The Pine Valley Bulletin

Welcome to Pine Valley's only online newspaper!

Established 1998


February 28, 2000


It's the return of Hurricane Arlene! Woo hoo!! I just love this character and the actress who portrays her, Olivia Birkelund. And my favorite thing about her is that she's going to make life miserable for Waifley and Assholeo. I guess there are cons to that logic... like that means Waifley and Assholeo will still be front burner. But hey, they're going to be front burner anyway, at least Arlene will make it more tolerable, for me anyway. OK, let's back up to Waifley giving her latest "oh woe is me" speech to Janet. Seems she got subpoenaed by Jake's attorney to testify against Adam at Colby's custody hearing. Boo hoo. Hark, there's a knock on the door. Janet goes to answer it. Waifley calls out, "Who is it?" and Arlene walks in and says this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK, "Your mother." And then, a look of shock goes over Waifley's face. The only way it could have been better is if Arlene had said, "Baby! What's happened to you, you look positively anorexic! And what's with the crimped hair? That is SO 80's!"

So, anywho... Arlene tells a very unthrilled Waifley that she came to Pine Valley as soon as she heard about the trouble Trevor was in. Waifley is extremely hostile and well, who could blame her really. Arlene did sleep with Waifley's husband on her wedding night. That's not exactly easy to forgive. So I'll cut the Waif some slack here. Arlene proceeds to make herself at home, suck up to Amanda and Janet, weasel herself an invite to stay at the Dillon's and then help herself to a big old bottle of booze that was in the money cabinet when no one was looking. And after taking a big gulp of vodka that she passed off as tea or coffee, Arlene tells Waifley that she's been sober for a year. Waifley isn't buying it. You know what the best part of all this was though? Mirror Janet is really liking Arlene and happy that there is finally someone in the house who isn't a total bore. How funny is that? Oh and one final thought about Arlene... she looks totally fabulous!

Myrtle and Rae arrive back in Pine Valley after spending the day in Elsa, IL looking for any records that might give Rae a clue to who her daughter is. Myrt had stolen her own file before Rae could see it, and just as she's about to look at it, Erica shows up. Erica has been worried because, well because Opal threw her into a tizzy because Myrt didn't show up at Jake and Gillian's wedding. Erica questions Myrtle about her whereabouts and Myrt is kind of evasive. She's very reluctant to tell Erica anything, but unfortunately she is not very good at lying or hiding the truth because she's holding the file behind her, but out just enough for Erica to see that she's trying to hide something. Myrtle cracks and tells Erica everything... about falling in love with a carnie acrobat, about getting pregnant, about giving her baby up for adoption. After hearing her tale, Erica discourages Myrt from looking into the file and finding out who her daughter is. Erica made a lot of sense... telling Myrt that her daughter may resent her, her life may not have gone the way Myrt had hoped, etc. Everything Erica said made a lot of sense, and Myrt was going to burn the file. But when Rae came back into the room, Myrt once again hid it. Too late, Rae saw it and knew it was from the Elsa Hall of Records. Myrtle, who is very unseasoned at lying and cover ups, cracks and tells Rae that she had a daughter that she gave up.

Rae encourages Myrtle to find her daughter. Myrt starts to tell her story to Rae, and tells her about the only moment she had with her daughter. As Myrtle is telling Rae about watching the new parents leave with her baby, Rae realizes that they are her parents. Rae shows Myrt a photo and much to Myrt's shock, they are the people who adopted her baby. Rae and Myrt start to question each other and realize that they may actually be mother and daughter, but Rae never knew she was adopted. She then calls her cousin to find out if she was, in fact, adopted. The cousin confirms that she was and Rae and Myrt stare at each other in stunned disbelief.

Rae is confused and wants to leave the boarding house, but Myrt is so thrilled and so excited that it was that simple to find her daughter that she wants to talk to her and get to know her. It's not that simple for Rae, but Myrtle tries. She tells her that she wants to tell her about her father, Marcello Angelini. Unfortunately Marcello died in a freak high wire accident, or some such thing. Rae is conflicted. She's upset that she never knew she was adopted, never knew her own parents and she's happy to have found her. It's an amazing scene, between Rae and Myrtle, and this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK. As tired as this plot device is, it still made me shed a few tears. Any scene that can do that gets my vote for scene of the week! But then Opal burst in, in a fabulous looking zebra coat, and interrupted Rae and Myrt's heart to heart. Myrt rushed her out, but it was too late, Rae snuck out the back.

Poor Myrt, her daughter walks into her life unexpectedly, and then walks right back out. The whole thing was all a bit too easy though. I mean what are the odds that both Myrt and Rae would be associated with The Fannie Battle Home for Unwed mothers in Elsa, IL? Were there no other homes for unwed mothers in the country? Granted, Rae's time was limited on AMC, but this was an extreme acceleration of a storyline which is in direct contrast to the painfully long Colby's paternity storyline. And you know what the worst thing about that is? AMC actually accelerated that storyline to accommodate Michael Lowry's (Jake) desire to leave the show! Can you imagine how long this would be going on if Michael Lowry didn't want to leave?? Sheesh. But then again, if the Rae/Myrt story hadn't been accelerated maybe one of the brilliant AMC writers would find a way to incorporate the cheese ball Italian, Paolo Casselli into this storyline somehow! Maybe he's another one of Marcello Angelini's kids... ugh ugh someone stop me!!!!

Alex is worried about her violent tendencies and warns Edmund to stay away from her for his own good. He replies by giving her what looks like the most unpassionate kiss on daytime. Alex pulls back. And after Ed leaves, Alex makes a reservation for a one way ticket to London. Oh don't toy with me woman! Thank goodness AMC is bringing back Michael Nader to save this nonsense!

Tad had overheard Liza and Adam talking and has pieced some of the secret together. Well, not really, but Tad did hear that Adam committed a crime.Tad and Dixie race over to talk to Jake about this and tell him that Liza is covering for up something that Adam did. Jake isn't exactly surprised and Gillian is really uncomfortable. As they keep talking and making plans to stick it to Adam, Gilly freaks and tells them they are losing sight of the goal, which is to do what is best for Colby, and all they want to do is stick it to Adam. Tad and Dixie try to explain to Gilly that the only way they can win is to discredit Adam. Gilly is getting a little hot under the collar about this whole thing. Tad and Dixie decide that Stuart is their key to finding out exactly what Adam has done.

Tad and Dixie run into Stuart at WRCW. Stuart is looking for Tad, and Tad is looking for Stuart. How convenient that they both decided to look for each other at the television station. We'll get to why Stuart was looking for Tad later, first we have Tad and Dixie confronting Stuart about Adam's secret. Stuart tells them that there is no secret. But then he almost spills the beans. He kind of evades the real issue, but does say that Adam couldn't stand the thought of Liza having a child with another man. Further confused, but with enough information to confront Liza, Tad and Dixie head over to do just that. Liza tries to blow them off when they show up on her doorstep, but they are determined to get to the bottom of all this secrecy. Adam arrives and threatens to blow the whole thing, so Dixie makes up some excuse about needing Adam's help to pick out a summer camp for Junior. Adam is a little annoyed but when Dixie plays on his "I want to be involved in my kids lives" crap, he goes with her to look at summer camp brochures, leaving Tad and Liza alone.

Tad sets a trap for Liza by telling her he knows what is going on. He tells her that Adam committed a fraud, and that Stuart told him the whole story. He even throws in a little something about how she could still be with him after what he did. Liza falls right into it and admits to Tad that Adam switched his sperm with Jake's. Tad's shock and disbelief tips Liza off to Tad not really knowing what the secret was and the two get into a rather heated argument. Liza tells Tad exactly what she is doing and why, and urges Tad to remain silent. But Tad tells her that he cannot deceive his own brother this way. Liza tells Tad that she hates Adam, that she feels violated and betrayed, but she doesn't want to lose Jake as Colby's father so she is trying desperately to do whatever she can.

In the meantime, Jake as morphed into Assholeo and goes looking for Ryan. When he finds him he tells him to stay away from Gillian. He tells him that if he ever sees her on the street that he should just ignore her. He lies and tells him that Gillian sent him. What a big stupid ass. I wish Ryan would have kicked his ass. Instead, Ryan agreed. I wonder how long that will last... a day? Jake then gets a desperate call from Tad to come to Adam's house immediately. While they wait for Jake, Liza tells Tad that telling Jake is exactly what Adam wants. When Jake arrives, Colby is crying and Jake gives a rather snotty shrug and says, "uh, baby's crying?" in that, "doesn't anyone notice the center of my universe needs something" voice, so he goes to tend to Colby. He had this kind of "Liza is an uncaring mother" type attitude that just irked me. When he comes back down with Colby, Tad gets set to tell him and Adam and Dixie arrive back. Ugh! I wish someone would just spill it already!

MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK: Laura called Brooke from China. Seems she hurt her back and Brooke raced off to China to help her. Just how long is she going to need to hide out in China with Jim dead and no longer a threat to her? And what about Jamie? Brooke just raced off without even telling him or making arrangements for where he'll be staying.

Ryan and Waifley are having a meeting at the Dillon's when the subject of Gillian comes up. Ryan tells Waifley that he is getting on with his life when good old Assholeo arrives. He puts on that, "I'm past it" air and is actually pretty civil to Ryan once again. It's now that Waifley gets a call from Leslie Coulson to come to the office and discuss her testimony in the custody trial so she leaves Assholeo and Ryan alone at the Dillon's. Ryan is getting set to leave when he is forced to watch Assholeo morph back into ape from caveman. He tells Ryan that he doesn't like him, that his and Waifley's lives would be a lot better without him in it, and that he does not forgive. Geez Assholeo, like we didn't know you don't have a forgiving nature? What a total ass. I cannot ever stress enough how much I hate and despise this guy.

After getting her subpoena from Leslie, Waifley heads over to Adam's. She's a little annoyed that she's been put in the position of telling everyone how much Adam has ruined her life, but she's not about to lie about it. And just after Jack told Adam that he had better straighten up and fly right, Adam tries to talk Waifley into letting him have her admitted into a hospital until the trial is over so she won't have to testify. Waifley, Liza and Jack do not go for that plan at all so Adam tries to appeal to Waifley and tells her that everything he has ever done has been out of love and concern for her. Oh my goodness! Can someone please stuff a sock in his mouth the next time he says that!?

Now for the cheesy Italian Stallion stuff. After Paolo decides on a house from a photograph, he asks Marian to come up to his room to get a check for her services. Well, maybe it would have been more feasible if they had actually talked to the sellers of the house he wanted, but hey... let's not quibble about that again. So once in the room, Paolo locks the door and turns on his icky charm. Marian continually rejects Paolo's advances and tells him how much she loves her husband. Paolo decides to go for plan B and slip a drug into Marian's drink. As they get set to toast to Marian and Stuart's anniversary, Paolo spills champagne on her and she goes off to the bathroom to try and clean herself up. Now Paolo slips the drug into the champagne and when Marian comes out, they have their toast. Marian drinks the drug and soon after gets very woozy.

In the meantime, Scott and Becca head to the Gatehouse to make sure that Marian had gotten home and is celebrating with Stuart. Poor Stuart is all alone, in his King of Hearts outfit, waiting for his Queen. And, at the same time, Leo is looking for Paolo's room to make sure everything is going as planned. He asks a maid in the hallway which room Paolo Casselli is in, and the maid knows! Is that common? Do the maids know the names of the people in the rooms? It stuck me as odd that she would just know without looking at anything. So Leo is listening at the door when Greenlee comes by and he gets her to help him. He kind of tells her what is happening and has her call Stuart to lure him to the Valley Inn so he can catch Marian and Paolo in the act. After hanging up with Greenlee, Stuart is about to go to the Valley Inn to find Marian, but Scott and Becca tell him they will go and he should stay home, in case Marian is on her way.

So, by this time, Marian is passed out and Paolo has taken off her clothes and put her in the bed, then goes and unlocks the door and opens it slightly. Scott and Becca find his room and see the door ajar and peer in. What do they see? Paolo cooing over a naked Marian in his bed. They are shocked and Scott tells Becca he is going to tell his father what happened. Becca urges him to talk to Marian first, but Scott is a man possessed and races off.

Over at the Gatehouse, Adam goes to see Stuart, thinking that the deed may have been done. It hasn't yet, and as Stuart tells Adam how he's never been happier in his life, how he loves Marian with all his heart, how she is his life, Adam just smirks. Does he care that he's about to ruin that for his brother? Nope. All Adam cares about is that Adam hates her, so Stuart needs to be saved from her. This earns Adam this weeks I NEED TO BE SLAPPED award.

Back at the Valley Inn, Greenlee is all set to party with Leo now that she helped him, but Leo is a bit nervous and blows her off. She pouts, and heads out. Leo goes to talk to Paolo and panics when Paolo admits to drugging her because she wouldn't cooperate. Leo thinks that Paolo raped Marian, but Paolo admits that he never touched her, just set the scene so they could be caught. Leo is plenty pissed now and gives Paolo his money and tells him get out of town. Paolo goes, and I hope this is the last we see of this character.

For some reason, we cut to the Boathouse and see Ryan arriving there and finding Tramplee crying. She admits that it's her birthday and no one remembered. Oh boo hoo. Am I supposed to feel sorry for this bitch who just played a part in ruining Stuart and Marian's marriage with absolutely no remorse at all?? So it's her birthday and her mommy didn't remember? Who cares! Ryan does. He gives her his cell phone so she could check her messages. Oh her mom did call, so she calls her back. Oops, mommy didn't call to wish her a happy birthday at all, but just to make sure she doesn't screw up her job with WAVE. Boo hoo, more tears. Poor little Tramplee, nobody loves you. Hey, I'm all for trying to give this girl a human side, but does it have to be immediately following a horrendous deed that she actually enjoyed?? Anyway, Ryan tries to cheer her up, and tries to get her to open up and be more real. He tells her how he thought he had a chance with Gillian. She actually does show some remorse here and tells Ryan how sorry she is. Unfortunately, Ryan just thinks she's feeling badly for him, not actually apologizing for ruining his chances with Gillian.

Leo is still at the hotel room when Marian starts to come to. She wakes up, realizes she's naked in Paolo's bed and then breaks down into total devastation. Marian doesn't seem too concerned with Leo's presence in the room, and goes on to tell him how much she loves Stuart, how he saved her from her horrible life. All this stuff really starts to get to Leo. He gets that "what have I done" look and really doesn't know what to do. Marian leaves to go tell Stuart what happened, and this is when Becca goes back to see if Marian is OK and finds Leo in the room. Becca realizes that Leo is involved in all this somehow because she remembers him talking to Paolo at BJ's. When she asks him about it, Leo denies involvement.

At the Gatehouse, Scott was all hot to tell Stuart exactly what Marian did, but Stuart's was so full of joy about his life with Marian, that Scott decided not to say anything and left. Marian finally arrived home, crying and devastated. Stuart thinks she's upset that her deal fell through and Marian is all set to tell him the truth when Liza arrives with a gift for their anniversary. When Stuart leaves the room, Marian breaks down and tells Liza what she thinks happened. Liza is pretty ticked and tells her "this is what you do." It was a pretty low blow considering how totally destroyed Marian is over the whole thing. Once Liza leaves, it's time for Marian to tell Stuart.

Over at the main house, Leo arrives for his pay off from Adam... money and the papers he stole from Palmer. But Adam double-crosses Leo and tells him he doesn't get the papers back until it's completely over and not traced back to Adam.

Marian easily earns this weeks PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award as she breaks down and tells the man she loves that she betrayed him. Stuart just stares at her, not believing what he's hearing and when she finally finishes and tells him she'd understand if he wanted her to leave, Stuart surprises everyone by saying there is no way that any of what Marian told him really happened. Stuart goes on to say that if Marian had done something like that, he would have known all along, but he never felt any betrayal. He tells her that he wants to find out what really happened and who it is that set her up and races out of the house to find Tad so he could help him. Incidentally, when Stuart tells Tad and Dixie what happened, they both agree with Stuart that Marian was set up. That seems a little out of character for Tad, but so what. He calls Adrian for help and to asks him to do a background check on Paolo.

By this time, Becca had convinced Scott to talk to Marian and find out her side of the story, so Scott arrives at the Gatehouse and confronts her. He tells her that she has not changed at all and is still drunken tramp she always was... or something like that. He tells her that his father needs to know what happened and when Marian tells him that it's not necessary to tell Stuart, Scott gets all pissy and tells her there is no way he's keeping it a secret from his father. Marian explains that she already told Stuart and what Stuart's reaction was. Scott calms down then, and, trusting his father's judgment, helps Marian puts the pieces together.

Scott finds Becca again and thanks her for calming him down and sending him to Marian first, noting that he could have ruined everything if he had just flown off the handle and told Stuart what he saw. Scott then goes to apologize to Marian and gives her a kiss on the cheek... it was sweet. Marian accepts Scott's apology and tells him how nice everyone is being, especially him and Leo. Scott asks her what Leo has to do with any of it, and when Marian tells him that Leo was in the room when she came to, Scott races out of the house. Meanwhile, Becca once again confronts Leo and asks him if he helped Paolo drug Marian. Leo is really getting nervous now that Becca and Scott seem to be piecing the whole thing together. Leo denies involvement again, and Becca walks off shaking her head. Just then, Super Scott arrives and lays Leo out with one killer right hook! Wow, that was a rewind moment!

What's left? Oh, David asks Vanessa about Leo's father and Nessie isn't giving up any info about that. Gee, I wonder what this is a set up for?

This week's AMC gets a very high B+ The acting was superb, especially by Eileen Herlie (Myrtle) and Jennifer Bassey (Marian).