The Pine Valley Bulletin

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Established 1998



February 9, 2004

Tunes: Foo Fighters (self titled); Jane's Addiction "Nothing's Shocking"; Rancid "...Let's Go"; Sonic Youth "Goo"; and Harvey Danger "Where Have All the Merrymakers Gone?"

I just have to begin by saying OMG.. AMC is SO good lately! For the life of me I cannot figure out what all the complaining is about regarding how long the storyline is. The murder storyline started, as they keep saying, August 28, when Michael was killed. That is about 5 months. Call me crazy, but this storyline has not lapsed into boring once for me. It's been interesting, confusing, frustrating, exciting and very intense from the get go. IMO, if you want a good story part of that is making you wait. Soaps are not about instant gratification. But my guess is that a lot of the griping is because you just can't figure it out...and for that I give AMC a big round of applause. For once they didn't beat us over the head with all the details and make this storyline so sickeningly obvious. So sit back and enjoy... watch it unfold! I think it can only get better!

OK... now that I got that off my chest, let's get to the good stuff. I think I'll dub this past week as "Desperate, Needy, and Pathetic Week." I just can't figure out who was the most desperate, needy and pathetic... Greenlee? Kendall? Mia? Maggie? I'll crown a winner after we talk the week out.

Needy Woman #1, Greenlee's first act of desperation and neediness came when she wanted Ryan to make love to her to prove he loves Kendall. Say huh?? Glad to know I was not the only one who was confused by that one. Ryan was too. But Greenlee logic is that if he sleeps with her he can understand the depth of his own feelings for Needy Woman #2, Kendall. Again I say, HUH? Ryan tries to fend her off, but does end up admitting he wants her. In the end, good guy Ryan cannot cheat on Kendall but tells Greenlee he will always be there for her as a friend but only if she promises to leave Kendall alone from now on. She agrees because she's so desperate not to lose him completely. But Kendall happened to have only heard the tale end of that conversation and of course, jumps to the wrong conclusion. Oh if I had a nickel for every time Kendall jumped to the wrong conclusion I'd have about $5.35 by now.

Needy Woman #3, Mia, is so desperate to hold onto Aidan that she follows him to the pump house where he is holding Lomax. Only Mia thinks that the pump house is his romantic getaway with Kendall. I don't know about you, but I honeymooned at a pump house so I can see where she would get that idea. They are so romantic with the metal, cement floors, pumps, no heat and not to mention the various other kidnappings that have been held there. So pathetic is Mia that she accidentally lets Lomax out after realizing who he is and then doesn't tell Aidan. Makes you almost want to hand her the crown right now doesn't it? But wait.. there is much more needy, pathetic and desperate behavior to come!

Backing up a bit... Bianca is starting to fear that it was Erica who killed Michael. She keeps seeing a vision of a shadow crouching down outside Michael's condo and she thinks it's Erica. Hmmm, has anyone thought to ask Bianca what she was doing there to see this mysterious shadow? I guess that is neither here nor there. Erica gives everyone more reason to believe she did it when she blacks out and goes to Kendall's in a fog. The DNA tests had just proved that Kendall is pregnant with Michael's baby and Erica is devastated. She's the last person Kendall expected to see at her door. But she lets her in and things are ok at first, but then again maybe more like eerily calm. Erica tells Kendall how to cut her roses so that they last longer, but then suddenly she turns and doesn't see Kendall anymore, she sees Michael. She starts to go after Kendall with the scissors saying how she will make sure he stays dead this time. Kendall is trapped trying to get through to Erica that she's Kendall, not Michael and just as she is about to stab Kendall, Super Aidan swoops in and saves the day, taking the scissors from Erica's hand. Erica faints and when she comes to she cannot figure out how she got to Kendall's condo. Of course, the only logical explanation is that Kendall somehow drugged her and kidnapped her. Most people on trial for murder resort to druggings and kidnappings don't they?

Kendall makes a frantic call to Bianca who is visiting with Jack in jail, as Aidan tries to talk some sense into Erica. She races off to be see Erica and Jack makes emergency bail and races to Erica's side too.

SIDEBAR: Have you noticed how AMC explains those minute details that used to bug the crap out of a lot of us? Like Jack saying he made emergency bail after finding he still has some friends in office. And it happened again later when Kendall's dress was torn off by Greenlee. She got clothes to wear because Lena had her dry cleaning in the car. In years past, AMC would never have mentioned those things, leaving us scratching our heads wondering just how the hell Kendall managed to have an extra dress with her at court!

Back to the action... Bianca and David arrive to take care of Erica. They try to explain to her that Kendall didn't have anything to do with why she is there, that Erica went there on her own. She can't believe it but then remembers seeing Michael. She realizes that she saw Michael because he lives on in Kendall's baby. Jack thanks everyone for their help, and then takes Erica home.

Later, Ryan arrives and Kendall tells him what happened. He is shocked, comforts her and tells her that Greenlee will no longer be a problem for her. Kendall, of course, has her seeds of doubt already planted from overhearing him and Greenlee earlier. JP arrives and wants to help Kendall. He tells them Carlos had a gun and it was fired that night. Ryan tells JP they don't want or need his help and send him on his way. Kendall takes this as a sign that Ryan is not in her corner, again. Can you see my eyes rolling from there?

Now that Tad has boinked Simone, Krystal and Liza he's decided to cut it down to two women and is going to cut Simone loose. But Simone thinks that when he was trying to let her down easy, he was really declaring his love for her. As he's trying to explain it to her, JP arrives and wants to talk to her about the night Michael was murdered. Tad is intrigued. He knows that Simone was hiding something about that night and wants to know what it was. JP wants Simone to help Kendall by saying that it was Carlos who killed Michael, but Simone tells them she will not lie in court. Simone does finally confess that she was with Carlos that night, and he was angry and had a gun. But Simone stopped him before he reached Michael's and that neither of them killed Michael. What really happened was that she got the gun from Carlos and accidentally shot the side of Officer Seany Baby Lyman's car. She didn't know how to explain it, so she panicked and kept it all a secret.

SIDEBAR: This is how I think it's going to happen this whole month, leading up to the murder reveal at the end of February... one by one, each suspect will be eliminated. It started right here with Simone and Carlos, two suspects down. So as the month goes on, there will be fewer and fewer suspects until the big unveiling.

While we're here, let's point out this weeks MEANINGLESS DRIVEL OF THE WEEK. It's Liza telling Simone that she and Tad are an item again. Liza, who told Tad she was cool with him seeing other women, pulls this snitty move. I might have liked it, since it shows some spunk that she's been lacking for quite some time. But the fact is, I'd rather see Tad with anyone but Liza.

Bianca has decided that this is all going to be way too much for Erica to handle so she is going to leave town right after Kendall's trial and go to Paris to live. Enter Needy Woman #4, Maggie. She's feeling neglected and replaced because Bianca didn't ask her to go too. Um Maggie... I said it before and I'll say it again, get a life of your own!! She assumes that Bianca wants to take Lena instead, and that Paris is a place for lovers. Bianca hadn't thought that far. See.. Bianca is pregnant with her rapists child and her sister is fighting for her life in court. Most people in these situations aren't thinking about romance. But Maggie is so consumed with jealousy that Bianca has more than one friend in her life that in a desperate attempt to be everything to Bianca... friend, confidante and lover, Maggie... who, let me say again IS NOT GAY, kisses Bianca. Oh the look of shock and horror on Bianca's face was absolutely priceless! Maggie freaks and runs. Confused? No... desperate, needy and pathetic!

Maggie ends up practically running Jamie over with her car. When she gets out and sees he is all right, she goes wild kissing him. Actually I'm getting nervous that she's going to suck Jamie's face off. And Jamie, who is in permanent horndog mode isn't about to let this golden opportunity slip from his fingers so he finds the nearest place to get cozy... Adam's limo! But he doesn't know it's Adam's. He breaks in and they help themselves to some of Adam's liquor and then get bizzy. Did you see tha sign on the back of the limo? It said.. "If this limo is a rockin, don't come a knockin" And oh yes, it was a rockin!! And we were assured that there will be no pregnancy since they had dual protection... Maggie is on the pill and Jamie had protection. Phew.

Once the deed is done, it seems Maggie is having a little burst of conscious at her own slutty behavior. But Jamie is all about the afterglow and the plan for the next time they can "hook up." And just as Maggie is once again getting into the moment, Adam opens the car door to find them! Oops. Well this is Adam's prime opportunity for payback since Jamie wouldn't help him break up Babe and JR and has them arrested.

Back at court, Lomax is wandering around and starts to annoy Opal and Palmer. Not knowing who he is, Opal goes to Justin and tells him to make himself useful by getting the crazy man away from them. Justin blows his golden opportunity and blows her off, refusing to do anything about him. Mia spots Greenlee and tries to get her to help find Lomax. Greenlee tells Mia she promised Ryan she wouldn't do anything to hurt Kendall, but Mia doesn't want to do that, she just wants to find Lomax before Aidan can discover he's gone. Lo and behold, he's at the courthouse so they try and wrangle him out of there before he is seen.

Kendall, who is wearing the most butt ugly blue velour maternity dress I've ever seen, is about to take the stand in her own defense. She tells her story, and how she married Bianca's rapist to save her. She made a deal with him. He felt that if he was married to one of the Kane women, he would be vindicated, but he still couldn't remain in town so her part was to marry him and manage his money from Pine Valley. In return she would get all the companies and give them back. Part of Michael's demands were that they sleep together that once, but the pregnancy was not planned. She goes on to explain that she could not terminate the baby because the baby is not Michael. The baby is innocent. The tears start to flow as Kendall gives this weeks LINE OF THE WEEK "I am this child." Kendall gets the PERFORMER OF THE WEEK award as she continues by saying that she is the child of a rapist and will guarantee that this child will be loved. It's a totally amazing scene. Everyone is so proud of her.

At Erica's, Jack explains to her what happened the night before and how she tried to kill Kendall, thinking she was Michael. Erica is shocked and doesn't want to believe it. But in an effort to keep her from going to the courthouse, he calls Myrtle over to stay with her. Erica is having none of that, and convinces Myrtle that she needs to be at court.

SIDEBAR: LOVED Erica's pale purple outfit. Wow... stunning.

The good feelings in court change in an instant when a recess is called and Kendall spots Mia and Greenlee with Lomax. Aidan arrives and tries to usher him out, but it's too late, Alan and Justin realize who he is and immediately put him on their witness list. Kendall, and everyone else for that matter, think Greenlee was setting Kendall up. For the first time in all this, Greenlee was trying to help by getting Lomax out, but it's easy to see why no one would believe her after all the stunts she's pulled. Greenlee tries to explain herself to no avail. Greenlee's outrage over not being believed is so absurd. She has given no one any reason to believe anything she says. But she's Greenlee... she's desperate, needy and pathetic. No one will listen. Ryan kicks her to the curb and tells her their friendship is over. Erica calls her a pariah. Jack is angry as hell, David doesn't believe her either. And the more people who get mad at her, the more furious... desperate, pathetic and needy Greenlee becomes.

Lomax takes the stand and says he married Kendall and Michael on August 28, but then he points to Boyd as the man who married Kendall, as Michael Cambias. It's soon very clear that Lomax a few cards short of a deck. So when Alan Singer wants to add Boyd to his witness list, Aidan takes the opportunity to give Livia a book that he found in the pump house. It was Lomax's personal journal where he states that Michael Cambias' best man was a shape shifting alien. Lomax's testimony is tossed out and Boyd is removed from the witness list.

So now it's Kendall's turn to take the stand and be cross examined by the prosecution. Greenlee listens from the outside and starts to seethe more and more with every lie that Kendall tells. She can't understand why no one believes her when Kendall is lying to everyone. She never once gave a thought to the fact that Kendall's life was on the line here. So being as she always leaps before she looks, Greenlee rushes into the courtroom and calls Kendall a liar. And to prove her point, she attacks Kendall on the stand and tears her dress off, revealing the pregnancy pad under her dress. Greenlee is triumphant and proclaims Kendall the liar, not her. OMG, can anyone be so stupid! So desperate, needy and pathetic!? Well not only did this move give Greenlee the crown of the MOST DESPERATE, NEEDY AND PATHETIC WOMAN, but it also gives her this weeks DIXIE COONEY MARTIN COMMEMORATIVE SLAP AWARD.

The worst part is, after revealing Kendall to be lying... Greenlee still didn't see what she had done. All she saw was that she proved SHE wasn't the liar. It's so sad. So pathetic that someone cannot see past their own agenda. As she continues to gloat it looks like everyone wants to spit on her. She can't understand why. Well get ready Greenlee... Ryan and Jack are about tell you why!

Ryan takes Greenlee home and rips into her hard. Ryan asks her if she ever even gave one thought to Kendall being put to death for murder. And the answer to that is a big... duh, of course she didn't! Greenlee doesn't think about anyone but herself. Oh please, can I slap her again! The lights are starting to come on and as soon as Greenlee realizes that Ryan knew all along, Jack arrives for round two.

The lights are starting to come on and Greenlee is starting to get it... Jack knew too. Now she's pissed off that more and more people knew and she didn't. Well gee, she's not exactly trustworthy is she? Why would they tell her. This is something Greenlee needs to understand and let me say it very loud and very clear.... IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!!! Jack tells Greenlee that Kendall lied to protect Bianca, that it's Bianca who's really pregnant. Poor little Greenlee, kept in the dark. Come on, lemme slap her again!!

Back at court, the judge refuses to grant a mistrial. Kendall is now being charged with murder one, obstruction of justice and perjury. Livia informs her that she has 48 hours to make a decision regarding a plea bargain that Alan offered... plead guilty to first degree manslaughter and the other charges will be dropped. She'd have to serve 10 years in jail. Kendall needs to think on it and goes back to Bianca's apartment with her.

SIDEBAR: Palmer, Aidan and Bianca have all offered Kendall ways to flee town, but she refuses.

Erica calls Bianca to come see her right away, and while Bianca is gone Ryan arrives to talk to Kendall. Hmmm... which one should we talk about first? Kendall and Ryan. As he continues to show his support for her, Kendall makes it clear that she does not trust him and once again believes he conspired with Greenlee to send her to prison. Ryan is shocked and annoyed that he has to go through this whole dance again. I am too. It's so old. Frustrated with Kendall's paranoia and the fact that she will not listen to anything he says, he leaves.

At first it seems like Erica is actually putting it all together and realizes what she didn't want to see all along, it's Bianca who is pregnant. She wants Bianca to tell her the truth. But as Bianca begins to tell her everything, Erica is actually still in denial mode. She tells Erica that she never had the abortion, she just let Erica believe she did. She tells Erica to take a good look at her as she removes her coat and sweater. It's clear that she's pregnant. Bianca tells her she is seven months pregnant and takes Erica's hand and puts it on her belly. And that my friends, is this weeks SCENE OF THE WEEK, that continues with Bianca's full disclosure.

SIDEBAR: I love how AMC has these emotional scenes with no background noise or music at all. It really conveys how much emotion is involved by the silence.

Bianca tells all to Erica, how she went to have the abortion after talking to Kendall, she just couldn't go through with it. Bianca assures Erica that she never wanted to hurt her. Erica starts to piece together that others knew about the baby too... David, Maggie, Lena. Bianca tells her that she is going to keep the baby. This is all a lot for Erica to absorb and she's in that weird eerily calm state again. So when Jack arrives, Bianca takes that opportunity to leave and let him talk to her and comfort her. But I don't think that is going to happen because it's soon very clear to Erica that Jack knew about the pregnancy. Jack can't lie anymore and admits he did know.

A couple of random notes: Greenlee goes to Fusion and tears the place apart. Why? Because she's a spoiled brat and didn't get to be in on the big secret. Boo hoo.

David calls Adam out on planting Michael's gun at his cabin and holds him at gunpoint while trying to get him to confess to the murder on tape. Tad spots this whole VOMIT INDUCTING SCENE OF THE WEEK and wrestles the gun from David only to then hold it on both of them, call the cops and tell them that either David or Adam killed Michael. The cops are not amused and haul all three of them down to the station.

Edmund and Maria were on all of about 20 minutes the whole week and we found out that Edmund called a specialist to review his case. The doctor, Dr. Ellis Marshall, thinks it can be done and that Edmund would recover nicely. Maria is not at all pleased and tells Edmund that he will heal on his own. Later she confides to Ryan that she lied to Edmund. He won't heal but she would rather have him in a wheelchair than not have him at all because the surgery is too risky and he could die.

This weeks AMC gets an A. Yes, you heard me... an A! We had amazing performances galore by Eden Riegel, Susan Lucci, Alicia Minshew, Rebecca Budig. And it was a JR free week!!!! I cannot wait to see what happens next!


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