people we hope to see dressed to the nine's at the Crystal Ball were either not seen at all (Erica) or at a ski lodge and not dressed for a big night out. Well Greenlee was and she looked elegant and stunning in the dress Juan Pablo bought for her. But the whole ski lodge thing was such a farce. First, everyone mysteriously ends up at the same place... Juan Pablo and Greenlee, Kendall and Ryan, Mia and Aidan. Not only that, Juan Pablo had bought out the whole lodge for the night and has guards all over the place, but everyone else still seemed to manage getting there. And not only that, yet again someone who is trusted is a traitor. First it was the male nurse at the hospital who ended up killing Carlos. Now it's Juan Pablo's trusted friend for many years, Jose.

So while everyone plays musical beds, getting angry at one another and going from room to room and freezing because the furnace broke down (big thumbs down on that whole scenario), Edmund goes to the lodge to make sure everyone is ok. While he's gone, Maria has a premonition of danger and soon after receives a phone call from one of Edmund's contacts to tell him that Jose is a traitor and that Juan Pablo and Greenlee are in danger again. Maria rushes off to try and find Edmund to warn him about Jose. Before we know what is going on, the lodge is surrounded by JP's enemies and the place is being riddled with bullets. Aidan finds Jose planting a bomb, and he and Ryan force him to dismantle it then tie him up in the basement. Then the Calatravas announce that they have a hostage... it's Maria. As Edmund and Ryan engage in a shoot out with the bad guys, JP somehow manages to get Maria freed. She races to Edmund who is also racing to her but he is shot in the back. And while all this is going on, Jose has freed himself and is holding a gun on Kendall, Greenlee and Mia. Like the Charlie's Angels from hell, bickering and arguing the whole time, the girls manage to overpower Jose. Soon they are all rallying to Edmund's side while Maria tries to get him stable. They all put their nonsense aside and rush Edmund to the hospital.

At the hospital, Maria is a basket case. She wants to help Edmund but Ryan assures her that they are doing what they can and she can't help him. Maria doesn't want to hear it and tells him he can't know how she feels. But he does, and he tells her so. Thank you AMC for not letting Ryan (or us) forget this love for Gillian. He tells Maria that he found Gillian after she was shot and he wanted to help her too. The emotions she's feeling... the helplessness, the terror, the anger. This is the Maria that I remember and she gets this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award.

Meanwhile Greenlee tries to console JP but he is having none of it and tells her that it should have been him who was shot, not Edmund. He tells her that she should not worry about him anymore and not think about him. And when he tries to apologize to Maria, she lashes out at him with anger, she doesn't want to hear his apologies. But later, she rethinks her anger and assures JP that it wasn't his fault, that Edmund had a mind of his own and knew he could be headed into danger.

Edmund's condition is very dire. He's unconscious and a bullet is lodged in his spine. Having already arrested once, Maria wants David to be in the operating room when they go in to repair the internal bleeding he is experiencing. Joe is resistant at first, but does end up getting board approval for David to be there. Before he goes in David asks Maria if this is really what she wants, and after all he's done to her and her family does she think that Edmund would want him there. Knowing that David is the best (he's a world renowned cardiologist for goodness sakes!) Maria tells him that if he can keep Edmund alive, then all debts are paid in full.

Jack and Erica reconciled and she told him the secret she has been keeping about what she and David really did the night that Michael was murdered. But what a dirty trick! She told Jack but she didn't tell us!

Bianca has decided that it's time to come clean with Erica and tells Maggie and Lena that is exactly what she's going to do. Maggie thinks this is a big mistake and then goes nuts when Lena doesn't back her up. Lena thinks that Bianca should be truthful and I agree. Bianca wants Erica to know all that Kendall has done for her. How much she has sacrificed. Everyone knows that when that baby is born there is no getting around the truth anyway. Bianca is delaying the inevitable. It's too bad Maggie couldn't see that and urged her to continue lying. But when Bianca recounts to them her experience on Christmas Eve everything changes. She tells Maggie and Lena how she found the baby in the manager and how she realized that this child is innocent and so is hers. She realized that no matter what, she will love her baby. Her joy over this revelation is so infectious that it is this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. Eden Riegel continues to inspire and awe throughout this storyline.

Bianca goes to Erica's immediately while Maggie and Lena wait for her back at the apartment. Once she arrives, she's a little surprised to see Jack, but it's ok, she'll tell them both. Bianca plays this game where she dances around the real news just enough to gage what the reaction would be, but that is not fool proof. She did that with Lena when she was going to tell her she was pregnant and didn't. What Bianca doesn't realize is that the reaction would be different if she told the whole story. So Bianca tells Erica that she is staying in town, instead of going to study in Europe, because the baby needs her. Assuming she means Kendall's baby, Erica tells her that the baby isn't real but Bianca assures her that it is. She tells Erica that the baby is innocent and to that Erica agrees, but she also makes it very clear that she could never ever accept the child of Michael Cambias and will never forgive Kendall for what she has done. Right here when it's the perfect time to tell her all Kendall has done to protect her, Bianca doesn't. She tells Erica that she wants a fresh start with her family and wants Erica to accept the baby. But Erica cannot. Bianca gives up, and never does tell Erica the truth. But Jack is thinking there is more to this story. Good man Jack.

Meanwhile back at the apartment, Maggie and Lena have an awkward conversation. Maggie is clearly jealous of Lena, but I don't mean that in a romantic way. See, I don't believe for one minute that Maggie is confused about her sexuality. I think Maggie likes being Bianca's go to gal. I think she wants to be the one that Bianca will run to with her problems and with Lena in the picture, there's a chance she'll go to Lena instead. What it boils down to is Maggie needs a life of her own. I know a lot of you out there think that Maggie and Bianca are inevitable but let me just say this, for as much as you cannot be convinced otherwise, neither can I. Like I said, Maggie wants to be the go to gal, so when Bianca arrived home after failing to tell Erica the truth, it was Lena's comfort she sought out, not Maggie's which made Maggie feel left out. Boo hoo.

Back at Erica's yet another knock on the door and now it's a process server giving Jack and Erica both subpoenas for the prosecution. Soon after, David arrives with his subpoena in hand. He starts to get a little nervous when Erica admits that she told Jack everything. He thinks Jack is going to sell him out. But Jack is only interested in casting doubt on Kendall, not getting anyone else arrested.

Kendall, who is so stubborn and a lot of the time not thinking with a clear head, is not too thrilled to hear from Ryan. Here she goes again, she doesn't trust him. Why? Because she overheard him and Greenlee talking and Greenlee saying she wants to team up with him to prove Kendall is lying about the pregnancy. First of all, she didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation. And what does she expect Ryan to say to this anyway? Should he just tell Greenlee the truth? No. He didn't even humor her, he said he believed that Kendall was pregnant. Kendall didn't hear that part, so she thinks that Ryan is teaming up with Greenlee. Does this make any sense to you? No... it doesn't to me either. WAKE UP KENDALL!!! Ryan already knows she's not really pregnant. He gave her the padding! OMG, she drives me crazy with this crap. Then she tells Bianca all this, and that Ryan can't be trusted. Bianca knocks some sense into her. She tells Kendall to open her eyes and see how much Ryan has helped them already and how he continues to help them. Bianca urges Kendall to take a leap of faith and trust in Ryan. He has now found a doctor who is willing to switch the test results. Kendall isn't convinced and gets all snarky with the doctor when she arrives at Ryan's place. But she assures Kendall she is willing to go the distance for them because she herself is a rape survivor. Then, while doing an ultrasound on Bianca, the doctor tells her that because of the position of the baby, an amnio is not recommended. She also tells her, from the ultrasound it looks like she's having a girl. I'm still thinking it's going to be a boy though, a boy named Travis ;)

For the most part, I am liking AMC lately. I do think there is some baggage... JR, Maggie and I can't for the life of me figure out where they can go with Juan Pablo now. But I love Krystal, Babe has grown on me, and as I said earlier, Eden Riegel continues to awe me. So with all these things and a storyline finally for Edmund, Maria and Brooke... I'm looking forward to AMC more than I have in a long time. I can't wait for the murder reveal, I'm happy Jack and Erica have reconciled, I'm interested to see where things will head with Krystal, and the trial promises to be very interesting indeed! Yep, AMC gets a B+!!


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